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Posted: 11/5/2009 4:51:14 PM | | hi, just want other people opinion about my profile on what to improve. thank Dominic | |
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| review
Posted: 11/10/2009 10:15:55 PM | About Me.
I am originally from N-B, I move to Edmonton 5 years ago. My first language is French, I have been told by many people that I have a accent when I talk but I don't see it lol.
When I read a profile, im big on spelling and punctuation. So I would spell out N-B instead of initials. In a scentance write the number five, not the number. Get rid of the "About Me" at the beginning and dont use too many "lol's," they lose their meaning after too many.
I'm quiet person I open more as I get to know the person better. My friends describes me as Loyal, trust worthy, Independent, Easy going. I live by myself in my condo which I am trying to sell if anyone interested lol.
Re-read what you type, the beginning of the scentance should be " I am a quiet person, but...". You have describe in plural which it should not be and you have caps for the beginning of Loyal, Independant and Easy going but not trustworthy, are you not very trustworthy?
Interests.
Sport:Well I don't watch sports that much but I do love to play it. I'll play any sports, they are all fun
There is a section where you enter your interests/hobbies, I would also suggest you put more then sports, movie and that other thing you wrote (I cant remember what it was) but you should enter more topics to make a variety of things that a girl may find she has in common with you, I saw that you have a picture of you snowboarding, I love snowboarding, if I saw a guy wrote that as a hobbie I would probably message him and it would give me something to mention. And the "they are all fun" seems kind of empty.
Movies: I love drama movies because they usually have really good story, but I also like other genre.
I would just erase this or say something along the lines of... im open to watching anykind of movies.
Music: I can tolerate to almost everything except jazz but I do enjoy more of hard rock over everything else.
Maybe name some bands here that you like.
General stuff.
Okay well typically on weekends I hang out with friends. I want to start training again for bjj had to stop due to damage to shoulder. I'd like to explore more the city cause I have been here quite a while and I haven't seen much of it.
Hang out with friends... what do you do when you hang out with friends? Do you go to the bar, watch sports, have supper? What is bjj? How about I enjoy B... J...J... althought I've recently had a sports injury and am working on recovering so I can get back into the game or whatever it is. Why dont you tell some specific city sights you would like to see and suggest it for a first date as well?
Anyway, im probably a bad critic but I saw that you had no comments so I thought I would give my two cents and try to help you out. Happy fishing and feel free to view my profile and tell me what im doing wrong as well and I dont have a profile picture because its a small town and everyone knows everyone and people like to talk around here lol. | |
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Posted: 11/12/2009 9:40:16 AM | LabGrl - get your own thread. No hijacking allowed.
Dominic, I'm working on it... | |
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Posted: 11/12/2009 9:58:47 AM | Ok, here we go:
Capitalize Edmonton.
You need a few more interests. 10-15 seems to be the going rate. You wrote sports, what kinds? Playing, watching? If you need ideas look at what other people have written. If you see something and think "oh, yea!", add it to yours as well.
Delete "about me". I don't need to see it twice. And yes, spell out NB.
Don't list your traits. Write complete sentences in which you demonstrate that you have them. Leave out the "trying to sell" your condo. You are looking for a girlfriend here, not a buyer for your condo. Wrong internet site.
"I'll play any sports, they are all fun" - This won't do. You need to elaborate on things, i.e. "When I was eight I started playing soccer, and my tackles are awesome!" You know, throw some meat on these bones.
"Movies: I love drama movies because they usually have really good story, but I also like other genre[s]." - Again, give me some examples. Write something like "My favorite movie of all time is ______ because___." I have seen written "If you watch 'Rocky' with me, I'll watch 'Beaches' with you!" Pep it up a little.
Same with your music. Examples and why you like them.
The BJJ stuff also belongs in the interest part. And now that I know about you, I am still wondering what you are looking for. Can you describe a few things that you might want to see in your girl?
Good luck to you and happy fishing! | |
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