| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:48:10 AM | I read an article online last night that reports that Men and Women view intimacy differently...define it differently.
Women:
When women want to draw closer, we face each other, lock eyes in what has been called the "anchoring gaze," and proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, our lives. To women, intimacy is talking face-to-face.
Men:
Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives. But rarely do they share their secret dreams and darkest fears. (When they do, they often use "joke speak," camouflaging their feelings with humor.) And men almost never look deeply into each other's eyes
I found the article to be funny in parts...and it's link to pre-historic times and behaviours... hunting...nurturing...etc.... rather a reaching link.
Me?... Intimacy to me is the shared moments together.... holding hands as we walk.... the silent moments... leaning against each other...no words necessary.
It's not always about shaggin'. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:55:41 AM |
When women want to draw closer, we face each other, lock eyes in what has been called the "anchoring gaze," and proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, our lives. To women, intimacy is talking face-to-face.
Ummmm,,,,what century was that suppose to have happened?????
Intimacy = the moment we are able to open the doors to each other's soul and mind. I'm finding a lot of locked and chained up doors. Just my experince thou. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:12:56 AM |
Intimacy = the moment we are able to open the doors to each other's soul and mind. I'm finding a lot of locked and chained up doors. Just my experince thou
I find the above is more a characteristic of men in general. Seeing as you tapped on it Walt…
What causes the locked and chained up doors? What makes it happen? Am curious… | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:56:08 AM | OP
If I interpret your message correctly you are defining intimacy in women, with other women; and in men, with other men.
I would be interested in a comparison of how both men and women define intimacy with the opposite gender, not the same gender (without complicating the discussion with hetero/homosexual preferences). | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:12:22 PM | ^hmmm somehow I doubt you would mind the discussion getting complicated
The examples of intimacy, were just examples when I read it. I, perhaps wrongly, assumed that OP simply meant how each gender was able to engage in intimacy with another person?
and RWW, it was my impression that Walts was saying many women are chained and gated! Interesting :) | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:41:13 PM | | My Definition of Intimacy: Partners who "get" each other, be it cerebral, emotional, or physical. Conversation and laughter between the couple flows easily. For me, it would be a quick wit, plenty of double entendre's, and a physical/sexual chemistry that reaches far beyond the bedroom. Being able to confide with no judgment from the other. The blending and sharing of our lives. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:48:05 PM |
and RWW, it was my impression that Walts was saying many women are chained and gated! Interesting :)
Appears I may have lost the keys.....am looking for a duplicate....am sure its' here somewhere...lol
I just need to know where to find it.. or maybe HOW? | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:18:58 PM | ^^^ though I do agree with Walts but wouldn't go as far and say it is gender specific...
lost keys, locked doors, buried things....
there is some merit in letting or leaving the past where it belongs when something has been learned from it
we only live in the presence and hope for the future
find intimacy between two or more persons is very much an individual matter and greatly varies between genders and across genders
when we feel intimate bond it is always special, friends or lover or both | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:24:56 PM |
Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives.
Oh my God. By that definition, I'm a DUDE! | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:52:52 PM | | Intimacy is staying in the bathroom and brushing your teeth while your partner is having a poop...both naked, then hopping into bed and doing the wild thing after. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:10:23 PM | Sorry,,,my comments were a quick statement regarding my experinces with the opposite gender. I have a few male friends(long time friends I must add,plus the odd close female) that now know that they can openly express to me their thoughts and feelings and come to me with the real "stuff" that is hurting or bothering them ,,,not fluffy generic comments,,,,knowing that I won't come up with comments back to them, like,,,,toughen up,,,be a man!!!,,,etc,,,etc. I also know a lot of men that don't dare express how they truely feel,etc because of what results,,,,,from BOTH men and women.
From my personal experince,,,a lot of women can not actually figure out or handle a man that can express what is truely inside them. They end up calling(or labelling ) these types, needy,whiny,weak,etc. Or how about this one,,,," I want a man's man!!! ". More than once in my life I have been told by a female that is getting close to me that she has "never met a man like me",,,,whatever the hell that means. They couldn't even tell me, cause it probably doesn't happen enough to them,,,,,maybe?????
The locked doors I refered to was how I am finding women that I get involved with in my life,,,,in all parts of it. Trust, I know is a big part of it,,,and yes,,,there are those that once they spend the time,,,they do actually "open" up and give me the "real" stuff. It involves droppin your guard,,,letting someone "in".
And yeah,,,, I know for a fact that I have been guilty of such during periods of my life. But there are enough people in this world that have seen parts of me that most don't,,,that I will say that I am very comfortable in the way I let others see the whole me. Time,,,itself,,,,is a very big part of it. Seeing me in different situations is another. An example would be how I handle my people during the work hours,,,as compared to how I handle them and situations "after hours". Completely different,,,,but both are a very big part of "me".
The other thing I have noticed is the communication thingy between the male and the female. There is something to be said about that Mars and Venus thingy. A lot of women have a tough time when a male does express his feelings cause he will end up putting them RIGHT OUT THERE and IN YOUR FACE when he actually decides to do it. But,,,,women,,,,,you will find that men won't do this until they believe or feel they can with you. There's that trust thingy again. Also, we (I) need that emotional connection. Hard to believe,,,, I know,,,but true for some of us.
I will say,,,once I find that intimancy,,,,with anyone,,,,,it is very hard to replace. I guess that's what we all are looking for. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:22:17 PM | Great post Walts, and I undertand what you are saying. There are some men that are capable of conversing deeply and intimately. And I think many are older, less concerned with ego, more willing and appreciative of what is to be gained. And the same could often be said of women.
However, there are many men, some for the reasons you mentioned, who never were interested, and never will be. They have not taken the time to explore those deep and difficult areas, and so become even less willing and able to have certain discussions. I think this leaves them feeling vulnerable and intimidated when they encounter someone who would like to talk "at length" about certain aspects of intimacy. Very difficult for women when they run up against those walls with a promising new friend.
and Anicca...there is no arguing with that it just doesn't get any more intimate. Wow, its been so long since I have been that comfortable with anyone  | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:56:23 PM | | To me, true intimacy involves unguarded access to and between all aspects of a couple: physical, emotional, mental and right to the depths of whatever part of your soul you brought with you here. That requires total trust and belief in each other. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:45:51 PM | In my opinion INTIMACY is not about the sexual act itself. After all, sex is just sex. To me intimacy is him holding my hand while we are walking, rubbing my leg under the table during dinner & having a heart to heart conversation with both parties listening before they speak up. Intimacy to me is snuggling by the fire,watching a movie & eating popcorn with a glass of wine. Intimacy is being able to connect verbally with my partner. Intimacy to me is also making love after flirting etc all afternoon before actually going to bed and making love.
I am sure this is not every one's interpretation, but it is mine!
..... speaking of which............ nite all............ lol :) | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:17:47 AM | Intimacy isn't sex. You can have that with any one.
for me was when I felt comfortable enough with my partner to share everything with her.
everything. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:28:45 AM | "a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group."
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/intimacy
That didn't take long | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:32:31 AM | ^hmmm loving personal relationship? with a group? it will take longer than that I'm afraid
I was just teasing that it might not have been long enough ;) in reference to a group, as most people might not associate intimacy as being with more than one person. I think if it is a group you have known for a long time, than intimacy because of trust and comfort would certainly be possible. And then there's polyamory ..... | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:10:23 PM | | Intimacy for me is a state of mind. You feel safe and comfortable in everyway....you can share things with one another with no fear of being judged... you support one another even if there is a difference of opinion....because you love them. You can be intimate without sharing words through one anothers actions....and I dont mean sexually... a look into one another's eyes... a touch...holding hands...cuddling... and sometimes just breathing and sharing the same space...no words necessary because we just need the others presence. Its the desire to make the other feel safe and comfortable ... through all things you do...It's having that special connection with one you you care greatly about...and you would do anything for them. | |
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| Your Definition of Intimacy
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:13:35 PM | Hmph - intimacy, is it? Good luck with that! Alot of time wasted, if you ask me, swanning around mouthing inanities and gazing like a sick calf into the eyes of someone who just looks soulful cause he hasn't shaved that day. LOL! I'm not complaining, it's just a fact that men and women are usually on different planes for different reasons...ON TOPIC, true intimacy is trust. knowing that a person can keep a secret, and have your back, even if they don't like you that day...and can count on you for same. The rest is fluff.
The PMS Curmudgeon  | |
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