| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:27:41 PM | Ok, i'm guessing that this is the right place to post this question, so here it goes.
I joined this site months ago and put some effort into creating my profile and I have revised it a number of times since then to make it as accurate and honest as possible.
I've sent messages to a number of people since then, and unfortunately I haven't been lucky enough to receive a response from most... most of the time the messages are read and deleted or just read- I've spent time reviewing the tips and suggestions on the site on how to properly word your first message to someone, and I have tried many different ways of applying these suggestions, but no luck thus far.
So my question is what am I missing here? I'd like to think that somewhere along the line I would have peeked at least some interest from someone, but so far it seems to be the opposite for me. I'd just like to know if there's something I should try differently or if maybe I need to rework my profile.
I don't know, I'm stumped at the moment. What I would like is for someone (a woman) to review my profile and let me know what they think. Any other tips and/or suggestions are certainly welcome as well.
Maybe I'll learn something new.
Thanks for your time. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:38:00 PM | It's not you, it's the way of things. Your situation is the same as most guys here.
Have you tried experimenting with different pictures? | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:16:04 PM | A few thoughts...
You are a good looking guy, that's not the problem. It's the whole presentation. What I mean by that is it feels generic. Allow me...
The username could be anyone, male or female. As it is, it's not memorable. Same with the headline.
The profile has what is probably some very sincere thoughts, but it feels like it could be literally anyone's profile. (Did you notice you used the word 'possible' four times in the first two paragraphs? )
You mention you like walking, an hour or two a day. That's very dry. Do you walk because you have no car? or do you walk because you enjoy getting out into the crisp air and being invigorated on the way to work, and having the chance to clear your head on the walk home? It's all how you present it.
For first messages, the subject line should be anything other than Hi, Hey or Hello. The messages should be short, light and casual. Mention one thing from her profile, make an appropriate comment, and ask a question. Your profile is almost impossible to do that with because it is so generic. If I were going to write to you, for example, I'd do this:
Subject line: Dancing?
Message: It's great to see when a guy has dancing as an interest! So many won't because they're afraid of how they'll look in front of their friends. Do you get a chance to get out to the clubs very often?
OK, a lame example, but you get the idea. It feels more conversational, it's obvious I read your profile, and gives you an easy way to respond. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:43:20 PM | | Do what I do, do not email anyone and just wait for them to email you first. Works for me and saves a lot of time and energy. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:28:26 PM | ok, thanks for the suggestions, they are appreciated.
i find it interesting how you described the 'feel' of my profile and that it is 'so generic'... the whole idea i had in creating and revising it was to make it as tailored as i could- to be as far from generic as it could be.
the approach that you've outlined for first messages is pretty much what i've been aiming at for awhile now- maybe reviewing my profile would help that? | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:31:38 PM | | pitbull pete: i've been away from this site for some time now and haven't received a single message- and before that i had received maybe 2 messages from people without messaging them first. i don't think that approach will work for everyone. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:33:07 PM | I got bored halfway through. It really does feel like a million others.
Take chances. Be quirky. Be funny! It's better to be offensive than to be boring. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:38:55 AM | Take whatever fits:
Change the user name--make it personal, not a bunch of letters, number---impersonal detail numero uno.
Title--is generic--make one unique,meaningful, weird even, upbeat.
What did you study for your graduate degree? Answer many details in your profile--it humanizes--do not think she'll ask you. The profile is to speed things up. You will never launch with this profile--it's a lemming profile, and I bet you really are sincere and have more to offer than the average guy.
Pics 3,4 and 6 are the only attractive ones. The others--look nerdy and inaccessible. Don't geek label--it turns off women. Doing computers/IT is fine.
Something weird on the haircut--you look better shaved, but do a different cut if you grow out. The glasses are nerdy--get a better pair-take 1 pic without. Need a close up smiling pic. Try to better the baggy t-shirt, unvibrant colors. You look good in the white button up.
Text--too many cliches--"waiting for the click"--put the sentiments in your own words--use your imagination. Re-do every line, don't hem and haw. Display you are the educated and cultured man you are--details on tastes--music, art, books--just what works move you and, what outings you'd like to share with partner.
Your type-- said very little that was not obvious and vague.
More interests in that section.
Best of luck. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:48:41 AM |
Do what I do, do not email anyone and just wait for them to email you first. Works for me and saves a lot of time and energy.
Actually this does work quite well. I do my dating on match and invested a fair amount of time in polishing my profile. (And if I do say so myself, I can rock a tee shirt almost as well as Pete! ;-) ) My best results have all come from when the women initiated the contact.
OP, your profile is too generic, it looks like hundreds of others. Make it standout! No one can tell how to do that though. You're the only one armed with that information.
Posting in these forums regularly might help too, I actually met someone that way and I don't even have a serious profile or photo up here. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:07:17 AM | Hi IT…YGF gave you some great suggestions. I had to laugh when she said “new user name”….BULLSEYE!
Look at the names of the posters here…they are ALL memorable AND easy to pronounce except ONE. Guess which one? LOL! You got it! Anything would be better than It1280.
1) Pick something that fits you…MrGeek, GeekDancer, MusicalGeek, FinancialGuru, FinancialGuy…get the idea…she’s gotta be able to pronounce it and remember it.
2) On to the photos….you’ve got a graduate degree, you’re into computers…your photos should SHINE.
3) If they don’t….they send the message to the lady….Hmmm….this guy isn’t serious about dating. Click. On to the next guy.
4) Work at taking good photos….just like you would a Web project….except this time the project is YOU. Kinda like Halifax’s Next Top Model….MrGeek! Geeks are in.
5) Do a photo shoot in your BEST clothes…your BEST casual, your BEST suit and tie (gasp, yes a tie).
6) Photos 1-4 are passable (meaning keep em till you get better ones).
7) Photos 5-8….sorry, hun….weird angles and just not working.
8) READ some of the threads here. You’ll see how people turn “eh” profiles into Excellent profiles.
9) Read 20 or 30 or 40 profiles of people who are frequent posters. You’ll see the Forum tips in action.
10) You’re a smart guy, and maybe that’s the problem….not that you’re smart, but that you’re trying to put soooo many things about you into your profile.
Suggestion…PICK THE TOP 5 and write about THOSE things….like a story…your job, your favorite hobby, where you plan to travel next year, your dancing, your music. DONE! Pick 3 or 4 things UNIQUE things about the lady you want to meet…honesty and caring and trust and funny and considerate are all good words…but everyone uses them. What kind of considerate are you looking for? The lady who calls you just to say hi and ask how your day went? The lady who bakes your favorite C.Chip cookies on your bday? See the difference specifics make? She will too!
Hope that helps. The ladies SHOULD be calling you…good photos and a good profile will help you get there! DenverSky5280  | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:27:59 AM | Message tips for Dummies:
First, get your pics (primary especially), profile, and headline in order. Then...
A) Be picky about who you message. Take the time to look beyond the pictures and see if there's anything in the profile that catches your eye. I once found a profile that read as if it had been sent as an email to me and replied to it as if it had been (yes, I got my replies) ;)
B) When you message, reference her profile, interests, common ground - volunteer something not in your profile
C) Ask her a question or two related to commonalities or her profile.
D) Use humor (clean, as DMR would say) and be personable!
DO NOT:
A) Don't say WOW U R SO PRETTY ;) I'm pretty sure that while women enjoy compliments, only the vapid ones will yell at you for not including one in your email. Obviously you find them attractive or you wouldn't write, right?
(although if she has an exceptional smile? It doesn't hurt to say that you found her profile because her smile jumped out, but the content is what drew you to write (of course, if she has a sparse profile that might not be the best of ideas))
B) Do not give your messenger/AOL/gmail/whatever-client-you-use information
C) Do not give her your phone number
D) Do not ask her immediately out to coffee (though this is less evil depending on circumstances - breaking the relative safety of the internet will scare off women unless they feel comfortable)
E) If she has piercings, don't imply you're interested in knowing how they'd feel on various body parts
F) For the love of god and all that is holy, do not attempt to include any sort of pickup line, invitation for sex, suggestion that this email is some life-changing event for the person you're messaging
(these items have been complied from stories I've heard from the women I've spoken with, you yourself are not likely guilty of any of them, of course)
Sample successful message (I usually wait for first contact, but my profile/pics/headline make that a regular occurrence when I'm not hiding my profile):
I love the candor and your clearly-stated views on everything.
I'm completely willing to stop playing D&D AND take the pictures of my wife out of my wallet if you're willing to share what it is you're going to school for ;)
--Tom
Short, has humor, inquires about profile-specific things...
Of course, I've also taken many other approaches.
YMMV SPSFD | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:06:13 PM | | I can help you. I have helped others get good results on this website. However because of the grammar police flameing me all the time about my post I would rather just email you instructions. Send me an email if you are serious. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:31:06 PM | Lulz.
I can help you. I have helped others get good results on this website. However because of the grammar police flameing me all the time about my post I would rather just email you instructions. Send me an email if you are serious.
No, I believe there was one post...
Your profile does things horribly wrong for 99% of people. Period. I doubt the methods you'd recommend are going to work for most folks.
Besides, you've been here less than a month, and are still here. How valid could your methods be, exactly? | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:50:11 PM | Hi IT and SinglebyFate….SPELL CHECK SPELL CHECK SPELL CHECK
That’s true of PROFILES and POSTS and EMAILS to the LADIES! You might be the most AWESOME guy within 500 miles, but if your Profile, Post or Emails are littered with TYPOS….you get shot right out of the saddle. It just takes a second to spell check….and net reward is HUGE!
If you don’t have a spell check program, I’ve seen some free ones mentioned. Maybe someone can post a suggestion. Best. DenverSky5280
p.s….SF… maybe bring your “horse” in for a Profile review if you want to morph from Friends to Dating. I enjoyed the original SCORECARD, but whoa, Nellie…my enjoyment was the novelty, and while Friends might love it, it might have the opposite effect on dates. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:01:57 PM | wow, lots of information here... thanks to everyone for your suggestions- any others are welcome, of course!
well i guess i have some work to do here, so i'll see what i can do!
i think my biggest challenge will be the approach to writing/structuring my profile- i don't think of myself as a really unique or creative person when it comes to writing, and i have a tendency to over think what i write and how it's written.
i can see this process taking longer than it should all things considered... | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/20/2009 2:52:31 PM | ok, so i have made some updates to my profile (username, headline, pictures and decription) and was hoping i could get some reviews and feedback.
hopefully i'm on the right track here. | |
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| What can I do to get more responses?
Posted: 11/20/2009 8:47:26 PM | Mr. Dance, the info in your profile about yourself is good, but I suggest you add more about about the person you are looking for; example...
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I am looking for someone who likes to stay active and would enjoy the outdoors together. You may also enjoy a lazy day at home, a movie, popcorn and getting to know each other. Self Confidence is attractive and I hope to find someone who treats herself well and expects the same from others. Someone who doesn't take herself too seriously and likes to have fun and can be silly sometimes. So... I'm holding my breath, take my hand and dance with me, "I know there's gotta be somebody for me out there". | |
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