| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:50:20 AM | So about a year and a few months ago I met this girl at my college. I was a junior and she was a freshman. She instantly caught my eye, I am a sucker for red heads and her blue eyes shined, so I made a good effort to meet her and such. After that happened we began talking a lot and such all culminating in me inviting her to go to my homecoming football game with me.
At first she had told me she was busy and couldn't come but literally as I was walking out to my car that afternoon I get a text from her asking if she can still come. Long story short she comes with me, has dinner with my pops and such, we go to the game and meet a bunch of my friends, and overall the night goes very well... and she stops talking to me...
Skip ahead a year. We had started talking again a very tiny bit and with very strict friend limitations.
Well about 2 weeks ago she starts talking to me again, aggressively, with many conversations lasting until 2 or so in the morning. We start hanging out again by playing pool, studying together, and very innocent stuff. Here I am very careful to keep the "friend" barrier up so I don't fool myself and get hurt/look stupid even though she was giving me every reason to see more (constantly talking to me, coming to hang out with no warning, asking me to pick outfits out for her, telling me how amazing she thinks I am, and other such stuff...).
Well then comes last Saturday and she comes over to hang out. She brings along a DVD with her favorite actor in it and we watch it (it was PS I Love You). We sit on my bed and watch it and as the movie goes along she lays on my lap, then I star to scratch her back, she holds my hand and begins rubbing it and just being cuddly.
So after this night I am still very skeptical but am starting to let my guard down. She comes over the next night, we intended on studying, but decided to watch one of my favorite movies (Cashback). Well this time she straight up just lays down, I sit at the foot of the bed, and she insinuates that I should lay down and cuddle with her. Well not long after this we begin kissing, and as we discover we like kissing each other, we kiss for pretty much the entire movie.
Well of course I am riding high at this moment and after she leaves I decide i'll let my guard down and see this as a bit more than friendship. No less than 10 minutes later I get a text that says, "Sooner or later we need to talk about something" and end up setting a day to talk about it (this past Wednesday). So the next days are awkward and she barely talks to me, except for one random night where she sent me "Good night...", and then Wednesday comes along.
So Wednesday she comes over, with this big thing to tell me, but asks for me to tell her what I want to say first. I go on a talk about how much I like her, why I do, how I want to take things slow, how I know she isn't emotional and such, how I know we are busy but I don't care and blah, blah, blah. Well... after I am done she doesn't tell me her one thing but instead starts telling me all about her life... what she's up to, what her home is like, what she did in high school, concerts she's been to, showing me pictures of her pets and so on...
Well as she leaves that night I mention that she failed to tell me what she needed to tell me and just says, "I know" and smiles. Since she left that night I haven't heard from her at all...
So, about her all you really need to know is that she is SUPER guarded and doesn't like to show her emotions to anyone. She barely tells anyone anything, and actually told me a lot considering...
So... since I am dealing with such a person... can I get any advice on what she may be thinking? What I should do? I am happy being single but this girl has caught me since the moment Is aw her... I am fine with being single but if I could figure this out... i'd be in heaven. Thanks for any help! | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:59:10 AM | | Hey man since you are only 21...take whatever comes. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:16:02 AM | Don't EVER fall for the "you go fist" crap again.
She sounds like a flake that plays games.
Me thinks she wanted a fck buddy and when you let your feelings be known it turned her off.
Back off and see what she does or doesn't do.
Hope you like not knowing where you stand with her being "super guarded".
That in its self would turn me off. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:26:04 AM | mmmm. Those are some serious games she's playing.
Either go with her program or try to take some control....always bearing in mind that she's proven herself to be a game player....which could seriously suck, whether you end up in a relationship with her or not.
My initial advice is to send her a text saying, "Now there's some things I think we should talk about."
And then tell her "Hey, I'm all about learning about you, but I'm here too."
At this point, it's clear there's something in you she likes and feels comfortable with.
And maybe she has "stuff" that makes her unable to express herself beyond a narrative.
But most women aren't going to respond to a guy that JUST sits there. Stop being a doormat. Make a move.
At this point, she's either into you or she isn't. If she is she WANTS you to move. If she isn't, trying isn't going to HURT your chances. It'll only clarify.
But whatever happens, remember, she IS a game player. You MIGHT be better off without the drama.
Good luck. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:49:47 AM | let me get this strait. You had a woman in your bedroom on your bed. At one event yall were just sitting but at a later event she chose to lay down on the bed and all you did was kiss?
I would not think this would be something that would need to be said to a guy in his early 20's but.... your radar seems to be JAMMED!!!!...
I am not a pig or dog that sleeps with everyone but as a man if a woman came into my bedroom and layed down on the bed leading to a result of us kissing through an entire movie then left and said we need to talk I would not assume that was a good thing that she wanted to talk about...
I think what was on her mnd was disapointment and sexual frustration... you dropped the ball dude... The movie was her timer and you spent the whole time kissing.
2 hours of just kissing? No soft carresses? No skin contact?
All build up and then nothing but fizzle as the credits rolled?
she did not want a nice guy being a gentleman. I just turned 37 and if there is one thing i can tell you it is this.... If a woman wants a man to behave like a gentleman your azz would be in the living room watching a movie. If she is in your bedroom and deliberatly lays down on your bed and starts kissing you, she is NOT there to watch a movie.
You fumbled the ball in your own endzone.
Tips for the future... romantic movie (that likely had some story line she was trying to get you to pick up on since women sometimes do this instead of talking) a bed, and a 2 hr long make out session.
Humm if you could have read her mind she was likely thinking "get on with it" after about 10 minutes of kissing and your stock went down every minute after that point. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:55:42 AM | | Yeah it’s all to do with that first eye contact the magic moment when your whole world turns upside down! I remember my first love, Gladys Minge was her name, a big girl she worked as an erotic dancer down at Mario’s fish bar, a poster in Mario’s window would proudly proclaim ‘Tonight, Cod and Gladys Minge, fish will never taste the same’ how right he was! I remember when I first saw Gladys, she was limbo dancing, quite a sight at 225lbs it was love at first sight! So stay in there buddy if she’s worth it you won’t regret it! | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:56:11 AM | | She sounds like a wishy-washy whackjob who enjoys all of the unsolicited attention from gentleman callers. Although this isn't true for all, you should bear in mind that a lot of redheads don't age well, and they have a sick fantasy that they're Venus. Just remember it's strictly make-believe: there's nothing but blankness behind the mask. Good luck! Love, Titus | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:58:58 AM | get a lawyer first...
second, the next time she shows up wanting to play, just grab her and kiss her so good that she melts, then ''take'' what she's dying to give you. If she says ''no'' but is physically pulling you in closer/etc... then just hammer it down. If she actually says and acts ''no'' then kick her out and call her a crazy @^@#$^. Either she'll stop or come back later begging for it.
These crazy chicks are only good for ''fun'' and you should use her as a stepping stone only. She will destroy you if you give her your heart.
I honestly recommend you avoid her, or use her for what she's trying to be... but don't just stand there and be her scratching post/ torture target. It makes her laugh at you when chatting with her other psycho gf's. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:20:04 AM | we can't possibly know what she's thinking. obviously, she has issues. it's good that you're happy being single, because even if you could figure her out, it wouldn't change a damn thing. i'll tell you what, though, if i were you i wouldn't let her play games with you. first she's on.... then she's off... first she's going to open up.... then she isn't. WTF. do you realize she is setting ALL the boundaries... and then she keeps moving them around? she's playing you like a cheap violin. that's not a relationship, and it's not even a half-decent friend. or FWB.
epic fail.
she's a real loser in the personality department.
and you're a fool to put up with it just because she has red hair & blue eyes. or whatever.
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:47:31 AM | Aah, the 'mystery girl' method of dating.
Yer boned, dude. Not in the fun way either.
Anything that goes on the same way with someone for that long, is so because THAT'S THE WAY THEY LIKE TO LIVE. She likes to be mysterious, appealing, all take and no give. You keep giving without demands, so she'll likely be back again.
I knew women like that in college too. I came to discover many of them were not 'super guarded' at all with certain other guys...they were actually banging the guys who DIDN'T respect their boundaries, and who thought of her as just another lay. She'd get her sense of self-respect from guys like me, and get her ya-ya's out with the jerks down the street.
Who knows. Maybe what she was planning to tell you that night, was her standard schedule of charges for sexual services. Or that she was secretly a hermaphrodite. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:51:29 AM | What she needed to tell you was...she has a bf that she's not exactly interested in, but it beats being alone. She just can't seem to break up w/ him, she keeps going back to him b/c she can sorta stand him but it won't ever go anywhere, and she wants a relationship that will give her all the things she doesn't want to be bothered to give to herself.
Or maybe it was something else. But like the others said, she's a flake. Play her game, or be distant and make her play your's...as you've noticed, she only misses what's gone from her life. She's used to guys falling inside out for her. Its the ones who play her game on her, that perhaps catch her interest.
super guarded, my butt. If she was on the up and up, didn't play games..then there'd be nothing she had to hide. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:54:23 AM | Though often misused, ultimata are not inherently bad things. I think an ultimatum is in order here, mainly because it might help you get ready to let go.
And that is, tell her to quit it with the stupid, childish head games already and tell you what she's hiding, or leave you alone permanently.
There's no way to tell what she's thinking, but it does appear she's hiding something. She might be a pre-op transsexual. She might have a serious incurable STD. She might usually prefer women and be unsure whether or not she really wants to get involved with a man. She might have conjoined-twin six-year-olds that she hides from the world. She might be married. Who knows.
But whatever it is, it's way past time she either came out with it or stopped toying with you.
Personally, I'd just forget it and drop her like a rock. I think she's a jerk. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:02:30 AM | I can't believe you told him to "take what she' s dying to give you," Rod479.
See you on America's Most Wanted. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:23:04 AM |
So, about her all you really need to know is that she is SUPER guarded and doesn't like to show her emotions to anyone. She barely tells anyone anything, and actually told me a lot considering...
Those darn emotions. The current fad and being PC is not to have them at all in the dating/mating dance. Apparently you have to park them somewhere.
Now are you really confused???? So am I with some of the advice on here. Maybe we should all be robots.
Anyway. You are caught and I hear you.
Something about you is making her not too sure about all of this. Does she think that you are really fine/happy about being single, but would like just a sexual relationship with her? If so, then you have to think about what you really want. Her...or being single. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:32:49 AM | I appreciate all of the advice. I should mention that my "bedroom" is also my dormitory so it's not like I persuaded here into it skillfully... it just happens to be where I live. And she is fairly dating inexperienced... she'd only had a couple bf's who have all dumped her in fairly dramatic ways (on her birthday and such). And she's a virgin... so the "taking what she wants to give me" would probably end up being a rape case haha...
I know this must seem crazy for me to even care about this situation but rarely have I ever found that the heart wants what is rational and normal. Again, thank you all for your thoughts! :] | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:42:23 AM | She knows that you are into her and she's playing you. Don't give her the time of day and I bet she'll be all over you again.
I say ditch the b@$%h and move on. If you really want to play her game then just ignore her. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:51:17 AM |
And she is fairly dating inexperienced... she'd only had a couple bf's who have all dumped her in fairly dramatic ways (on her birthday and such). And she's a virgin...
Hmmm, I'd want to bet that may not be entirely true.
Apparently she enjoys the attention and as the others have stated, she is playing games. Her not opening up after all this time and doing the hide and seek routine would get old, real quick.
I mean seriously, if she is doing that now..what will happen in say 5 years down the road? you- "Hi, honey, how was your day today?" her- dead silence then 2 weeks later decides to tell you about it.
She may be cute and got your attention right away (we redheads have that affect on people ;) but if you are looking for communication with someone stable, that's not your girl.
And whatever you do, ignore the advice of 'taking what she wants to give you' by all means.  That's the kind of advice every woman's mother has warned her about when it comes to online dating.
Unbelievable.  | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:57:36 AM | Honestly?
She sounds controlling and manipulative and you seem like a sweet guy.
You can do better... | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:06:42 AM |
And she is fairly dating inexperienced... she'd only had a couple bf's who have all dumped her in fairly dramatic ways (on her birthday and such). And she's a virgin...
Hmmm, I'd want to bet that may not be entirely true.
I'm doubtful of this account, as well. She has not behaved like an honest person.
For one thing, she convinced the OP that she doesn't like to open up, yet she dumped all that very personal information on him!
Trainwreck coming. And you're on the tracks. Step aside! | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:13:53 AM | March around her several times and watch that wall come tumbling down.....
Anyhoo, I guarantee you that by next week, a blond with green eyes or a brunette with eyes as dark as coals will come waltzing into your life and you will forget about the redhead.
The redhead made Charlie Brown's life impossible. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:21:13 AM | It sounds like she's packing a crate of emotional issues. To be involved with her on any level will probably be emotionally exhausting for you. If she's got you hooked enough to hang on...give it a go and see where it leads. Just know it's most likely going to crash and burn eventually. Hopefully, your heart won't need CPR...  | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:26:21 AM | Scc,
This woman is playing mind games and using verbal intercourse to seduce you... It is my opinion she`s not looking for a relationship with you and you may not be agressive enough for what she needs right now,which is exactly why she didn`t tell you anything and made you go first.
What this woman needs is a man to take charge and lead the way, not a puppy dog who`s going to let her lay on your lap and scratch her back..
Basically, actions speak louder than words...Become agressive, stop acting like a little boy and become a man. That is exactly what this person needs from you right now. She`s showing you what she`s about and was praying you were smart enough to read in between the lines and have her stay over for the night...
What did you think she had to tell you? Don`t you know? THINK!!!!
BTW, i love red heads too...:) | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:28:12 AM | | Fella I recognise those signs. Get out. This is not the game for you. | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:03:32 AM |
"Yeah it’s all to do with that first eye contact the magic moment when your whole world turns upside down! I remember my first love, Gladys Minge was her name, a big girl she worked as an erotic dancer down at Mario’s fish bar, a poster in Mario’s window would proudly proclaim ‘Tonight, Cod and Gladys Minge, fish will never taste the same’ how right he was! I remember when I first saw Gladys, she was limbo dancing, quite a sight at 225lbs it was love at first sight!"
Is that a Bloodhound Gang quote? | |
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| She's a rock wall...
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:13:56 AM | She likes you as a batter-on-deck, but not as a star hitter. She enjoys all the attention and stringing you along. That’s why she wanted to play “you tell first”; and then when you told her what she wanted to hear, she didn’t NEED to tell you anything, because she had you eaten out her hand once again.
"I got something I won’t tell, I won’t tell, I won’t tell..." *GAK* | |
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