| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:38:22 PM | Here's my situation. About 9 months ago I broke up with my college sweetheart of five years after catching her cheating. I'm at the point now where I have her behind me for the most part, but the question I have now involves a mutual female friend of ours which I have known just as long...
While I was with my ex this mutual female friend (we will call her "J") would sometimes flirt with me but I never acted on it. I was always being faithful to my girl, I despise cheaters, even before i was cheated on. During a few get togethers in that period "J" insinuated in possibly having a threesome with me and my now ex, going so far as to one-time stripping down to her bra and panties infront of us both and getting my now ex to make out with her a little (nothing really happened, my ex was a total prude). What always confused me is that "J" is a huge sports star and always goes after men that are near the exact opposite of me...not physically, but personality-wise i'm not her type at all.
During my breakup recovery "J" was there to listen to me and help me out a lot. She knew what a devestating emotional blow i suffered and would call and check up on me and we would talk until early in the morning quite often. And since i've been single she calls me occasionally and flirts much more openly with me, going so far as to say things such as "Next time i'm in town i'm coming over to cuddle with you" and "Next time you're in my area you should visit and i'll make it worth your while...very worth your while". Yet everytime the oppotunity comes for her to visit, or for me to visit or for me to see what really might happen she always blows me off for something. Now she does live a very busy lifestyle and is very dedicated to her work but this has happened atleast a half-dozen times now and i'm convinced that she is just screwing with my head so she can get attention for herself. She knows i'm a very caring type of guy and knows how well i treated my ex as she was friends with us both during our whole relationship.
I tried to sum this up as briefly as I could but I'd really like some female opinions on what might be going on here. Any help on figuring this girl out would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:49:59 PM | First of all, what kind of friend is she? She was friends with your ex and still tried to make passes at you? That should tell you a little bit about her character. Sorry to say it, but she's total trash. Don't waste your time.
Seems like she's only after sex. I don't know if you and your ex were having sexual relations, but girls talk. If the sex was good, then she might want some too, which explains initiating the threesome. She probably already has a b/f and just wants you on the side. As you mentioned, just to give her attention when she can't get it anywhere else.
Move on! Don't get burned twice. This girl obviously isn't relationship material. Just wants to have fun. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:02:25 PM | | "J" sounds like an attention whore. Sneaking around and all the mystery is fun but she isn't looking to get involved with you and she is not worth the time it takes to see her making out with your ex. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:16:33 PM | why would you want to waste your time with someone who is giving you mixed signals?
Spend your time thinking about the kind of woman that you want and go after her. If you are as caring as you say some sensible and lucky woman is going to snap you up. figure out what kind of woman you want in the first place. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:16:50 PM | | Well...i see SUCKER written all over you...and so do the girls....when your about 30..worry about girls...and not any you hang out with....get you life in order...pad your bank account...get stable...then..maybe you will be grown up enough to deal with a real relationship...ohh...and by the way...that wasnt your ex-girlfriends first 3 some.... | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:46:15 PM | | First thoughts were that she is the kind of girl who would make you and your (ex) girlfriend feel awkward by suggesting things your ex clearly wasn't comfortable with. That isn't saying much for her character. She has been there for you during difficult times, so she has some good qualities. She has been trying to get your attention for some time, probably because you weren't available and she knew it. She's still trying, but it seems the minute you are available she hasn't got time. It's likely that the less available you are to her, the more she will try to draw you in. I get the feeling she just likes pulling strings and you'd be mad to get involved with her. What do you know about her relationships with other men - have they worked well and have any of them lasted any length of time? | |
|
| |
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:02:11 PM | She's a skank. I offer the following evidence in support of my assessment:
1) She encouraged you to cheat, so she's a cheater. (A single person engaging with someone who isn't single is equally guilty of cheating. Period.)
2) She leads you on and then blows you off "a dozen times." Attention-seeking game-player.
3) "Next time" never happens, so her word means nothing. That translates into LIAR, DECEIVER and energy vampire.
4) She uses her sexual energy to manipulate your emotions in what sounds to be a simple way of playing, literally. She's using you to get her kicks. A succubus, but without the sex. Energy succubus, perhaps?
5) She's a predator. I could elaborate at length but will put it in one sentence: She monitored her prey while it (you) were protected (in relationship), then pounced when the opportunity drew near (after breakup).
6) She uses you when it's convenient. Some get a booty call. You get a phone-y call.
I don't think she intends to give you sex. She's getting what she needs: another hurt and/or confused soul out there sending her energy.
SOLUTION: Next time she calls you, tell her you need to sever contact permanently, you appreciate the enjoyable experiences you shared and wish her the very best. If, and ONLY if she presses you, tell her you have no use for lying, cheating energy vampires who prey on decent people and leave them feeling empty and whose word means nothing. It won't be the first time she's heard it, believe me. Trash like that already knows what it is and does it anyway. | |
|
| |
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:50:14 PM | #1: She lacks respect and boundaries...but if you're just looking for sex...she's your girl.
#2: Here's the deal. Sometimes we want what we cant have. She's not a great friend in my opinion based on what you said. But at the time you were unavailable so you were a challenge. Someone else wanted you, so she did to.
Now youre single and no thrill for her anymore which is whats up with the empty gestures and flirting. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:15:20 PM | I agree that she's not much of a friend and not much of a future too.
I don't agree that you have to formally sever contact and/or tell her that she's trash. Why get into any drama with her? Just be busy with real people and get her off your mind. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:11:59 PM | I can not understand people like you. Have you ever actually considered your position on things????????????
First you say:
would sometimes flirt with me but I never acted on it. I was always being faithful to my girl, I despise cheaters, even before i was cheated on. "
Okay, so you despise cheaters, or so you say. Then, you go on to say this:
going so far as to one-time stripping down to her bra and panties infront of us both and getting my now ex to make out with her a little (nothing really happened, my ex was a total prude).
SO ........................... You were OKAY with this girl "making out" with your gf. WTF? and then you say "nothing really happened, my ex was a prude". ??????? I guess insinuating that you WANTED something to happen.
?? Dude , so you are saying that u DON'T despise cheaters, and that it is OK for your gf to have sex with someone else, as long as it's a female?
I'm sorry, that is F'd up.
SO - when you finally caught her cheating with a MALE person, you were surprised? After her doing things IN FRONT OF YOU? She's "a prude", but still let this girl "make out " with her? Doesn't sound like she's too picky or has many boundaries AT ALL, imo.
BTW - oral sex and genital contact between females can still transmit STDs. It's STILL sex even without a penis involved, just in case you were confused.
J probably really just wanted to be with your GF, not you. That's the reason that she is leading you on now, but not doing anything. She's just keeping the option option, keeping you on the hook, in case you ever help her get the hook-up with your ex gf. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:09:30 AM |
"J" sounds like an attention whore.
Ah, so succint - and so true, OP! I had a guy do the same thing once. It's all about the attention & ego. I guess you could ask her once more & call her on it. Seems she's already blown you off a number of times though. When you think about it, she's not overly concerned about how it might affect you - you're obviously bothered, maye even hurt, yet she still pulls it. Find someone a little more sincere and a little less self-centered, Hun! | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:50:10 AM | | Ya it sounds like the little whore was more into your gf than you. She played you as the guy she couldnt seduce while being with the gf, so now she wants to hang you out to dry, the sypathy she provided you though may have been helpful was used to hook you. Trash to put out by the curbside. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:09:03 AM | | Everybody else said it beautifully. I would suggest that you leave this one strictly alone. Start a new page for yourself and let the old stuff go. You don't need an entanglement with this woman, it's going to be a disaster for you. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:08:44 AM | | I called her and told her that until she can give me a clear yes or no if she's interested in me beyond being a friend that she should take some time to think. She got extremely pissed off and hungup on me. I guess i'm better off now, knowing what she wanted wasn't really real but it sucks that I probably lost a good friend over it all. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:53:52 AM | | You didn't lose a good friend. She wasn't a friend. It may feel a little empty right now because these things can be very exciting and get the juices flowing. But, whatever her intentions were with this, she was NOT your friend. | |
|
| |
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:14:28 PM | HeartfeltHero, Sorry to say but J is only playing games with you. And from what you've told us in your story you want to stay away from her because she will only hurt you like your ex did.
As it says on my profile "Games" is a womans word for manipulation, testing and vindication and J is doing all of this to you. She is validating her own attractiveness through flirting with you, testing you if you are ready and willing, and manipulating you by never being available as she claims she will be.
Because she is friends with both you and your Ex you can't be sure she isn't playing these games for the amusement of herself and the ex as well. Trust me it happens, sad as it is. J is not being a good friend right now even though she helped you through some rough patches. If you want this friendship to continue I suggest you set some boundaries with her and discuss exactly what your friendship is about or her games will continue. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:28:39 PM | First off...put your running shoes on! She is not worth the heartache.
She isn't a loyal friend (to your ex), so I can guarantee that she won' be loyal to you.
I had a friend like her once....but I figured her out and I have been a much better person for it. Her insecurities hurt alot of people (men and woman) along the way.
You seem like a nice guy, and she is trying to win a bingo game.
I would distance yourself from her and begin to find someone who will make you feel worthy of your energy.
Sorry for being blunt....but that is my 2 cents. | |
|
| Mixed Signals, could use some decoding...
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:29:02 PM | | Sorry but my head exploded about half way through your soliloquy. I think I have read far too many she/he "done me wrong songs" for today...wish I could be more inspiring but I too, run out of steam from time to time. Good luck. | |
|
Home
login 
