| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:42:22 PM | | Hello everyone! So, I'm finally on the web, picture posted, and I'm not getting many responses. The ones I am getting are from men who don't have things in common with me, who want nothing more than a meaningless fling, or who message me once or twice and we don't talk again. I'm not sure if that's a typical response or not. Please look over my profile and let me know how I can improve it. Thanks for any help you can provide! | |
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:23:42 PM | Profile doesn't look bad - you're female, that's most of it. The trend is that guys need to send 10, 20, 30 messages just to get a single response. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction - you're going to have to sift through 10, 20, 30 messages before finding a decent guy worthy of a response.
Keep at it - you'll start finding some decent guys soon enough. | |
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:30:51 PM | First off, you are a very pretty girl but I think you can do better on the pictures. I think only having one main is better than having three of the same with slightly different expressions. JMO.
“I can justify any situation and many of my conversations consist of mock debates.” This may scare some though, I would think about re-wording that sentence so it doesn’t sound confrontational.
“I'm incredibly introspective, a curse and gift. That pretty much means I'm a girl who knows all women are crazy and being a girl, that I'm crazy too. The difference is that I try not to drag people into my craziness. I don't always succeed, but I do my best.” Just for the record, all women are not crazy, at least not in the way you are portraying with the comment that followed. If I misunderstood, I really do apologize!
“In the end I'm looking for a guy who wants to spend time getting to know me. Someone who wants me to get to know them.” You can find anyone to do this, I’m sure there are plenty of weirdo’s out there that can fill this requirement. But if you are looking for boyfriend material, expand on it. Does he need to be into sports? Like animals? Have siblings? Like his job?
I would talk about the kind of music you like, if you like watching sports, if so, what are your favorite teams, what you like to do for fun, the kind of movies you like, etc. You have the looks, I think you just need to fix this and you should be good.
“or who message me once or twice and we don't talk again. I'm not sure if that's a typical response or not.”
You can tell after a couple of emails if you will have anything in common with the other person, my guess is that you don’t and they just drop off. I think it’s typical, it happens to me.
My son was watching that show you mentioned one night, it was pretty funny, you have good taste!
Good luck! | |
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:36:02 PM | Hi Katrina,
You’ve got a bit of work to do. Word CHOICE here is key. A few suggestions….
1) Nix the word QUIRKY….yes you’re gonna get the guys wanting the flings, but quirky might tend to attract them sooner rather than later.
2) Ditto with the ‘Big Bang Theory’. Use a different climatic event, or he’s gonna think you’re hinting at biology vs. astronomy.
3) Ditto with giving your Yahoo name as Liberated Chick. Most guys are hearing…come and get it.
4) You are very photogenic…get a photo with a smile for your primary. Also do the obligatory full body shot…at least 1, preferably 2.
5) Nix the negativity from your profile….that you’re shy and nervous and debate all the time.
6) Nix the ‘crazy’ and ‘introspective’. Introspective is good, but calling it a curse…not so good. Makes you sound catatonic.
7) Most guys translate “debate” into argue. Your ‘Devil’s advocate’ works ONCE you’re good friends…not before you’ve even met the man. He already hears you disagreeing with him.
8) Focus on your positive qualities….What do you do at work? Do you like it? What kind of art work do you do? Watercolor? Stained Glass? Fused Glass? Weaving? Other textiles?
9) SPECIFICS are what you need in your profile to make you stand out in a positive way.
10) Your description of the man you’d like to meet (i.e. someone who wants to get to know me) is too vague. It could be anyone. Are you looking for someone quiet or extroverted, artistic, musical, athletic, professional, or ?? Give him some idea if he fits what you have in mind.
Hope that helps. DenverSky5280  | |
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:26:49 AM | Thank you everyone for your help. I've made some changes based on comments made.
I believe critism is like a coat. You try it on and see if it fits. If so, you keep it, otherwise you throw it in the pile that just didn't work. So no offense is meant to anyone who has offered solutions and they weren't taken. I still appreciate the feedback!
Please keep it coming!
Katrina | |
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:58:38 AM | Riiight. Here we go, then.
I'm occasionally, and with good reason, accused of being punctilious and didactic.
I'm going to indulge that failing, again, and ask you to forgive me in advance.
1. Analysis is not a verb.
2. "I love to question the exsisitance of life, which makes me a devil's advocate."
I'm pretty sure life exists. Admittedly, I could be wrong. And no, actually, it doesn't. Arguing in favour of positions on issues that you do not really believe in, for the purpose of testing and strengthening the positions that you do actually believe in, would make you a devil's advocate. Questioning the existence of life would make you a sceptic. Questioning the 'exsisitance' of life would make you a sceptic about the spell-check feature in microsoft word.
3. Personally, I keep failing the Myers-Briggs exam. I guess I should study harder. Or maybe develop a real personality, I don't know. But I'm pretty sure that means I couldn't keep up mentally with a girl like you. Seriously, that line's not all that appealing. It comes off as a bit condescending. I would drop it.
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:05:54 AM | Hi Katrina…don’t ya just love it when good-looking lawyers help you for FREE!
ZOWIE!
How do I know he's good-looking? Anybody who talks like he does is GORGEOUS!
A few suggestions…
1) Use Sly’s suggestions…especially the definition of D. Advocate. The man should know…that’s what he went to school for and he can write and spell like William F. Buckley Jr.
2) Oh wait…Re: the Myers Briggs…it’s started to pop up in profiles so much I was wondering where everyone is taking it.
3) Then a guy friend told me that another dating site (which will remain nameless ‘cause the forums aren’t near as good) has a TON of tests including M.B.
4) So….if the guys you’re dating are into M.B….go for it.
5) And just in case they have no clue about M.B…..be a sport and share what the heck it is….not in a condescending way.
6) Something like…Have you ever taken a personality test? I took the M.Briggs a few weeks ago. I had to answer about a zillion questions (ok, you got me, I’m exaggerating by half a zillion), and they tell you what kind of personality traits you have. Mine was spot on…yada yada yada..
As you said above….put on the coat….if it fits, stay warm. If not, try on another. Caveat….keep the old coats….you may want to recycle! LOL! Best to you. DenverSky5280 | |
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| I have no idea what I'm doing
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:27:43 AM | Katrina1983,
Here is my two cents: First paragraph: kind of off putting, particularly the "alien" reference. Mentioning TBBT doesn't help either. (Great show, BTW) It puts in my mind that you're mental, kooky or weird, the vibes I get from that paragragh is that you're not comfortable with yourself, when clearly you are a warm, loving young lady. Being different is your chief strength of what you have to offer, yet it seems to be negatively connotated or unvalued. This is who you are, be proud of that.
Second paragraph has a huge red flag: particularly "...closeness, once you have it's hard to lose, I can be very loyal and forgiving." That is something you disclose much, much later, once mutual trust has been established. A predator will read that line as "please walk all over me, as I am a doormat." The "I'm introspective" line ends in a non-sequitur and does nothing to advance the idea of who you are, except to say "I'm sorta confused too..."
MB is a good paragraph if you explain the kind of personality test it is, and it is the perfect opportunity to specify the kind the types of men that you'd be compatible with vs. the types of men you're interested in. Be a little more concrete and descriptive here.
I find your profile picture to be a bit of a problem, clearly you don't look happy and it almost looks like you're about to burst into tears at any second now. I second the notion of a couple of full length shots, but a head shot with a radiant smile is vital. You have but one opportunity to impress someone, and that opportunity lasts about 10 seconds to "hook" someone once they open your profile, and they don't even get that far when the person in the picture isn't confident. No profile picture is better than is one who looks so woebegone. Since you paint postcards, uploading one or two examples wouldn't hurt. You might ask someone who knows you well that can write to take a stab at creating a profile for you, you might be pleasantly surprised to see the person others see you as, as opposed to the way you see yourself. Good luck and happy fishing! | |
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