| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:44:57 PM | | I tried searching this, didn't really find anything exactly like it. Sorry if I missed it somewhere. I've been talking to this girl since July, we've hung out quite a few times. I really like her a lot. She said she wants to start out as friends and see if anything happens. Problem is, the more we hang out, the more I like her. I don't think that if it came down to it, I could be just friends with her. But on the other hand, I really like talking to her, it really makes my day. My question is what I should do. Every time we hang out or talk, all I can think about is how I wish we were more than friends. The problem is that if I tell her I don't think I can just be friends, I risk losing her completely. And while being friends and seeing if anything develops is good, my concern is what if nothing does and I spent all that time just to be in the same place I am now? Really don't know what to do, any advice at all would be greatly appreciated. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:00:09 PM | ["She said she wants to start out as friends and see if anything happens/"]
Well, four months later, something IS happening on your end and if she is still interested in spending time with you, she may be looking for some indication of your romantic interest.
Let her know that your feelings for her having been growing beyond friendship towards a committed relationship. If she doesn't have those feelings for you after spending four months in our company, it's not likely to happen on her end.
You're not "losing" anything really, you haven't had the relationship you were looking for with her from the beginning. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:15:05 PM | | Sorry, I should have specified. I did tell her that I'm interested in her as more than friends, which is when she said she wanted to start out as just friends and see if anything materialized. So she knows how I feel, it's not a mystery. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:23:09 PM |
Sorry, I should have specified. I did tell her that I'm interested in her as more than friends, which is when she said she wanted to start out as just friends and see if anything materialized. So she knows how I feel, it's not a mystery.
You obviously risk pushing her away if you become too impatient, but if you're able to keep your impulses in check, I don't think there's anything wrong with initiating another conversation to reiterate your interest in taking the next step.
At the end of the day, the only right answer depends on how long you are willing to wait for her to make up her mind one way or another. Just go with whatever time frame seems reasonable, you obviously don't want to be left hanging indefinitely. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:42:21 PM | | Thanks happy-go-lucky. That was really the question I was asking was what people thought might be the better avenue: stick it out and hope something develops on her end or just tell her I can't be just friends with her and let the chips fall where they may. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:41:40 PM | She already told you...
just freinds.
Nuthin more happening at her end.
Here's a thought.
Back away and see others.
Maybe she'll miss you.
But if not, atleast you'll be seeing others.
and moving on.
Which is what you should do.
Good Luck. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:02:08 PM | | Well what she said was "let's start out as friends and see what happens, if anything." | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:08:42 PM |
Well what she said was "let's start out as friends and see what happens, if anything."
Well, time to make something happen. Then you'll know. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:42:48 PM | | That's the thing that worries me, though. If I go ahead and tell her that I can't be just friends with her, I run the risk of driving her away and ruining the chance of something potentially happening down the road. On the other hand, if I stick it out and wait, then who knows when or if she'll ever feel the same way. That's the problem I have, is not knowing which avenue to take. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:03:18 PM | If I was interested in a gal, a gal that started the "friends jabber" .........
I would wish her well (and mean it) and never get around her again.
-----------
Trying to be friends with someone you would like more - is totally self destructive. Why do that to yourself.
--------
My advice OP .......... wish her well and forget her. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:30:10 PM | I would dump her now, before you have to buy her a Christmas present and have her dump YOU afterward.  | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:42:19 PM | | Thanks guys. I think that's what I'm going to end up doing. Hanging around someone who doesn't feel the same as I do is a waste of both our time and if I were to stick around and she found another guy, I'd just end up reseting her anyway. Best to leave things on a good note and get out of this situation. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:15:15 PM |
If I go ahead and tell her that I can't be just friends with her
I don't know why you have to say you can't be friends with her. If it were me, I'd tell her how great it's been getting to know her the past few months, and now you'd like more. Ask her how she feels about that.
Saying you "cant be friends" with her is something of an ultimatum, which should be avoided if possible. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:17:19 PM | Before you do that why don't you just ask her,
"So are you thinking you would like move beyond friends or are you happy so stay where we are now?"
I would imagine she will tell you if she is an honest person. If she wants to stay 'as is' then tell her you appreciate her honesty and that you are still wanting a girlfriend so you will be pursuing that elsewhere.
No harm in keeping her as a friend, she may have a girlfriend that you end up with, ya never know. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:18:12 AM | Canadian Ink you could let it drop in a nice conversation in some way, that you are wondering if the feelings you have for her are still just friendship, or share in some way that someone like her is rare and you now understand how someone can want more after being good friends.
Of course could be wrong on all this. 
~Beth~ | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:09:31 AM | | IMO, four months is more than enough time to know whether or not the potential for romance exists. If it hasn’t happened by now, I doubt it will. Whether or not to continue the platonic friendship is your call, but remember, you have romantic feelings for this woman, so if you remain in her platonic circle you will be watching her pursue, date, and romance other men, perhaps even fall in love with someone else. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:39:33 AM | | Agree with Frau...any girl will know after four months if she wants something more than friendship. I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, but in this case it might be warranted. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:53:09 AM | "Friends first" == "I might like you, but want to keep my options open."
Next. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:43:12 AM | | Yep, it's too close to Christmas. Find someone else for now and call her back around February 13, see if she's free for drinks. | |
|
| Any advice?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:06:52 PM | | I think it's perfectly reasonable to start a relationship on that basis and it's what I would want to do. I got fed up with men lying to get what they wanted and decided I would get to know them as friends first to find out what kind of person they were, before it turned physical. If you've seen each other quite a few times now and she's still happy to see you, then it may be time to show her that you want more. It's possible that she will turn you down but at least you will know where you stand. I certainly wouldn't approach the situation in a negative way as if you can't take this any longer. Tell her you have feelings for her and you are looking for more involvement with her because she becoming special to you. I don't think it would do you any good if you put this across as a threat or ultimatum, but if she saw you were making a positive move forward and you were happy with her, then she can look forward to something developing rather than feeling pressured. Once you've let her know how you'd like things to go now, give her a little time to think about it as it is a change and she wasn't certain about you to start with. Good luck. | |
|
Home
login 
