| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:08:03 PM | Hey boys, maybe you can confirm something for me?
I met a guy on POF, we chatted back and forth for a long time before we began chatting on the phone. Our convo's clicked and we made arrangements to meet for lunch. Our visit went well and I was very intrigued. After that, the calls and messages from him dissipated and I assumed that he wasn't interested or taken by me.
A few weeks passed and he messaged to say hi. I asked him if he was interested and he said that he didn't feel a connection that way. I had no problem with that and said there is nothing wrong with making new friends along the way.
But, the question is that he seems much more interested than just a friendship. I have only seen him once since our first meeting, and he didn't make a move or anything,
but his phone calls, messages and emails indicate otherwise (almost daily). He makes the time to call or email. In my experience, a man's actions speak louder than words. A man only makes the time if he is interested. I guess I am a bit confused and wonder if he could be subtley courting me? or does he truly want to be a friend? | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:18:26 PM | From your own words:
I asked him if he was interested and he said that he didn't feel a connection that way.
I can't speak for any other man. But I can speak for myself on this matter with certainty and authority.
If he didn't feel that connection, he is very, very unlikely to ever feel it. It could happen, but that'd be rare.
Why does he email, text and call? Ask him very directly and tell him his words and actions aren't lining up and you need him to talk straight about his intentions and desires.
Sounds like you might have a friend there. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:28:45 PM | | I'm with OpenHeart on this one. Seriously, a guy interest in people doesn't begin and end with only the women he wants to "pound the sand" with, so to speak. It sounds like you have a friend. Sorry to break that to you ... | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:05:47 PM | Ego boost.
The guy is single.
Can't find a girl he wants.
But atleast YOU are attracted to him.
(not sayin you're pining for him, which you're not, but you get the picture.)
I don't mean that in a bad way on his part.
Women do that too with chat buddies.
Enjoy the friendship, but don't get smitten.
And you now have a guy you can ask stuff about other guys.
Get advice and such.
See if he gets jealous.
LOL
Which wouldn't mean he secretly likes you.
Just more of that male ego thing and loosing his "boost". | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:42:37 PM | | PLAYER!!!! Oh, hell maybe he's not. Maybe he's just stringing u along while seeing others keeping u on line so theres a net. Or maybe keep beating urself over the head in believing things he may say in messages and whatever even though none of the actions equal what u think. I think maybe u shouldn't see anyone and focus all ur mind and body on working thru his, pulling u in 1000 different directions till nothing left, activities till ur nuts! | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:45:44 PM | Madame, the kid simply isn't interested, you'll have to find another one to adopt. The way I see it is, he is just trying to have a good time or crack a few smiles. And like Gandhi said, "Smiling don't cause nothing, sugar".
p.s. If he tries to make advances on you, do bring out your hatchet. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:53:01 PM | Normal, rational, well-balanced people don't act like shifty junior high school weirdos. Come on now. "Subtly courting" you? What about after you're married and he acts like a shifty weirdo, do you think it will be normal then?
The guy isn't interested in you. He's just toying with you for a variety of possible reasons. None of them will make you happy.
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:01:17 PM | Maybe he does want to be just friends, or if he does make a physical move on you and you went for it and got steamy in bed, then he can then go back and say "sorry, but I did say we were just friends". What develops then is an FWB.
Imagine that, not taking you out on dates, but just wanting a friend with benefits while he takes up your time from searching for someone who wants something more meaningful. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:10:39 PM |
Maybe he does want to be just friends, or if he does make a physical move on you and you went for it and got steamy in bed, then he can then go back and say "sorry, but I did say we were just friends". What develops then is an FWB.
I agree.
Either way be careful and make sure you're not just another notch on his bedpost. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:29:51 PM | | I don't know what it really is, but it sounds like his words and his actions are not aligned. His certainly interested in *something* with you, but be careful what it is. Further down the road, you might find yourself living with the guy yet not referring to him as "boyfriend" because he doesn't see himself that way. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:37:34 PM | YOU need to re-read your own words here and see the total logic and truth in my answer to you.
" I asked him if he was interested and he said that he didn't feel a connection that way. "
But, the question is that he seems much more interested than just a friendship.
You are seeing NOTHING.. NADA.. PIPE DREAM.. Harlequin fantasy CRAPola"
HE DIDNT SEE A CONNECTION THAT WAY
let me say it again
HE DIDNT SEE A CONNECTION THAT WAY
Hello?? McFly?? WHY.. oh WHY are you ignoring his spoken words?
The whole problem is YOUR METHOD OF INTERPRETING THINGS
Your whole "Actions speak louder than words" analogy is flawed.
You ARE confused.. bigtime.. He is NOT trying to court you.. cause.. see above
HE DOESNT FEEL A CONNECTION THAT WAY
Are you seeing it now? | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:55:06 PM | If he outright rejected the notion of pursuing a relationship, then you're in the friend zone... bare that in mind whenever you communicate with him.
Perhaps you've made a genuine friend. Thats always a good thing...
Or. Maybe he sees you as a prospective friend with benefits. If your into it more power to you, but if not then I'd recommend you keep your guard a bit raised when you two interact... | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:28:31 PM | When you asked him if he was interested he told you he doesn't feel a romantic connection with you. Ok. Simple, and clear, statement.
However ... you feel that since after his declaration that his calling you nearly daily now, suggests that he just may be interested in something more then friends, after all.
Hmm.
Well? .... Has his demeanor towards you, and/or the context of his conversation(s) with you, changed in such a way to suggest he's wishing to shift out of Friend Zone ?? | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:56:04 PM | | I think he just wants some ass! | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:31:29 AM |
A man only makes the time if he is interested. Meh
I met a man whose company I enjoyed. We both agreed we didn't feel a connection that way but liked each other. We kept in touch daily with emails, sometimes calls and IM. Sometimes we'd flirt just for fun but neither of us had any romantic interest. We both continued to pursue / seek other people and would get each other's advice and opinions. Over time, we got busy with other things and the daily contact gradually faded off. We still keep in touch now and then, but that's all it ever was.
We were "interested" in each other, but we didn't feel a connection that way.
If he said he didn't feel a connection that way then believe him. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:33:43 AM | i love the way so many people on this thread automatically go to the player/fwb/underhanded sexual designs simply because there's a question about his motives. look at the facts. she's seen him only twice over the course of weeks and he didn't work any moves. dunno about any of you, but when i want to get in a girl's pants, i try to put myself in the actual vicinity of the pants, then get my hands on the zipper.
my guess is he wants the pseudo-girlfriend. the illusion of a relationship without having to actually entail the risks of getting close. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:40:29 AM | | In cases such as LANDRA is speaking of it's pretty simple.........guys like that may say there's not enuf chemo for a REAL relationship, but the flirtatious behaviors indicate he's keeping the door to bedroom activity open with his foot. So, just as I stated many times in forums, I dnt keep ladies around in these types of situations. It may lead her to wanting more than I could give, and possibly may do reversal. Not always against men/women friendships, but for me there has to be almost absolute FRIENDSHIP BOUNDARIES that are clear. Ur setting ur next partner up for reasonably jealous feelings. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:27:18 AM | i love the way so many people on this thread automatically go to the player/fwb/underhanded sexual designs
I'm with the piano man on this one. Seems to be the mentality of most on the forums. Doesn't give much hope for relationships to grow. I personally never judge anyone on a few e-mails or first few meetings. If you can't be friends....how the hell do you expect a relationship to develop?... | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:24:39 AM | But, the question is that he seems much more interested than just a friendship. I have only seen him once since our first meeting, and he didn't make a move or anything,
but his phone calls, messages and emails indicate otherwise (almost daily). He makes the time to call or email. In my experience, a man's actions speak louder than words. A man only makes the time if he is interested. I guess I am a bit confused and wonder if he could be subtley courting me? or does he truly want to be a friend?
If you truly believe "actions speak louder than words" , you'll weigh the bold (actions) against the italics (words) in the above quote and have the answer you already know. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:12:33 AM | just because there was no connection...doesn't mean he doesn't find you physically attractive..in other words, good enough to bang
sorry but men don't keep in touch as friends with ugly women..esp when they barely know them.
most ppl don't keep in touch with someone whom they didn't feel a connection with after the first date. it would be different if you two were friends prior....otherwise, you were vistually a stranger to him...so why keep in touch...no point in doing so. my guess is he is keeping in touch because he hasn't found anyone else yet and he is hoping to eventually get into your pants and nothing more....
either cut off contact because it is clearly going nowhere or ask him why his actions contradict his words...but let's say I am right and he does really just want to screw you and nothing else...he is going to lie through his teeth anyways and say he wants to be friends. NEXT. | |
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| Could he be?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:05:24 AM |
I guess I am a bit confused and wonder if he could be subtley courting me? or does he truly want to be a friend?
IDK, he sounds like he's married or otherwise attached and is working on cultivating a little side action.
OP, move on to someone who makes his intentions clear and isn't jerking you around. | |
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