| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:04:51 AM | | I have been friends with this guy for about a year and a half. It would have been longer but my ex made me stop talking to him for 6 months. He has always been there for me to be a shoulder to cry on or just to listen when I need to vent. He is trying to help me become a better person because I asked him to. I am trying to quit smoking, and I need to learn patience, stuff like that. Well I have fallen in love with him and he knows that. I have told him everything about how I feel. He says that he likes me more than a friend but that he is not on my level. He keeps telling e to be patient, he says he needs to be more financially stable before getting into a relationship and he says that he doesnt think that I am ready for a relationship cause I have to gain more patience first. What do you think, is he pulling my chain or does he really want to just wait awhile? | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:08:21 AM | 'maybe' means 'no' when someone is trying to spare your feelings.
edit: yes, fwb is even more incentive not to give you a direct 'no.' you might cut off the sex. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:19:05 AM | He has 0 interest in being with you, other than someone to get off in. "Maybe" means he wants to tell you just enough to keep sleeping with him. Cut off the sex and see if he still wants to be your friend.
I realize you're hoping someone will validate you by saying, "Keep f*cking him, he'll come around." But I think you're smart enough to know how ridiculous that sounds. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:19:47 AM |
yes we are friends with benefits.
This is the problem with FWB arrangements. Someone always falls for the other. He's not going to come around, the financially stable thing is a ploy so he can keep banging you and not have to play the role of "boyfriend." | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:21:08 AM | | Maybe you shoudl ask your ex..seems you take most of your direction from him....ohh..and the new guy...is trying to let you down easy...by saying he isnt at your level....you have no future with him....but ...it may be convienent for him to have you around when he wants to get laid...until...the girl of his dreams comes along... | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:21:57 AM | | Friends with benefits is a relationship. It's a sexual friendship where you repress romance in favor of pretending there won't be any emotional complications. I don't know about waiting to see what happens. I'd start with looking at what has happened and what is going on already. You're lover doesn't love you back, but he enjoys having sex with you even knowing he can't love you as you want him to. If you don't figure out what happened so far, waiting to see what happens next might not be practical in case you wouldn't figure that out, either. Know what you want or else want what you get or else decide what you got isn't what you want and get something else. Lopsided love affairs are long on drama and short on bliss. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:35:39 AM | You can put a duck costume on a sheep... but that doesn't make it a duck.
You agreed to FWB with this guy. You knew the relationship was not going to be more and you were ok with that. You got into a relationship with a sheep.
Now you caught feelings (duh! What did you think was going to happen when you spent intimate moments with someone you are attracted to...) and you want it to be a duck. The thing is... you can think, you can hope and you can pretend all you want... but if this guy wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. He's already boinking you - why do you need 'financial stability' to throw on a label? Answer: you don't.
It is what it is - and you agreed to what it is. You can't go trying to change him into a duck now. It's not a duck. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:51:36 AM | Let me get this straight, you ex asked you to not see him, you have feelings for the friend that is using you as a dumpster yet you are on a dating site looking for long term relationship. I am guessing that pretty soon, you will have a new friend that the current friend will ask you to stop seeing.
Edit for below:
OP I guess I nailed that one, huh | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:02:15 AM |
yes we are friends with benefits.
This is the problem with FWB arrangements. Someone always falls for the other. He's not going to come around, the financially stable thing is a ploy so he can keep banging you and not have to play the role of "boyfriend."
DING DING DING DING Here's you answer OP! Keep reading this over & over and hopefully it will eventually sink in.
Question of the day: where have all the parents gone?
How 'bout it! I'm so glad that I raised my kids to have healthy self esteem and a good sense of self worth. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:03:28 AM | | Ok before any one else says he is just trying to get off on me, I have ended the benefits just to see what happened. He was still my good friend and never asked me to go back to it. I made the decision to go back. I have also told him that I want to start seeing other people and he has told me he doesnt want that, that he wants me to just be patient. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:15:23 AM |
I have also told him that I want to start seeing other people and he has told me he doesnt want that, that he wants me to just be patient.
Sweetie, of course he wants you to be patient! The longer he can string you along, the longer he gets to tap that *ss without having to commit or even act like an actual partner. What is so hard for you to understand here? You're doing BOTH of you a great injustice here. You're allowing him to have his cake & eat it and you're allowing yourself to be used by a man who really doesn't respect you. If he did, he would commit to you!
So, unless you're fine with just being good enough for sex, you need to find your self esteem, grab it by the balls and haul your *ss out of the situation.
BTW, if you noticed, most everyone who has responded here is much older and probably much wiser than you. Most of us have seen this movie MANY times during our lives and we KNOW how it ends. Trust us on this one.
EDIT:
And he has other girls who he has had benefits with and could go back to so why would he tell me not to look around?
HAH, so you KNOW that this is his MO!?? Come on girl, the answer to this question is simply because he's a pig and women allow him to get away with it. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:20:43 AM |
yes we are friends with benefits.
Thank God I had a son.
I will teach him not to use women as hosebags, like this guy is doing to you.
Go tell your father everything you've said here.
Let him ask you 20 questions, and answer them all honestly.
Then shut your mouth and listen. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:32:08 AM | | Alright thanks every one for your honest opinions. I appreciate all of your help and to navigator6... You are right I should lsten to older and wiser people. | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:40:45 AM | Realize also, that having such a relationship can severely effect your ability to have a "Real" relationship with someone else!
If I ever catch wind that a woman I am interested has a FB, I'll be history, so fast, it will make her head spin! As far as I'm concerned, a woman with a FB is NOT available! Nothing like dating a woman, so she stops seeing her buddy, all the while he gets hornier and hornier and starts to come on really strong. And he knows her, has time in with her, and I don't! Did I say NEVER AGAIN! lol | |
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| Should I just wait and see what happens?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:07:33 PM | yes we are friends with benefits.
Doh! I was afraid of that.
Thing about men: If they REALLY want you... nothing or nobody stands in their way. There is not "I'm confused" or "I don't want to be hurt" or "I want to take things very very slow". A guy will pounce for no other reason than to KEEP OTHERS AWAY from who they want.
Is this happening to you? NOPE.
Why? Because he's getting laid and without any hassle. No commitment.... nobody telling his what to do, where to go... what to wear. FREEDOM and PU$$Y!!! Glory Halleluiah!!
Women see FWB as a way to show a guy how much they are giving in bed and they see it as a way to coerce the guy into a relationship. Women's feelings grow with $ex. Men look at it as FREE a$$!! No feelings AND freedom to look for an upgrade while getting his knob polished. What could be finer?
Learn this fact. Every woman on here in an FWB situation says the same thing. It never ends well for them.
And he has other girls who he has had benefits with and could go back to so why would he tell me not to look around?
Uh huh. Feel like a number now? Feel better? You should feel like a walking pu$$y because despite his obvious charm and lucky horseshoe up his a$$, he's got just the right moves and rap to keep the broads hanging on his every word. I'd salute him if he weren't a pig.
Lesson #2: guys will say just the best, most believable/charming/dreamy things to get a woman naked... and not just once, many times. The day you'll know what a line is and what is total B.S. will be a good day for you and your heart/vagina.
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