| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:56:58 PM | This is a long story which I will try to cut short.
Months ago I was with a girl who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, it was a serious relationship with talks of marriage. We ended up apart on quite harsh terms and I had no interest in any contact with her at first. I was devestated and a friend of mine happpened to be there for me. She ended up telling me how she felt about me and we dated for a few weeks. My ex and I started talking again and decided that we would both go on the vacation that we had planned almost 6 months before. I at the time probably being naive thought nothing of it as other mutual friends would also be coming on the trip. So we go on this trip and all these emotions and feelings hit me like a brick wall. I want to try to make things work and get back together with her.
We get back and I tell the friend that I was dating that I still have strong feelings for my ex and that it's not right that I continue to see her.
My dilemma here is the girl I was with I am still deeply in love with, even though she completely stomped on my heart. The friend I was seeing abosolutely worships me in a good way and I still care about her.
Should I try to patch things up with the ex? Should I forget about the ex and see where things go with the friend? or Should I just leave both? | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:03:54 PM | rebound is a terrible thing. You're going to have to sit down and think really hard about why you two were together and why you broke up. Then you're going to have to decide if you can live with whatever reason you two broke up and forgive it if you two get back together. And, she "stomped" on your heart once, if you go back to her, how likely is she to do it again?
In my humble opinion you should probably move on from her. Do you like/love the other girl at all? Are the two of them friends? Too many variables to give an honest opinion. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 4:06:31 PM | I think you sandwiched yourself between two women and you need time by yourself to think.
You can't stop caring about someone from one day to the next, especially if you had plans to get married. For whatever reason you split up with her, that is not going to go away by getting back together with her. Get with the program because you will have those feelings of resentment with you for a while and whatever chances you have of working anything else out will get totally screwed.
On the other hand, dating someone on the rebound is wrong on many levels. You will be responsible for the hurt that you make the other person feels because you had to make a decision about leaving after this person confessed to you what she has been feeling for quite some time. She also is responsible for what she is going through because she saw your breakup as an advantage to snatch you up and that in itself was selfish. She thought about her own feelings and totally ignored the fact that you were truly hurt. If she was honestly there for you, she would have known that "stepping" to you when you were at your lowest was not going to get her anything.
Obvious that what you felt for your fiance is not something that is born overnight, so you "fooling" around with her was not supposed to be anything more than what it is.
You need time to yourself to reflect. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:10:39 PM | | Ditch them both...and find a girl that no one has a connection to....you think your in love with the ex...but if you were...no way would you have started something with the friend.....Be a man buddy...cut your ties... | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:12:38 PM | I think you should give yourself space from both to figure out what you want.
I am guessing the ex which stomped on your heart was the one who ended things so it is only natural for you to want the relationship back to like it was before. I think when someone ends a relationship it usually means something wasn't right for them. Therefore it is probably not likely you will get back what I assume you want anyway. The new girl is offering herself to you and whilst you do like her, do you actually want HER or just the fact she is offering a relationship?
Tough choices so good luck! | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:16:17 PM | If nothing has changed regard to why you split with the ex, trying to get back together is just delaying the inevitable.
With the friend, you started that when you shouldn't have so practically speaking, that relationship may tank too when you are no longer an emotional mess over the ex.
Tend to agree with the other posters, you should sort yourself out before you become involved with someone. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:21:35 PM | Oh, crap.
The most likely result here, is you'll lose them both while you're trying to make up your mind, but I'll suggest the only thing I can.
Why you split with the first one is critical. If it was a logical reason, you should stick to it. Of course, if you were the logical type, you wouldn't have gone on that stupid vacation with the ex, would you. Since you say she stomped on your heart, I would hazard that you will be unlikely to forgive her enough to make things work for long.
On the other hand, having run back to her, you've probably made the other girl feel like an idiot, and she'll likely not be able to trust you. I'd say you need to unscrew your head, shake out the cobwebs, and screw it back on again. I can't say I have much hope for either relationship though. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:22:47 PM |
The most likely result here, is you'll lose them both while you're trying to make up your mind
That seems to be the most frequent outcome. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:26:19 PM | It's obvious that you don't love the rebound girl enough. You should let her go. If you try to make it work, it'll hurt her more in the long run. She deserves someone who loves her deeply.
If the ex "stomped on your heart", you should walk away instead of giving her another chance to hurt you. Instead, spend some time healing on your own. No new relationship has a chance if you're still hung up on an ex. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:40:05 PM | You SHOULD: go back with the ex...which is ultimately what will happen regardless of any advice or doubts that you have on your own. You obviously had not settled that relationship one way or the other and really need to do so now.
You SHOULD: END the friendship with the friend....TOTALLY. Keeping her around "as a friend" is unfair. Her feelings for you which go beyond friendship will keep her "hoping" that you'll change your mind. Her feelings for you WILL keep her from moving on with HER life. IF you care about this "friend"...you'll let her go....encourage her to find someone who can return the feelings that she has, and not sabotage that by crying on her shoulder when things go wrong with your ex. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:08:44 PM | | It would depend on why you broke up, what has changed and if you really think it can be fixed and she wants to try too. As for the rebound girl, sorry, that's why no one should date until they are really past the braking up and why no one should offer themselves up as the rebound. She, rebound girl, took a jump shot hoping to get you at a low point, she's not so innocent, and you, you should have known better and not used a friendship to feel better. I think you need to spend some time alone and get your chit together. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:32:48 PM | | Get rid of them all and spend some time getting to know yourself. Take a few months realign man. It will be worth every second! | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:43:16 PM |
Months ago I was with a girl who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, it was a serious relationship with talks of marriage. We ended up apart on quite harsh terms and I had no interest in any contact with her at first.
This speaks volumes.
What did she do? Can you live with it? Will it come up again?
I think you need to take some time-out to think....otherwise you will end up with no-one. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:31:01 AM | | What were the circumstances of the breakup between yourself and the ex? That's the main thing to keep in mind. If it had anything to do with one of you cheating on the other, for instance, that just may be a red signal. You need to assess the situation and figure out if the 2 of you have the stability to resume the relationship. If it was something not as serious and you've both grown as people since then, perhaps you can give it another go. If you do, your other friend should hopefully understand when you explain it to her | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:24:25 AM | | Well honestly I think being open with the girl you was with was a major plus ... I believe that if you want to be with your ex that your friend will understand ... You have to make that choice with your heart... If you cant trust her to keep your heart then dont let your ex have it back .... This is where trust goes a long way ... In the end you need to decide what will make you happier!!! | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:01:54 AM | Why not date them BOTH ? I am serious.
If you explain to both of these women that you are interested in each of them, and that you want to date them BOTH, you may have a better chance. If they both walk away from you, then that's something that you may have to deal with. But both of these women may stick around!
9 months ago, I was sick and tired of multiple women over the last 2 years, NOT knowing what they wanted, after a few weeks, or 2 months of dating me. AND THESE WOMEN WERE ALL IN THEIR mid 40's to early 50's !!
I decided to date more than one woman at a time. SO I DATED THREE at once. I was up front with each woman about what I was doing, and why. They admitted that very few men would be open and up front as I had been, and all 3 women continued to date me.
I ended up with one of those 3 women, and we've been dating exclusively for 8 months now.
The proof is in my POF picture. It was taken in Florida, earlier this year, when I introduced my G/F to my Family. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:49:11 AM | Ya rebound players get you at your low point and when your putty in thier hands.
You have to heal first, you need closure before getting involved with someone, cause you carry the crappola with you if you sucumb to a rebound player, you need to rid yourself of the ex or you have to resolve the issue what drove you apart do build a positive go of it.
You said she stomped your heart. Actually you allowed her to stomp your heart. Only you can let others hurt yourself without that no one can hurt you.
Personally you need time to think things trough, pick up your balls off the floor and learn from the experience. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:04:23 AM |
I want to try to make things work and get back together with her.
You answered your own question with this statement and you're not doing the woman you're dating any favors by leading her on in the hopes you'll fall in love with her. Having someone worship you in itself is an ego booster to anyone but in the long run your feelings for your ex will always take center stage until you know in your heart it's over. I would be honest with your friend, let her find someone else she can worship that equally worships her and concentrate on working things out with your ex.
Sans | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:14:52 PM | | Just want to say thanks for all those who have taken their time to give advice it is a sticky situation and one that will not be resolved quickly. Maybe I will be able to come back and have some good news. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:36:53 PM | | Find a third girl to fit the time you are not with one and the other. Then when you are more than totally comfused with your self, propose to all of them on the same day. After that see if you can book a spot on the Jerry Springer show. Wait, that show is off the air. So never mind the whole thing. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:48:00 AM | | Well you can't just go into a relationship with this 2nd friend of your just because SHE like you. You have to do what your heart tells you. A relationship is a 2 way street, and if she worships you, but you don't have any feelings for her, then forget it. You won't be happy and you won't stay together. As for the ex... you have to tell yourself the same thing. If you have strong feelings for her, and she has strong feelings for you, and you want to try to make a go at it, then try it. It might work. However once again, if you have strong feelings for your ex, but she doesnt have the same feelings, then it wont work. Only you can really say. Maybe you need to leave both of them to find out what your heart is saying.... or maybe you need to just leave the messy situation and find another girl. | |
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| Any advice would be helpful
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:03:22 AM | I'm in agreement with spunkybum52 on the following point:
Well you can't just go into a relationship with this 2nd friend of yours just because SHE likes you. You have to do what your heart tellls you. A relationship is a 2 way street, and if she worships you, but you do't have any feelings for her, then forget it. You won't be happy and you won't stay together.
A long time ago I lived through both of these scenarios....trying to make it work with one guy when it clearly wasn't, then dating someone else who liked me more than I liked him. My feelings for the ex were still raw and very much real, and dating the second guy when I was still uncertain about the first caused the second one a lot of grief. In the end I didn't stay with either of them, taking a break from dating. That is what I should have done in the first place upon realizing that the first relationship was not heading in a direction I wanted to follow. | |
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