| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:08:15 PM | I met a guy about 6 weeks ago and we've been going out several times since then. When we don't see each other, we're always talking on the phone. It's like every passing day my feelings for him has grown more stronger. He recently told me that he really cares about me and glad I'm in his life.
However, my best friend thinks I'm falling for him too fast. While I truly care about him, I can not say I am falling for him just yet. I had a history in which I tend to fall in love very quickly and getting hurt. As much as I love my best friend for being worried, she doesn't need to be my love police on everything (telling me I should wait 6-8 months to tell him how I feel or to even have sex with him).
Do you think I'm falling fast or really taking my time on this? I haven't had sex with him yet (waiting until the time is right) and just enjoying learning more about him each and every day. He's currently out of the country for business but left me a short and sweet email telling me how he misses me and wishes I was with him in Europe. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:15:46 PM | There is no set time frame on what is acceptable in terms of falling for someone. (Though I do like the notion of someone being scolded for taking too long to fall for someone. "You need more hustle!") It goes at the pace it goes, and it's one of those things that we can't realistically control.
If the two of you are in a comfortable position, then it seems you're both moving at a pace you're both comfortable with. Given that he left you that message, it sounds like he is happy with the time you're spending together so far, and things are in a good state. As such, I'd recommend continuing at the pace you're going. You may get better insight depending on how you feel by the end of his trip, depending on how long it is.
From what you're saying on the matter, it seems things are moving at a pace that is complimentary to both of you. I'd say just stick with it as it is. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:21:53 PM | 6 weeks is only about 45 days.
He's still somewhat of a stranger. Revisit the issue in 4-5 months.
I think your friend is right, especially if you had a history in which you "tend to fall in love very quickly and getting hurt." | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:22:55 PM | He's away until Monday. Sadly I'll be working during that time, but he told me once he touches US soil and cleared at customs, he'll call me, even if I'm in the middle of my shift. He also told me that the next time he has to go to a conference (domestic or international), he would love to take me.
I do miss him terribly but I've been keeping myself busy with working out, taking care of my recently flu-stricken niece, and my crazy weekend schedule at work.
@ Landra, wasn't I surprised that you would say something like that. Like I said, I didn't say I'm falling for him. Just that I care about him and enjoy being with him so far! Unlike guys in the past, I've been taking my time with him. Heck, I didn't even sleep with him yet because I wanted to be sure that what I am feeling is real. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:27:50 PM | Landra does raise a very valid point in terms of the "past transgression" issue.
The only thing I can note is that if you actively push yourself to slow yourself down, it can cause you to shoot yourself in the foot. Such a double edged knife. So much of it depends on where his standpoint is on it all. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:18:28 PM | He has been very honest about his feelings. While I am very flattered by it, I don't wanna get it over my head so soon because if I do, things to die very quickly. That's why I'm not allowing myself to "let go" now. I know it happened in the past and it ended badly.
However, when he did came over to pick me up not long ago, my mom (whom he met for the first time) said that she just saw it in his eyes that he does care for me a lot. Of course I brushed off her comment, fearing on the speed. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:39:27 PM | | Perhaps it might be wise to stop focusing on feelings feelings feelings and just get to know each other as people. As long as feelings are you focus, you'll be too busy feeling to use healthy discernment. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:41:16 PM | | well, you can fall in love slowly and get hurt also.. everyone thinks that if you move too fast its a bad thing...yes, sometimes we fall for the wrong person, we "think" its love..sometimes it is, sometimes not...I'm one who does not fall in love easy, but when I do..I go all out, I'm head over heels...three times in my life I fallin in love, one lasted 20 years,,the last and one that bothered me most when we split was only 18 months...take a chance, go with what you feel, not what someone else thinks is right...if you listen to others, where will they be in the end?? while you are alone?? | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:46:01 PM | Ok OP,.. time to get a bit of perspective okay?
You're second guessing yourself, terrified of mucking everything up, and you're in danger of building this bloke up into someone you'll feel you have to walk on eggshells around.
Stop that now, okay?
Its not about what your freind thinks, or your Mom thinks or even what HE thinks right now. You're giving away far too much of your own self determination.. when you flip flop like this, you're becoming too vunerable. take less notice of others, and trust your own strength more.
For now, take all his 'I miss you's' and nice stuff with a little pinch of alt. he may be sincere,.. only time will tell. Enjoy him, by all means,.. enjoy the developing relationship, but dont feel that YOU have to define your feelings at such an early stage.
YOU dont have to react in any defined way to his nice words or overtures hyet, .. its not a race.
YOU dont have to wait to see what he does, before mirroring his perceived fellings or behaviour.
This is not about him right now... its about you.
You are under no obligation to love him/ fall for him/ or alternately NOT fall for him.
Dont be so worried about defining how you feel, for you dont have to act on ANY of those feelings until YOU want to. Theres no set time for this, you'e not against a clock.
Its clear you like him lots already.
So,.. give it a lot more time,.. and recognise your feelings but DONT feel obligated to act on them.
Feel them, and then have a good think about them, when you're alone and less stimulated by him, his presence, or his phone calls.
keep remebering.. YOU are in control of yourself,.. and this man is not Gods gift that you have to make it solid with him straightaway.
Time, a bit of clear thinking, a healthy dose of caution and irreverance towards him in your mind,.. and you should be out of the danger zone of building him up into something he's not
nothing wrong with falling for someone quickly... just dont let it be known, or act on it until you've seen that he's gonna be consistant.
Think of it this way.. YOU'RE the catch here,.. and maybe you'll have to see if you really want to be with him... and give him the chance to fall for you.
'Not every boat you come across is one you have to take,
Sometimes you find, that standing still,
is the best move you'll ever make'
G. x | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:57:51 PM | It should come natural. Take things as they are and don't force anything or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Some people fall in love way too fast and it only hurts them in the end. Better to take things slow and let things come and go naturally at it's own pace.
If it's real it will eventually show. | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:04:25 PM | @ Goodewitch, that was a nice post about it. What I can not stand is people putting stuff in my head. I know how I feel about him right now and it's not love. At least not yet. And I've been more reserved that I'm usually am with other guys in the past. Do I wish I was more expressive to him? Of course but I know that would leave me on a vulnerable spot.
@ tony here, I know I should take a chance. But I'm more waiting on the guy first and just let things developed more. The last time I fell in love "slowly", that person broke my heart to pieces. I don't wanna be a snail but also not a rabbit either.
@ ego, that's what I've been telling my friend and my mom. I'm just enjoying my pace and if it meant to happen, it will. I'm just tired justifying myself because for once they see someone who has potential and thought I was jump at the chance like a moth to a flame.
@ landra... I'm just not going to bother. I guess no matter what I say, it'll be something on the negative side.
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:24:53 PM | Eh, haven't read the other replies yet.
Tell your friend thank you for caring, and you'll take her advice into consideration. Then if she brings it up again, nicely tell her, "yes, you already told me that. Thank you." Then change the subject. The end.
No one can "put stuff in your head" without your permission.
Edit: Oh, yeah, the feeling you get when you're first in that "roller-coaster OMG he's so great" stage is infatuation, not love. Love comes with knowing the other person, even when they do irritating things. It's easy to feel affectionately toward someone who hasn't pissed you off yet.
Also, in my opinion....If I was six weeks into an intense relationship and hadn't slept with the guy...I'd be kinda worried that he's getting it from someonme else while he's away on business.
Just sayin'... | |
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| Falling in love too fast or at a good pace?
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:06:07 AM | | If you would stop your life for this man right now...you may...if not...your probably in lust...with him...you havent even been intimate with him...that may change a lot of things...for good...or..for bad....there is a lot you probably still dont know about him....enjoy...the...courtship....because he may bolt...if you latch on too soon... | |
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