| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:52:41 PM | | ok heres the deal, short and to the point. separated from ex wife for 4 yrs now, had a serious relationship 2yrs after, moved in with a woman and her 3 kids, i have 2. things were awsome, then slowly went down hill, i moved out so that we could grow closer again, it did for a while. Now she wants nothing to do with me, and it hurts bad, we were amazing together. I pleased her in everyway that her ex couldnt. she told me i was the man of her dreams, all i wanted to do was be with her every minute and everyday. She started to hate that, and now i guess does. I said some dumb things and she has held it against me. Now she wont talk to me or anything. I have tried to contact her, and she wont return my calls, Do i wait, or do i give up? I still have alot of feelings for her and man i miss her kids. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:01:05 PM | All relationships are not meant to last....
we were amazing together
For awhile I'm sure you were , as most relationships are, especially in the early stages... I'll bet it was not always amazing. You are in the stage of rose colored glasses...Seeing and remembering only the parts you want too.
It can complicate the ending of a relationship even farther if the kids were an involved part of it but you have no choice but to move on.
Well, you could sit and wallow in self pity but what positive effect on you or your kids is that going to have?
Leave her alone. Work on yourself.
**Oh, and get a divorce before you enter into another serious relationship, moving in and involving the kids, et.all !! | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:13:04 PM | | Give up and move on. It sounds like she's done, and if she's not, she'll contact you. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:13:17 PM | | Leave her alone. She doesn't want you anymore and doesn't owe you her time. Her heart's closed to you. Stop jumping into serial monogamous relationships, grow up, be a dad, and be alone for a while. It'll be good for you, it's healthy, and you'll maybe get your priorities straight. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:13:25 PM | | My head is spinning from this. I'm wondering why you are not divorced by now, if you don't mind my asking. Now you've broken up from another relationship and you're here on POF looking for someone else. What is it that you want? | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:14:48 PM | Maybe she felt smothered? Maybe she just needs time on her own. Maybe you need time on your own as well to reasess things.
Sure, let her know that you are truly sorry and want to fix things, but do not push your agenda either. Give her time to breathe. If she wants you back, she'll let you know.
There's not enough details here for me to give you any advice/opinion beyond that.
** And I agree, why not get the divorce from the first wife finalized first before making your next move.? | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:18:42 PM |
all i wanted to do was be with her every minute and everyday. She started to hate that, and now i guess does. I said some dumb things and she has held it against me.
If I had a man that wanted to be with me 24/7, I'd be very miserable!!! I have a life, and I hope he does too. We need some time apart, and that will make us appreciate the time together.
It sounds like it's over........move on! Things WERE awesome. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:23:03 PM | People don't just want nothing to do with their SO. Everyone plays a part and you played yours. Sometimes in the heat of an argument people say things that they shouldn't be saying and when it is said, it is too late to take it back and the damage is done. You can either rebuild or harbor resentment.
Whatever her reasons were, hating that you wanted to be with her every minute and everyday is not a reason. What you wanted and actually did are too separate things. If you were suffocating her, I don't think it would've taken two years to get to that point. But being with a person who holds grudges is a just as bad. Like I said, everyone plays their part. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:29:06 PM |
I pleased her in everyway that her ex couldnt.
Apparently not.
Now she wont talk to me or anything
Leave her alone.
Do i wait, or do i give up?
Give up the chase. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:30:13 PM | Sounds like you don't recognize beginnings or endings well. You were married with children, but moved in with another woman with children. Things got rocky with the second relationship so you split. Absense made your heart go pitty-pat so back you go. She tired of you, but you are obsessed and want to stay.
Your affair has ended. Your marriage has not ( legally). This leaves you in limbo and miserable which, by the way, your wife and kids must be feeling as well. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:01:38 PM | | First of all...getting divorced does wonders for you social status....try that first...and..you gave her no time to miss you...and..shame on you for saying hurtful things...that is a true testiment...you have no real love for her...i say...have some self respect...and get your act together...concentrate on your kids...and dont contact her again....she isnt the only women breathing....your seeing the real..her..basically..she may have gotten all her needs met with you..and..doesnt need you anymore...she moved on to the sucker.... | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:19:16 PM | | relationships that last do so because people give each other plenty of space. sounds like you're not comfortable being by yourself | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:08:20 PM | Op you don't NEED to be in a relationship..
Only involve yourself if you want to.
Find out who you are, be there for your kids before involving yourself with another woman - and her kids.
Don't forget they're a part of this equation too. You are jumping too fast in and out of relationships. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 7:19:19 PM | Aside from the whole notion that it's a good idea to get a divorce BEFORE getting involved in a new relationship,
<div class="quote">
i moved out so that we could grow closer again,
That's highly illogical.
When you are together, each of you are faced with the real person. When you are not together, you are operating on the memories of the person. Maybe you weren't as compatible as it seemed.
<div class="quote">
I pleased her in everyway that her ex couldnt.
How do you know?
And also, did you please her in every way that her ex husband COULD?
If she told you that nonsense it should have been a huge red flag for you. Cause when they talk negatvely about their ex the message to you should have been "you are next".
I don't know what to tell you Opie... This woman wants nothing to do with you, and pursuing her further might lead to a restraining order. Why not start at the start? Get the actual divorce from your wife. You'll feel differently about the whole situation. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:46:47 PM |
"Now she wants nothing to do with me ... Now she wont talk to me or anything. ... I have tried to contact her, and she wont return my calls..."
Do you know what the term "stalker" means? Do you know the penalty in your state? I suggest you take this very seriously and stop all contact. Immediately.
5 more children have now been Double Dipped in Family Confusion (parental split, now substep-parent split).
Saying this directly but not intending to be anything other than honest: Get over yourself. WHAT DO YOUR CHILDREN NEED?
You do not have the luxury of screwing up your children's lives anymore like this, Fireman. You've put them through this kind of PAIN twice now. Enough is enough.
In truth, while it's great you're seeking "womanly advise," I believe what you need is counseling from a male who is also a professional family counselor. That you are engaging in deep obsession over someone who wants no contact, have put your kids through TWO such experiences and cannot fathom a shut and locked door staring you in the face all say you genuinely do need to seek some help.
Don't feel bad about reaching out, either. There are two kinds of people: those who've sought some outside assistance of some type to sort things out, and those who should have but didn't. Even the most solid, stable people, at times, need the insights from people who aren't emotionally and psychologically attached to a situation.
Read the book of Proverbs, too. There are at least 200 scattered verses throughout that book that will help you. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:04:43 PM | When you first notice things going down hill. You have to ask yourself is this relationship worth saving? See if she feels the same way, that is trying to salvage it. At that point and you both do, a outside observer, marrage couclor who understands the dynamics of relationships may be a good route if she/he has good recommendations from other clients.
I dont know what to say where you are now though, it seems to have gone very far downhill where she wants nothing to do with you. I am a firm believer of maintenance, the sqwikey wheel gets the oil. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:42:42 AM | What's up with the divorce, first of all?
You moved out so that you could become closer? There is something very wrong with that picture.
Move on. She doesn't want anything to do with you now. Hard as it may be for you, you can't force someone to love and want you.
Bonnie Rait song...."I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it won't......."
Enjoy your life now with your children. They'll be gone before you know it. And time spent with them certainly can't be replaced. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:32:35 AM | | Separated for 4 years????? Thus still married. Why are you and she not divorced yet? Perhaps you should focus on that before getting involved with anymore women. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:14:12 AM |
separated from ex wife for 4 yrs now
You are married. Who wants that?
Get a divorce.
Why the hold up? She was nuts to get involved in the first place so, not all falls on you.
I pleased her in everyway
Not anymore or maybe that was your perception.
all i wanted to do was be with her every minute and everyday.
Let a woman breathe, no one wants someone smothering her.
I said some dumb things and she has held it against me
She probably still can hear it now and always will. Bet that was some conversation.
i moved out so that we could grow closer again,
BS opie, She wanted you out.
You are not ready for a relationship and those poor kids being in all that drama is just wrong.
Leave her alone. | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:44:27 PM | Sweetie,,,,moving out was the end Its a way to slowly let someone you care about,but cant spend your life with go,,slowly,because that person,you,as you said at one time was everything she wanted.The things you said,thats not the reason....Thats how its your fault,not hers....Take it for what it was worth....a wonderfulllll time of your life.Look at it from outside your heart,,,without regret.Enjoy it happening,and say goodbye with thankfullness when its not Have you wondered if maybe,just maybe life has someone more amazing,and more wonderfullll,waiting with your name on her ?????Life is redirecting you,go with it,enjoy the ride,cuz its happening About the kids,,,Im sorry,,,,it sucks falling in love with someone elses kids,and losing them,that might be what you really miss!!!But you have your own to love,and they lost a little too,so just focus,on making yourself,and your kids happy everyday,,,I promise you,your broken heart will mend.Leave her alone,dont call again for anything......and chances are,by the time you hear from her again,your be happy with someone else Hard to believe right now,I know | |
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| need womanly advise please
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:28:20 PM | I guess you need to let go.....it sounds like she initially enjoyed your devotion...but has had a change of heart....you have kids.... she has kids.....that is complicated all by itself....
Her ex shouldn't be a consideration.....why are you comparing yourself to him ? She left him......already. You didn't share the "dumb" things you told her...is she frightened of you? Has she seen a side of you that is repellant?
It kind of sounds like YOU blew it. | |
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