| Profile review
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:15:56 AM | | I came across this forum today and out of curiosity decided to post a thread to have my profile reviewed. I do get responses to it but I was just wondering how I could make it better. Still haven't found the right one so doesn't hurt to have someone else critique what you have written. Thanks in advance for your advice. | |
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| Profile review
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:23:34 AM | Hi Tina. I would take out the line "don't pretend you want to talk to me..." You already clearly state you are looking for a relationship. This just comes across as negative and bitter.
You might want to add a bit about the type of man you are looking for. Best of luck. | |
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| Profile review
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:30:18 AM | Tina,
Disclaimer: These opinions may be worth exactly what you paid for them.
1) The following sentence is negative and cynical, specifically about a first contact situation:
"don't pretend you want to talk to me and then disappear. Either you want to talk or you don't. Pretty simple."
Delete it. Or revise it.
2) Add a few more activities. As I write this, you only list "basketball football reading." Surely you have more interests than that. A man who might be your dreamboat but isn't into sports all that much might click away for that reason alone. Think of 20 things you've enjoyed doing and list them all. It shows multi-dimensionality and diversity of interest. Impression: "Hey, this lady can have fun doing all kinds of stuff, including some things I enjoy too!"
3) While you list yourself as having children, you don't say how many or their ages. As a man, I prefer to know that rather than have to ask. You can do it in one sentence.
4) Add a little humor.
5) Even with a few sentences, I'd suggest breaking the text out into two or three paragraphs. Easier on the eyes.
6) What kind of man do you seek? What character traits does he possess?
Hope this helps. If not, ignore it.
Happy fishing. | |
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| Profile review
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:03:24 AM | Hi Tina, you’ve got so much to offer and yet little of that comes across in your profile other than you have great eyes and are articulate.
Guys LOVE RN’s, and you need to capitalize on your wonderful profession (and your kind heart…that does come across, but it comes across as “needy”…sorry).
A few suggestions…
1) Talk about what kind of RN you are. Do you work in the ER, a doctor’s office, a hospital ICU unit? Where?
2) Do you like what you do and if so why? Guys like ladies with good jobs and who like their jobs.
3) The “hopeless romantic” and “candlelight dinners” and “true love does exist” is great if the guy just joined POF 5 minutes ago. Otherwise, it’s passé, cliché, boring, snoring….you get the idea. Capturing his attention is what you’re after, and this doesn’t do it.
4) Nix all that.
5) ADD SPECIFICS….you say you like “simple things” and are laid back. What simple things? A picnic in the park? A walk at the Botanic Garden? Playing cribbage when it’s snowing outside and sipping hot chocolate? Specifics like that make your profile come alive instead of putting him to sleep. Capiche?
6) Anytime you have kids, it’s a good idea to mention how many and approx. ages ‘cause a lot of times guys won’t ask…they’ll just pass you by since they don’t want to write you only to find out you have more kids than they’re comfortable with accepting. There is a big diff between having 4 kids ages 2 to 9 and having one child aged 12. Also, saying if you share custody, etc. is good info for him.
7) Big SMILES in photos always work better than half or no smiles. Do some smiles to go along with the great eyes. And gotta do a full body photo. Do a photo shoot and take lots of photos. Wear DRESSY as well as casual. You need something feminine and dressy to go along with the casual white V-neck top.
8) Add more info on the 1st date…where for eating out? The great Vietnamese place on Yale and Parker? Le Peeps for brunch? A hotdog/polish and coke at Costco for $1.62 including tax (actually…that might be fun because they’ve got all their Xmas stuff out, and it’s certainly original). Where for coffee? Starbucks on Mississippi and Havana? Or downtown on the 16th Street Mall (Hi, Neighbor!).
Hope that helps. Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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