| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:33:30 AM | http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/listen.gif
This is from the website http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/
Figured people here would get a laugh from it.
sluts are cool and they get around i’m sure but i’m looking for a woman from18 to 60 NO OLDER THAN 65 (I’m serious this time!!)
please drive a truck or jeep type car.
please have long or short hair.
I’ve told you before, “IF YOU’RE MY KIND OF WOMAN I’LL KNOW RIGHT AWAY”.
please don’t hahve the diabetes if you’re over 43(ish).
Now listhen to this! I like to see you naked between the 1st and 5ht dates. And i don’t want to meet your kids right away. thisis a spacial thing between me and you fornow because i’m into romance and sex type things real quick.
Wait i thought of something else – i will HAVE to see a PICTURE from you (and i need to know where you like to eat). i am not having a lot money right now LOL. times are tougher than leather right now and i’m down like four flat tires.
SO don’t lie about shit that isn’t true just to get me arrested. YES that’s happened before but i was just in jail for a couple weeks and YES i was gay for the stay but i haven’t done that since i got out SO NO MEN PLEASE this is only for the LADIES! 18 TO 60! ONLY!
SO i’m average and not skinny and not fat but i am mising 1 finger from a long time ago. it doesn’t matter though.
you can call me from a cell phone or pay phone I DON’T CARE. | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:34:44 AM | Since we're talking "crazy emails"...maybe add this to your profile (0r use it as an email) to appeal to the ladies...
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids ; keep his assigned house clean ,
correct all homework , and complete science projects ,
cook , do laundry , and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives ,
and send cards out on time--no emailing .
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment ,
a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment .
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child to the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes
for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house ,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable
at all times.
The men will only have access to television
when the kids are asleep and all chores are done .
The men must shave their legs , wear makeup daily ,
adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes ,
keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed .
During one of the six weeks ,
the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or
slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings ,
church , and find time at least once to spend the afternoon
at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size
and doctor's name..
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labor,
each child's favorite color,
middle name,
favorite snack,
favorite song,
favorite drink,
favorite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up. Oh yes, did I mention that they have to work a 40 Hour/Week job in addition to these few tasks and feed the dog, oops got to keep that water bowl filled!?
The kids vote them off the island based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years
eventually earning the right
To be called Mother!
Wow...I'm tired....I'm going back to bed!  | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:07:10 PM | I could win that prize with my right armed tied behind my back.
When I was with my X I always told her that if she wanted to switch places and go off to work for the next 10 to 16 hours 5 days a week for the next 30 years and I stay home I would have done it. =)
Not saying it is easy all the time or nothin, it is just a state of mind.
I had a 60+ year old woman email me a picture of herself in a bikini. No kiddin either, I almost fell out of my chair from the shock of it all.
Granny in all her glory....Good Grief......She really thought she was rockin too! Some folks ought not be sending out pictures of themselves in bikinis like that IMO. After my recovery I emailed her back a polite 'no thanx!' and she still sends me a email when she is around. Nice lady,,,,,, just not my type.
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:15:46 PM | Lion…I believe you might win! I’ve seen those carrots.
How’s come you didn’t ask for change….two 30’s for that one 60? | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:48:27 PM | *cracks knuckles*
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.
[
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
Sweet. Football A field and B field, cheer leading for the girls is close by too. Boys don't take dance classes so that will count as sports for the girls as well.
As far as music, they can each have corresponding instruments and play in a band.
There is no fast food.
Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly...
Each man must take care of his 3 kids ; keep his assigned house clean ,
correct all homework , and complete science projects ,
cook , do laundry , and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.
What, you didn't complete that science project? You got an F? looks like that capitalist system works. No jelly for you tonight, better earn it next week.
With no women around there would by 1/2 the amount of bills, and of course a surplus of money (because the man and the kids all have one pair of shoes and cleats). No worries there.
Laundry = everyone gets 7 of everything. Only need to do laundry 6 times then. (Except for those that reverse and continue)
In addition, each man will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.
........Peanut butter....jelly.....and if you don't piss off dad...bread!
Each man must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives ,
and send cards out on time--no emailing .
Pfffft. We wouldn't care. In real life this is a chosen activity that has nothing to do with survival or accomplished parenting.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment ,
a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment .
"You cue-balls sure do look good! With shaved heads we all match!"
While waiting in the waiting rooms I'll make PB&J sandwiches
He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child to the Urgent Care.
(yeah, cause men never do this already right?)
It's called duct tape.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Nope, he wouldn't have volunteered to in the first place.
And if he had to, it'd be little Peanut Butter and Jelly square sandwiches.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house ,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
There would be nothing frilly inside that was useless , took up space, and needed to be dusted. And nothing's better than a nice perfect square patch of St. Augustine that has been freshly mowed.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done . TV is worthless.
The men must shave their legs , wear makeup daily ,
adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes ,
keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed .
Only if you women promise to stack on some muscle, learn to build things, and be able to protect me when I get back home.
During one of the six weeks ,
the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or
slow down from other duties.
Manponds.
Aka...duct tape.
Will you be experiencing blue balls while we're on this vacation?
They must attend weekly school meetings ,
church , and find time at least once to spend the afternoon
at the park or a similar setting.
We're smart enough not to volunteer for the school stuff (and they didn't like our PB&J squares anyways) and that square patch of St. Augustine is looking pretty inviting huh?
They will need to read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.
Peanut butter jelly,
wear those pajamas to school till you get teased enough,
they're bald, so no hair!
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday, _____tattooed on the back of each
height, weight, _____(why?)
shoe size, clothes size_______Size 8, size L. They can grow into it.
and doctor's name.._________"Doc"
Also the child's weight at birth,_____averaged to nearest pound, 7!
length, time of birth, (not important for any reason)
and length of labor, (not important)
each child's favorite color, ______Grey. That's the color of all their shirts.
middle name, ___________#1, #2, #3
favorite snack, _______Peanut butter and jelly!!!
favorite song,_______Peanut butter jelly time!
favorite drink,_______water.
favorite toy,________ Empty bottle of PB.
biggest fear and_______wearing pajamas to school again.
what they want to be when they grow up. ____Dad
and feed the dog, oops got to keep that water bowl filled!?
That sure is a big bucket of water... | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:55:27 PM | | ^^^ I'm just ever so grateful he didn't cut-and-paste any of the drunken cougar emails I've sent him...... Thanks, Seek | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:49:24 AM | ROFLMAO! I will NEVER look at P&J in the same light again! It’s a food, it’s a snack, it’s a toy, it’s probably going to be the names of your first 2 kids!  | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:10:13 AM | That is too funny! P-B and J!
The all Dad utility tool that has gotten us through countless lunches and thousands of satisfied customers!
Peanut butter has many other uses too and is quite the combo! | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:30:33 AM | I once worked at a summer camp. When participants did something wrong, got out of hand, or screwed up in any way, they got "Peanut butter - bread optional." Meaning if they really pissed off the staff then we wouldn't even give them bread.  | |
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| From Emails From Crazy People
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:15:29 AM | | Seek…your wit and intelligence (and you’re cute, too) give me hope for the future of our planet…but we gotta find you a lady who can keep up….and who likes P&J…bread optional! DenverSky5280 | |
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