| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:18:30 PM | Or even initiate the relationship because he might lose interest without the challenge/chase?
A friend of mine told me she read a book that said women should never ask men out, call men , show men they care in the beginning of the relationship or act in an aggressive fashion because it takes away the challenge for a man.
I'd like to get responses from both men and women on this subject. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:32:18 PM | Maybe I should start chasing, my luck might change LOL.
...old school ideas works for those that likes playing games. Being pretentious is not my cuppa tea. Be yourself either scary or hot...you never know your luck. LOL | |
|
| |
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:49:02 PM | Greg M. wrote: IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Or even initiate the relationship because he might lose interest without the challenge/chase? A friend of mine told me she read a book that said women should never ask men out, call men , show men they care in the beginning of the relationship or act in an aggressive fashion because it takes away the challenge for a man. I'd like to get responses from both men and women on this subject.
Wish I could remember the book the two women wrote who said if a woman wants to get a husband she should never pursue him. They claimed it worked for them, and then we learned one of them was getting a divorce.
Personally I dont think there is one size that fits all. But what about the woman who talks to a man and he engages her in conversation and they hit it off and he tells her he would like to see her more. A woman doesnt have to come on strong, but can
'encourage' him to stay in touch and even ask if she could call sometime. Or if as an example there is a charity event coming up and she needs an escort, whats the harm in asking if he would be interested?
~Beth~
PS: Edited for below :Edencapwell yes!!!! The Rules is the name of the book | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:56:01 PM | | was this book The Rules?? i did read it and thought most of it was garbage. i've never had a problem calling a man. i mean you have to show SOME interest or he will move on to someone else. i believe they also said something about NEVER returning a man's phone calls which to me seems extremely rude and impolite. i wasn't brought up that way. i wouldn't want someone to do that to me. if someone calls me and leaves a message, you'd better believe i will call them back in a timely manner. the book is about game playing and i would hope most adults are mature enough not to play them. | |
|
| |
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:02:06 AM | I return phone calls but I generally don't pursue or make the initial calls. That might be wrong--I don't know. But I do believe that if a man is interested (and he has a spine) he'll initiate. I don't think there's anything WRONG with a woman pursuing, but upbringing is hard to defy....and when I was learning the dating thing we just didn't initiate.
It's not about SHOULD. It's just about what any individual is comfortable doing. | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:10:59 AM | I have to agree. I won't initiate, usually. I will return calls, messages, etc. But I figure if a man is interested in me, he'll let me know. For me, it's a little bit of my upbringing and a little bit shyness.
Now once a relationship as developed, whether friends or other, I have no problem calling or messaging or anything like that. But as far as the initial contact goes, I guess I'm a little old fashioned..... :) | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:11:29 AM |
It's not about SHOULD. It's just about what any individual is comfortable doing.
then why are you calling men who aren't comfortable initiating, spineless? thats a pretty harsh double standard. | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:28:05 AM |
A friend of mine told me she read a book that said women should never ask men out, call men , show men they care in the beginning of the relationship or act in an aggressive fashion because it takes away the challenge for a man.
Oh yeah if there's anything I hate it's a woman who makes my life easier.......
I don't have enough challenges 
I'll pass on that book | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:30:01 AM |
then why are you calling men who aren't comfortable initiating, spineless? thats a pretty harsh double standard.
Well, if a guy isn't comfortable making the first move, then he's not "comfortable," as I said. It's about what any person is comfortable with, right?
For me, a man who wouldn't be able to make the first move with me probably isn't the right man for me. You might think that's horrible, but everyone is different. There's surely some woman out there for HIM--it's just probably not me. | |
|
| |
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:04:18 AM | It seems crazy to me that woman wait to see who approaches them. You don't usually approach any other aspect of your life this way: no matter what area of your life you consider, you know fine well that if you want to be happy with what you end up with, you have to be proactive. You don't limit your choice of anything else to the range that someone comes up to you and promotes to you/offers you: you go out, you go and see what there is at the shops or in the job market. The perfect job is unlikely to come in the form of someone approaching you out of the blue and saying "we want to appoint you!" -- oh perhaps it happens to a few, but I bet those few did not get to the point of being headhunted like that by being passive little things.
I hate passivity: it's crap. If you care about something, why on earth would you sit there waiting? Does it come down to being afraid that if you pursue the wrong man, you have to take responsibility and own up to poor judgement?
I don't believe in pursuing someone if they are running away, but I see nothing wrong with making first contact, expressions of interest or in generally being in control of moving things forward. In many ways it makes sense for the female to overtly set the pace, as she is likely to covertly set it even if she acts passively and refuses to initiate anything. We may have been programmed to go all mushy at the idea of the handsome prince whisking in and being all assertive, but in reality, who wants that? He'd likely end up down at the police station being charged with assault these days, because we know we don't live in a fairytale and women have every right/duty to be cautious.
Being passive seems ridiculous to me: you get one life: why on earth would you leave what is going to happen up to other people's initiative like that? | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:04:37 AM | I have no problem making the first move, but if just responding to my initiations is all I can expect from a lady then I lose interest.
I don't mind being chased back! | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:10:29 AM | | If a man check me out on POF and don't bother to say Hi...I will not bother him. I would hate to make a fool of myself when I know my flaws will not poof instantly LOL | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:29:44 AM | | In my experience women are more than prepared to pursue a man! I don’t want to be looked on as being some kind of a braggart but women have actively pursued me all my adult life from about the age of 16 when I first became a purse snatcher! Unfortunately having one leg shorter that the other I couldn’t run very fast and usually got caught and had the crap kick out of me but believe me there’s not a more fearsome sight in nature than an enraged 225lb red faced female bearing down on you intent on doing you harm after you’ve nick her purse! | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:41:13 AM | OK, I'll follow this up with my thoughts on the subject. Some of this may sound harsh to some of you, so be advised ahead of time. Again, These are simply my thoughts on the subject.
To be honest, I THINK IT’S A BUNCH OF BULL!! It’s disrespectful to men. It‘s controlling and manipulative, and demeaning to women. Games are for children, not for grown-ups who want to have healthy, meaningful relationships. The belief that women are so powerless that they somehow need to “trap” a man is sexist, even if it is a woman who espouses this belief. Men aren’t animals to be lured and domesticated. We are human beings with the same vulnerabilities and insecurities women have. (That's right - I said it - we are just as insecure as you are when it comes to the chase)
In my opinion, It’s advice like this that gives women a bad name. (I'm sticking up for the ladies here, so don't flame me guys) This is why some men don’t trust them, don’t respect them, think of them as superficial and call them “controlling ****es”. Many men suspect that some women (NOT ALL!) behave in a certain way until their interest is peaked, and then once they’re hooked, women drop the demure act and become needy and demanding.
I think that deliberately making a man feel rejected or inferior in order to make him pursue a woman is sick. Would you like to be treated this way? I know I wouldn’t. As for the kinds of men who may find this approach exciting because it arouses their primal sense of “the hunt”, they’re power hungry and will always want to keep you in your place. (This is simply my opinion folks, and you don't have to agree with it)
Now I’m not saying that I think it’s perfectly fine to go up to a guy at a party and say , “You have a great butt--let’s go back to my place and screw our brains out,“ or to call someone you like five times a day even when he doesn’t call you back. That’s not owning your power or being an independent woman--it’s being obnoxious and insensitive. Same thing goes for the guys - being obnoxious and overbearing will certainly turn a woman off.
Ladies - You don’t like it when men treat you in that manner do you? What makes you think they would like it any better? But it’s ridiculous to pretend you’re some quiet little Victorian flower with no feelings of your own, or do a Scarlet O’Hara imitation in the hopes that a man will be intrigued by your mystique. Be yourself - WE LIKE YOU THAT WAY! It’s much less exhausting, and in the end, you’ll know the man loves you for who you are, not who he thinks you are.
Stepping down off my soapbox now....... | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:42:26 AM | I will let a man know that I am interested first but after that
I will sit back and leave all the rest to him if there is any interest from him.
Men know if they are attracted to me or not. They know if they want a
relationship or not after I have indicated my initial interest. I cannot imagine
a situation where a man will need to be chased.
He is either attracted to me or not. I've had even the most passive of men
chase and chase me once I made the first indication I liked them.
hmmm now I am thinking that it might be fun and interesting to try
chasing a man. It would be something different. | |
|
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:45:25 AM | | I think that the games between men and women will never end and for this reason, the dating world will never be boring. Who pays for the first date? who calls first? what does it mean if a woman sits on a 45 degree angle? etc etc etc. It is a sign that our creator has a wonderful sense of humor. | |
|
| |
| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:44:22 AM | I don't know about the word "shouldn't" they just don't, woman need power, it's a game of control, they can show some interest in a guy and if he approaches she can play along, some do it just to get free beer, some cause they are looking to get laid on a one nighter, very few cause they are looking for someone else. I know nobody that has a relationship 50/50 it's a fairy-tail. Women would never handle the sheer volume of rejection guys go through in their lives. Never once in my life have I ever had a girl remotely suggest a date or initiate a move. Gees if I got a euro a put down I would not need my wages every week. But this is my experience in Irish women.
I have a female friend in Vegas and go over every so often and pretty much every girl you just start a conversation with whill happily chat to you, never ever found it so easy to talk to girls there, you could probably get 50% of every girls no. you chatted too, so it does differ in what part of the world you come from. Just for me Irish women want you to jump through flaming hoops, just to get a Hi! from them. | |
|
MIJen
|
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 25 | |
| |
Home
login 
