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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:24:43 PM | | I do not really have any trouble meeting or talking to women, and they usually accept when I ask them out for a first date, but sometimes a strange thing occurs which I do not understand. Sometimes after Ive asked them out and they have said yes, they seem to not be AS interested as they once were. Maybe its just me, but I dont think so. Usually I notice this a few days later or when I first talk to them again. I just wonder if I am dropping the ball somewhere along the line, or missing something? If they were not interested, they would not say yes to a date in the first place...right? I know I would never say yes to date with someone I was not interested in!! I do not come on strong at all if I have just met them, so I dont think thats it. I dont know what I am doing wrong! Anyone got any ideas or advice? Thanks.-Mike | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:44:25 PM |
I notice this a few days later or when I first talk to them again.
There's an old saying in sales: "The fortune is in the follow-up."
A date is basically an appointment. Dinner, Friday, 7pm at such and such restaurant.
When you book any appointment, especially if the other person doesn't really truly know what they are getting, confirming the appointment is a very good idea. Calling the next day and saying, "Hi. I am making sure we said 7pm and not 8pm, because I believe it is very poor taste to show up an hour late on our first date. I want to put it in my calendar correctly and also make sure that restaurant is the one you'd really like, or if there's another one you'd prefer."
You're still selling, still closing the deal. And firming up an appointment.
If you do not make a solid appointment (date), then you do not have a date at all, my friend.
The number one reason anyone buys anything is confidence. So set your dates with certainty and your show-up ratio will go through the roof. You'll also flush out those ones who say yes but they mean no, so you can follow up more later based on a no rather than a yes. | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:19:18 PM | | Great advice Open Heart. I have found that when you agree to actually meet some guys or let them know that you are interested, they suddenly drop off communication (which in turn is a major turn off), yet still expect you to have the same level of interest you had when they first asked and were communicating. Vicious cycle, lol | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:15:15 PM | The only thing I can see you are doing wrong is you are actually analyzing this and re-evaluating where you may have gone wrong as « something »must be wrong so, you want to change that « mistake » for next time.
My friend, welcome to the dating world! This world is filled with people who do/not do things that will get other utterly confused and baffled. Even in this situation, we can only do ONE thing and that is TO REMAIN WHO YOU ARE!!! The moment you change your way of being to accommodate the other, you are no longer being who you are. So just continue being YOU! | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:41:15 AM | I think my advice is along the lines of having a "long courtship but short engagement". What I mean is you can take your time deciding whether or not to actually go on a date with someone, but once you decide to ask her out, try to do it SOON. Don't set it up 3 weeks down the road...it's hard to sustain excitement and can make for some awkward phone calls waiting for the date to happen. If your schedules are sooooooo busy you can't set a date within a week or so then maybe you have other issues anyway...
I know once I have a date arranged I almost DON'T want to talk to them because I want to "save up" conversation and things to talk about! ...and I almost feel like I'll jinx things by talking a lot before the date actually happens. | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:13:59 AM | Your situation is common (well, at least for me it is) so do not feel bad about it.
If you ask a woman to meet for a date and she says "yes" but when you try to talk to her later, she seems totally disinterested in you it means that she is not interested in you and simply told you what you wanted to hear so there would not be awkwardness and confrontation. Do not keep pressing to go on a date with her, just move on. If she actually still seems interested in talking with you after asking her out, it usually means that her "yes" was sincere.
A woman can have no interest in you and say yes to a date with you. Some even will set up a time and place to meet you for a date, only to cancel at the last minute. And on that note, if you are in the beginning stages of dating a woman and she cancels at the last minute because she suddenly became sick, or is busy, or something came up, the vast majority of the time, it means that she is not interested.
If you look at your behavior and aren't doing anything wrong, don't worry about it and assume that the problem is with her | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:46:44 AM | If they were not interested, they would not say yes to a date in the first place...right? I know I would never say yes to date with someone I was not interested in!!
Unfortunately you can't assume anyone else would look at things as you do. There are people of both genders out there that will say yes to a date because it's there - but either won't be overly interested in the guy or won't know yet (if you cold called them) if they are based on little or no information. I think a lot of guys are so focused on getting the yes that they don't really pay attention to what kind of yes it was.
This is the same thing some women go through when they make the first move - they do too much of the pursuing and end up with men who say yes cause they got asked but aren't really THAT mutually interested. It's better to allow the other person time and space to step to the line and participate back in the exchange.
Rather than asking a woman out right away, talk to her for a bit - gauge her interest and look for positive body language and some sort of effort on her part to keep the conversation going and/or get to know you. If you're doing all the work, even in the initial conversation - she's being polite, or she's lukewarm. | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:53:06 AM | Sometimes after Ive asked them out and they have said yes, they seem to not be AS interested as they once were. Maybe its just me, but I dont think so. Usually I notice this a few days later or when I first talk to them again.
I need more details here. Are you asking about meeting people through this site? If you're saying that when you communicate prior to the actual first meet, they don't sound enthused, I wouldn't be too concerned. The fact that she said yes to the first date indicates that she decided you are worth meeting. But she's not going to know more than that until the date happens. So maybe she's just reserving judgment till she meets you. | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:02:15 AM | Sometimes men will ask after chatting for only a few days or emails. (OP- I don't know if this is the case with you?) So, although I am still interested in getting to know them better, for me there is that discomfort of not yet knowing enough about them to give out my phone number or meet yet.
If you say no-they assume you are wasting their time and not seriously into meeting ever, so you almost feel like you are backed into a corner to say yes, and that turns me "off" the person.
(Also, if they ask too quickly the all he wants to do is hook up flag goes up) 
Unfortunately I have tried to tell men that yes I would like to meet eventually or would be interested but still need to know more about them or chat some more and they tend to fall off the face of the earth after that not wanting to put the effort in.
No I don't want to date my keyboard, but I would think there are probably other women like me out there who need more than a "Hi, how are you, you are cute, what do you do for fun?" conversation before they decide they want to make a date. Yes sometimes that exchange of emails takes a week to do with someone that sends three word emails or checks their email every other day, so even though you feel like you've been chatting for a week the entire conversation was less than a paragraph long and this person is still a total stranger to you.
All I can say is try to be more patient and learn more about each other before asking a girl out and maybe you will have better success? | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:07:01 AM | | Have you actually asked them out or just SUGGESTED going out? Big difference. Maybe be more firm about. Some women, I cannot pseak for all, like a man who is blunt and up front about it; not "wishy washy" ; which is how I kinda read you. I do not mean it in a mean way, I just see a lot of indecisisve things in your posts....and insecurity maybe? Just go for it. Set a time, a place and maybe you will have more luck. For me, I like a man to come on strong. Then he seems sure of himself and actually interested. Say it like you mean it. | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:21:30 PM | you've struck gold here, op - lots of great responses in this thread covering a range of issues on the all-important subject of communication.
first off, thieves nailed it: only one woman in a thousand will ever tell you no to your face, even if she finds you about as interesting as an empty beer can. in the language of dating, 'yes' means 'yes' only sometimes, and 'maybe' means 'no' every time. (sorry, PP  )
look for positive body language and some sort of effort on her part to keep the conversation going and/or get to know you. If you're doing all the work, even in the initial conversation - she's being polite, or she's lukewarm.
can't stress this enough. don't be afraid to let the conversation falter. don't immediately jump into every gap. give her a chance to - this is where she shows you whether she's concerned that YOU will get bored with HER. if she uses the gap as an excuse to look at her watch and remember a nail appointment, well, there's your answer.
Don't set it up 3 weeks down the road
Set a time, a place and maybe you will have more luck.
yep. be aware of the difference between asking her out, and asking her if she WANTS to go out. never do the latter; never say 'wanna go out sometime?' it's that vague, theoretical tone that encourages an equally vague response: 'yes' (see above). more something like, 'i'm seeing my friend's band at such and such club friday; would you like to go with me?'
and then there's the follow-up/confirmation call. never make a move without this or you will find yourself stood up regularly.
Sometimes men will ask after chatting for only a few days or emails.
with respect to puddy-tat, there are a lot of women who want to get to the first meet quickly so they can gauge you in person. be as patient as you want to be with emails/calls, be flexible, but don't be afraid to go at your pace. if a month has passed, no numbers have been exchanged and you're bored, say goodbye and focus on your other contacts.
you'll want to work as many contacts as is comfortable for you, even after you've met some women and gotten the ball rolling. don't put all your eggs in one basket too soon, my rule of thumb is three dates establishes that there's actual potential; up to that point, it's just a long hello. | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:00:52 PM | | Do you mean they don't seem as interested after you've asked them for the date but before you actually go out? Or that they don't seem as interested after the date, when you talk to them again? If it's the latter, I guess they just didn't like you that much. | |
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| She said yes to a date, but doesn't really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:53:29 PM | Along with a few others, I wonder if you're maybe dropping the ball immediately, in asking, but not making a plan. If you ask, you need to be asking for a specific day, time range, and activity - just as she does if she asks you. "Wanna go out sometime?" is one thing. "How about drinks, and maybe dinner if we both have time, say, Thursday, 7:30? You like Italian, right? There's this cute little place..." is quite another.
If the original suggestion doesn't work for her, something else can be worked out (and, if genuinely interested, she'll probably make an alternate suggestion if one is needed), but you have to start from someplace. Never ask a woman out and then expect her to plan it! | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:27:29 PM | Speaking just for myself, my "dating" concept involves getting out to meet people, and while it would be nice if they all knocked my socks off by email first, I certainly know better than to sit around and wait for that. So there will be "yes" answers from me that are not knocking their socks off either, after all, I haven't met them yet!
Once a guy has said "it would be nice to get together sometime" and I've responded "sure, here's a couple ideas what we could do," then chasing this interaction isn't necessarily on my task list any more. If he's not the type to suggest something specific soon, I'll be doing other things. If he does, we'll find out what the conversation is like in person and go from there. Maybe I'll spend the days up to then, answering somebody else who's emailing me.
Is the o/p doing anything wrong? Only if (1) being wishy-washy about setting dates with women who are already saying any kind of yes and (2) trying to read the minds of their emails when you actually DO have the chance to meet them in person soon and talk properly.
Good luck! | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:18:34 PM | | No, its not the people I meet on here, its the women I meet in public. Every date Ive set up on here has been successful! I think I am making the mistake of just asking them out "sometime" and not a set date or time, the last girl accepted to go out and I talked to her one morning and asked her if shed like to meet after she got off work that night, she was fine with that and said to just call her when Im on my way to pick her up, It gets to be around 10pm and I call her, She is all the sudden very sick, I thought she was definitely blowing me off, but the next day her friend calls me and tells me she was admitted to the hospital!!! She ended up spending the next 12 days in there with some sort of viral infection! I did go visit her too, and it seemed to lift her spirits! After she got out, she lost her job!! and was kicked out of her apt. she shared with a room mate, and had to move in with her parents!!! We havent gone out yet needless to say, but she does still call me to keep in touch, The last I heard she found a job, but is still living at home, I am not pressuring her at this point to go on a date, since all the problems shes had!! I should mention she is only 22 yrs. old and I am 35. I will just keep accepting her calls and see what happens. I am seeing a few other people and meet new women all the time, so if she gets her life in order and we finally get to go out, that would be great, and if it doesnt work out, there is plenty of other fish out there!!! Thanks for all the GREAT advice. This has really helped me to actually set a date and time instead of "just sometime"!!!! I was not even thinking of that! | |
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| Sha said yes to a date, but doesnt really seem interested, Please help!
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:28:32 PM |
I have found that when you agree to actually meet some guys or let them know that you are interested, they suddenly drop off communication (which in turn is a major turn off), yet still expect you to have the same level of interest you had when they first asked and were communicating.
I've noticed this too, Jewlsey. There's a window of opportunity, then it closes for whatever reason. The fact that some people think they can pick up where they left off just means they're kind of stupid. | |
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