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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:02:47 PM | | I need your honest opinion on my profile. I am frustrated because i feel i need to be upfront about my medical situation and i get tired of women baling when they find out through conversation i am going through vocational rehab and not working.. I guess they are terrified of what my future might hold. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:31:33 PM | Dude,
You are making this pretty hard on her and although your message is good your story telling just sucks.
She'll most likely open your page before reading any note you sent her. The first thing she sees is that prickely 1/2 van dike... she's not considering kissing!
Then what she has to be for YOU! Pretty friggin demanding of someone that's just trying to figure out if she wants to read your mail.
Kids are important but you over state how hard it is with a daughter. Kids come later! No details on kids in the bio at all. You are selling you, not looking for help with your difficult situation, right?
Put up some pictures that she wants to rub against or show you off to her friends or picture herself with you!
Don't overstate your illness. You have MS that's well under control with a 2 year track record. Then mention the cool and fun things you like to do and leave out all the crap about money, income and so on. You'll learn how important money is to her later. Being so concerned about it is a sign of your insecurity and that's loud and clear.
You are a fit, active and attractive guy. Don't sell your self short. State that you eat and live a healthy life style that you would prefer sharing with a new partner in crime. But never tell someone what they have to do, be, like or dislike! We take each other for them, faults and all. We don't get to change them not do they us. That's just life!
EDIT: They aren't running away because they are afraid you won't make money. They are running away for being so concerned about money. Happiness is what people seek. It's easy to love a 3 legged dog if it's got a great demeanor. A bum on the street can leave anyone with a smile that lasts all day if they are pleasant to talk to. But if you are a downer you just drag everyone and everything down with you, no matter what kind of coin you have.
Just my 2 cents. Keep the change
John | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:33:09 PM | I agree with your reasoning to want to get it out front. But the way you phrase it is very bad. Pretty much all women are going to say they want a healthy guy with strong earning potential if you put it like that. Did you expect any woman to read that and think, "No, I don't want that."?
Instead emphasize that you're financially stable, that you're training for a new career, and that you're working hard and staying healthy. Then I'd say something like, "I know you'll want to ask about it but will feel weird doing it. So just ask anything you want - you have a first date dispensation against putting your foot in your mouth." | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 6:42:15 PM | Agreed with above posters. Never sell yourself short OR think for women. If a gal gets to know you well enough to fall in love with you, none of your fears will be hers.
Save "realities" for reality time...when (if) someone takes an interest in "long term" with you then "the reality talk" is the benevolent thing to do. Don't start out with negatives. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 7:24:40 PM | | your profile pictures are awesome - you are a very handsome man, and your pictures are well rounded, no problems there. I would also recommend including more of your interests, and what you are looking for - the MS diagnosis really won't be a big deal to as many women as you might think. You have so much to offer someone, just mention it in passing if you want to be upfront, but don't make an issue out if it, or you might frighten some wonderful fishies away. A paragraph about your interests and personality, and you are good to go darling! all the best *aquamarine* | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 7:28:10 PM | | I cant mention it in passing. they want to know "why" i am currently not working and the only way around it is to omit or lie and I wont do that, although i have been advised to by some, which surprised me. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:29:16 PM | Hi Dude…HTDad gave you some great language to use! A few more suggestions….
1) Unless the lady has a friend or family member with MS, she doesn’t know a whole lot about it.
2) Although you tell her she can ask away, most won’t….UNLESS you first get her interested in YOU….and then calm her fears about MS. You did a good job of explaining the financial end of it because you don’t want her worrying if you’re looking for a purse or a nurse.
3) So talk about YOU FIRST in detail before you talk about the MS….what you’re going to school for, do you like it? When will you finish? Where do you plan to work when you finish?
4) Give her specifics of….What do you like to read? What music do you like? What movies? Give her something to cue into besides the MS.
5) When you have kids, it’s always a good idea to mention how many and approx. ages (do this toward the END of your profile). There’s a big diff between having 3 kids ages 2 to 5 and 1 child age 10.
6) AFTER you’ve done all that, then do some basic info about MS…..that MS folks have the same longevity as anyone else and other POSITIVE details about your kind of ms.
7) Be up front that just like life, nobody gives us a free pass on tomorrow. Say that you’re doing well and expect to be doing well tomorrow and the next day and the next.
8) You might also want to wax a bit philosophical. You’ve earned that and then some!
9) Something like….When we’re given challenges, you find how strong you really are. When you come safely through to the other side, your perspective of life changes. You know that you will never take for granted the little things like seeing your child’s smile and hearing her laughter. You make time to enjoy life rather than just talk about enjoying it. Etc.
Hope that helps. Wishing you the best. DenverSky5280  | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:30:47 PM | I think on the MS, it’s damned if you do, same if you don’t.
I would hope for most women, it wouldn’t bother them and for the ones it does, they probably won’t write you back anyway, which would be there loss.
You are very good looking, your profile, although short, says a lot.
I would break it up since that is still a pretty big paragraph you have there.
What I would change: Take out the free pizza line, it kind of makes you sound cheap.
Replace the diet pepsi with a diet coke (ok, kidding on that one). Not really, but I will say I am to keep the peace.
What I would add: The kind of music you like? Movies? Do you have any pets? How many children/ages? I don’t mean adding pictures, just a sentence or two describing them.
You are very lucky to live where you do, so I doubt you will have any shortages of what to do on dates.
I’m almost afraid to ask about the one of you standing with the black shirt on. | |
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Posted: 11/4/2009 8:39:43 PM | First of all, you're gorgeous. More photos of that smile are needed, and a couple of full body outdoor shots would be nice. Shirt on, shades off.
I agree with how Halftime Dad has explained it - no need to get into such personal details here initially. Develop at least 3 paragraphs of information and detail about you, your hobbies, your interests, so your viewer will hopefully find something in common with you first.
Then, by all means, explain you're training for a new career and all the other stuff he said. But I'd go: "So just ask anything you want - feed me cheesecake and I'll talk all night". (the date is implied) And hey, who doesn't love cheesecake. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 6:38:20 AM | Hi Dude….I see you’ve now left out the MS part. I had a long think about it last night. If you’re a recovering “anything” (cancer, drugs, alcohol, etc.), most people couldn’t get past the “anything” to focus on the recovery.
I’m guessing the same is true of the MS. Remember though…eventually the cows do come home (I’m not telling you anything new). Therefore, be prepared to discuss it sooner rather than later so the lady doesn’t feel like you whitewashed her by not disclosing.
A few more suggestions…
1) Round out your profile with more about you….your job, your hobbies, what type of woman you’re looking to date.
2) Put something for the 1st date. This is the place to woo her….what original and enjoyable adventure does your city offer? You’ve got some of that in the About Me section. Expand on one of those in the 1st date.
3) Original (and fun) ideas are always appealing. Even if the 2 of you don’t find chemistry, you can find more than coffee.
Best to you. DenverSky5280 | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 7:24:16 AM | I just read this off a MS support site
When Do You Bring Up the Subject?
If your symptoms are noticeable, talk about it with your dates from the start. Otherwise, they could possibly misread the situation and wonder why you seem tipsy. Simply say that you’ve got a neurological problem. No need to volunteer anything else. If you’re asked questions, you can answer that you don’t have anything contagious; just MS. Keep the conversation short, without adding any clinical details. The more “medical” you sound, the more serious it makes it seem. One of the first rules in dating is to discover all the wonderful things about each other first. As the relationship develops, you’ll have plenty of time to share more with each other, including your condition. That doesn’t have to—nor should it—be on the first date.
If You’ve Got Mild MS, It May Be Best to Hold Off
Most people don’t feel the need to disclose their medical history on a first date. As long as your symptoms aren’t showing, you don’t have to disclose it until you feel comfortable. Think of it this way: If you talk about your MS right away and the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s easy to convince yourself that it was because you have MS. Chances are, if things don’t pan out, it will have nothing to do with your MS and everything to do with the dating process. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 7:43:57 AM | Hi Mike...I would like to add an alternative point of view.
I have noticed that a lot of americans want all the miniscule details about you...from the colour of your socks to the size of your c**k!
It's simplier than that...there is nothing wrong with your profile...it's fun and friendly..whats missing is what comes from the heart.
I have my profile critisied all the time. but I get more than the average of amount of interest. either I'm just lucky and I'm nowhere near as good looking as you or I have written something that switches the light bulb on because people can relate to it.
Always be upfront and honest...and if a women really wants to know you she will look past whatever your situation is...if she can't then she isn't the person for you.
You are a handsome guy...go get "em fella! :) | |
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