| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:16:20 AM | Ok- if you guys have been following my relationship saga (from my other posts), you are aware I've been dating this guy for 2+ months, we tried to have sex once, didn't work haven't tried again. Not bc we didn't want to, but bc work schedules, us being sick etc.
So...he usually texts me throughout the day and says goodnight every night. He didn't do this for three nights. Yes, he talked to me during the day, but not at night.
Sorry to say it guys, but i freaked the F out. I broke up with him via a facebook message bc I thought he was no longer interested. I jumped the gun bc i was afraid of rejection. (Insert psycho, insecure, moody, crazy, petty, immature woman comments here.) I'm insecure-have been dumped, deserted cheated on etc.
So...I break up with him, he says I f-ed up majorly bc he has feelings for me, I say sorry, lets get back together, he says no, he tries to win me over, i say no, he says lets try again, i say yes.
He says, "I honestly can see myself getting along with you so well. I want to try again. I will make an effort to come see you more often."
1. Did I totally doom this relationship? He said he deleted the message and never wants to read it again.
2.How can I stop being so f-ing insecure and accept this?
3. I don't want to be that crazy ****. How can I chill the f-out?
Thank you for your honest answers | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:23:07 AM | Being in a relationship is like playing a game of chance. Understandable your feelings about rejection and jumping the gun. Not much you can do about it if you let yourself think about worse case scenarios whenever you don't hear from an SO.
He doesn't sound like he is doing anything to encourage these feelings in you. I mean, one day? I could see if he changed, over time, things that he normally does until it gets to a point where such feelings of rejection are justified. Change your mindset. If you keep thinking that something will happen, chances are that they will. Think about doing something with yourself where you are not resting for more than 5 minutes, giving you time to think about things that will have you on the brink of paranoia. Stand too long in one place, you grow roots. When ever you feel a thought like the ones you have been having coming on, do something right away that keeps you busy. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:26:18 AM | You know those double images where if you look at it one way it looks like an old woman, and if you look at it another way it looks like a young woman?
You see what you choose to focus on.
edit: http://pcsafetyadvice.com/glob/young-woman-old-lady.png | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:29:41 AM | Thank you Arsenic I really appreciate that advice.
I am a fairly busy person: kid, work, school, etc., but i guess i need a hobby other than facebook to occupy my free time lol!!!
 | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:40:28 AM | Yeah I know what you are saying.
(Insert psycho, insecure, moody, crazy, petty, immature woman comments here.) I'm insecure-have been dumped, deserted cheated on etc.
We have all been there once in our life. I agree with the first response. You have to get some hobbies and keep yourself busy. Volunteer in the community or something. What has been good for me is NOT carrying my cell phone on me unless I am out and about. When you have it on you or on the table you spend a lot of time looking at it and waiting for it to ring, or expecting him to call. Everyone who needs to reach me urgently can call me on a landline when I am at home, or they know I will return their calls if they leave a message.
Especially if you find yourself getting obsessed about what he is doing you have to focus on something else. Get your own life.
Go out and do something productive, and leave the phone in your bag. Stay at home leave the phone in your room in your bag. You shouldn't be freaking about because he is not calling you because you should have your own life that is amazing. It is only 2 and a half months, when the novelty of you wears off; the number of texts and visits will be less especially if he is a busy guy. This is something to think about.
If you need someone who gives you more attention because of your insecurities, then you should find someone that fits your requirements rather than sitting around all anxious about what he is not doing for you and getting worked up about it and appearing like the psycho on facebook. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:42:05 AM | | You dont want to be that crazy? doom what relationship? sound more like a frietada. give up on guys go fix your head, the world has enough problems. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:44:52 AM | y so srious? 
communicate. facebook, myspace, texting..... it ruins everything. it's in-direct communication. you cant see his face or expression when you talk to him. you can't feel any positive vibes except for your own negative ones. and making bad assumptions.
try talking to him and communicate with him over coffee or a quick lunch or something. be more direct. direct communication with someone is key here. even actually USING the phone to talk rather than texting may help a bit. it's just a lot easier for the both of you to communicate in-person. talking one on one in-person will chill you and him out for sure :D | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:46:57 AM | You can't break up with someone because they didnt text or call,specialy if they did call you durning the day.
If you break up with him for little things like that he's not gona put up with that kinda stuff for very long.
chill out before it to late. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:47:40 AM | 
If you're a "fairly busy person," it means that you're operating, at least part of the time, under stress. Stress amplifies many things, even the small things become big.
When I was a kid, I used to be able to walk on a railroad track (the steel rail) for a very long ways. In the military, we were asked to walk on a beam that was way wider than a steel rail, by a long shot. The only difference was that it was about 20 feet high. Talk about being scared. Stress will do that -- make things that you can easily do seem way more scary/freaky/risky than they might otherwise seem.
The only suggestion that I would make is to learn some type of stress management, or some form of meditation. That will allow you to think more clearly when you get into stressful situations.
Many actors/actresses, public speakers use beta blockers just before a major performance. They take some of the stress level/nervousness off just enough to optimize performance. You may also want to discuss that with a doctor. Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that you're not normal by any stretch of the imagination, but rather, that stress can be a big contributor to the freakin' out thing.
Good luck! Don't overanalyze! Chill! | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:53:48 AM | Well..it's your choice on how you want to conduct yourself in society....and you made it...you choose to be insecure...crazy...ect....and as far as breaking it off with him...leave it at that...dont ever go back on your word or decision....keep up what your doing...and you will be treated like a nut job... | |
|
| |
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:46:52 PM | I seriously hope I never, EVER run into someone like you.
You two are gonna have 0 chemistry within 8 months. If that. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:52:36 PM | You certainly seem to be very nervous and judgmental. According to your profile, you don't find ANYONE on P.O.F. to be datable, which, since there are more guys than gals, means you are VERY picky.
How can you calm yourself down? Well, assuming first that you don't suffer from a chemical imbalance requiring medication to tame, you need to know YOURSELF better. People who panic in relationships usually do so because they don't know enough about themselves, to know what their own feelings really mean. When they get angry, they think they should dump whoever they are with, even before they take the time to figure out what they are angry ABOUT. When they are happy, they think it's time to get married.
Take the time to ponder what you go through with a given guy, BEFORE you email him about it. Figure out EXACTLY what you are upset about, not just that you are upset. He might say something that recalls your parents punishing you, or an old embarrassing situation you went through; he may have actually done something that directly goes against your personal beliefs. Figure it out well enough to explain it to him first, BEFORE you talk to him about it.
Reducing insecurity comes from creating a secure situation for yourself to retreat to if you need it. Make sure you don't put your home or job at risk for a relationship, and make sure you don't accept any dating circumstances that make you feel unsafe. Decide ahead of time what you will or will not do, and stick to it. Don't do anything that you don't recognize is necessary to achieve your dating goals. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:55:36 PM | I am so glad you have Serious Relationship No thanks on your profile header...Since quite honestly I don't think you are ready for one.
You broke up with a guy because he didn't call or text you to say good night. Were your fingers broke that you couldn't text or call him? Maybe he was waiting to see you make some effort here.
You then broke up with him via Facebook. Sorry you would have only had one chance and in my mind with something so lame as this I wouldn't want you back in my life. I would immediately think D.R.A.M.A in high defination. Just not something I would want in my life at any age.
I honestly think you need to sit back and evaluate you really want, what you are capable of handling at this time in your life and deal with that.
I do remember some of the other threads and frankly I think there are some underlying issues here that maybe you are not aware of.
Good luck | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:00:10 PM | Focus first on impulse control, and the rest will eventually fall into place. If you don't ACT like a freaked-out, insecure, psycho bi*ch, you will give yourself time to explore the feelings and deal with them.
The getting-past-the-feelings stage can take a lot of time; be patient with yourself. In the meantime, ACT like the person you want to be--more thoughtful, more mature. Impulses are just that--they are NOT a reflection of one's "true" nature anymore than your desire to be a better person is. What you become is under your control. You may always have a tendency to over-react, emotionally, or maybe not, but the goal is to keep those urgent feelings from controlling you. Those feelings are a clue to your insecurities, which is why exploring them is a good idea--on your own time, of course!
Best of luck. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:03:23 PM | To everyone who said there are underlying issues...there are. So I am going to take your advice. I really need to evaluate myself first- and then try to make a relationship work.
Oh- and to that guy who said he would run from me- I think you hit on me last week. Stay classy. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:07:28 PM | | Facebook can make or break a person. The only people that are on my FB are family and close friends. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:25:08 PM | maybe it's time for you to grow the F up
Didn't you say you have a child?
Thank you for your honest answers my pleasure. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:16:38 PM | | I agree with American-Boy. Breaking up via a Facebook message? Gimme a break. That's just wrong. Show a bit more class than that. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:38:09 PM | You just need to be a complete and content person before you put yourself out there, and place your own insecurities on another person. I dealt with this same sort of headache myself before-- got involved with a girl, we'd worked together before, VERY much into the same interests as I so very compatible in that regard, but I'd just gotten a promotion at work before (live TV) so I had little time to myself or to relax, much less to give a developing relationship my all. Still, it wasn't helped by her internalizing and taking personally all the time that I wasn't able to call her. I'd get this 2 page long rambling drunken emails listing her different interpretations over why I hadn't called, saying my job wasn't important anyway, asking where things were going when I myself hadn't even had much time to figure that out myself. I'd get work-related calls (I was in a supervisory position), and she'd fume and then start demanding that I get off the phone. I found out from friends that she was posting on her FB status updates how she'd "never again go out with a guy who..." before I'd even received the news myself. She dropped me as a Myspace friend while we were involved without telling me either. And so on.
Basically, relax. You have a kid... project your love into them. A functional relationship is between two adults who respect each other but also each other's lives and commitments outside of one another. Not between children... which frankly, it kinda felt like I was dealing with after awhile. | |
|
| So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:54:20 PM | | okay - this is really sad hun - time to move on. yeah - breakups (no matter how much of a pansy the guy is, and especially if he does it through facebook - lame) suck but they happen and you shouldn't let it get to you. think about it this way - there are over 6 billion people on the planet. if you let one dude (who you met on the freakin' internet) get you all upset you need to build up your own self confidence and your own life. there are 3 billion other guys out there!!! i used to be upset over rejection/relationship not working but i fixed that problem long ago. if someone only knows you for a short time and decides they don't want to spend more time with you, or if it's rough, then f-it!!! there are so many things to do and other people to meet that you have to let it go. you're wasting your own time, money, life, other opportunities, and anything else that can come your way. | |
|
Home
login 
