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Posted: 11/6/2009 9:52:16 AM | Recently went on date with a guy who lives approximately 40 miles away from me. Before the date, we talked on the phone quite a bit – he seemed like an okay guy. Only thing was, he mentioned that when he goes on first date, if he’s not interested, he’d rather just leave. I thought this was rude thing to do to someone - then I thought, maybe he’s had some really bad dates.
Also, it seemed that his profile tried a bit too hard to impress with “stuff”.
Guess I should have figured this one out. Since we’d talked on the phone before we met & he’d seen several pictures of me, I thought I’d give it a chance. He asked me to drive up to meet him at restaurant in his area. Thinking I was meeting someone decent, I did so. On the drive there, we talked on my cell phone. He made the comment, “What if we’re not attracted to each other?” I thought this odd, given this was just a date – and why had he emailed me in the first place?
When he got there, I was sitting outside on bench waiting for him. It had taken me almost an hour to get there. He looked awkward & nervous, & asked me, “Should we go in?” Incredulous, I said, “Um, yeah.” Couldn’t believe he asked me this, when I’d driven so far to see him. Very turned off by his comment, I tried to make best of situation & we sat down & talked. Then he said something about not feeling well, & we ended the date. Yuck, what a creep! | |
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| Creepy
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:59:00 AM | | women do that do. So it doesn't really matter | |
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| Creepy
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:02:19 AM |
Only thing was, he mentioned that when he goes on first date, if he’s not interested, he’d rather just leave.
And that's exactly what he did. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:09:41 AM | Why the surprise? He told you who and what he was from the very start. You're the one who decided to "give it a chance."
Only thing was, he mentioned that when he goes on first date, if he’s not interested, he’d rather just leave.
He looked awkward & nervous, & asked me, “Should we go in?” Incredulous, I said, “Um, yeah.” Couldn’t believe he asked me this You knew he would-- he told you so. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:09:49 AM | | sounds more like a nutcase than a creep. i mean why did he even bother to show up?? probably would have been better if he just stood you up. he could have at least gotten to know you and talk to you. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:14:28 AM | | Yeah, I was warned. I've been on many 1st dates, this guy was the rudest. I don't know what he showed up for either. | |
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| Creepy
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:26:41 AM |
he mentioned that when he goes on first date, if he’s not interested, he’d rather just leave.
This is what happened, OP. It should not have been creepy or a surprise, as he did warn you.
Not everyone is like this......... | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:27:40 AM | "Should we go in?" sounds like a completely innocent question. It's like saying, "Let's go inside," except phrased as a question.
I think your reaction to the question (being "incredulous" and "very turned off by his comment") was probably obvious, and he probably didn't understand the attitude, and I can see how he might not have felt well. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:31:39 AM | | "Should we go in?" No, let's not. Let's stay out here, outside the door. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:36:32 AM |
Yeah, I was warned. I've been on many 1st dates, this guy was the rudest. I don't know what he showed up for either.
You already realized that he was rude by your statements on your first post. I kind of believe you set yourself up for this behavior. He told you upfront what he would do and well he did it.
Also, you are the one that chose to drive the complete distance to meet. From what I read here all the effort he did was make intial contact you did the rest.
I think next time around how about a meeting in middle ground and for a cup of coffee and not dinner. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 10:50:11 AM | I don't think he was rude, or creep nor "nutcase"
He told you exactly what he was going to do incase of "no chemistry" .... And that's exactly what he did.
You feel bad because you "thought" he was going to be all over you. You thought he'd like you.
He didn't, your ego is bruised. And now you call him a creep....
bah!
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Posted: 11/6/2009 11:14:33 AM | Not rude to end a date before you've even sat down? And I didn't misrepresent myself, he knew what I looked like.
I should have paid attention to red flags. He's ugly inside - really wasn't my type on the outside either. I try to treat people how I want to be treated. Although I was warned, I still think he's a jerk. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 11:20:30 AM | | It only took one date for me to decide I do NOT drive to anyone. Guys are lazy anymore when it comes to dating, they want you to drive to them. I dont feel a man should pick you up at your home since this is a dating site, But make an effert to meet as close to the womans town as you can..... | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 11:23:54 AM |
And I didn't misrepresent myself, he knew what I looked like.
Doesn't mater. Real life chemistry and "seeing a picture" are two different things. We all see each other's pictures before meet.
That doesn't mean we'll have chemistry.
That's not the point though, the point is that "he told you what he was going to do" - You went to see him anyway because you "assumed" that he'd like you...
really wasn't my type on the outside either. Although I was warned, I still think he's a jerk.
lol yeah... bruised ego. 
You better get ready for these things if you want to continue dating online. You need tough skin, and not to take things personally... | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 11:29:04 AM |
I should have paid attention to red flags.
And there's the heart of the matter. Why not? Has it been a while since you've had a date? Or just one thing about that guy that caught your attention that drowned out all the rest? At some point you have to take a chance, but you don't want to keep making the same mistake over and over, so that's something to dwell on. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 11:39:57 AM |
When he got there, I was sitting outside on bench waiting for him. It had taken me almost an hour to get there. He looked awkward & nervous, & asked me, “Should we go in?” Incredulous, I said, “Um, yeah.” Couldn’t believe he asked me this, when I’d driven so far to see him. Very turned off by his comment, I tried to make best of situation & we sat down & talked. Then he said something about not feeling well, & we ended the date. Yuck, what a creep!
must have been in a big hurry to run home and sharpen his knives.
you dodged a bullet OP next time follow your intuitions. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 11:43:52 AM | | I am going to agree with bad monkey on this one. I don't see the red flags either. How many times women say that, if it doesn't work, let's just be friends. Is that a red flag? No. This guy said what he would do up front. The OP continued. It's so interesting when the guys are not all over the woman, some women get offended or can't handle the rejection that well. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:02:20 PM | | Ah well OP - that sucks. While others may disagree that he's a creep or a weirdo, I think what this chap lacks is basic manners and charm. He sounds about as subtle as a heart attack. And like a heart attack, who needs it? Anyways, he had to rush home to peer through windows at night and watch people sleep - don't mess with a guy's hobby! LOL, JK! | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:03:58 PM | It only took one date for me to decide I do NOT drive to anyone. Guys are lazy anymore when it comes to dating, they want you to drive to them. I dont feel a man should pick you up at your home since this is a dating site
Why is it not ok for a man to pick you up from your house just because its a guy off the internet? What makes a guy you meet at the bar or anywhere else any less dangerous and any less threatning that he should know your home address period!
!st dates no matter where you meet the guy in this day and age should be meeting at the public place 1st... Does anyone else agree with me? | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:12:23 PM | | I date a lot, most have been good experiences. I've met some very nice guys on here - even though we weren't right for each other, they were decent dates. There's always a few though. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:21:39 PM | He looked awkward & nervous, & asked me, “Should we go in?” Incredulous, I said, “Um, yeah.”
I don't think I've ever heard of anyone who was so easily rendered "incredulous" by something so remarkably benign. I can only imagine what might have happened if he had stuck around.
Alleged Creep: So, shall we order?
You: ***hole! (Throw drink in AC's face).
(Later)
AC: Care to order dessert?
You: (Douse AC with gasoline; ignite)
Also, this is not "creepy". If he showed up with a sack of quicklime and repeatedly asked if you were sure nobody knew who you were on a date with, that would be creepy. If he suggested you two meet for a candlelit dinner immediately next to the ballpit at Chuck E. Cheese's, that would be creepy. If he returned a pair of your panties that he looted from the laundromat while your back was turned, that would be creepy. This is, at worst, garden variety rudeness.
It only took one date for me to decide I do NOT drive to anyone.
You sound like quite a catch! Why bother with compromise and negotiation in a budding relationship when you can play the part of an unyielding adolescent who never outgrew her princess complex instead? | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:44:14 PM | | The guy might have had really bad anxiety and it seemed creepy. He might have said he was sick because he was so nervous and not because he was not attracted to you. Who knows. His loss, right. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 12:49:14 PM | | ^^^oooh, good point tjl - maybe he had an anxiety disorder? I can relate to that. New people and situations and all, maybe it got him all mixed up? Either way, meh - not your problem anymore hun. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 1:06:13 PM | | He pursued me. He emailed me & called me. | |
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