| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:26:58 AM | | Seems like more and more these days, I hear about men (and some women for that matter) that NEVER want to settle down and have a family. Seems like if anyone found their soulmate, they would want to get married and have kids with them. Yet, more often today, you see men who stay "bachelors" forever. Just wanted to know if any of you out there have this mindset in the reasons behind it. I mean, you always here people say "when someone meets the right person, they are always ready to settle down no matter what", yet for some people, this seems not to be the case. Jus thought it'd be interesting to hear some others takes on this! | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:49:09 AM | | Well, I'm not against settling down with someone special. In fact, I'm currently seeking that, but the verdict isn't in yet on having children. I don't dislike children, I'm just not sure if that's the lifestyle I want. I'm very happy with the current lifestyle I have, despite the lack of companionship, and I like the freedom of having no kids. I definitely want to settle down with someone, but settling down (for me) doesn't automatically mean getting married and having kids. I believe I can have a very meaningful and loving relationship without the typical white wedding and baby carriage. Simply put, these sociological expectations are not a priority for me. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:51:26 AM | I just posted something similar to another thread.
I don't believe in marriage because it's crap shoot. People change, their feelings/thoughts/ideas change, everything changes .
How can you guarantee you'll feel the same in ten years...or twenty ... marriage suppose to be a lifetime commitment. How can you guarantee a life time commitment if your feelings change along the way.
Don't even make me start with all the financial, and legal bullcrap you have to go through.
Why would anyone want to get into that ?
Old days, it was about "building a family", "virginity", "reputation". Today, you don't need marriage to have kids, or lose your virginity .. and probably nobody even cares about your reputation, unless they are keeping books on you...(lol)
See my point ? It's a lose/lose whichever way I look at it.... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:57:13 AM | I guess I can sort of see your point with how the divorce rate is today. I think I read somewhere something like 50% of marriages are doomed. Not very encouraging.  | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:01:08 AM | I guess I can sort of see your point with how the divorce rate is today. I think I read somewhere something like 50% of marriages are doomed. Not very encouraging.
No, it's not very encouraging. Think about it...if you're in love with a guy and living with him, does getting married really change anything? | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:03:13 AM | It is all about attitude and material values these days... NOT for everyone, but for a good portion of men... There is no longer the value that once was placed on marriage, like it was how a family unit was built, and both partners depended on the other...
It was the ideal, and something that was expected in keeping the family name going on...
Now days men can get sex without promising anything, or BS a gal, and she is still willing to have sex, because these days it isn't considered the moral sin it used to be...
Of course you also see a lot more single mothers, who were never married and baby daddy some how dodges his financial responsibility, blaming the woman for NOT protecting her ovaries from his seed...
I just got married, ERRRRRR well I had a commitment ceremony, however neither of us are going to have kids, and todays marriages seem more like a great way for the government to keep up with what is going on in my personal life...
I can say that my spouse and I are committed to each other, exchanged vows, and rings, however we didn't feel the need to bring in the paper work, just because as I said, it is more about government...Our life is the same really as before, however our ceremony was really something that made us feel like we committed in the eyes of a higher power... Just our quirky thinking...
HOWEVER if I were younger, and wanted to have kids, then that legal document would be needed...Simply because it gets messy when it comes to two people have kids, and not being married to each other...
If you come across the proverbial commitment phob, I'd say move on, because not all men are like that...
For the guy who says people change, yes they do, and if two people love each other they keep that change within the growth for both partners... Life changes, but loving another doesn't have to be that thing that goes away... However if a person has the mind set that nothing lasts for ever, then they are right... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:10:34 AM | Hmm. that's really interesting. I've never thought of having a ceremony without the paperwork.
I guess because I was raised in a very traditional household, where lots of value was placed on having the whole white picket fence, 2 kids, happily ever after scenerio, it has kind of shaped my views to want that. Also, nobody in my family is divorced-so that might have made me look at marriage more positively.
But it is interesting to hear some other perspectives, since women these days seem to have such problems with commitment phobes. lol. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:11:36 AM | From the "Been there, done that" perspective ...
I wouldn't be as quick to get married -- I'd want to be damned sure before I ever said "I do" again -- but I would never say "never."
And for exactly the reason you cite. If you find the right person, that's it; you're done. I'd just like to think I have better "right person" radar now. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:25:37 AM |
since women these days seem to have such problems with commitment phobes
Commitment phobia and marriage phobia are two different things. I have no problem with "commitment". If I am in a relationship, then I am committed. The minute she talks about "the next step" ~ I am gone....
I am committed until the day we break up.... not until the day we die... if that makes sense... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:32:04 AM |
But it is interesting to hear some other perspectives, since women these days seem to have such problems with commitment phobes. lol.
Does not wanting to get married = commitment phobe?
I would think that a man and woman can be in an exclusive, committed, and loving relationship without the 20K spent on a ceremony.
As for the paperwork, does it really matter? Common law partnerships hold the same weight as marriage certificates under the eyes of the law. Not to mention the fact that you both sign the dotted line for a mortgage and likely have joint accounts for everything. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:38:16 AM | | Well, maybe I should rephrase that a little. lol. I was mainly talking about marriage in this post. But some men I am friends with don't want to commit to anyone PERIOD. Like even a regular relationship. I hear about women dealing with this a lot too. Sorry for the confusion. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:44:41 AM | you ever tried living with a woman?!
and you wonder why some of us wouldnt want to marry one!! | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:09:23 AM | Sorry for the confusion.
No worries. I'm sure there are people out there that would consider a guy, who doesn't want to get married, a commitment phobe. Everyone has their own opinions.
you ever tried living with a woman?!
and you wonder why some of us wouldnt want to marry one!!
LOL...there are pros and cons to most things in life.
I've lived with a woman and I've lived alone. I prefer living with a woman, provided that she's not insane! | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:28:30 AM |  I enjoyed your posting 'nexthyme'
Re; "For the guy who says people change, yes they do, and if two people love each other they keep that change within the growth for both partners... Life changes, but loving another doesn't have to be that thing that goes away... However if a person has the mind set that nothing lasts for ever, then they are right..."
I totally agree and also think the same way as you. Life change, but loving one another does not. Excellent response back. I really liked your wording as well: "if two people love each they keep that change within the growth for both partners"
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:46:25 AM |
. I was mainly talking about marriage in this post. But some men I am friends with don't want to commit to anyone PERIOD. Like even a regular relationship.
Well, I think that's just wrong..I would say those are called "players".
I am with Yarimelma..Once she brings up the subject of a marriage, I get uncomfortable. Who knows, maybe with time that would change, but I run into those who start talking about it way too soon.
Never say never, that's right.
Marriage changes things, and sometimes not for the better.
Besides I like my toilet seat up. J/K, I actually do put it down, so all the nasty stuff won't fly around, spreading it.
Also would like to point out, that when I was 25, I wanted to get married pretty bad, have a family, and all that. So, I think it's an age thing as well? | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:51:58 AM |
Marriage changes things, and sometimes not for the better.
Care to elaborate on this a little more? I would be interested in hearing from a guy who's "been there".
Besides I like my toilet seat up.
Me too! | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:06:03 AM |
Care to elaborate on this a little more?
No..LOL..I can't..I could tell you why my marriage ended, but that's just my story..
Every divorced guy has their own story, you know?
It seems like once you say I DO, she takes off her mask, and you hear that evil laugh.
And there is an old joke about how wedding cake destroys your sex life.
For the record, this wasn't true with my marriage, so...
It was good, things got different, she didn't clean me out, still friends, blah,blah.
But..Sometimes you get divorced, and it's over for the guy..So, it has to be in a back of your mind..Will my next divorce be just as peaceful?..LOL
Yes, I know this isn't the way to see things, so don't get on me about it..But let's be real here.. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:16:07 AM | No..LOL..I can't..I could tell you why my marriage ended, but that's just my story...
Fair enough...it's not my biz.
It seems like once you say I DO, she takes off her mask, and you hear that evil laugh.
And there is an old joke about how wedding cake destroys your sex life.
I've heard this many times, but I sometimes wonder, is it a result of:
A. Getting married
B. Having kids
C. Both
Yes, I know this isn't the way to see things, so don't get on me about it..But let's be real here.
You're not the first guy, and won't be the last, to share these sentiments. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:18:58 AM | | In my case it isn't so much fear of commitment but i come from a divorced family where things were always pretty ugly so i have a list of things in my head about what a relationship shouldn't have if it isn't to turn real ugly. I think this makes me more conscious of compatibility and people with unhealthy communication skills or people with relationship issues that will pose a problem long term. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:52:36 AM | For most men it's about waiting as was said for her to take off her mask.
I've seen where after a few months into a long term relationship she " takes of her mask " and shows her true colors, selfish, self centered, and then it all goes down hill from there.
YET they still want to get married, WTF????????????
Once you see the writing on the wall it only gets worse, which is why men take so long to make that commitment.
Men would like to be married or at least in a long term relationship, no one wants to be alone for the rest of their life, despite what they say.
But it's more and more common to see things go no where when you spend a lot of time in a relationship or dating the same person because you find out things about them that won't make a long term option work. | |
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| Why do some men never want to marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:07:11 AM | Well in my case it's not a matter of never wanting to be married, it's a case of my mind being far too active for my own good and hence being incapable of blindly accepting someone just because I'm fond of them. Short of ingesting massive amounts of alcohol on a perpetual basis, I am otherwise unable to quiet down my calculating nature which is always assessing, reprioritizing and evaluating things around me, and sadly this includes the women I date.
If I'm ever to undertake the large commitment known as marriage, it will only be if I encounter a woman that I love romantically, lust for physically, agree with philisophically and merge well with financially. That's a tall order; one which some would say is near-impossible to find, and therein lies the rub.
I have loved women that I have had the mental fortitude to walk away from simply because they weren't logical fits to my ideals/lifestyle. Why would I walk away from someone I love? Because love by itself is not enough to make a relationship last, they require constant effort and I know myself well enough to know that I'm only willing to work towards something I believe will eventually stabilize to a positive result at some point. If I become even slightly cerebrally aware of an irreconcilable "deal-breaker", then the deluge of What-If scenarios and negative statistical projections begin and it's only a matter of time before I mathematically/logically prove myself out of love.   | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:21:01 AM |
Men would like to be married or at least in a long term relationship...
I couldn't disagree more. Many are quite content to wait it out, to not settle, to deal with women strictly on a pay-as-you-go basis, etc. Fully 22% of American bachelors aged 25–34 have resolved never to marry. 53% more say they are not interested in marrying any time soon. That's 75% all told who are not all that keen on marriage. Yes, some may change their minds, but others will move in the other direction and join them.
There are no numbers regarding LTR's (and not just marriage) but one would suspect they mirror these sorts of numbers. Why do you think women consistantly report a massive man "shortage", even as single men outnumber single women by a large margin (at least 20%)?
So, please speak only for yourself. You wouldn't want to give the OP false hopes that some guy she's interested in will "come around" eventually, right?
...despite what they say.
Oh, okay, nevermind then.
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:35:36 AM | Some choose not to because their afraid of commitment and getting married means they have to grow up and think of someone other than themselves. If a guy has a negative outlook on marriage it's a HUGE red flag.
Personally I hope to marry someday and have a family (marriage has to come first). If I was dating a guy who was against marriage....I'd toss him back. Why be with someone who doesn't share your perspective? | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:46:41 AM | | Well, given the fact that there are very few people out there who you can truly trust - no wonder. People don't trust each other anymore. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:49:47 AM | I'm not sure I can truly answer your question, having been married and had kids. However, I think I'd have been happier without even though I don't regret having done so. However, a long term relationship is definitely something I enjoy and currently I am in one and I'm very happy to be so.
When you're younger, perhaps the urge to reproduce dominates your desires, however subconsciously. That's rather normal! | |
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