| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:51:35 PM | I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.
I recently started going to school a few months ago and noticed a girl in my class, after a few weeks of sitting at my own desk i noticed she always sat at her own as well, so I decided to sit with her at her's one day. I believe this was 2-3 weeks ago. I decided after talking to her for a few days that I was genuinely attracted to her, so i asked if she'd like to go to a movie sometime. This was last Thursday. Her response was that lately she's been really busy, but she gave me her number anyways, so I also ended up giving her mine. We're still sitting beside each other in class (We have the class on Monday/Thursday, so it's been two classes since I asked her out, a full week.) she doesn't seem uncomfortable in class (she still voluntarily sat by me when i got to class first on Monday, but she's also not as chatty as she was before I asked if she'd like to see a movie. Is there a reason for this? and should I call or text her? If so, what should I say? I don't want to push the situation and come off as desperate or weird, but I'm also concerned that if I don't follow up soon that nothing will ever happen.
Any opinions? | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:03:35 PM | You're right. If you don't do anything nothing will happen.
Call her. Ask her how is she doing. If she's still busy ask her is there any way you can help her. Depending on how the conversation is going, ask her out again.
As for her getting less chatty - don't read too much into it.
^^^ To me, she doesn't sound uninterested either. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:25:56 PM | I would NOT tell her to bring a friend.
That is like saying "I'm only interested in you as a friend, so it's ok with me if you bring a date. " and "I really don't want to be one-on-one with you"
That would kill any chance of a relationship with her.
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Well, she gave him her number, and more time is passing and he hasn't used it. He could take her to a party, etc where there are other people there.
I honestly don't know why she gave him her number, unless she actually WAS busy, and is now wondering why he is just ignoring the number she gave him?
He waited, didn't have the balls to call, so, now if he plays it safe and asks her to bring a friend, that just nails in a message that he's not "into" her. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:32:46 PM | | I'm not sure you want to project the intentions ofbeing in a relationship with her. Inviting her to something casual and social sends the message that you thought to invite her to something that involves you, your friends, and her, but at the moment casual is best. Which it is. You don't know her yet. It's a lot easier to get to know someone in a situation that doesn't feel pressured. | |
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pdlop
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Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 8 | |
| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:15:52 PM | | ask her after class if she wants to go get coffee, if she says shes busy again tell her well i will leave it up to you. You have my number call me if you ever want to get together. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:26:33 PM | Yeah, listen to the single guy who is telling you to take the path of least resistance... ie. friend zoning YOURSELF.
She still sits next to you... doesn't treat you like a leper... you have her number... try 1 more time then if its still not a go... move on. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:37:49 AM | This is something that could go either way.
Ask her!!
If she acts different since exchanging numbers and you didn't call. That could be it, but she did say she was busy.
So she is more likely concerned you will hit on her in class. Call her, don't hit on her in the classroom.
At your age, just go for it.... all she can say is no or yes.
If she says no, at least you had the balls to ask.
As far as not being chatty, maybe she just feels bad about something else or tired because she is busy not weird about you.
You are at the age where you have to learn to "buck up". Learn it young because there is certainly a shortage of balls lately. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:36:29 AM | I agree with Peppermint.
Being less chatty could be, "Gee...I gave him my number, but he never called."
Or it could be, "I hope he doesn't actually call."
Or it could be, "I can't believe I got a ticket for putting mascara on while driving."
Take a risk. Ask her out. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:37:15 AM | Just call her, or ask her out for coffee after class if you're seeing her soon. Strike while the iron is still hot. Asking her out and to bring a pal is "Friend Zone - do not pass GO, do not collect $200" It's sending the wrong message. You want to date her right? Not get to know her friends.
A lot of guys do stuff that puts them in the friend zone because they are too timid to be decisive and are afraid of rejection. Then they whine about being considered a friend - it's a sad state of affairs. What's the worst she can do? Say no? You'll live to love another day. Ask her out on a proper coffee date or what have you...today! | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:00:47 AM | | I agree with officersnarky. Call her and ask her out one more time. If she declines, then move on. I'm not a mind reader, I can't read the minds of people I know, let alone the minds of strangers so I can't tell you what she's thinking. Only you can find out. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:27:57 AM | Well thanks for the input everyone, it's been helpful in what seems to be an open and shut case in which I need for me to follow up and call her.
I'll most likely call her sometime today and find out what the deal really is. Ultimately I'm not really concerned with what her opinion of me is, I really just want a better idea of where it is I stand, so your input has all helped me get to the point of being ready to find out.
Thanks, and happy fishing. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:45:33 AM | "Would you like to go to a movie sometime?"
That's not an invitation for a date. That's a wishy washy halfway sort of maybe kind of like to see if you will respond kind of move.
Pick a theater, pick a restaurant. Tell her when you will pick her up. That's how a man does it. Let her choose the film if you like, but don't be half-assed about when and where! | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:03:21 AM | You can't gauge any response from her about what is going on because you don't know her like that. The same goes for just sitting near her in class. You asked her to the movies, but did you ask her if she had a boyfriend?
She may be in a relationship or trying to fix one and if she isn't as chatty with you as when you are with her in class is because she doesn't want to encourage anything else but the classmate relationship. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:23:23 AM | You have some great advice in this thread.
Too many younger guys (like I was when I was longer) worry too much about seeming desperate or creepy. Calling a couple times in a two/three day period is not desperation. Calling 15-times in that period is. Always call. If you get a voice mail leave a friendly/funny fun message. If they don’t call back then you have your answer.
But keep a friendly, confident poise and attitude to the girl after. You never know, she may respect you for your self-confident and maybe hook you up with a friend sometime now the road. You can never have too many female friends, as long as you are not doing the “friends to date” thing that never works. Don’t be a pet boy. But the more women you meet the more women you’ll meet. Good luck. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:10:33 AM | You asked her out and didn't get a yes - you still talk to her most of the week and she hasn't mentioned it. I think she'd bring it up again if she were interested - since you're already talking regularly.
Calling will give you a definite idea either way. As long as you're ok with sitting with her after finding out she's not interested, you've got nothing to lose. | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:18:32 AM | | Why not back off from the movie angle, and try a gentler segue to get to know her? You’re both in the same class, so I am assuming (uh-oh) that there will be opportunities to study together? Why not ask her out for pizza and a beer, so you can review/study/discuss the homework, tests, projects, class subjects, whatever, together? | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:40:37 AM |
ask her after class if she wants to go get coffee, if she says shes busy again tell her well i will leave it up to you. You have my number call me if you ever want to get together.
I like this answer since you have already asked her out once, this would be the second time.
Leave it in her lap.. and starting looking elsewhere if she doesn't respond.
Good luck | |
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| To pursue or -not- to pursue? This is my question.
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:08:52 PM | | Women have to be lead every step of the way. They're too lazy and/or insecure to help out one bit. Yes ask her out, pick out the movie, pick her up, choose what to do after. Otherwise she'll think you're not being a man. This is the sad truth to women my friend. Take it with a smile or it'll be even worse. | |
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