| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:42:11 PM | I've been through this before. You are in love with someone
and they then become just a friend and then have a new girlfriend.
I think this is guaranteed to make anyone feel bad,
especially when you can look at their Facebook page
which suddenly announces they are in a relationship
and see the new one's picture, and all their friends
saying how happy they are for the person.
You are sitting home alone night after lonely night and your mind turns to them
and what they are doing and how happy they are in their new love.
And you know that you are the farthest thing from their mind. And you
have been totally devoted in your heart to them for a long time.
Strange how you knew it would happen, how you knew that you weren't happy
with them and they would find someone else. But still, there is a big hole in
your heart and nothing to fill it with.
What does one do? I would give someone like this the advise
to get out there among people but sometimes
that can be the lonliest feeling of all.
Seems that I have no resilience any more to bounce back.
Is being a hermit for life an option? | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:57:10 PM | Stay off Facebook for one.
And realize he's still the same person with her as he was with you.
Get out and learn to dance- that's my cure for everything. You cannot be unhappy when you're learning to dance. | |
|
| |
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:27:35 PM | | When you loved someone then the path to recovering yourself and your confidence is going to be littered with things that make you stumble. I see these as the strings that tie us to the past but that we are not consciously aware of. The ex meeting someone new is one of those events that jolts us out of our new temporary reality - the one of ok he's not with me now but he's still free. In fact, one thing I've learned from dating and relationships during the past few years is that it seems to require frequent readjustment to new realities - anything from a long-term male friend suddenly deciding to kiss you to someone deciding the relationship wasn't for him only a week after telling you he loved you. It's hard adjusting to something painful as the whole situation is rehashed consciously again, but it will resolve in its own time. You've just had this blow so you will feel a loss of resilience temporarily. You will bounce back though when you've processed this and realised that it doesn't make you any less. Think of it as another stage along the road to feeling completely free to become involved with a special person in the future. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:41:19 PM | | Mysteriosa, I'm going to try and take your advice. But finding that special person in the future is going to be the hard part. | |
|
| |
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:59:31 AM | First of all, remind yourself that there's a *reason* why you're not together: It just wouldn't work out between you. And that doesn't change because either of you is with someone else.
Now is the time to indulge yourself and your interests. Read a favorite book, watch a favorite movie, go someplace you most enjoy, surround yourself with the people you like.
And keep yourself open to the possibility of meeting someone who can make you *completely* happy.
Try not to mourn for what could have been. Focus on what could be. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:33:31 AM | Op, yes its an awful feeling, but time is a great healer. Learning to dance sounds like a fantastic idea as its a positive happy activity, and focuses the mind.
Someone else said that the guy you had is the same guy his new girl has - perhaps thats her loss then  and a chance for you to reflect on whether this guy was really that great. Come off facebook if they are on there, or block them out.
I lost my wife to her colleague after nine years of being together. I even moved over a hundred miles to be with her. This was back in December. Life was crap for while but then its like you wake up and smell the coffee, you see the faults you lived with. Life then becomes so much better - Keep at it, someone much more wonderful is on the horizon.
 | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:52:38 AM | | OP, you should have cut off ALL CONTACT long ago. You cannot be friends with someone you still have feelings for. Please read the advise on the thread "so you want a second chance." NOT to win him back, but it's great advice to get over someone you are still in love with. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:07:53 AM | | Well...it seems your love for him wasnt very strong...because his happiness would be in your best interest...that would be...with you..or with someone else....seems your acting like a school girl....and only worried about people being there for you....you have the ME syndrom...and...you'll never have a great relationship with anyone...with those values... | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:13:01 AM | ^^^^^huh? Well what a lovely thought thank you!
Did I say I wasn't happy for him? Just sad for me.
As a catholic did they teach you to attack others in church or where exactly?
Oh, right, the selfless martyr syndrome, where I'm not supposed to have
feelings at all---my pain shouldn't matter. Should I just keep quiet when I'm
suffering or what exactly do you want me to do?
No one is happier for him than me. He knows that.
| |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:40:01 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Here we go again! The minute someone dares not to sympathise with you - or worse if they dare to give you their opinion - you attack them! This time it's the poster's religion.
I suggest you take that option of living the life of a hermit - cause' you're obviously not over that ex you keep banging on about on here.
 | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:06:00 AM | Wait, aren't you attacking me? Someone attacks me I'm not going to mince words just like they didn't with me.
No I am NOT over him, so what? Is someone forcing you to read my posts? | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:30:49 AM | Thanks Andy...hehe...i just call em as i see them....and that's tough for some people...
i guess i just have different morals and values...i hold a very high respect for the people i love and care about....and wish the absolute best for them....and it has a lot to do with me being a catholic....we can...go into...what an actual sin is...ect...but...i am sure she is aware of that...women just hate it when another female does not agree with the poor me syndrome....it throws there insecurities out into the crowd and they get all shook up.... | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:02:22 AM |
Well...it seems your love for him wasnt very strong...because his happiness would be in your best interest...that would be...with you..or with someone else....seems your acting like a school girl....and only worried about people being there for you....you have the ME syndrom...and...you'll never have a great relationship with anyone...with those values...
No some of us just hate it when we are attacked.
I told you I DO want him to be happy. And he knows that. You are
wrong about me.
women just hate it when another female does not agree with the poor me syndrome....it throws there insecurities out into the crowd and they get all shook up....
It is spelled their, not there.
And like a lot of folks here I am expressing my sadness. You need to keep on
going to church and learn some values for yourself about how to treat others
obviously. The idea that I can post how sad I feel and lonely and have someone
come here and assume 1. that I am not happy for someone I love just because
I feel sad, and therefore am very selfish, and
2. that I have insecurities just because I don't care to have
someone who doesn't know me tell me how selfish I am and tell me I will never
have a relationship just because I am expressing sadness is sick.
Learn the difference between there and their, learn not to accuse people who
have lost a loved one of being selfish because they are sad, and learn to have
some manners. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:20:43 AM | Nice try...you really need to let it go....perhaps you should take all the energy your using to defend yourself....and put it towards getting over your situation... Try that....you may be surprised at what that can possibly do for you....perhaps...a... AHA moment... | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:26:09 AM | All I was expressing was sadness and a lonely feeling.
It's sad when you still love someone who has moved on. Period.
People who can't even post a photo of themselves here
calling someone who expresses pain over a lost love
moving on selfish is about the limit of what I'm willing to tolerate.
| |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:07:07 AM | I am crazy about 2 women in particular who i am crazy about, the fact of the matter is I messed up and it was destined to be just that, things happen for a reason. Anyway i know i will go through life and know that every woman I get involved with will never be them 2 and I will see their faces when i look into the eyes into another woman.
what does one do? you suck it up, that's what I do and going to do until death, it's like having a nagging injury for life, it doesn't go away but you bury it with other burdens of life at the time.
you don't have to be a hermit, but I understand that feeling of never being able to get that what you lost because what you had was special between that one in particular, it could be "imitated" or recreated, a part of you dies with that relationship.
that doesn't rule out the possibility of loving all together, it just means that it won't happen with that particular. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:38:52 PM | What is this crap about THIER happiness -who gives
a rats a s s if they are happy or not or even living.
The goal is to become indifferent. To not even care.
Why is she less of a person because she does not wish him happiness?
Does it make her less?
Does it take away from her?
No - it makes her a woman who has loved deeply and completely.
He on the other hand used that love against her . To fullfill whatever he
needed from her and to then cast her aside.
What is wrong with her pain - is this not called "Broken Hearts" ?
Why do people come here and badger others for HOW they feel - is she not
allowed to feel this way - is she not allowed to express herself? And whose
business is it if she does it over and over.
She is hurting. It is irrelevant how she should BEHAVE. She is hurting and has
every right to reach out to us that care for her.
We all feel on different levels. Some feel very very deeply. Sometimes it is
very hard to just "shake it off".
What has happened to empathy, compassion for your fellow man? No - you come
here and hurt her and abuse her even more with your callous words to her instead
of seeing her pain.
You have now turned this thread into exactly what you wanted it to be - You have
caused her to have to come here and DEFEND her pain - so you could point at her
and say "ahhhah!!! See - she is a very bitter, man hating woman.
Some of you here are really heartless.
OP - yeah the one I love has a new love. Had her all lined up before he left.
He also has a personality issue and other issues which he drowns out.
My feelings -let her deal with him now. He is still the same man he was before
and will always be that man.
I, like you loved him fiercely. Completely. Sometimes its not enough and makes
no difference.
All I can do is learn. Look for the signs and find someone who is as passionate about
me as I am about them. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:56:30 PM |
I, like you loved him fiercely. Completely. Sometimes its not enough and makes no difference. All I can do is learn. Look for the signs and find someone who is as passionate about me as I am about them.
So very true.
I, like you OP, became friends with someone I loved more deeply than I could ever have imagined. I remember the first time I saw him with another woman, which was two years after we broke up. I did the mature thing -- I got myself good and drunk, went home, cried my eyes out, and wrote a beautiful poem. The only thing that healed that wound was time, and my own resilience. It took me years to "get over" him, but during that time, I did not drown myself in self pity, as that is not my style. I dated and moved on. However, he will always be my one true love, no matter what, and I am comfortable with that. We are still friends, even though he's in Charlotte, NC (I visited him last year). In case you're wondering, it's been 27 years since we broke up.
So you see, you may never "get over it," which is fine as long as you move on with your life and give other people a chance. In my case, I long ago accepted that there would never be another love like I felt for this man. And that's fine. He has a piece of my heart no one will ever touch. However, I have plenty of other pieces left with which to love, and that's what I do...I love with those other pieces. I wrote a poem once, and one of the lines states, "Life goes on in a mirage of yesterday, filling in space with thoughts of tomorrow." It's okay to feel for yesterday's love, as long as you leave hope for tomorrow's. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:59:19 PM | Get out and find someone else. Your too new to be concern about the future. Go out and learn to dance ,learn new things about life in general. Concerning yourself about " what about " or if I did " this " ??? You need to go back in the world! Your ex isn't concerning about you, you need to start thinking about your new boytoy. That empty feeling in your heart will soon pass as you find that others aren't concern so much ,but what you bring into their lifes. I could dwell on what was lost in mine,cannot change the past,so I look for the future. Whatever it may bring.. I'm looking foward and not behind me of what was. Get out ! Start taking charge of you! Bring yourself up and go forth. Find a new toy/Boyfriend to enjoy life with!!!
 | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:03:50 PM | Hi-!
Finding and doing a new source of pleasure is the only option. If being a hermit makes you happy, do something within hermithood that brings you pleasure. Something that makes you laugh, makes you feel alive, makes you horny, makes you warm and fuzzy. Bicycling, working out, photography, watching movies (performing self-service to a porn when needs be), listening to spiritual/Christian radio and writing does it for me.
Good luck-! | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:25:59 AM | OP, I feel your pain too. I was with this man for 2 years and went out of town for 3 weeks while he was home holding down the fort. I came home and he told me he meet someone else and walked out on me. He has been staying with her, I have no idea who she is, but he says I do know her but won't tell me who she is. That was a weak ago and I am trying to tell myself he doesn't deserve me and trying not to be selfish. It is truly a blow to my ego and hurts so very deeply. You are not alone but need to get on with your life and be happy. Try not to think about it, go out and stay busy.
Good Luck | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:49:25 AM |
Is being a hermit for life an option?
Works for me. No one wanted me when I was at my best, and no one is interested now so off to isolationville it is. Least I don't have to worry about being heartbroken anymore. | |
|
| The one you love has a new love....
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:45:49 PM | “No I am NOT over him, so what?”
So what? Why not show respect to those who might contact you not knowing your state of mind? Is it mentioned anywhere in your long profile that you’re not over your ex?
Do yourself and everybody else a favour; get OUT of here and come back when you’re ready!
 | |
|
Home
login 
