| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:32:27 AM | | Sometime a love relationship doesn't work with a man and a woman. The man moves on to two or three partners and the woman is left still analyzing what happened with him. Why do we love to analyze old relationships and how can we turn off this analyzing gene? | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:37:58 AM | | why does it have to be the man who moves on to two or three relationships...women do the same thing....and we guys analyze things too. maybe because you're still in love with that person, and you look for reasons to see why, why it ended. then you run into the "if I had only done this or that". Some people, just don't care...they move on easy..no big deal....for those? I wonder just how much they really loved. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:08:59 AM | They analyze the relationship so they can make sure they have noted every single "fault" the guy has/had. Then they can cry, beating their chests on how they were wronged, while heaping scathing diatribes about how terrible he was and how much he was a player and how much that proves that all men are evil. Then will continue with extolling her virtues and how superior she was to him all along.
It's called a man bashing pity party. You see them on here all the time. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:13:23 AM |
Why do we love to analyze old relationships and how can we turn off this analyzing gene?
There is analyzing, and then there is lamenting..
Those who are actually analyzing, are looking to see where things went wrong, and what part they played (hopefully) so that they can do something more productive or healthy the next time. In particular if they SETTLED for an unhealthy relationship, it is a good idea to take the time to figure the WHY, and how to avoid doing that again...
However there is the lamenting, these are the PEOPLE who are still in love with the person and can spend a very very VERY long time getting past the feelings of rejection, hurt, lose, and feeling betrayed, plus a host of other things... These are people who are stuck in an emotional loop, and aren't moving forward because they still have some faint hope that the other person will come back...NO matter how crappy the relationship may have been...
I would hope there isn't a way to turn off this gene, because those who don't use it, generally go through an unending string of the same type of relationships, that end the same way over and over... | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:15:54 AM | | Well there's another thread started recently on here about why people have the same issues repeating themselves in their relationships over and over again. Maybe people who analyze past relationships are doing so to learn something about how to do better next time, and to not have to come here and start threads like 'Why do I keep attracting the same kind of person?' | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:18:06 AM | A lot of women over analyze the relationship DURING the relationship destroying that relationship....
They get so used to putting the man down in their mind that they see nothing wrong with cheating when they get the chance.... | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:20:14 AM | good thoughts on analyzing vs lamenting.
Sometimes people are trying to figure it out for personal growth.
Sometimes they are trying to figure it out to get complete with it so they can move on; it's closure.
Sometimes they are stuck on a hamster wheel, endlessly running in the same circle. | |
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| Why do women overanalyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:22:02 AM | What nexthyme said. If you're really overanalyzing, that's lamenting - or sometimes just plain old self-pity; but if you don't analyze at all, you'll keep making the same mistakes with different people. There's a middle ground and IMO most of us do in fact live in that middle ground most of the time.
I myself have a tendency to be analytical, and have made a multitude of vastly different mistakes with people who were very different from one another!
If there's one you're looking back on, and you're starting to get annoyed with the tendency of your thoughts to drift that way, that's generally a good sign that you're about to be done with it pretty soon, so, take heart. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:33:36 AM | Take the little critter out back and give it one last chance to run away, if not turn the cold water hose on it. Works for fighting doggies and cats, might as well try anything once  | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:43:47 AM | | In the female brain especially the goal of feeling right about something is often served as best as can be expected by the mechanics of rational thought. It's not anything close to ratiocination. It's more like the percolation and burbling of memories to relive the emotions trying to grasp at some apt slogan that can classify the apparent blunder as being proof of doubt. Dither is not analysis in a strict sense, but it is a process for organizing thoughts. The relationships start and are conducted that way, too. The mind is conflicted and rather than create certainty by decision, for which it has no authority, it seeks to match an ideal attributed to trusted authority. Women tend not to be raised with the quality of autonomy in their thinking, and so they rely on other people for permission to be right about something. The over-thinking is not actually excessive at all, because it is necessary in order to fit experience into a framework of allowed explanations. The trick is to find the acceptable explanation that matches the feelings. There are other ways to think but each works as it does and you can do what you learned. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:46:09 AM | OP: Because we think we could have done something differently - with better results!
Silly us.........turn it off? Mature and realize that we can't make someone want us. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:47:24 AM |
Women tend not to be raised with the quality of autonomy in their thinking, and so they rely on other people for permission to be right about something.
Oh, this is going to be fun! | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:52:18 AM | | Not all women. I don't. If you can't look forward and live your life, you don't have a life. Move on and stop over analyzing, it isn't getting you any place but older. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:56:32 AM | | Personally my past relationships are just that, in the past. I don't have any contact with my exes, I have no idea what they are up to in their lives, and don't care. So not all of us analyze past relationships. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:31:33 AM | | I think it's important for us to look at past relationships and spend some time thinking about what we contributed to it, and taking our own responsibilities into account. If we don't take a look at history we could be doomed to repeat it! Both men and women. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:39:37 AM | Margo best summarized the reason(s).
I'll add: Not a "woman" thing.
It's normal to analyze or perform mental autopsies on past relationships ~ you care and have emotions! Did it twice in my life-time... neither relationship shared similar dysfunctions --- that's the good news!
Change the subject in your mind and heart.
Start fishing!  | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:44:49 AM | | i believe looking at what happened during the relationship is valuable. i take a really close look at my part in it all. im usually blameless for a good while. my friends will point out the obvious. then i can see the truth, my contribution to what went wrong. more often than not weve both tried to work with differences that made us an unlikely match from the beginning. i forgive myself and my partner and until i can do that i wont be dating anyone. when im ready...i dont have to bring any negativity into the new relationship. im free to screw up in bigger better ways and sometimes an old ugly pattern shows up (easily recognized by now) and usually in a somewhat reduced form, that i can manage before it creates some serious damage. overanalyzing is one of the patterns. lol... | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:47:20 AM | | There is a difference between analysis and rumination. Analysis is the catalyst for gaining knowledge, insight and wisdom. Without it, people are destined to repeat the same mistakes. Rumination is just replaying the same thoughts and scenarios in your head over and over again; speculating without any true evaluation, assessment, or conclusive outcome. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:30:57 AM | | Men do it as much as women. It is apart of learning. Love is an art form and an artist keeps reviewing refining and growing with his work. your heart is no different. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:55:28 AM | We "over"analyze not only old relationships, but current relationships, when relationships are what we live for.
You can't turn the gene off but you can get up out of the house and do something fun that takes your mind off it.
Paradoxically, when you force your attention elsewhere, you'll sometimes get a helpful flash of insight seemingly out of nowhere, and a piece of the puzzle will slide into place which never would have while you worried at it like a terrier at a sock. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:56:46 AM | because women and men were born in different ways. We are different biologically, hormonally, emotionally etc. That's why. So we can't act, feel, or think like men and we DON'T HAVE TO.
How can we stop over analylizing? Learn and understand what men are like and stop insisting that men should feel the same way we feel about love, sex, relationship etc.
Men are better at enjoying the moment and moving forward because they were born to spread as many sperms as they can. Women worry more about the future because we were born to keep our nest and babies safe.
Same reason why many men are here to get laid and many women are here to have a long term relationship.
Men and women want different things from the beginning in many cases. So if you stick to the ideal romantic relationship image in your head and don't have any idea what men want and what they are really like, you just keep analyzing what went wrong when there's nothing wrong.
Many men are unable to help you achieve your goal of perfect relationship. They've done their part and moved on when they can't meet your expectation. They SIMPLY CAN"T. So if you drop the perfect guy or perfect relationship image, you can stop analyzing and learn how to enjoy the moment not expecting much without regrets.
YOU REGRET ONLY WHEN YOU DIN'T DO YOUR PART OR YOUR BEST. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:00:57 AM |
How can we stop over analylizing? Learn and understand what men are like and stop insisting that men should feel the same way we feel about love, sex, relationship etc.
I keep saying that, but nobody on here listens  | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:21:56 AM | I don't see this as a women thing, at least I certainly hope it isn't ... I hate to think that anyone I may meet in the future hasn't dealt with their past. Margo basically said in a nutshell what would have taken me forever to say and still not say it half as good as she did...
Sometimes people are trying to figure it out for personal growth.
Sometimes they are trying to figure it out to get complete with it so they can move on; it's closure.
Sometimes they are stuck on a hamster wheel, endlessly running in the same circle.
I specially liked (and needed to be reminded of) the analogy of the hamster endlessly running in circle yet going nowhere (thanks:)
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