| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:41:50 AM | Ok guys, is there ever such a thing as "healthy jealousy" for you at all??
What I mean is, does it matter if your GF shows or doesn't show some sort of "possession" over you?
Say if she shows concern that you are attending your best friends bachelor's party or hittin the town with your boys and she knows you'll be going to some gentlemen's club or something of that nature. Or perhaps as you two are sitting at a restaurant and a cute waitress flirts a little with you -- she gets a little irked.
How about a GF who doesn't show any signs of jealousy at all? She's pretty nonchalant if another chick should come a-flirtin your way ... or just pretty much doesn't care if you comment on how hot your ex still is (is this even possible? .. lol)
What's your take? | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:47:44 AM | There isn't any room in a relationship for jealousy.....if my guy is disrespecting me that is a whole other enchilada in my presence or out of my presence.
Some men enjoy the power and control to watch their girl be off balance in a relationship others like to make her feel safe and loved so she knows your eyes are only for her.
And some woman just have issues and no amount of security in a relationship will make her feel safe and loved and she will always be emotionally off balance when it comes to other woman....her issue not yours. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:55:02 AM | A balanced doze of jealousy is needed.
I can't stand cold bitcz who're oh so hip and modern and open minded....they can't even feel anything... no emotions, no passion.
ewwwz....
I like passionate women. A passionate man/woman always gets a bit jealous when they're in love, and that's what we call "the spice"...
I am mediterranean, and I like it spicy ... | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:01:36 AM | A woman playfully joking about a hot waitress being a threat or kidding you about getting crazy at a bachelor party is a healthy way to establish turf and show affection-through-possession. Heavy accent on the "my" in "my boyfriend" is normal.
If a partner is a very solid, self-assured individual, not having any of even that level of playful possessiveness isn't necessarily bad. Give me a strong, independent woman over a clingy, overly possessive one any day.
True jealousy that leads to anger, fear, stalker-like behaviors, etc., is a good sign to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:03:08 AM | this will differe I suppose, but IMO jealousy shows clingyness and trust issues.
No, there is no such thing as 'healthy jealousy' | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:42:24 AM |
is there ever such a thing as "healthy jealousy" for you at all??
No. Let's say we're at a table and a beautiful woman walks by and I dare to actually look (oh the horror). I've been out with women who would get up and storm out... I've been out with women who would immediately look for a fight "why don't you just go after her if that's what you want" and I've been with a woman who would say... "she really does have a nice a$$ doesn't she?"
The first two women.. I don't need. The last is my current SO.
does it matter if your GF shows or doesn't show some sort of "possession" over you?
A girlfriend shows possession by taking my arm in public not by demonstrating some petty jealousy.... | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:56:35 AM | | jealousy is fear-based. we all have our fears, but i don't want a partner who manifests them that way. people like that are reassurance vampires, and dealing with their insecurities gets exhausting. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:01:02 AM |
jealousy is fear-based.
Exactly. I don't need to be "marked" by some clingy insecure emotional cripple.
Not healthy in any amount. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:13:03 AM | Interesting topic. David puts it the right way...
jealousy is fear-based. we all have our fears, but i don't want a partner who manifests them that way. people like that are reassurance vampires, and dealing with their insecurities gets exhausting.
I, for one, don't mind and even like when my date or girlfriend gets hit on, in front of me or otherwise. This grows her confidence, stokes her ego, and that means more fun for me later !
I wouldn't be found with someone like that in public or private more than once. I don't have time to re-assure someone constantly that I'm "with" them and don't have the desire for funny business with someone else. If I did, we wouldn't be together. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:14:01 AM | | A little bit of "turf establishment," (I think that's how someone else put it) can be kinda cute. I like if a girl shows SOME sign she doesn't want to lose me. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:26:50 AM | I suspect that your use of the word "jealousy" is creating negative connotations.
Yes, it is good and healthy to let your partner know that you recognize that they can and do attract attention from people other than yourself. I believe that it is also healthy to express your feelings of attachment and commitment to them. It's really more of a question of how to express these feelings appropriately. The "right" way to express these will vary by relationship.
My SO would say something like "Damn, that chick wants to ride you ... can I watch?" ... and we would both have a good laugh over it. That probably wouldn't work in every relationship. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:40:17 AM |
What I mean is, does it matter if your GF shows or doesn't show some sort of "possession" over you?
HAH, possession!?? Sweetheart, jealousy stems from insecurity, plain & simple. I go out of my way to avoid getting involved with insecure women.
Say if she shows concern that you are attending your best friends bachelor's party or hittin the town with your boys and she knows you'll be going to some gentleman's club or something of that nature. Or perhaps as you two are sitting at a restaurant and a cute waitress flirts a little with you -- she gets a little irked.
Knowing that I'm NOT a cheater... EVER, if a woman has gets "irked" at any of these scenarios, then she's not the woman for me. Granted, I don't go to Gentleman's clubs anymore, but getting jealous because I'm out with the guys or because of innocent flirting from/with other women, is more than I'm willing to endure. Conversely, I could care less if there is verbal flirting on her part or if she wants to go see male strippers. I'm actually flattered if I'm out with my girl and other men make comments, or look at her, etc. It simply means that she's attractive and after all, we BOTH know who we're going home with!
or just pretty much doesn't care if you comment on how hot your ex still is (is this even possible?
OK, only a complete MORON makes these kinds of comments. It's incredibly rude and there is nothing appropriate about it.
I reiterate: jealousy is directly caused by insecurity and insecurity is incredibly unattractive. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:40:43 AM | Gawd.. ANOTHER troll post.. Seems a little OCD on the forums, dontcha think?
Jealousy is the rantings of an immature mind. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:06:46 AM | Jealousy? Nope. Not going there.
I decided, early in life, that jealousy was something that was illogical. After all, if SHE wants HIM then nothing you can do will bring her back. If she's doing something with him to MAKE me jealous....then I don't really need her.
If she loves me, nothing he can do will sway her. If she wants him, nothing I can do will sway her.
So what's the point of being jealous? | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:53:37 AM | | I don't do jealousy and I don't tolerate it. I just make sure the terms of the relationship are clear, and if they are violated, I think logically about whether or not I want to continue the relationship. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:55:29 AM | It sounds to me like you are asking two things here:
1. About jealousy
2. About being playful
I don't know exactly what being "irked" or "shows concern" qualifies to you as. It would depend on the personalities involved. It could just be playful flirting or teasing or it could actually mean being snappy, rude or mean. If someone shows they care in a nice way I don't see that as jealousy at all even if you could argue it stems from jealous emotions. If someone is serious and not nice about it then I would see that as a negative. It depends how it is expressed(nice or mean tone, etc) and if any action results from it or just more of a non-serious moment. If you can tell they don't trust you then I'd put it down as serious jealousy which obviously is not good. | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:28:40 PM | Well, if some **** came my way and started out right flirting with my man, she wouldn't have teeth. That is disrespectful and she would deserve the punch in the mouth.
That doesn't have anything to do with who possesses who. Nobody owns anyone. Just outright disrespectful to openly flirt with the mate of someone while she/he is standing there.
Now, I'll have that ice cold drink now...... | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:29:17 PM | I dislike jealousy in any form (not healthy IMO). I don't do it and don't want it.
If the waitress is flirting with my man - I would crack up! Cuz he's mine and leaving with me! Why bother getting twisted about it? 
Bachelorette parties: Many women dislike these venues. If your man knows what he has at home, he'll enjoy the festivities and not partake in any risky business.
I wouldn't disrespect my partner with any conversation on how "hot" my ex was or how good in bed he was. That's just plain disrespectful, and he should exercise the same common sense........... | |
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| A Question of Jealousy -
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:30:25 PM | I think I learned something today. I was VERY jealous and possessive as a teenager. I learned how destructive this is to a relationship. And now, I'm not, and always figure, well if a woman wants another guy more then me, so be it, let her go. Today, reading an article in askmen.com, I realized that many women seem to require little healthy doses of jealousy expressed by their man or they begin to suspect that their guy has become totally apathetic about them. Kind of makes sense to me!
And YES. I sure wish some women would get a handle on their jealousy! Much that I have witnessed is just plain retarded! | |
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