| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:51:57 PM | | I see alot of profiles on here that state they are looking for their best friend. Me too. Unfortunately most of the relationships I have been in seemed to skip over the making friends part and right into becoming lovers. In fact, I think most of my relationships failed because I found myself in a relationship with someone I probably would not like as a friend, as odd as that might sound. Any advice on how I can make a friend before becoming a lover next time? | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:30:45 AM | | Try finding out if you really like her before getting in her panties. Nothing more to it than that, really. | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:12:34 AM | if you're going to spend time making friends before you get to the loving part you may miss out all together...
i don't want to make love to any of my special friends...
that's what makes them so different to my lovers... | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:24:02 AM | I'm only interested in being with someone I think is really special - and that's not just in the cot. So if we end up there, it's because I really like him. Otherwise, I wouldn't find him attractive.
You must be jumping in really fast, OP. Or are you discovering months later you're not compatible? | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:27:19 AM | RD,
That is a huge problem today. People want to hop in the old sack before knowing you. Nothing says you have to go along with this. I certainly do not. Otherwise in my mind I would be chocking up a whole lot of lovers in my life and have less friends.
Most of these relationships do fail because they were based simply on having sex. Once the novelty of the sex wears off the relationship is over.
State you want to be friends first on your profile like I do.. Then know there are woman out there that feel likewise. They are looking for a long term relationship but want to be friends first and get to know you. They are not looking for instant gratification.
Take control of your life..
I honestly thought it was only men that wanted to hop in the sack by the 3rd date. Now I am learning there are plenty of women that feel likewise.. What an eye opener this is.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:37:47 AM | RD,
Just read your profile and see that you have in fact stated exactly what you are looking for. Now just stick with it. She is out there and in fact I do not think she a rare bird at all.
If you meet a woman that starts making demands on you for sexual intimacy don't go along with it and do not go out with her anymore.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:00:42 AM | Are they clubbing you over the head and dragging you to the woman cave or do you say no?
If you are not saying no, you are to blame.
Don't put yourself in the position (her house, your house) ect. until you know you are friends first.
Geez I feel like I am talking to a teenage girl. No offense, but come on here.
Do what you would tell your daughter to do and don't do anything you are not ready for.
Date with others, movies, bowling. Daytime lunches (not at hotels).
I think some women just want to see if you got the goods and that's all they care about.
Women can be pigs to.
I can't believe you are over 50 and can't manage to not be used for sex. | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:12:36 AM |
Don't put yourself in the position (her house, your house) ect. until you know you are friends first.
Some really good tips there from peppermint..
I will add one that I do.
When they drop you off at your place after spending sometime with you do not linger.. Get out of the car quickly and go around and open the door for her and say a quick goodnight!!
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:24:34 AM | Op......this is so SIMPLE.
Just keep it in your pants and dont allow yourself to be used for sex!
Honestly,i cant really take this too seriously coming from a 53 year old man.....
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:30:21 AM | Don't let the little head outthink the big head.
Basic common sense that seems to allude many people. | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:50:25 AM |
Honestly,i cant really take this too seriously coming from a 53 year old man.....
I can because I think many women will allow themselves to be used for sex because they are simply lonely.. Given that set of facts why could this not happen to a man as well?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:53:16 AM | If you feel lonely and wanting companionship do some volunteering or join a single group in your area. Take up a hobby or get into a project that you really enjoy..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:57:05 AM | Hi "cats"......................Sorry to disagree with what you've queried,but......
Op's ****hasn't "accidently" slipped inside these women.
He's been a Willing Participant.........................
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:13:32 AM |
Hi "cats"......................Sorry to disagree with what you've queried,but......
Op's ****hasn't "accidently" slipped inside these women.
He's been a Willing Participant.........................
So are you saying that lonely women that allow themselves to be used for sex accidentally let him slip in? It is a concern of loosing their friendship is it not?
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:18:06 AM | i still don't think it's a good idea to be screwing around with friends...
doesn't that then make you a fwb?... | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:39:03 AM | So, the person you are making love to can't be your friend?
What I don't see in this thread is how the OP's situation, which I saw as him feeling that he got into a sexual situation easily with women who he did not find compatible as friends has been maneouvered into a lament about women allowing themselves to be used for sex. If consensual sex is happening, is not the woman "using" him for sex? If there is any "using" involved, the people are "using" each other.
I would hate to think that I was either using or being used by my sexual partner. To me that would imply either she was doing me a favour or that I had no respect for her. To me there is no place for victimization in such a situation. Lovers give and take pleasure from each other. All of the "using" crap is just the root of dysfunctional relationships. Somebody is not really a willing partner, and so is lying. If its the woman who is allowing herself to be "used for sex", she is a liar, pure and simple, no excuses. Its dishonesty of a fundamental nature which can result in nothing but unhappiness. | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:48:01 AM | ^settle down rg...
nobody's using nobody....
i've made you a nice drink of baileys...
reeeeelax... | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:52:32 AM |
I honestly thought it was only men that wanted to hop in the sack by the 3rd date. Now I am learning there are plenty of women that feel likewise.. What an eye opener this is.
thecatsmeoww
Well........ I've only run across three like that in the past 6 - 7 years.
First one, by the third date, after many suggestions, and I still didn't catch on, blew me off quickly, as did the second one. The third one, we went all the way on the first date, and wow, the next time I saw her, I was totally uninterested, and just wanted to run away.
(which I did very quickly)
I just figured that there must be something wrong with me that I didn't want to sleep with a pretty woman soo quickly. But it's just the way I am. I really do need to know someone a little better before I get intimate with them.
And kid's these days, shoot, they just text each other and line up sex without ever having met each other. To me, Amazing....... (and dangerous if not careful) | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:13:56 AM | | Its OK, daffie. If you care to use me for your pleasures, go for it. Just be gentle. I want to survive so that others may do the same once you tire of me..... | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:14:24 AM | So are you saying that lonely women that allow themselves to be used for sex accidentally let him slip in? It is a concern of loosing their friendship is it not?
"Cats",with respect,im having trouble with your expression "allow themselves to be used for sex"......coz,imo,whether you're male OR female,how can anyone "use" you for sex,unless you're BOTH willing parties..............................
The Op is not FIRST establishing a friendship with these woman --- he's sleeping with them before this happens and is then wondering after the fact whether he even wants a friendship with these women.....................?????????
Least,thats how i read his Post.............................
Ps.I agree,"Rearguard"
If consensual sex is happening, is not the woman "using" him for sex? If there is any "using" involved, the people are "using" each other | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:14:36 AM | Don't have sex with someone unless you like them.
? | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:33:53 AM |
I would hate to think that I was either using or being used by my sexual partner. To me that would imply either she was doing me a favour or that I had no respect for her. To me there is no place for victimization in such a situation. Lovers give and take pleasure from each other. All of the "using" crap is just the root of dysfunctional relationships. Somebody is not really a willing partner, and so is lying. If its the woman who is allowing herself to be "used for sex", she is a liar, pure and simple, no excuses. Its dishonesty of a fundamental nature which can result in nothing but unhappiness.
...Makes sense. That's what I like about your line of thinking, it's not all about sex with you.
Its OK, daffie. If you care to use me for your pleasures, go for it. Just be gentle. I want to survive so that others may do the same once you tire of me
...Ummm, scratch that last statement.
...maeflowers | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:43:26 AM | Well, I do admit to being conflicted when it comes to beautiful women. Something to do with being male, I think.
Actually, I admit to being conflicted when it comes to just about any of the hedonistic pleasures. I am probably just morally weak.... | |
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| Friend vs. Lover?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:48:38 AM |
And kid's these days, shoot, they just text each other and line up sex without ever having met each other. To me, Amazing....... (and dangerous if not careful)
Indeed and some even send nude photos.. There is only so careful that one can be. Nothing is fool proof from what I have read.
thecatsmeoww | |
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