| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:46:33 PM | I may be speaking prematurely, but I feel like I've found the woman of my dreams,
Actually, she found me.
She is 49 years old and has never been married and has no children.
It may be due to my laid back personality, but this is perfectly fine with, in fact, I really like the idea. However, both of my friends who I told said the same thing- that it's a red flag.
Please enlighten me. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:47:39 PM | | Perhaps it's possible she was unable to have children and decided marriage was not a big priority without raising a family. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:50:48 PM | They may be speaking about the fact you have children and she may not relate to that 'bond'.
Has she had long term relationships? Has she ever dated anyone with children, regardless of their age? Has your children met her and are comfortable with her?
I don't know. There are people out there that just want to rain on anybodies parade. Just think of the above questions and look for your answers.
Good luck. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:53:49 PM | Well, OP ... you are the one dating her. And if it works for you, then I'd say go for it.
Personally, I stay away from men my age who've never been married and have no children. But I'm close with my kids and they usually don't understand that bond.
Good luck. I always like a happy ending. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:53:53 PM | Your kids are all grown up ...
I say go with the flow and don't overanalyze. Remember if she doesn't have kids and never been married she will probably be very independant so I hope you are too.
S | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:54:05 PM | It's not necessarily a red flag. Maybe your friends' take on this is, "Well, if this lady hasn't married someone in 49 years, then there must be a reason why."
The answer could be as simple as, "Given her morals, character, upbringing, she feels that she hasn't met the 'right one' yet."
You know her best, dude, if she feels like the "right one," and if you've taken the time to know her, and know her well, go for it.
You might go back to your friends and ask them, sincerely, what they see as "red flags." I mean, they may be spotting something that you may not, and sometimes friends hesitate in saying something because they don't want to hurt their friend's feelings. If they can't pinpoint anything, other than her age, well .....
Good luck. And it's super exciting to be with someone that you think is the "right one," isn't it. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:56:27 PM | | The only time there should be a red flag in such a situation is when you get to know her well enough to see any red flags for yourself. Thank gawd there aren't any bulls around here with all this red flag waving...although there often is a lot of BS. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:56:29 PM | I'm 6 yrs older than the woman you speak of, and I've had the same unmarried/no kids lifestyle that she has. I've had long term relationships, including one that nearly resulted in Marriage. Years ago, we bought a house together.
What I would want to know is: is the woman nurturing, and is she afraid of commitment. I believe that it's better to seek long term relationships, and possible marriage, than to Marry the wrong person.
I never had Children because they are a tremendous Responsibility that I never felt the urge to have. I'm a well loved Uncle, and that's met my needs. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:03:21 PM | | is it just me or where is the red flag?????????? I normally would jump on the band wagon and say yep red flag, or worse but no, there has to be more than what you have said thus far it that is it, then mate go buy a rocker for the porch and chill out, have a beer and say hello to a new love in your life. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:05:35 PM | | let's be honest here....yes it could be that she has never found anyone that suits her needs or maybe can't have any children..but what your friends are trying to say is that maybe she's the problem and there is a reason why no one has stayed with her...to most men and women this is a red flag...because this is what runs though their thoughts..right or wrong just being honest. hope that helps...still give it a chance and see where it goes...good luck! | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:09:11 PM | As a man, I can see how you would not understand... across the board, men are often not as gung'ho about marriage and maternal instincts as women are. This is a slight difference between men and women which the genders have a problem relating to sometimes.
You have a wise freind... I also question how an attractive woman never fell in love and wanted to get married or have kids... while it's possible, I don't think she is in the majority. I think it could be a small flag too.
However, there are small flags and big flags... I would investigate as you date her... I'd like to see more than one small flag before I would write her off.
There are more things to do, more choices in this world than ever before... perhaps she was busy, or a victim of bad timing, or never met the right guy.
A possible positive to this, she may have a chance at having lower baggage since she has never faced the emotional turmoil of what many divorces are like. Could be a plus. I would listen to your friend and be mindful, but check her out also. If there is a bad reason she was never married, it will show up soon enough as you get to know her, if you are not too blindsided by love right away and can stay somewhat objective to see anything which could show up. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:18:02 PM |
let's be honest here....yes it could be that she has never found anyone that suits her needs or maybe can't have any children..but what your friends are trying to say is that maybe she's the problem and there is a reason why no one has stayed with her...to most men and women this is a red flag...because this is what runs though their thoughts..right or wrong just being honest.
Couldn't this same logic then be used for people who have previously been divorced or in other relationships throughout their life? Maybe they're the problem because they aren't still married? Maybe the woman was career oriented and never had a fondness for kids and it's as simple as that. I still vote for not over-thinking stuff and creating problems where potentially none exist. If you really like her and keep really liking her as you get to know her, that's pretty much all that counts in my books. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:23:11 PM | | ^^^^^^ Yes, I agree... that's why I'm saying while it could be a flag, it's a small one... i'd like to see either confirmation of a bad reason for this, or other problems before I would write her off. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:26:01 PM | Who's running your life here?
If you think she has issues after meeting her then that is one thing, but those 2 counts alone?
but this is perfectly fine with, in fact, I really like the idea.
Take a chance.
I would hope she has had some sort of past experience. My preference, but you sound like you want to go for it.
Friends can be great pointing out things we may be blind to, but have they even met her? | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:31:38 PM | I honestly don't believe we can make this decision, since there could be so many reasons on the why's of her life.
My advice talk to her, if you aren't bothered by it why should it matter if your friends are. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:52:33 PM | I expect to reach 49 and never be married or have children. I cannot have children and I do not jump into marriage easily. I take commitment seriously.
I have also lived with children almost all my life, so I actually relate to men with children pretty well. I find it hard to relate to men who know nothing about kids. It's a quandary actually.
The red flag will reveal itself soon enough if it has to. I would enjoy it and not worry whether the flag will be raised or not. Sometimes even those close to us can be wrong. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:20:02 PM | OP, they don't know her at all--not sure you've met her, but if you have, at least you have some real-life knowledge of what she is like.
Not everyone can or wants to have kids. Too many people have them b/c they are "supposed to," IMHO. If an ambitious woman knows she cannot have or does not want children, marriage isn't all that attractive when climbing the career ladder--so maybe it wasn't a priority then. If she's older and more established, she may be more open to long term commitments.
When a person chooses a child-free/spouse-free lifestyle, it's b/c that is what suits him/her best at that stage of life.
I think it is unfair to assume she was "left on the shelf" b/c something was wrong with her. Your friends may be making that assumption. If you enjoy what you have, keep it going. Any serious issues will reveal themselves eventually--as they do in MOST relationships (remember, MOST relationships don't end in marriage! We all date, etc., a lot more than we marry, right?) If you view most of the time together--however long it is--as time well spent, then you lose nothing. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:58:35 PM | your friends might be jealous. do your friends have great track records in the romance/love department. ask yourself these things. always consider the source.
relax, continue to get to know her. i think you will know a red flag when you see it.
don't be afraid to take a chance on "the one"
kaylee | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:02:38 PM | Perhaps, she never met the right one.
I am 39 years old and never married / no kids too.
Nothing is wrong with me. That is no RED FLAG
Maybe, she has went through a series of long term relationships with none of them leading to marriage.
She is probably the right one for you...... | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:12:07 PM | Yes, be verrryyyyy scared of women like me!
I don't like marriage and I don't like kids. Sue me.
BOO! | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:18:46 PM |
I don't like marriage and I don't like kids. Sue me.
I agree... Should every woman want to have kids. I think the maternal gene skipped me. | |
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| 49 and never married/no children
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:23:17 PM | | Maybe she is unable to have children. Maybe because she couldnt have children or some other reason she decided to pursue a career. Maybe she didnt want to have children, some dont want kids, few but some dont. I would keep an open mind regarding this area and find out why she chose her reasons why but besure not to judge her for her decision because it is hers. Be happy in the fact that you seem to have found someone. | |
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