| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:44:52 PM | Okay, so I'm relatively new here. I've been here a week or two. I've had a nibble (fishing terminology seems appropriate on this site) and a few misses but that's the way it goes. I think my profile is pretty good, but I want to make sure so that those nibbles turn into solid bites.
My profile was a bit different at first but I decided to rewrite it to make it shorter. I think the first one was too long. This hopefully captures all the essential bits in a smaller space. What do y'all think? | |
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:23:33 PM | My main concern is your first date idea. You start this very well-written, romantic first date. Then, RRRRRRR! slam on the breaks and yank that lovely picture away. Why? I think you were going for funny, which it might have been, but also seemed almost cruel in a way and counter-productive.
That being said, I want you to use your writing skills in the body of your profile. Your first date idea shows that you can do it. Your profile gives facts about you (as does every other profile on this site). You need to use your words to paint a picture of who you are, of what makes you special and different from all the other boy fishies in this vast sea so you will get more opportunities at the little girl fishies. Woo her with your words. When she is done reading your profile, she needs to have a good grasp of all of your wonderfulness.
You had something in there about not knowing what you're going to do after school. It makes you seem wishy-washy. Is there a reason it needs to be there? If not, save it for a date topic; it's really not doing you any favors.
Happy fishing! | |
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:38:31 PM | I've removed the wishy-washy bit. I'm torn on the first date thing. I really think that what I started describing is incredibly cheesy and cliche but then I suppose a lot of women might like that. I don't know, I think it's funny and it's honest.
The only thing I worry about with putting too much into my profile is having it be too long. I suppose that is always the challenge of writing, trying to communicate effectively but also economically.
What kinds of things do you think would woo the "girl fishies"? Should I try to be funnier? More descriptive? | |
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:27:44 PM | Funny is always good. That's how my BF hooked me--funny honesty.
Yes, being discriptive would also be good. You need to try to sell yourself. I believe that you can do it!
Yah, there are still girls out there who do like cheese and cliche (or, am I the only one?)
Yes, your first date section is funny and honest. I guess it might really catch the eye of the right girl.
Long is not bad, as long as it's good. Short profiles get skipped on, as do boring, long ones. If you can write your profile so that it catches and keeps her attention, giving her the opportunity to get to know you a bit, you've got a really great profile!
You'll do fine!
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:16:16 PM | | Alright, I did a full rewrite. I'm curious to see what people think now. | |
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:46:37 PM | I didn't see the other version, but this one is ok... (girl code for adequate)
The last paragraph just sits wrong with me. "Good girls"? Really? Is there some kind of test? Doctor's note needed? hmmmm... So far as loyal and honest, and hating liars and withholders, sounds like a lot of baggage issues there... Instead, why not explain that you appreciate someone with good communcation skills, someone who is not afraid to give her opinion, or let you know when you need to be paying her more attention? (or whatever fits your situation)
And more pictures with a smile... | |
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:30:49 PM | | Okay, I will rewrite the last paragraph to be more positive. I would add more pictures but I just don't have very many pictures of myself for whatever reason. | |
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| You Know The Drill...
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:32:57 AM | | Great change to the first date section! You made a lunch date sound romantic and fun. Great writing! | |
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