| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:57:15 PM | I have been seeing my neighbour on and off for over 7 years. We used to date 7 years ago but mutually decided to break up since we were young and didn't know exactly what we wanted. Plus i was 15/16 at the time and he was 22.
Throughout the 7 years I have been 2 long term relationships, and me and my neighbour always ended up seeing each other again on and off. We are good friends and connect on so many levels. We've had some conversations about how we will prob end up with each other and married later on in life/in the end. Although he's not really looking for anything long term right now, and doesn't really believe in the traditional marriage ceremonies and doesn't want children, and i do. i'm 22 years old right now, and hes 29.
Our relationship is pretty complicated and I'd say our relationship is that of a "f*** buddy/friend" type ... it kills me because i love and care for him deeply, and i can never find the right words and find out what he really wants, he always ends up avoiding/ignoring or changing the subject. i just live in the moment and cherish my time with him, even if i know nothing may happen in the future.
whats does he really want from me?
any thoughts? suggestions? possible past experiences? anything and everything is much appreciated. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:03:40 PM | Sounds to me he likes to have someone there that is pretty much hanging off his every word. Do not take this the wrong way, but a 22 yr old dating a 15/16 yr old is pretty much interested in one thing. And a teenage girl is an easy target for someone like that. It's great that you think you connect so well. And great that you have known each other for so long. But at the same time you are still young. do yourself a favor and move away from him. See how things develop then. Go to college (if you haven't already). Work on getting ahead in your career. Live your life before you even try to make a decision about this person.
I think you are a convenience to him. It sounds like you are available to him whenever he wants you to be. Try to be unavailable a few times and see if he sticks around. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:03:53 PM | He knows what he really wants from you. He wants sex. That is all.
I don't want to see another post from you at a later date where you cry that he broke your heart. You are dangling the sex carrot over his nose hoping he will change. He is not a trainable poodle.
He is never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to change, okay? Either acknowledge that you're setting yourself up for failure and buck up when it happens, or change you life now, and turn away from this terrible waste of your time and energy.
What do YOU want for YOU? | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:11:05 PM | ive been working on my career straight out of highschool and have already completed college, im pretty successful in that aspect thank you for the advice.
our current ages are 22(me) and hes 29. i know in my heart im a convenience for him, and ive ignored me on and off for years. i admit i have a weakness for him, i have to try harder. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:13:19 PM | | He's a man who screwed his teenage neighbor, what else do you need to know about him other than he's shown you time after time that he's not much interested in you other than sex when wants it. Why would you want to have an unwanted child with a man who has sex with teens? Really, you are still very immature and very mixed up about what it is that you have with this man. You are asking for a crummy life with a child he doesn't want and won't be there for, spending your time chasing him and wondering who he's with. Why would you purposely choose that? You aren't connecting on the important levels to make a romantic relationship where he falls in love with you, marries you and has a family with you. Whatever your connection outside of sex, it's not the fantasy you have in your head. And really, why would you be so hung up on a man who is not hung up on you, get some dignity and find a man who treats you well. What ever you do, do not get pregnant! | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:13:43 PM |
Try to be unavailable a few times and see if he sticks around.
Definitely. Be manipulative. Be controlling. Play games. Even though apparently, he's already made his position clear. ("Although he's not really looking for anything long term right now, and doesn't really believe in the traditional marriage ceremonies and doesn't want children, and i do.") Excellent advice - keep 'em crossed til you get your way. Bonus if a little revenge can be mixed in as well.
Sheesh! Wonder how stereotypes get perpetuated? | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:19:12 PM | i'm not saying i want children right now, i have more sense then that. what i meant to say is that having children in the future is something i want the same thing goes for my view about marriage.
thanks for your opinion but i dont think you are really in a position to judge my maturity level. i am just in an unfortunate situation, which i only blame myself for. and just to clarify i am no longer a teen. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:28:47 PM | Your maturity level shines through in your posts about an affair with an adult male who screwed his teenage neighbor and continues with her in a FWB relationship. A man who wants nothing you want but the sex part and yet you love him and want a relationship with him that is totally opposite of anything he's ever told you. Yeah, what a goofball I am!  | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:31:02 PM |
Plus i was 15/16 at the time and he was 22.
you were jail-bait, and he was a pedophile.
Our relationship is pretty complicated and I'd say our relationship is that of a "f*** buddy/friend" type
not complicated. you are a fvck buddy. what you are doing is complicating the situation by maintaining a relationship w/ a guy who is not interested in a long-term relationship, marriage, and kids - which is the opposite of what you want.
whats does he really want from me?
he wants things to stay the same - no long term obligations, a nice friendship, and all the sex he wants. that is all working out quite nicely for him.
any thoughts? suggestions?
stop trying to make this into something it's not (ie, a real, committed relationship). accept it for what it is (fwb), or decide it's not enough, and move on. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:34:13 PM |
Your maturity level shines through in your posts about an affair with an adult male who screwed his teenage neighbor and continues with her in a FWB relationship. A man who wants nothing you want but the sex part and yet you love him and want a relationship with him that is totally opposite of anything he's ever told you. Yeah, what a goofball I am! .
thanks for putting in your 2 cents lady but you really dont need to be insulting. i am fully aware of my foolish situation. please dont assume you know me in and out because i put my situation out there. i'm not going to write a novel about my relationship with him, this is merely everything in a nutshell. and as i may have mentioned before, the sex is there but thats not the only type of connection we have. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:46:24 PM |
You're 22...which is why you might be in a bit of denial about that. When you're my age you'll look back on this relationship and probably be kicking your own a*s for quite a while about it. ahhh to be young again. lol .
lol i think you're right. although i have aquite of life experience under my belt compared to alot of people i know around my age. i know i have to accept the facts and reality. i just wanted to know what other ppl thought about it, i expected everyones reactions/opinions. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:47:39 PM |
Definitely. Be manipulative. Be controlling. Play games. Even though apparently, he's already made his position clear. ("Although he's not really looking for anything long term right now, and doesn't really believe in the traditional marriage ceremonies and doesn't want children, and i do.") Excellent advice - keep 'em crossed til you get your way. Bonus if a little revenge can be mixed in as well.
That wasn't quite what I meant, but I will admit that what I wrote may come across as advising someone to play games. Basically what I am saying, if she wants to know what he wants from her, then when he comes looking for sex, tell him no. If he comes back, it's deeper. If he doesn't, then that is all he wanted to begin with.
Back to the OP, I think you need to ask yourself what you want from him. Then sit down and talk to him about it. If he doesn't want the same things as you, then drop it, drop him and move on with your life.
One thing you need to note is that you came here asking for advice. That means that you may not want to hear some of the things that are being said. But a lot of the people here are not trying to be malicious. They are just giving you their opinion. And you are turning it around and assuming that we are all trying to insult you. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:48:48 PM |
dont need to be insulting. i am fully aware of my foolish situation. please dont assume you know me in and out because i put my situation out there
You are pissed because dayna was right. Don't put your sht out there if you can't handle the truth!
Sit back and process what others are sharing with you, you never know you might learn something. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:51:23 PM |
Back to the OP, I think you need to ask yourself what you want from him. Then sit down and talk to him about it. If he doesn't want the same things as you, then drop it, drop him and move on with your life.
One thing you need to note is that you came here asking for advice. That means that you may not want to hear some of the things that are being said. But a lot of the people here are not trying to be malicious. They are just giving you their opinion. And you are turning it around and assuming that we are all trying to insult you.
thanks for your advice. i'm not assuming that everyone is trying to insult me, the maturity thing just got to me a little only because i was judged based on my situation. we are all human, we all make mistakes and bad desicions. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:54:17 PM |
You are pissed because dayna was right. Don't put your sht out there if you can't handle the truth!
Sit back and process what others are sharing with you, you never know you might learn something.
lol i'm not pissed, she just caught me off guard by insulting my maturity level. and as i mentioned i appreciate and thank everyone for their opinions and thoughts about my situation, clearly i'm to blame.
anyways, any other opinions/thoughts? has anyone else gone through a similar situation? | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:54:38 PM |
i expected everyones reactions/opinions.
Don't get sucked in by the trolls. and i did want to comment on this part of what you said. If you can predict peoples reactions, you should be able to place yourself in someones shoes to understand why they're saying something. which you could easily do with him. if you were saying what hes saying, what would you be trying to get accross.
if you're still unsure at that point, you could go to him with your ideas and see how they fit with his reality. always take avoidance when dealing with matters of the heart, as an unwillingness to hurt someone. | |
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