| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:30:13 AM | Just noticed two of the most (physically) attractive people that appeared on my matches recently mention in their (short) profiles that they are here to repair the damage done by long term abusive relationships.
Assuming rule of thumb that people generally match up with equally good looking partners and thus the 'men' involved here are also lookers , questions:
1. Do good looking people feel they can be more abusive in a relationship because they think they can easily get another partner?
2. Do people stay in relationships just for looks ?
And additionally, is it wise to focus purely on a recent abusive relationship in your profile? | |
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sjxx
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Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 2 | |
| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:37:44 AM | Its never appealing to read stuff on profiles about how people have been hurt or deceived or abused in their previous relationships. Its safe to assume that most of us had shitty relationships in our past and referring to it on a dating profile looks a little like they have failed to move on. As for your other questions most of the abused people I have known have been mingers. And who would stay with a good looking bas tard. Handsome is as handsome does. Being an abuser makes anyone ugly regardless of how pretty their face is.  | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:09:59 AM | Ummm utter bollocks, my step dad was a total minger, yet extremely abusive so that blows that theory out of the water.
And no it's not a good idea to dwell on past relationships good or bad. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:13:43 AM | 1. Do good looking people feel they can be more abusive in a relationship because they think they can easily get another partner?
I would say there are alot of people who think that their looks allow them to mistreat others yes. But equally there are stunningly beautiful people who wouldn't.
2. Do people stay in relationships just for looks ?
Do you mean abusive relationships? No looks have nothing to do with someone staying in an abusive relationship. That's down to alot of other factors.
Non abusive rels may possibly have looks as playing a part of whether they stay or go but usually it's great sex that keeps people in a non-abusive relationship that they'd possibly be better out of. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:16:06 AM | I dont think being abusive is related to looks, i only need to watch the Jeremy Kyle show to know that much.
I prefer not to show negativity on my profile, i dont think it does anyone any favours. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:36:20 AM | You assume that two women you find physically attractive, were with physically attractive men.
The two men were abusive to those two women.
Question 1.
No I don't think good looking people feel they can be more abusive in a relationship because they think they can easily get another partner.
Question 2.
No I don't think people stay in relationships for looks.
Question 3. No its not wise to focus on a recent abusive relationship.
Too many assumptions, too much analysing, too much time on your hands. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:57:36 PM | | If you have a lot of time on your hands you might want to take a look at this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness Have fun :o) | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:46:20 PM | 1. Do good looking people feel they can be more abusive ... etc... ?
I think it is more complex than that. One of the things I have noticed in my many decades on the planet, is that it CAN BE a real disadvantage to grow up good looking. Countless studies, both serious and trivial, have shown that we all respond more positively to good-looking people: we smile at them more, we tend to assume that they are more intelligent than mingers. This gives the putative good-looking person a slightly skewed picture of the world. They tend to expect allowances to be made for them, because allowances have always been made for them. This can make them rather inclined to think that they are more wonderful than they actually are, and thus more inclined to reject someone who notices that they are in fact less wonderful than experience has taught them to think they are.
2. imo, nobody stays in a relationship just for looks. IMO, looks become irrelevant very quickly. Looks affect initial attraction and not much else. Of course, without that initial attraction, the relationship is unlikely to start, so good-looking people have more chance of starting a relationship, but it won't continue without all the other things that make a relationship happen.
3. Focussing on a recent abusive relationship in a profile totally and utterly puts me off, but that may be just me. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:50:43 PM | | Totally unrelated, IMO. If anything, I'd say a good looking person is less likely to suffer the low self-esteem that is one of an abuser's many less than endearing 'qualities.' | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:03:03 PM | I think looks and abuse are completely unrelated. Perhaps the dialogue used in the abuse is a bit different. The thing about good looking people being less susceptible due to having better esteem, that's also rubbish. My best friend is a stunning girl but due to her partners insidious picking over 10 years, she has no idea how special she is physically and mentally.
If anyone says anything about being hurt in the past in any way I would steer well clear. Screams that they have not gotten over it and it will only infiltrate any new relationship. Only when you can leave it in your past for the most part can you have a healthy new relationship and I'm not here to counsel anyone through that transition! | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:42:21 PM | IMO attractive people are rarely in a relationship with other attractive people.
What people say on their profile might or might not be truth.
Maybe the non attractive would abuse attractive partners just to keep them, make them feel like victims feel.. 100 days bad and one day good so victims live for this one good day.. this is called a psychology of a victim.. but this is just one of the possibilities, I would not count on this. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:50:39 PM | | One thing I notice when in a relationship and one is good looking and the other is not, the good looking one will make the other feel as though it's a privilege to be with them, whether you would class that as abuse is another story lol. A good looking woman to me is like a Ferarri, impossible to own on my income, unreliable, something you pin up on your wall as a poster and everyone else wants it. But I would borrow one for the night lmao | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:01:37 PM | An abuser is an abuser, regardless of looks and i think those who have been abused before tend to attract more abusers as these type of people are hunters looking for prey.
An abused person, has low self esteem and are very vunerable (after they have been in an abusive relationship ) and can be easily charmed.
has nothing to do with looks that attract them to each other its the manipulation of one to the other.( they can start off with great confidence but its manipulation that eventually after long enough ) breaks this doesnt make them weak people just makes the abuser maybe a bit stronger in the mind game ;)
all my friends are meantal health workers can you tell haha ;p | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:00:39 AM | If you feel the need to post details of past relationships on your profile, then methinks you shouldnt be here. The less savoury element will latch on to it straight away, and go for the jugular!
JMHO! | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:07:46 AM | I think no matter what you put in your profile people will only think what they want too , but unless you actually get to know them how will you ever really know, maybe because I have had people judge my profile becausemy status is widowed .
but yes I agree with the comment the less savory will latch on to it , they assume I must be easy prey , oh what a suprise they get lol ;) | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:25:32 AM | From what I've seen most abusers are punching above their weight.
They are abusive to control a partner they percieve as too good for them be that in looks, education, career.
Has nothing to do with attractive people being abusive, if they honestly believed they were attractive and were confident of that it should make them less likely to be abusive. | |
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| Good looking people & abuse
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:22:53 AM | There is no relationship between abuse and looks. Abusive people have self esteem issues wherein they need to feel more powerful over another or others. This personality problem is probably something that developed in childhood and has nothing to do with looks. People who allow abuse, the co-dependent as I understand it, also have self esteem issues, also unrelated to appearance.
Also, two profiles are a very small sampling to base any generalizations on. | |
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