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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:42:47 AM | i am looking for any type of constructive critisism, ive been on awhile and just recently got serious . had a few bites but the line broke lol, im not exactly sure how to do this kind of thing , should I just post my resume on it lol , any help would be greatly appreciated   | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:17:58 AM | Hi i had a look at your profile and on the whole i thought it wasn't bad. The things that i picked up on that you could improve on would be your photo's, though you look like an attractive man, your photo is quite dark and unsmiling, personally i would loose the photo with the baby as cute as the baby is, but to me it seemed it was put there to make it look like you are good with kids which is a bit cheesey, or that maybe you recently became a parent (the baby is young)! Theres also a few spelling mistakes in your text, wether that bothers anyone i don't know, i find it puts me off when i read a profile, as it hints at a persons intellect, unless they are dyslexic.
I also thought you should expand on what you meant about your old fashioned approach in relationships, e.g what does 'the nice bits' mean? I don't think you need to put 'bullheaded' in either at this stage, you don't want to put people off from the outset. Having said that, your profile comes across in the main as honest, your attractive, so with a few minor 'tweaks' i think you'll do just fine. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 7:53:25 AM | Job number one for you is to get some great new photos of yourself.
Interests: lots of interests - No, no, no. List 10 to 15 hobbies, interests, and things you like to do.
first Im 38 not 36, missed the limit to change that . - It's very important to list your real age here. Delete this profile and create a new one with the correct age if you need to.
im not good at describing myself , so if theres something you want to know please ask me - Delete. Comes across very negative.
a little shy at first , sometime my mouth runs faster than my brain lol - Delete. This sounds like you are lacking in confidence and social skills.
i hate ppl that play head games - Delete. Negative.
Carefully proofread and spell check your writing and correct your mistakes. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:52:58 AM | So I'll go at this in a kind of impressionistic order because I'm not feeling industrious enough to compose song lyrics or really compelling wisecracks.
1. I'd be the first to admit I'm not the most streetwise person in the world, but last time I did some anthropological investigation of drug culture, "smokin kronik" was a reference to marijuana. Rather an odd choice for a profile name, given as your profile indicates you do not use drugs?
2. Along the same vein, I'd strongly suggest dropping the line that says that you can be persuaded into anything at least twice, and the business about your mouth outrunning your brain.
Other than the fact that those statements are kind of inconsistent with describing yourself as bullheaded, they suggest that the sort of things you could be persuaded into might include, for example, (a) sharing your account number with a former Nigerian government official who needs help with a temporary jam, (b) "experimenting" with things other than marijuana, (c) "experimenting" with women other than the one you're dating, and (d) purchasing stock in General Motors.
3. Paragraphs, spelling, punctuation and capitalization are your friends. Run your profile through a spell-check, capitalize "I" wherever it is used in isolation, divide your run-on sentences into short, one-topic sentences and divide your text into a new paragraph whenever you change your subject matter.
4. Tell the ladies what kind of lady you are looking to date. If you do not do this, you are basically opening yourself up for approaches from basically anyone, including the wildly unsuitable.
5. Judging by your profile, you are both "Caucasian" and old enough to drink legally. This means that rapspeak such as "old skool" is now officially off-limits, because Eminem's job is already taken. If he starts threatening to retire, we'll let you know.
In closing, good luck, and thank you for refraining from any references to fish, fishing, 'fishes', casting a line, baiting a hook, using a lure or putting on hip waders anywhere in your profile.
I'm starting a petition to have this guy's ( ) immigration status revoked so that he can be sent back to the land of blue balls. Which is where any guy who uses fishing references in his profile belongs, come to think of it. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:59:48 AM | Hey
You need a photo shoot with a friend of yours. Two are not enough, and they aren't good either. The first photo is way too dark, and the second one highlights the baby and not you. Aside from that, my years as nanny kick in now: What's a baby that age doing on the computer?? Nonono!
"Somewhere" in Saskatchewan? Can you please be more specific? It's not like Sask is the size of Maine!
The age thing... It's good you fixed that, but honestly, I am thinking - why did he write it wrong in the first place? Was it an honest mistake or an attempt to deceive and his conscience kicked in? My suggestion for that is: Close the entire profile and create a new one - with the correct age this time.
"Lots of interests" won't do. List about 1-15 of them, separated by commas, so they are searchable.
Your text is hard to read. Please do try to write in complete sentences and separate into paragraphs. Write it in a word processor first, run a spell-check, and copy and paste. Voila!
"Good parts". Needs explanation, for sure. I don't mean to offend, but your text feels like a bad chicken noodle soup. Lots of broth and not much chicken. It needs more substance, but I am at a loss for suggestions. Can anybody else help?
Good luck to you and happy fishing! | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:02:40 AM | wow.
You should actually take Luvnlife's advice and delete and start again. This is a really bad profile.
Honesty is huge here. The others may not have caught it, but I did. Your profile name is 'Smokinkronik' yet you claim to not do any drugs. Look if you do drugs then cool. There are women out there that do them too. If you don't then cool. There are also women out there that will get down with that, but if you smoke chronic' then man up and say it! You claim to hate people that play head games and claim to be honest and trustworthy yet you start out by playing head games and showing that you are not too trust worthy.
Next your interests.Look, we all have lots of interests. But the point here is to list them. The point is for the reader to learn what your interests are. You seem to not be looking at your profile from the point of view that people are trying to learn about you by reading it. Just like your pictures. They are so dark that we can barely see you in them. The point of the pics are to get a look at you. If you purposely put up dark pics we won't see you.
first Im 38 not 36, missed the limit to change that .
What does the reader get from this? You had the wrong (younger) age up on purpose or you can not be bothered to fix it. (create a new and correct profile. Copy and paste this one and paste it too the new profile.)
Look at this from the readers point of view. Can't be bothered to show me what he looks like (bad pics) lies about his drugs status, will not tell me any of his 'lots of interests' and then the very first words out of his mouth are either I lied when I made this for at least two weeks about my age and I can't fix it now or I made a mistake and can't be bothered to correct it. Either way it is a terrible first impression and I am sure that many people click on to the next after the first sentence. You need to put some effort into this if you want it to work.
im not good at describing myself , so if theres something you want to know please ask me ,
No. That is what your profile is for.
a little shy at first , sometime my mouth runs faster than my brain lol , im honest ,caring , trustworthy , funny , bit of a smart ass , i hate ppl that play head games , I like , biking swimming hunting , snowmobiling , fishing , (not on here ) toboganing , kicking back , did i say snowmobiling ? anything outdoors , video games , ect. i like rock but listen to anything as long as its good ,rarely drink , i kinda have old skool beleifs about relationships ,(not the barefoot and pregnant kind lol) the good parts. i can be persuaded into anything at least twice , lol . Im a jack of all trades master of none , can repair /build most anything , I do my best to treat people like id like to be treated, kids are awesome , no problem with them . been decribed as , funny , crazy , nice , ill tell you anything you want truthfully (sometimes with hesitation but i will tell lol) easy to talk to, bullheaded, (have to agree with that at times lol) im an aries wat can i say ! I normally work as a welder but this year decided to be a roofer , i like working outdoors too lol, im looking for a genuine , honest , maybe even bullheaded, truthfull person that i can spend my spare time with , and hopefully will develop into a life long relationship thankks for viewing , if youve got this far message me , maybe we ll hit it off
Luvnlife is right. You should erase this and start again. It is just a catastrophy! It is full of spelling and grammar issues. You did not even try and it is difficult to read because of it. You start of by saying nothing nice about yourself and even refer to yourself as bullheaded. You have lost (never had) the focus here. You are trying to talk about yourself in a manner that will make other people want to talk to you. You need to sit down for a while and think about what it is that you want to tell people here and how you want to say it. Organize them into sentences and paragraphs where similar things are grouped together. Then run it through a spell check. You just ramble on and say anything. For instance...
easy to talk to, bullheaded,
You may not know this but people do not consider bullheaded folks as easy to talk to. Bullheaded, makes you difficult to talk to because you are BULLHEADED! This profile is a waste of time. | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:46:03 AM | | Actually i think you're all being a bit harsh, and over picky, no-one wants to date a robot do they, or find that the grammer written on the profile doesn't match the natural person - a bit like the scammers who feed off these sites - perfect prose and grammar on here until you exchange free texts/mails, then find they can hardly write in English. Sure there are a few spelling mistakes that need fixing but to rubbish the whole thing is out of order, I thought your character came through and you don't seem like a bad person at all, the way you have expressed yourself is in one way quite endearing because it isnt polished. Personally i dont want to read reams about someone elses hobbies. To critcise him over his age mistake is laughable when you are encouraging him to write a profile completely devoid of his own personality, sometimes its imperfections that make someone stand out - and he didn't lie he said in his profile text the age was a mistake, talk about try to crush someones spirit - i hope you've written that on your profiles!!! | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:09:13 AM | To critcise him over his age mistake is laughable when you are encouraging him to write a profile completely devoid of his own personality, sometimes its imperfections that make someone stand out - and he didn't lie he said in his profile text the age was a mistake, talk about try to crush someones spirit - i hope you've written that on your profiles!!!
Actually many, many people try to use a younger age when they make a profile and then fix it. That is why they give the two week option to fix it. It's not that he has that one descrepancy. It's the drugs lies, that one and then claiming to be honest and trust worthy. Claiming to not like people that play head games yet having conflicting information in his profile. No one told him to write a profile devoid of personality, but he was told to actually put some real effort into what he wrote so that it makes sense and that it is organized. If someones spirit is going to be crushed by a review on a writing project that they did. Literally a few paragraph writing project, then they have other issues to deal with than improving their profile.
perfect prose and grammar on here until you exchange free texts/mails, then find they can hardly write in English. Sure there are a few spelling mistakes that need fixing but to rubbish the whole thing is out of order,
No. There are dozens of spelling and grammar issues. Dozens. The fact is many people are turned off by poorly written profiles. They say it constantly. You do not have to be a great speller. Once you exchange a few emails then you get a phone number and writing is no longer an issue. But far too many women say that they will simply by-pass a profile with spelling issues to ignore it despite what you may think. Besides the idea of deleting the profile was to fix the age issue. If you are gonna literally re-write the entire thing anyway, you may as well take the extra five minutes out and fix it all.
I thought your character came through and you don't seem like a bad person at all, the way you have expressed yourself is in one way quite endearing because it isnt polished. Personally i dont want to read reams about someone elses hobbies.
Yeah he does seem like a decent guy. That is why he was told to start again instead of leave it as is as a warning to others. But that said, there is far ore to write about than simply reams and reams of hobbies. If you found it endearing then... cool I guess. I am also guessing that you are in the minority though. The fact is that he wrote in because he is not getting the success that he wants from his profile. He is asking for help and to rate his profile. He is asking for HONEST ANSWERS AS TO WHAT ISSUES THERE ARE WITH HIS PROFILE AND HOW TO FIX THEM.
If you are not interested in giving him that feed back for fear of crushing his spirit fine, but to pretend that it has no issues is silly. To critize those that point out the issues is worse.
Besides are you not the person that wrote...
Theres also a few spelling mistakes in your text, whether that bothers anyone i don't know, i find it puts me off when i read a profile, as it hints at a persons intellect, unless they are dyslexic.
So you get it. You understand that what you write will have people make think certain ways about you. Like several spelling errors will make people think that you are stupid or lazy. No one knows if you are dyslexic and will not automatically think that you are. If that is an issue then say so or do the work that is required to fix the profile (like run it through a Spell Check) | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:07:19 AM | For one thing iI didnt say there were no issues with it but i did try to be fair and balance my opinion with what i thought the positives were, as a woman reading it. My opinions were also honest, therefore your statement below is somewhat patronising:
'If you are not interested in giving him that feed back for fear of crushing his spirit fine, but to pretend that it has no issues is silly. To critize those that point out the issues is worse.'
Its clear to me that you just enjoy being critical and then act like you have the high moral ground to do so, evidenced by the by the lecture you've just given me!!!! Im actually not in need of your advice but thank you for trying!!
' | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 11:18:12 AM | Just for reference:
removed. (September 2008)
Constructive criticism, or constructive analysis, is a compassionate attitude towards the person qualified for criticism. Having higher experience, gifts, respect, knowledge in specific field and being able to verbally convince at the same time, this person is intending to uplift the other person materially, morally, emotionally or spiritually. For high probability in succeeding compassionate criticism, the critic has to be in some kind of healthy personal relationship with the other one, which is normally a parent to child, friend to friend, teacher to student, spouse to spouse or any kind of recognized authority in specific field. Hence the word constructive is used so that something is created or visible outcome generated rather than the opposite. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 11:29:13 AM |
Its clear to me that you just enjoy being critical and then act like you have the high moral ground to do so, evidenced by the by the lecture you've just given me!!!! Im actually not in need of your advice but thank you for trying!!
Again. It was not being critical of the person writing the profile, but of the writing project itself. Obviously you have difficulty separating the two.
Frankly, you choose how I dealt with you by making comments like this...
talk about try to crush someones spirit - i hope you've written that on your profiles!!!
It seems that you are the one that is being critical and trying to act like you have a 'moral high ground.' No one was insulting to the OP or yourself. You on the other hand came out swinging and now have your feelings hurt when you were gently corrected.
For one thing iI didnt say there were no issues with it but i did try to be fair and balance my opinion with what i thought the positives were, as a woman reading it. My opinions were also honest, therefore your statement below is somewhat patronising:
You said that it was fine and that you found the mistakes and issue endearing. That is a world away from what you you said earlier (which is far more accurate) that the issues that he has were hurting him in his profile. You seem to have no issues with coming off as patronizing/having the 'moral high ground'
think you're all being a bit harsh, and over picky,
a bit like the scammers who feed off these sites
To critcise him over his age mistake is laughable
You are also the first and only person to personally attack another here...
talk about try to crush someones spirit - i hope you've written that on your profiles!!!
and he didn't lie he said in his profile text the age was a mistake,
He lied in the profile by saying that he did not use drugs but referring to himself as 'SmokinKroniK' . ( I said referring!! Get it? Get it?) It is interesting that you are so quick attack and point out issues but absolutely silent when they are shown to be correct or not as you said.
Anyway the fact is that he asked for constructive critisim and he is getting it. Apparently you do need the lecture. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 3:23:43 PM | 1 move intrust into intrust collom not main text
2. have you heard of paragraphs lot of text no space think of that box as a cv would you send a box of text like that? propabily not separate them into about you, little more indepth about intrust, what your looking for
3. sort out that last box of first date make it more apperling that coffee put detial in like a stroll along a river,beach, woodland, with a coffee sounds much better | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:32:42 PM | Off topic and I’m sorry posters.
Pilot667755 – if you are going to review profiles, you seriously need to learn how to spell and punctuate. My dog can spell better than you. | |
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| need help , rate my profile
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:46:25 AM | | You have gotten really good advice from some of the best on this site Luvnlife, slybandit, melangell and canam miles. Please take it. When and if you do, remove the age restrictions on your email settings. | |
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