| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:01:42 PM | I recently met a guy on another dating site and we seemed to get along. I have now been dating him for two months. His profile stated that he is 38 years old (this site updates age as time goes by). I happened to notice on his licence that he was born in December of 68. I didn't say anything to him about this until a couple of days ago when he was discussing his upcoming birthday. When I asked him his age, he admitted that he'll be turning 41. I could care less that he is 41 since I would date someone up to ten years older than myself but I am a little put off by the fact that he shaved two years off his age. He says that he was getting matched up with ladies in their late 40s and 50s and wanted to meet women with less baggage. He also made a comment about how lots of people lie about their age.
Has anyone had this experience before? If so, did the person who lied about age lie about other things? He seems like a nice guy and I don't plan on breaking up with him over this....but should I be concerned? | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:05:51 PM |
but should I be concerned?
You are concerned enought to ask the question, so listen to your gut.
He did not exactly correct himself right away when you met up and started a relationship with you either, now did he? He waited till you "discovered" it.
No one was forcing him to meet these ladies out of his targeted age range that he was being matched up with...
He also made a comment about how lots of people lie about their age.
Lots of people do lots of things that are not necessarily valuable traits to have. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:12:07 PM | You wrote ....
He also made a comment about how lots of people lie about their age.
Has anyone had this experience before? If so, did the person who lied about age lie about other things?
People who lie about their age .... LIE period. If you were talking about stealing and you said ....well he only stole a book .... as aposed to a car ....it is still THEFT. Just like lying about your age is still LYING.
At the end of your post ....
He seems like a nice guy and I don't plan on breaking up with him over this....but should I be concerned?
Nice people lie and steal ....that doesn't mean that you can trust them or that they are honest. And if you don't have plans on breaking up with him ...why post this? And obviously you did post it which means that part of you IS concerned and .....and in my opinion rightly so. A lie a lie and theft is theft .....
Peace ....... the FairyHealer | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:14:32 PM | I have met a ton of gals on here and honestly most fudged their age by a couple years. The ones that knocked ten off I was not happy about. I could care less about two.
Has he been honest with you now about everything else is the key? Or is lying a pattern of bad behavior for him?
If that is your only red flag so far I would let it slide but be on alert for further lies.
Cowboy | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:15:33 PM |
I happened to notice on his licence that he was born in December of 68. I didn't say anything Why not? You said you were getting along, so why didn't you communicate this at the time?
Lots of people do lots of things but that doesn't make them right.
But I'd be concerned about why you didn't bring it up at the time. You're not much better than he is when it comes to communicating honestly. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:30:04 PM | Just look at those who would say its ok...they're mostly women. Older women.
I can understand why he'd want to shave off one year or two...and not to generalise, but there is truth in that a vast majority of 40+ women are jaded, angry, non-committal, don't have a mind of their own, etc.
Just as a majority of men in that age bracket are bitter, untrustworthy, enjoys a beer or two (beergut).
As for me, I'm stuck with a bevy of twisted, angry, jaded, divorced women...I'm just gonna take my sweet old time....every dog will have their day. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:03:29 PM | We live in a world where so many people are concerned with loosing their youth... I understand why people do it... but I don't like it.
You have already answered your own question. Obviously, by your reaction, it's already tainted the relationship.
You just can't do it... it's a lie. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:04:50 PM | I have done the same. I am 47 but are down as 44 and its because I was being missed by males that I usually date ( 40 ish). I was being in a search category that seemed to encourage older men. I do not look my age and decided being in the under 45 range got me better viewings. But I do come clean straightaway.
I can't remember what his excuse was but there's worse things to lie about. I do not think this makes him a liar as I am an honest person. I think this may bother you because maybe there are other things you are questioning? | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:09:40 PM | | Personally, I don't trust men well to begin with. They have to walk their talk for awhile to prove that they have integrity and good character. This takes time. A little lie like that right off the bat sets them back at the start. It erodes the fragile base of trust I afford each man when I meet them. Trust is very hard to rebuild. If he's tell a white lie like this, what else would he lie about? Where does he draw the line? I lie about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to little children, but I always tell the truth about my age and never say how much I weigh. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:19:04 PM | He didn't say he was sorry over the lie -- he tried to justify it and excuse it. Two years, five years or ten, lies are lies. The fact that he feels fine lying should be a heads-up about what other things he feels okay lying about to you.
He says that he was getting matched up with ladies in their late 40s and 50s and wanted to meet women with less baggage.
Women his actual age don't have more baggage than women in their 30s and early 40s. What a crock of shit. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:35:00 PM |
I have done the same. I am 47 but are down as 44 and its because I was being missed by males that I usually date ( 40 ish). I was being in a search category that seemed to encourage older men. I do not look my age and decided being in the under 45 range got me better viewings. But I do come clean straightaway.
- I understand what you are saying, but you are probably going to hurt yourself more by doing this than if you just answered with your correct age to start with. It still makes you look like a lier. When I was dating, I met several women who did this... it did lower my trust and respect for them a little bit... that's not good... in order to have the highest possible levels of love in a relationship, you must first have the highest levels of trust and respect... these things are all directly tied to each other. I'm not trying to beat you up, sweetheart, I'm just telling it like it is.
This is a very good thread.
I lie about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to little children
- that's not good either believe it or not... obviously, you don't want to run around telling every child you see and steeling their childhood dreams... but if I were a parent, and my kids asked me, knowing what I know now about the power of honesty... I would have to tell them... very gently... and very carefully.. the truth. And then I would have to immediately take them to Disney World for the weekend to make up for it, LOL! (but the real stories behind the holidays mentioned, stories about Jesus, can be equally interesting to children... that's food for thought.)
I don't believe in sharing all the past transgressions of your life, your dirty laundry, with loved ones, other than counselors... but openness and honesty are two different things. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:07:10 PM | Hey.. It's been said down through time
"It's a woman's PEROGATIVE to lie about her age"
and
Never ask a woman her age.. it's impolite.
I understand the "inferred search results" part of dating websites..
I suppose it would have been best to tell you on the first real date. To come clean.
If this is the ONLY thing he misrepresented in the beginning.. and since you started dating it's been all TRUTH.. Look at his character demonstrations in the rest of his behaviors and make a choice.
Frankly at 41.. MOST men would want a much hotter woman than is GENERALLY found in their 40's on a dating site.
Landra makes a good point. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:20:46 PM | | When I was dating online I had a guy who is 5 years older state on his profile he was the same age as myself. He did come clean right away, however, in the first contact. His reason was that he was afraid women would bypass him because of his age and think he was posting pictures of himself that looked younger, when the posted pictures were recent. He looks younger (well did at that time), than his chronological age. I gave him the benefit of his explanation. In actuality, he was a pretty honest guy, just screwed up in other ways - poor guy. Some people just can't win for losing. Internet dating...any dating...is much the same principal as buyer beware. Lord knows there are any number of things people write in their profiles, other than age, that are fabricated or at the very least an unrealistic view of themselves, but their perception is their reality. Be perceptive and use your own intuition on a person by person basis. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:23:41 PM | .
"It's a woman's PEROGATIVE to lie about her age"
I understand the "inferred search results" part of dating websites..
I suppose it would have been best to tell you on the first real date. To come clean.
If this is the ONLY thing he misrepresented in the beginning.. and since you started dating it's been all TRUTH.. Look at his character demonstrations in the rest of his behaviors and make a choice.
- I hear you, but I still say it's bad... it lowers trust level which in turn lowers love level/potential, right out of the gate. I understand the logic from a marketing standpoint, but it's still bad news. I really wish there were a way around it, I'd like to believe in little white lies, but I can't. It's dangerous and poisonous to a relationship... and once it's out there, they may never be able to forget, it may limit the level of happiness attainable in that particular relationship forever. | |
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| He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:36:41 PM | | I do not see any reason to lie about 2 years (unless he is a minor). I am 38 but never would think that saying 36 or 40 will be a different position. I agree that things start from a some lies in this specific case. Did he explain HIS motivation, specifically? | |
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