| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:58:47 AM | What you want to know? What have I said too much about? Thanks all! Seriously though, I never know what to write. Any input would be great. I dont want to come off a dumb blonde, or full-of-myself. Does this work?  | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:46:36 AM |
Hi guys, I'm Christin.
Is how you introduce yourself to people in real life?
Delete.
Include a paragraph on what you're looking for | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:32:25 AM | Hi there,
It might just be me but I actually prefer your second picture, it looks much more natural. Plus I'd delete the halloween one. Compared to your other photos - where it's obvious you're a pretty girl - that one does you no favours.
Hi guys, I'm Christin.
Agreed with the poster above, I'd delete this. You don't need to say hello really :)
I like to explore my new hood
This just sounds like you're in a gang to me. Nothing wrong with the word 'neighbourhood'.
You've got loads of general interests but in answer to your question, you haven't said too much about anything - in fact you could pick one and expand a little more on why you love it. I'd also suggest a few lines about what you're looking for or hoping to find here.
You don't come across badly, it just looks a little sparse at the moment :)
Good luck! | |
|
| |
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:31:26 AM | It's spelled "Finance."
I like the Halloween pic, but I can see how that would be a minority opinion. Of course, you have to tell us what you were going for - I'm guessing Energizer Bunny support staff.
I don't think your main pic is the best one, so I'd agree that using Number 2 or 3 would be better. From experience, I know that you have to explain that Political Science doesn't mean that you want to run for office. Just say that you've learned enough to want to snipe from the sidelines. Unless you're still hopeful. Which means that your professors didn't do a good enough job. | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:42:56 AM | | Since you want "Long term", you should write a pargraph about the type of guy you'd like to meet. Are you looking for someone to settle down and start a family with? | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:02:14 AM | Okay, I agree with the pic comments. Lets get into the meat of the profile shall we, but first before I forget the first date section. Women do this often. Did you not read the instructions? It says describe what you think would be a great first date. Not describe what has to be your first date. It is to give the reader an idea of what you think would be fun and interesting. It is an opportunity to connect with the reader.
Hi guys, I'm Christin.
I believe that a strong opening is hugely important. This is not strong. Try something that shows some personality or is perhaps humourous. Something that will encourage the reader to continue reading.
I am a recent graduate of UCSD with a BA in Political Science. I am currently taking steps to get into law school.
Same thing here. While it is good stuff, it should be further down in the profile. It's kinda like having your job be the first thing out of your mouth instead of who you are and what you are all about. You have defined yourself by this statement.
In the mean time I am trying my best to learn Spanish, I'm not too bad at it either.
Again good information but no personality. What do I mean by no personality? Well try writing that line in Spanish! Now it becomes a fun secret in your profile that will get a reaction from those that read Spanish and encourage them to write. You do not simply want your profile to be a list of facts about you. You want to show some of your personality with your profile. That is what will generate interest. That is what people want to learn about you far more than where you went to school or what you do for a living.
I am a native San Diegan (not too many of us around are there?) I just moved to North Park so on the weekends I like to explore my new hood. Its been pretty hit and miss but that is part of the adventure!
More detail please. What have you discovered in your explorations? What sort of things are you hoping to find? Hidden art galleries? The local motorcycle hang outs? Great paths to hike and jog? Do you want help from a date to find these places? Talk to us.
I'm pretty well rounded. I like everything from sports to cooking, shoes to motorcycles. In the summer I surf, in the winter I snowboard, I ride my motorcycle whenever I get the chance, and play golf on the weekend. I also try to get yoga in a couple times a week.
First off this is good information but, you present it as just a list. You start almost ever sentence so far with "I". I this and I that. it makes for boring reading and turns your profile monotonous.(Try and read it out loud) I keep saying that you need to talk about yourself with detail and personality. Don't just spew out lists of things. What sports? Do you play or watch? What teams? Are you a good cook? Do you cook some ethnic food really well? What kind of motorcycles? If you are into sport bikes and he is into touring bikes then you have little in common, but if you are both into dirt bikes then 'voila'! A connection! Don't just make a list. Talk about yourself.
Life is all about trying new things and experiencing the most you can. I've surfed with dolphins, taken a road trip through China, and I'm looking for my next big adventure! Whose coming with me?
Not bad. Actually good.
Have I piqued your interest? You know what to do!
Yes we do. No need to remind us.
Also you need another section. You want to spend sometime describing what you are hoping to find in a man. In solid terms describe some of the traits and characteristics that you find attractive and feel would be compatable for you. Is he an outdoorsy type? Do you prefer artsy type guys or jocks? Are you turned on by guys that know their way around a tool box? Do you have a soft spot for guys with goatees or long hair?
You also want to descibe yourself in some of these terms. What sort of things do you like to do on your dates? Go out dancing? Go to an art opening? Would you be open to trying a Russian food hole in the wall that you have never been to before? You have given us a good look at the things that you 'do' (surf, ride motorcycles, travel)' but nothing about who you are or what is inside your head. Those are the things that will attract someone to you. | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:19:35 AM | Well, to start off, we aren't waiting with bated breath for the release of your next gangsta-rap single, where you'll regale us with trippy tales of getting crunked, dodging shank-wielding sistas in the joint and mackin' hard on brothas with money.
So unless your future travel plans include, say, downtown Detroit at 3:00 a.m. on foot, we can drop the rapspeak "hood", thanks.
And as for the Halloween shot, you really do not want to read me guessing. Trust me when I say that the lighting in the shot ain't flattering.
Do everything that canam miles is telling you to do, his advice is spot-on. The line he calls good, really ought to be your opening line. | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:25:24 AM | So unless your future travel plans include, say, downtown Detroit at 3:00 a.m. on foot, we can drop the rapspeak "hood", thanks.
Haha!! I actually work in a bar in Downtown Detroit and will be on foot (until I reach my car) at 3am tonight, and I still don't think that I would use the term 'hood' in my profile!! | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:38:34 AM | Hey, hey
I was just going to say - what's wrong with downtown Detroit at 3am? ;) It's not downtown that you need to worry about, it's the areas further out. Did ya see "8 mile"?
For the profile I have two suggestions: OP, you need to fix those thumbnails of yours. The entire picture squashed into a tiny thumbnail is bad. Your face is so pretty! Show it in the thumbnail! And yes, that Halloween photo has to go asap!
Secondly, try to rearrange your sentences a wee bit so they don't all start with "I".
Happy fishing to you! | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:16:50 AM | Well, nothing's wrong with downtown Detroit at 3 a.m., per se-- I must confess, I forgot to include "unarmed" in the description.
Bulletproof vest, flack jacket and a well-thumbed copy of the "Police Field Guide to The Gangs of the Detroit Metropolitan Area" probably wouldn't hurt either.
What's the longest bridge in the world? The Ambassador Bridge, of course.
You go from Canada to Mogadishu in a single span. | |
|
| I'm great, How about my profile?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:36:32 AM | I was just going to say - what's wrong with downtown Detroit at 3am? ;) It's not downtown that you need to worry about, it's the areas further out. Did ya see "8 mile"?
I have just two words for you.
Cass Corridor.
Although you are right. Residential Detroit is the truly frightening parts!
Well, nothing's wrong with downtown Detroit at 3 a.m., per se-- I must confess, I forgot to include "unarmed" in the description.
You have obviously not spent much time in Downtown Detroit at 3am!!
| |
|
Home
login 
