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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:56:17 PM | | The only problem I can see is it could be a little too strong and come over with a 'player' vibe. But I've only got one message reply from ten read messages. And that was a Lex Luthor reference to my pic from a deleted account. | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:22:42 PM | Well if you think it's all right, why should you care what the masses think?
From other threads I've read, a 10% response rate seems quite healthy. | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:58:13 PM |
Well if you think it's all right, why should you care what the masses think?
Because I am not the target audience. If people were good judges of their profiles this part of the forum wouldn't exist.
Hmmmmm, perhaps I should add my only fault is I'm a raging perfectionist | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:31:41 PM | Don't worry about the 'player' vibe, there doesn't seem to be one at all. Having said that, there's not much of anything else either. First of all, try adding a few more pictures. It's good to have a couple of action shots, but your main picture at least should be a good quality, close-up, smiling photo.
I'm not too sure what you're looking for on here. Your profile states that you are seeking a woman to hang out with, yet you have described a first date which potentially involves a kiss. Maybe it's just me, but I don't tend to kiss all of my friends when we go to the cinema. Even if you are just hoping to get to know a few people and see whether a relationship develops, I'd change 'hang out' to 'dating'. This way you won't be excluded from searches looking for a relationship.
From what I've read on these forums so far, most women seem to interpret 'prefer not to say' as 'no' when it comes to having children. Again, even if you are just wanting to get to know a few people and see what develops, this may put some off, so make up your mind or leave it as uncertain. With regards to a car, you either have one or you don't, so change the N/A.
The first line needs to go I think. The reader knows that you are 22, it is stated above. 'Studying complex stuff' sounds condescending. You seem to imply that the women reading your profile would fail to understand the subject even on a basic level. Why not tell them what it is that you're doing at university and say why it is interesting to you?
The paragraph on travel is your first step in the right direction, though it's a baby step. I think it needs expanding on. From the sound of things travelling is a big part of your life, so talk about it! Explain why you love to travel, your favourite locations so far, and what you like to do while you are abroad, or something along those lines. Stating that, after visiting London, you have exhausted the English speaking world (saving the best till last eh :P), doesn't come across quite so well. 'Exhausted' doesn't really convey excitement. Instead it sounds as though you simply went to these places and ticked them off your list. How about something along the lines of 'After I visit London I will have enjoyed the sights of the majority of the English-speaking world, and hope to broaden my horizons further with adventures in the Far East'?
I don't think 'Who am I?' is really necessary. This whole section is you. If you like the list format, then stick with it. Some people seem to have great success with this, and it can be a nice, concise way of highlighting your interests and attributes. Other reviewers may feel differently, but the 'My life is the product of excellence' line comes across as a little arrogant to me. Technically, it is the product of a bit of rumpy-pumpy, which may well be excellent. 'I don't take poop from people' is also probably unnecessary, unless you feel the reader thinks you're a sanitation worker. I presume the majority of men would stand up for themselves, and that women would expect this. Are you sure you want a comma after 'power' in the next line down? Other than that, try talking briefly yet effectively about some of your interests. 'Teaching' and 'making things' stand out the most for me. Why do you find teaching rewarding; what do you like to make?
I'd scrap that last line as well. Frankly, it makes you sound like a bit of a penis. As far as the first date section goes, I'm not the best person to ask. Maybe one of the lovely lady reviewers will help you out here.
Good luck :)
Richard | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:13:50 PM | Ah, Richard, my little protege... he's right on the money, though.
For me, I absolutely get sarcasm and dry humour and, when it's done well, can carry a profile. This didn't get me there. But I love the photo captions...
Body style? Prefer not to Say = I have a tail. And a hunchback, and a unibrow and third nipple, and drool. You're Average, get over yourself.
Same with the Kids questions. Prefer not to Say = I hate kids. or at minimum: I will hate your kids.
This part made me want to smack you:
I'm not taking this too seriously. But until you impress me I'll treat you like some of the bratty high school kids I've taught.
If you're not taking it seriously, why should your reader? *click* Next... | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:11:13 AM | You're totally right, and are basically a god for taking the time to give such a complete reply. Thanks.
I think the new one fixes most of what you mentioned. Some of the interests I've left open for conversation. But I think everything in the profile text is appropriately developed.
In my opinion most guys don't stand up for themselves. But I agree, just stating it is a bit weak, I think the new version infers it, along with the other 'about me' stuff. To that end the 'penis line' is also gone. | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:28:46 AM | | You Go First - Noted and fixed. Though a bit harsh on the kids thing, if I put 'no' it would be because I think the world is overpopulated. But in my heart I would like them, hence the 'yes'. | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:21:16 AM | Honestly you sound too busy to date.
We women do not want compete for your attention with everything else you have going on in your life, especially the younger ones. (That is to say those in their 20's).
We also don't want to date someone who is likely to take off on a trip at anytime soon leaving us to do what? Wait for you? Not likely!
Like I said you seem too busy so if you're not then it would be prudent of you to try again and this time make yourself a little more accessible to the dating world.
JMHO
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:58:16 AM | Added "Of course, I always make time for my friends, my two loopy dogs and just chillaxing." to the bit that made me sound busy. Thanks for the feedback.
But waiting a week is a long time? I don't see why an interesting and productive life isn't compatible with dating. Besides, travel is more fun with if you go with someone else. | |
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| I think it's good, but the masses don't
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:11:20 AM | True travel can be more fun with two (although not necessarily) however you only talk about where YOU want to travel and you do not add that you would like the girl you meet to come with. Perhaps you could clarify that you are interested in meeting someone who would also like to travel with you. When I read your profile I got the sense that if I dated this guy he would be taking off 'whenever' to go 'where ever' and I would be left flailing in the breeze while he is gone yet again.
No waiting a week isn't too long of course but again one has to interpret for themselves how long you may be traveling for. Usually international travelers go for much longer than a week, sometimes for months. That being said don't be afraid to add more to give a better picture of what you want from a woman, you do sound like an interesting a productive guy and that is very compatible with dating, however your profile manages to leave the woman out of the equation. We just don't dig being left out!
Do ya follow me?
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