| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:45:33 PM | | OK, now that's just funny...i don't care who you are. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:47:36 PM | Umm....the man has been living with someone for 10 years, was cheating on her with you (unbeknownst to you) and then had the balls to actually sit down with her there too and join your group, and proceed to heckle you???
I don't think you were out of line...his behaviour was what was attracting the attention and uncomfortable feelings from the rest of the group, including his girlfriend by the sounds of it. You didn't know who she was, you provided a brief, innocent explanation.
You were far kinder to him though than I would have been.  | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:48:41 PM | I don't like scenes but was not there. (shrugs)
I just hope that long nose was put to good use with someone somewhere.
We all have done or said something and then thought "oh sheet".
I would not have stayed at the table after the first remark out of his mouth. JMO | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:53:27 PM | Wow ... wish I had been there. Why oh why do I always miss the best action packed drama?
That too bad that happened to you OP. See you found out early thank gawdddd for some small mercies.
As far as saying anything, if it had of been me I probably would have completely ignored him all together. But that is just me. Hey I wouldn't want the drama and ruin the night for myself and my friends.
Savona | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:55:19 PM | Honestly you didn't know the exact nature of their relationship, so how would you know what would happen after you said something?
I find it odd that he'd have the nerve to sit there with this woman he's lived with 10 years and give you grief. Any normal guy would have seen you, said his hellos and gotten a table somewhere else - there should have been some fear on his part that his dating you would come up.
Therefore, he's an arrogant ass who wasn't interested in how anyone else felt as long as he could get back at you. I'd say he got what he deserved - and personally she needed a clue (though I think she probably suspected something over the years, most women do). I'm sure you were one of many women who he tried to date and disappointed.
He sort of bagged himself almost. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:55:46 PM | | He taunted, you responded, his woman asked a question, you responded and she became enlightened. I'm thinking I would have handled the whole thing much the same way. You weren't deliberately going out of your way to cause the calamity, even though it ended that way. It's just too bad everyone else at the table had to be made uncomfortable but, eh, crap happens. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:57:06 PM | | Seems to me it was time she found out. I can't imagine you were the only woman he cheated with and you wouldn't be the last. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:02:48 PM | A) He invited himself into YOUR space so this means he was opening himself up.
B) The only thing I might have done different, would have been when he first opened his mouth to diss your views. It would have been then that I would have reminded him he invited himself to YOUR table. Makes one wonder whom else he's done this to.
Ever see ED as emotional dysfunction not just the penis dysfunction?
~Beth~ | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:03:11 PM |
I would not have stayed at the table after the first remark out of his mouth. JMO
- If it was me, I think I would have left when he walked in the door. I'm not into ex-relationship drama.
However, if it did not bother you, I don't see a problem for you. He could have choose to leave also... you are not to blame for anything. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:05:23 PM | You TRIED to ignore him and take the high ground.
He was the one stirring the pot and causing trouble.
You did not know he was living with that girl so meant no catty malice.
He could've sat elsewhere but chose to sit with you and try to goad you.
It backfired.
You did nothing wrong.
He's not worth another thought.
Hold our head high. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:07:57 PM | Wazhiz, I'd have to say that you showed remarkable strength of character for putting up with it nearly as long as you did.
Here's how I see what happened: You ignored him (right thing to do) and he was fool enough to see it as a "weakness". Thinking that your silence was weakness, rather than your good sense not to entertain him further by allowing him to make excuses (lies) for the 3 months of behavior that you were witness to. He therefore figured that since you were "weak" that he could publicly abuse you, and get away with it. He was absolutely counting on you being a lady and not participating in such public displays of ignorance. (you didn't)
You are totally NOT responsible for "hurting her"....you had no idea right? HE hurt her, by bringing her into his little power quest....out of his own arrogance, thinking that YOU would never stand up to him. People like him COUNT on the other person's integrity and good character to protect their lies, because admitting that you've been conned by such a cad is (or can be) personally embarrassing.
Those in the group who said you should "not have told her" are CRUEL...not to you...but to HER. :-) Ignore them, like I know you can! You were in no way responsible for her being hurt; in fact...you did the woman a favor.
My personal opinion is that you handled it like a lady; one who was being attacked...and you stood up and called him out for the lying dog he is. Had there been ANY gentlemen present...they would have called his outrageous behavior to his attention LONG before you HAD to. Bravo! Good Job. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:35:38 PM | | Okay I laughed when I read this story. I think you handled yourself well. I can't believe he sat at your table. That is just way too freaky. I don't think you did anything wrong. He sounds like a sociopath. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:39:55 PM | | Ha ha ha Dinner Theatre! | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:47:31 PM | Obviously two sides to the story yada, yada. What would Pedro do in a situation like that? I dunno...if I was your ex, after walking in to that joint with the love of my life holding my arm ever so tightly, my awkward moment sense would have started to tingle seeing you there, so after I acknowledged you with a hello (usually with my usual two finger salute and a raised brow), I would have turned around with the promise of a better red to the Mrs. elsewhere.
God...why would a man allow himself to be subjected by his exes gang, knowing fully well that whatever he says will be relegated to a worthless opinion, and his monster of a persona had overridden all rational thought?
Not a cheat nor an expert on human behaviour other than a theoretical bit on investment psychology and labor economics, but a dude caught out would not be letting himself in in a situation like that...just not the standard male thought pattern. Was he upset with you? Of course he was...nothwithanding the fact that as you say, he is a lying cheat...but anyone just bailing out with no ha or ho, I would consider a bit on the rude side. Although I would most certainly laugh it off and consider it uncouth and a bit on the cuckoo side....not taking away that as you say, he was cheating and torn between two lovers feeling like a fool, and loving both of you is breaking all the rules...... | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:52:06 PM | I'd say you should be on this years "lady with class who shows restraint and pluck" poster.
I'm really opposed to letting scumbags get away with crimes, and am often frustrated that they do so, in part because they COUNT ON their victims to try to be classy, and hold their tongues. From your description, you kept your cool, and played it straight, which is EXACTLY the best way to get these evil doers to do themselves in.
The only guy I feel sorry for here, is Pinocchio . He was actually a GOOD boy, in the story. The guy in your story is probably going to lose his insurance soon, because his nose is getting so long, he can no longer walk or drive safely. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:05:29 PM | | Sorry, but I call this a made up story. You should get a job as a sitcom writer, because you're very funny!! | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:04:43 PM | I absolutely second what GrandmaBooBoo said. You showed great restraint, and you didn't know about the GF, so you weren't being catty.
Wht amazes me is that people put up with his sh*itty behavior for two hours without asking him to tone it down or leave. After all, he intruded on your group's evening. He certainly made an ass of himself in front of the crowd, didn't he?
You're lucky that you found out about him in 3 months - instead of 10 years. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:10:49 PM | | KUDOS to OP. I think the jerk got what was coming to him. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:40:04 PM | I think the guy made his own bed to lie in. He cheated on his 10 year SO with you not telling you he was with someone else, that it was a FWB. Its obvious he didnt tell the 10 year one or led her to believe she was a SO and not a FWB. I suppose that is between them if she would allow a SO to have FWB, my guess most wouldnt . And what really put him in the grave was the audacity to sit down interupt your group, with his SO and making rude comments as a metiphore which occured between you. I am glad you told him off in your response. The fact that you told his SO of your relationship was innocent, you had no idea he was cheating, for all you knew was she could of been a FWB also.
It may have been lowering yourself not to have formally broken up with him, you see the result what occurs, that is he showed his anger at you in public amonst your friends, which most likly wouldnt have happened if he was given good reason why you dumped his ars from the get go. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:08:15 PM | Did I have an insane moment of diarrhea of the mouth?
Yes.
"His woman friend" are your words... you did NOT know he was in a LTR with her until she said it.
The fact that you did NOT know he was with this woman for 10 years before YOU started to tell her (a stranger to you) all about your previous PERSONAL problems with him, makes your actions rather catty IMO, even though he was acting like a lout towards you. Even if you thought she was just a date, your previous bad times with him are none of her (a stranger to you) business, and, IMO, his ED problem is not for you to advertise to anybody.
Yes, he was an a$$hole, but you definitely didn't take the high road on this one either.
Even if everyone here thinks that a cheater was outed, and a good thing, the fact you had NO knowledge he was in a LTR when you got too personal is a reflection on you. The "ends" (an outed cheater), do not necessarily make your actions a "good thing". | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:25:26 PM | he practically begged you to respond to him
i would have done the same thing, or at least i would hope i would
kaylee | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:25:51 PM | All's fair in Love and War...you kick butt! | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:27:26 PM | I think you handled it perfectly, he walked right into it.
I feel sorry for her, doubt it was the first time he cheated. | |
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| Pinocchio
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:02:03 PM | | i met a guy on another site a few years ago who told me with a straight face that he had been in the Secret Service!! talk about lying and b.s. geez. if he was in the secret service, then i'm Heidi Klum. amazing what tall tales some people tell. | |
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