| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:24:41 PM | | Ok, so my name is Ryan i need some advice. Im 23 im in iraq. Before i deployed i was talking to this girl online. After months i come home we meet up, im a reservised so i live at home. Anyways, i we have the best 10 days of our lives and we both decide we are in love. I deploy and we are both happy she sends me emails upon emails a day telling me how much she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. Ive been cheated on serveral times so im worried and don't trust to easily. I mean i feel really close to this girl, her dad and I are buddies so everything is good this girl is perfect. Until one day i find out she's on a dating website. . Your asking well your on one right now retard, yes i am but im on because these forums are great for getting responses. Well she logged in yesturday, added new photos that she took for me and put them on there. It said looking for new friends and described everything that was important in her life except for me and i scrolled down more and it said if you would like to get to know me or think im attractive email me. Well after arguing and threatening to leave her she swears she was only on to find female friends because she's lonely. But she forgot to update her profile and i said, "you can update your pictures but not the bottom part?" She begged and begged and i finally said i'll work it out. Did I do the right thing? Or should i just leave her. This girl is the only girl out of many that ive been with that im actually happy and at peace with. Im not sure what to do. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:28:57 PM | From what you've described it doesn't sound like she's being entirely honest with you, however it might be that your view of the situation is skewed because of your history of being betrayed by other women.
Only you know deep down if you've done the right thing, and it's not necessarily a bad thing that you gave her another chance, just be true to your heart going forward. If you get a feeling that things aren't right address it right away. If you find that you just can't trust anyone maybe get some counselling so that you can learn how to trust again.
Good luck | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:32:33 PM | | thanks sometimes i feel like she isn't completely honest, when i ask her a question she will be honest but if i don't ask it seems like she tries to hide it. I found out she went to her ex's house to pick some stuff up weeks ago she never told me that either, i had to ask her. Now that i think about it i asked her a few days ago if she has been hanging out with any guys and she said no, and today she told me she went to her ex's. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:33:39 PM | Give her time to show who she really is. She may be sincere with you, but it takes time to get to know someone.
Thank you for your Service to our country, from a Veteran! | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:35:09 PM | You say you
don't trust to easily
and yet
we both decide we are in love
after just 10 days.
It's a lot to ask of her to wait for you based on your ten-day relationship. (The online chatting and emailing don't count for anything.) I know it would be really nice to know you have a girl and a perfect relationship all ready to go when you get home again, but I don't think you're being very realistic about how well you know each other.
Edit again because I think I misunderstood part of the post. Are you in Iraq again now?
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:37:38 PM | Her profile says she's looking for friends, yours says you're looking for dating? Did you "forget" to update yours, as you blasted her for not doing, OP?
Doesn't sound to me like she's done anything out of line so far; for one, you've only known her in person for 10 days, hardly a longterm committment. And, you're apparently demanding of her, things that you won't reciprocate on?
After 10 days, you barely know this girl. Give it time, and learn more about her...but you also have to be willing to meet her halfway, after all. Your own profile changes would be a good start, no? | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:39:52 PM | | this is the first time ive used this since may. And the girl and i talked alot on the phone, yeah i know its no relationship and all and this is crazy doing this but im crazy about this girl. And it feels completely different than any other. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:45:24 PM | You are not being realistic. You met online, agree and did meet in person, spent ten days together, and decided you were in love. To be honest with you, you are not any more knowledgeable about her now than when you began talking to her.
It has been often said by the men who have been in the military for years that you should do your time and when you get out, find your relationship away from there if you can't find one while you are still on active duty. | |
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pdlop
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Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 9 | |
| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:45:30 PM | | I would be pissed, her profile says email if you find me attractive? But the thing is you say you are on here for forums but by reading your profile it says different. Your profile says your looking for dating, you don't mention her at all either. Does she know about this profile? If she does, your pretty much doing the same thing to her. Change your profile to friend, say your on here for forums and say you already have a girl and then you can complain about her profile. Take care. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:51:10 PM | | like i said i don't use this profile except this one time because none of my friends are online for guidance. I should of did a better job of writing it out but i just wanted advice on how people would feel if put in my spot. THere's alot more than just online stuff when it came to her and i. There was alot of heart put into me sneaking out at night and calling her during my desert training, spending every moment i could running ontop of a hill just to get reception to call her, and she would be so happy. By the time we met it felt like we've already known eachother. I really want to believe it was a honest mistake and thats why im asking for opinions. | |
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pdlop
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Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 11 | |
| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:55:04 PM | | Your in love, give her another chance i say. She didn't cheat and it seems like she really likes you. Try not to let it drive you crazy thinking about it. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:01:06 PM | If I was in your spot and getting ready to be deployed, I'd be thinning out every bit of possession in my life as well as consolidating my relationships...including the girl that apparently fell in-love with me 10 days prior. In fact, I'd be honest with you...she wouldn't even be in the radar. I'd take all that romance with a grain of salt, unless she would look me right in the eye, right before that ramp in the Chinook shuts me out to another world.
Here's the honest truth. You had nothing, but a good time. Give her a call if you survived that tour. Cut her away when you deploy again...that's life in the military. A Dear John letter is commonplace with soldiers for a reason. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:14:56 PM | Well just my 2 cents but to me you are acting like the decision is imminent. Take some time get to know her better. You have come to an exclusive relationship really fast.
Also at 23 expect many more heartbreaks. Do not make a commitment until your eyes can fully focus on your prize, thats how men get taken. When you are there to compare words with actions then you can be sure.
Sin | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:23:22 PM |
like i said i don't use this profile except this one time
Then change it, to garner some credibility. I mean, come on, OP...your main complaint in your Opening Post was that, you "caught" her on here with a profile looking for FRIENDS, that didn't mention you. You are starting to sound like a control freak...you expect her to acknowledge you in her profile, but you won't do the same? You're on here posting...you have the 2 minutes required to make the same said changes.
Otherwise..methinks he doeth protest too much. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:25:53 PM | There was alot of heart put into me sneaking out at night and calling her during my desert training, spending every moment i could running ontop of a hill just to get reception to call her, and she would be so happy. By the time we met it felt like we've already known eachother.
God you are adorable. I wish I was 23 again.
Oh your problem, right - okay.
Well - She is YOUNG - she LOVES the attention.
She has this hot soldier boy paying attention to her - hmmm. Lets see what else
is out there, you know, he is going away for at least a year right???
You are so cute and I feel so sorry that she is acting her age. She is you know.
YOU are also deploying - I also know you feel real close to her- YOU are being
deployed you know. I also know its going to be very hard for you to know what
is really going on with her and those trust issues are a ****. YOu are being deployed
you know.
Get it yet. YOUR service comes first. YOUR SAFETY comes first.
Worrying about this girl who you SWEAR "gets" you like no other girl is
actually a figment of your imagination. It takes a very strong mature woman
to wait for her man. Believe me, alot goes on with this situation. Some women
and men are loyal. They wait. Some are weak and through no fault of thier
own when they are involved with military - fcck up. She is young.
You will never know. So - thats where trust comes in - Can you trust her?
So - whats your gut telling you???? Go with that. It never lies.
Best of luck honey. Come back and if you can, let us know how you are doing
by posting on the forums if you can.
PS - dont listen to the "dear John" crap. Plenty of us have been there and
did not desert our man when he had to go away, or cheat or anything. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:27:53 PM | | because i could care less about the profile, i met her on here she knows it, i even gave her my password, i could careless about any other girl in the world i haven't touched it since may thats how it is. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:30:15 PM | for the OP you had a holiday romance not much more, but you are still talking, put it this way are you yourself going anywhere right now??? your overseas in a s**t storm, she see guys come home in body bags and reads all kinds of things in papers on-line that is tough on her too. She does nt know what you are up too, so their is a lot of trust both ways. but yes give it a chance you got nothing to loose and loads to gain.
So what she collected things from an ex, all ex's don't have to kill each other you know. She got her things and maybe she said nothing cause she knew your reaction would be like this. Yes change your profile and judge her how you would like her to judge you.
Best of luck bud and stay safe, or shoot first ask questions later better them than you. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:31:52 PM | ryan
i think you and she are too young and don't know one another well enough to say you are in love. relationships are hard and when you factor in major seperation it gets even shakier. the ones that survive are those that have years behind them before the seperation. i say agree that the two of you will be friends and pick up where you left off
she may have the best of intentions, but loneliness is a biotch, as i am sure you well know. put yourself in her position and ask if you could make that kind of promise.
i want to tell you thank you for your service to our country. god bless you and keep you.
kaylee | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:32:02 PM | | i know it seems like its another military story, but ive been with many and have had that and this is different she wasn't reaised in america her dad was army for 25 years and im in the marine corps. She loves me like no other, sometimes its smothering, im in iraq right now and will be home in a few months thats all. She already has everything planned out. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:43:41 PM | you know i was wrong in telling you that you aren't in love. i guess i have forgotten how love sometimes comes quickly and for real. i remember.
so please accept my apology.
since you are so near to coming home, just try to not overthink this. seperation is a hard thing, it requires trust, understanding, an awareness and acceptance about how hard and lonely it can be, for both concerned. try to hold your fears, judgements about this situation until you are home.
kaylee | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:44:32 PM | | From what you said, ten days is a short time, but regardless, you were too tough on her. She is looking for friends, not a LTR. She expressed that in you otherwise she would have stated LTR, not friends. You have to be honest with yourself, if you were alone, without army buddies, wouldnt you seek out friends? Even if she decided to find a FWB while you were gone, doesnt she have that right? Do you expect her give up everything while only spending ten days with you, maybe you need to give her some breathing space. She is a young women with physica and social needs, she has a year to live before you return, if in fact you do return to her. All I know is when you try to put restrictions on others they may rebell and resent it. Unless you are looking for a dear john letter, its advisable to cut her some slack. If the both of you feel the same in a year, you can resume your LTR as planned. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:45:47 PM | | After 10 days....why bother...just leave..You have put more into writing the post than needed. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:51:11 PM | Tell her that you understand she has desires and you dont care what she does however you have to set out each day not knowing if youre coming back alive, and that normal people maybe she can cheat, however she has to be straight with you because of your situation, either she is with you or not, and you are a 1 girl man and so she just has to decide, right now how its going to be, because youre a soldier.
Tell her its not like a normal relationship, it has a higher level of commitment required, much separation and yet, because of that it is a greater love, more spiritual, and she'll be able to feel pure and connected instead of playing endless superficial games. And you can get on with your job without that playing on your mind. So she cant have it both ways, she wants a real man she has to be a real woman. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:53:53 PM |
i know it seems like its another military story
No its not. Its a freakin romantic hollywood story! You started this thread with "caught" your gf. Then your last post
She loves me like no other, sometimes its smothering, im in iraq right now and will be home in a few months thats all. She already has everything planned out .
The evolution of this love story is just dazzling, all in a span of under 24 hours. Go with the fairy floss version..... | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:29:45 PM | I think she is adjusting to a long distance relationship. That is what you are involved in after all. Long distance relationships aren't for everyone.
Give the girl a break... You are deployed in the middle east and she is home alone. Everyone needs companionship. I am not saying she is cheating either... She is just trying to figure out, if she is able to go the long haul and wait for you. | |
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