| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:50:06 PM | hello all,
I will do my best to be as clear and precise as I can but sometimes I go on and on and write a book. But here it goes.
Ok, I am new to the area...literally two months to the day tomorrow. I moved into a condo complex and have a female neighbor. I have found that she is attractive and Im attracted to her...so I have purposely tried to run into her outside our condos. Well, I accomplished that...and since, we have both introduced ourselves for the most part.
Now, she has a guy stay over her house quite a bit or she stays over his house. With me being interested in her I have directly asked what her situation is. I asked if she is dating, is she dating this person etc, and her answer was no and she has referred to him a couple of times as a friend.
I have had the opportunity to be with them out in public, bowling and bar and me being the observant type I am checking to see there interaction. Well, there is something there but I dont know exactly what. With her saying she has no status or situation, but her actions telling me differenty and in the same sentence she has stated she is lonely and I know actions speak louder then words but these two complete opposites have me completely confused.
Like I said, we really dont know each other..just hung out a couple of times but nothing major and this dude has always been around during this.
Now she is moving out of the complex before thanksgiving and this dude is not going to be around. She has since asked me to join her and her family for thanksgiving but dont know if the offer would be there if this dude was around. With the invite, i find it a very warm and friendly gesture but we are really complete strangers and i find it odd that I am being invited into her home with her family for the holiday. For me. that just doesnt happen in real life...maybe down here its a little different but at best we are neighbors and nothing more at this time. I am going to attend by the way...im not stupid :)
Im trying to figure out what path to walk down. Should I just stay on the current path, should I make my thoughts and feelings known...or is it too soon? or, we have dinner and I leave and our little involvement in life ends..which I dont want...if anything I would like to be a true friend down the road and dont want to make her uncomfortable by making my thoughts known.
With that, internally I get nervous when I see her, I sweat, I get butterflies but she does have this situation going on, but she has also stated to me a totally different situation...so Im basically confused on what course of action to take.
I really would like some female perspectives on this.
Dont know if it matters but she is white he is asian...and it may be she is uncomfortable within her family or life to admit to the inter-racial thing. I hope Im not being used as the fake boyfriend...which I dont think is the case
Thanks to all in advance for your true and honest insight. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:56:05 PM |
internally I get nervous when I see her, I sweat, I get butterflies Maybe that's a bid sign. Maybe your inner warning system is going off and you're mistaking it for something "good". Like "love" | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:59:48 PM | Right now she is a friend. If there is something obviously with the other guy, she must be trying to keep her options open.
As for the Thanksgiving thing, growing up we always invited people over that didn't have anywhere to go or didn't have family in the area. I've continued that in my adult life as well. When I was with my ex-husband who was a police officer, if his shift was working I would have half the force coming in and out of the house to get a homecooked meal. So to me, that is not weird. | |
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| I guess male perspectives are fine also
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:02:36 PM | Could it be that he is a married man? Or a friend with benefits? If you have asked her and she told you clearly that they are just friends, you would have to take her word for it. I don't think that she would have invented anything but since she is grown and doesn't owe anyone any explanation of who visits her apartment or who stays.
If you are having feelings of doubt, just stay the friend and leave it at that. Doesn't sound like she is looking at you as anything but a friend. It is quite obvious to her that you are interested since you asked her who her gentleman friend was.
Think about what you are doing or what you are going to say to her next. You are her neighbor and may be too close for comfort. The last thing that you need is to tell her how you feel when she sees you as a friend and have her avoid you because she doesn't want to encourage anything on your part. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:08:13 PM | I don't know about oher people, maybe it's just me, but I don't sleep in the houses of my male friends on the regular basis. I don't sleep in their houses at all, unless on rare occasions and for a very good reason. Same goes about them sleeping in my house.
I asked if she is dating, is she dating this person etc, and her answer was no and she has referred to him a couple of times as a friend.
No, she's not dating him she's screwing him. This type of relationships are referred to as "friends with benefits".
I mean, nothing wrong with trying to date her as long as you don't mind her fvck buddy.
Go ahead and accept the dinner invitation. When and if you see that there is mutual interest, have an exclusivity talk, and address the question of "that other dude" specifically. But in my experience, better not get involed at all. She knows that you know, and she knows that she can get away with having sex with someone else while keeping you interested. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:17:20 PM | | A guy stays at her place and she stays at his, you've found out quite a bit already. What does this tell you? They're probably not platonic friends. I will also echo what Landra2 said. Personally, when I sweat and get "butterflies" over someone, it's usually the internal warning system telling me to get away. In the past I thought it was "love", it took me a long time to learn differently. What glitters isn't always gold, as the saying goes. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:17:48 PM | wanting females perspective
You're in luck. You get more than that here.
OK, I've got nothing better to do at the moment, so I'll try to digest this novella of yours:
Now, she has a guy stay over her house quite a bit or she stays over his house.
That's the guy she's bangin'.
With me being interested in her I have directly asked what her situation is. I asked if she is dating, is she dating this person etc, and her answer was no and she has referred to him a couple of times as a friend.
With benefits. I'd bet my wallet on it.
I have had the opportunity to be with them out in public, bowling and bar and me being the observant type I am checking to see there interaction. Well, there is something there but I dont know exactly what.
That's cause he's the one she's bangin'. Like I said.
her actions telling me differenty
Actions are all that count.
in the same sentence she has stated she is lonely
Translated: Her FWB dude is a great f*ck but a lousy communicator.
I know actions speak louder then words but these two complete opposites have me completely confused.
I'm not confused at all.
She has since asked me to join her and her family for thanksgiving but dont know if the offer would be there if this dude was around.
What have you got to lose? She's not offering a marriage proposal. Just don't get drunk and puke on her mother's carpet.
I am going to attend by the way...im not stupid :)
Excellent. So would I.
should I make my thoughts and feelings known
For f*ck sake, no. Thoughts? Feelings? Wait until you've being going out for three months solid before you even think of doing such a retarded thing.  I'm not kidding.
With that, internally I get nervous when I see her, I sweat, I get butterflies
Good. Keep that information to yourself. Don't be a over-eager chump. You'll chase her away fast. Why don't they teach basic man/woman relationship skills in High School for godsakes? They teach all kinds of other useless stuff. Geez.
I really would like some female perspectives on this.
You don't need a female perspective because they will confuse the daylights out of you (except the rare one, there are a few around here). If you didn't know that already you wouldn't be here asking for their "help", heh heh. You need the advice of men who are successful with women. If you think my advice is bad, then do more research.
IMNSHO.
Ignore everything Hollywood and TV ever taught you about "baring your feelings" at the beginning of a relationship and all that wimpy stuff. It doesn't work. "Keep it light and breezy, and go in easy." Let the women "get serious" when the time is right. Or just ignore my advice and bare your soul and flame out. But do report back.
Best of luck.
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:55:53 PM | | One good rule a guy should follow is NEVER pursue a woman when there is a man in her life! She has to be free and clear! I've made that mistake and paid a very heavy price emotionally! It's a no win situation my friend. She's a monkey! She won't let go of one branch before she has caught hold of another! Bad, bad situation! And in my situation, where the other guy was married, he wasn't just gonna let that fine piece of ass go! And he knew her, vastly better then I did, and knew all the right buttons to push to manipulate her! Trust me, you DON'T want any of this! | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:43:58 PM | "central_scrutinizer" Pretty much summed things up for you and I have to agree.
I ended up in a situation pretty much like the one you are headed in, but I was too stupid to listen to others so it lasted for a while and it was very unpleasing. She sounds like the type than compartmentalies her life. What I mean, she has different people for different things. She has "Long Dong Wong" to banger. If you persue this, your role will be being her BFF, listening to all her BS, or how she can't find a good man, or how "Long Dong Wong" is seeing other woman while he is still drilling her. Doing all the things with her to fill any excess time she has left after "Long Dong Wong" is done drilling her. He doesn't have to do these things with her because he has her trained to bang him and leave. Then it's que the stupid guy to come keep me company and feed her ego. You will get to hear catchy phrases like "We are to good of friends to risk anytthing" "Youo are like my brother" "You are a good catch for some girl" oh the list goes on. Oh wait they have a name for that "The Friend Zone".
PS: I was bitter for a while, but I am over all that now LOL | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:49:36 PM | RE: "One good rule a guy should follow is NEVER pursue a woman when there is a man in her life!"
Yup. And that wisdom works on all sides of the fence. It simply is not a good idea. Too many other fish in the sea to set oneself up for failure from the get go. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:06:31 PM | OP, I went to read your profile to get a feel for what you are looking for in a woman. All I saw is that you've retired from the site due to all the "fake flakes" and "players."
Therefore I am a tad bit curious as to why you are so attracted to this fake flake player chick neighbor of yours.
If you're looking for a real woman, she ain't her. Any broad who bangs Asia by day and uses new neighbor boy by night and holidays is not worth the price of the two condoms you'd need to wear to protect yourself.
There's better turkey somewhere else on Thanksgiving. | |
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| I guess male perspectives are fine also
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:07:01 PM |
Just wanted to add that...just thought this was all female section.....
Nope. It means only guys can ASK questions here. Anyone can answer any question in any forum.
Cowboy | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:07:09 PM | Wow, this is what I feared. I already had these assumptions etc. I realize it prob is a bad idea to even try to pursue this but I see something in this girl...even though shes getting the high hard one.
I know there **** buddies, there also co workers, shes a drinker, hes a drinker...uses some drugs...so yes from all angles it looks like a bad road to walk down...but Im a dumbass...guess thats why im 39 and single :( I am also a gambler...was addicted at a younger age...I like the gambling thrill....I guess you can call it my fix.
She has also had another dude visit couple of times and each time she was smashed...so it just may she a sex slut or alcholholic out frolicking
Central did some good work in breaking it down...thats for sure....
and the flower dude...(forget ur name) u didnt have to remind me about long dong silver....I was hoping he was a just a thumb tack.... lol. which i hear most are lololol.
I got a little time before thanksgiving...but that time is going to eat thru my brain.
At this point I just may say something so I can get it out of my system then I might be able to see clearly that it is the wrong path to go down with her. I dont know.......
And yes, I did think my nervousness, sweating was a warning signal but they are the same feelings I have when I do start dating someone new or are interested in them. So they could go either way...but prob are that bad sign....
But keep the thoughts coming....I like the perspectives being offered... | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:16:18 PM | Funny funny stuff, your right...
But I dont get the feeling she is a fake...she may be a flake but I wont really see that until I can spend time with her...which wont happen if i stay on my current path.
She seems to be a nice, warm caring person in the small conversations we have had.
And no, I have not spent any time with her alone...its always when he is around. So thanksgiving will be the first time I can get her without her "friend".
But for thanksgiving, Im down here not knowing anyone so I may as well attend the dinner so its just not another day to me. I just hope im not being played to be that boyfriend cause her family wouldnt approve of her inter racial thing. I dont know thoguh....but it did cross my mind.
regarding my profile, Im not having any luck out here (florida anyway) send a ton of emails...no response etc...I just feel im wasting my time out here for dating and meeting ppl. so hence my profile. I work much better in person then in words...so i guess im not impressing anyone here and really dont have the desire to try with just words....actions do speak louder then words. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:23:49 PM |
regarding my profile, Im not having any luck out here (florida anyway) send a ton of emails...no response etc...
Could be because your main pic was swallowed up in a black hole. Profile reviews one floor up. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:32:09 PM | well she maybe seeing Mr thumb tack but she told you she is still lonely so I say they arn't cutting the mustard.Plus how important can Mr. thumb tack be if shes had other guys over night,but not for sure know if she had sex with him.Whats Mr.thumb tacks stance with you?Freindly?stand offish?threatened?
Maybe this thanks giving is her way of setting up a show down between the two of you for the rights to her bounty. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:43:14 PM |
regarding my profile, Im not having any luck out here (florida anyway) send a ton of emails...no response etc...
It's not Florreeda, I live here too, it's not your profile per se....or your emails.
Do a thread search, it's a common experience, don't make it personal.
What kind of luck are you wanting..it's Florida there's Lottery and scratch offs...luck or working. It's a mindset. It's your expectations, same as anyone else, gender aside.
Women send out first contact emails that have no response. It's not gender, it's not internet dating, or this site. Or the state...from what I've read it's your mindset...the snack machine mindset...insert profile, get date.
This site, any venue, is a DYI...it's up to you to figure out how to make it "work" for you. It's not automatic, it takes time and effort.
If you're not willing to invest in it and spend time to do that.....it's like spending money to get a degree and pay someone to write your papers. Okay, maybe not the best analogy.
Noone else can do for you or tell you....you're on your own, it's up to you. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:13:58 PM | QUOTE "well she maybe seeing Mr thumb tack but she told you she is still lonely so I say they arn't cutting the mustard.Plus how important can Mr. thumb tack be if shes had other guys over night,but not for sure know if she had sex with him.Whats Mr.thumb tacks stance with you?Freindly?stand offish?threatened?
Maybe this thanks giving is her way of setting up a show down between the two of you for the rights to her bounty. " END QUOTE
You are correct also sir,
He appears friendly but I can tell he is jittery around me and is always itching to leave. he is definitly trying to protect "his so called territory"
With that being said, if they have a connection in the heart...ill step back...no problem but if there is no connection then its all fair game in my eyes and I dont see that connection. but im not up to date on how asian men treat women when dating. I think he sees her as a prize like most non white men do when dating a white woman.
I cant say for sure 100 % sex has happened...but im sorry no male/female spend overnights together just to hang out day after day. In my observing of them, it is clear as day they are not your typical date...no holding hands, ive never seen him open the car door for her but I see the asian male dominance over asian women come into play with her. Meaning, Ive heard him question her on her having another drink. I dont believe in anyone being someones keeper...dont care how much your in love...its still your life.
Thanksgiving, well he is out of town and if he wasnt I cant say I would have recvd the invite???? He is aware i am invited. It may be, I dont completely understand the nature of her invite...im not complaining about it...it was very nice of her. So maybe its a form of a showdown...thats possible....but who knows.
Im really trying to figure out if I should make my thoughts known, or walk away or let nature take its course. Im the type to try and get what I like when i like it...not save for it to get later down the road.
I am just unsure what angle to play with here.....im at a cross road and have three roads I can choose to go down....and it looks like the one I want to go down is not looking all that rosey at the moment. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:37:17 PM | I would not worry about it, stay on the friends path (who knows, you might actually build a friendhsip ;-) Wait and see on turkey day...if he is there or not. Take her at her word on their status. Take things slow. See what happens.
On Thanksgiving..I often have people over that I hardly know...my house was always the place everyone went who didn't have family in town ,etc..Not a big thing. I love to cook, eat, hang out with friends and drink...so it is my favorite holiday and should be an 'inclusive' holiday imo. The more the merrier type of thing. Many people feel this way and I wouldn't read into her invitation. | |
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| Swm wanting females perspective
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:24:12 AM | She is currently in a sexual relationship.
Being asked for thanksgiving is being asked to eat turkey and nothing else.
"central_scrutinizer" Pretty much summed things up for you and I have to agree.
A man answers again and there you go. Pretty insightful. | |
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