| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:09:54 PM | So I'm in the military and went to the desert, I've been back for a while now and I want to get back into dating since I broke up with my on and off again girlfriend before I left. I just realized that I have NO idea what I'm doing! It's been so long since I've had a first date, and without the smalltalk that comes with being mil to mil, I'm not sure what to talk about with a civilian on a first date!
There's a coffee shop I always go to, a local place where the regulars and employees always know eachother by first name.. There's a really cute girl there who I've chatted with a few times that I would like to ask out, what should I talk about and where should I go? I'm just not sure what regular girls like to talk about anymore. :) | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:19:12 PM | I'd start with a simple, hello, I'm A1Cook922. Is it ok to sit here? notice ambience of your surroundings, friends, what shes eating, drinking. Start conversation about a favorite food or drink, hers or yours and listen to what she starts to talk about, a mention of something or other, share your opinions on that, let her know you were in the military and ask to excuse your social clumsiness if necessary. Outright honesty will do wonders and if shes sensitive, she will respond appropriately. Go one step at a time and don't fall head over in heels with the attention. Keep your skepticism there too. A little mysteriousness in a guy catches a womans attention too.  good luck! | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:26:37 PM | Well she works there, that's why I see her so much. It's a local place with about 5-6 people working it, and I know the owners pretty well, I go there almost every day since it's the closest place to get a bite to eat to where I work, and just a great place in general. I show up there for lunch breaks often and on my days off because I love a nice relaxing scene to have some coffee and wind down. She knows I'm in the military, and I've helped her carry boxes into the store in uniform a few times before I go in to work. She's been giving me signs that even a social dumbass like myself can pick up, always smiling at me and starting up conversations. She's two years younger so I have a little of that older guy advantage since I have my own place and I've got a good chunk of life experience (way more than is healthy for a 20 year old).
She's just such a great package of down to earth, cute, and intelligent that I don't want to screw this up when her eyes keep yelling "Ask me out!" all the time. | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:30:50 PM | | Just order your usual meal, smile , look around for eavesdroppers, ask her quietly, hey, would you be interested in a movie? church picnic, baseball game, etc. If she's already sending signals, better act fast before someone else beats you to the punch again, good luck! | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:34:04 PM | | Thanks for the advice Dame, how are meals for good first dates? I don't like movies so much if I don't know someone well since I don't talk during movies and want to get to know them. I don't go to church so nothing really like that, and I'll have to see how she likes sports or maybe a concert for a second date. | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:54:24 PM | I would suggest a place that is somewhat quiet yet busy. Maybe ask if she would be interested in take out and a picnic. Add a little fun, privacy. A semi public park with amenities. Just a thought.  | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:56:09 PM | Normally I'd suggest something low key for a first date- my routine is starting with coffee or meeting for a****ail... Unfortunately she is AT a coffee shop all the time and you two aren't old enough to drink...
Do something a little out of the ordinary...do you both have dogs? Go spend an afternoon in the park with them... Is there a local band playing somewhere? Art gallery? I'm a big fan of competitive/active first dates too- activities are great- mini golf, arcade, etc... | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:12:47 PM | Too sweet! I'm having this same conversation with my son who is your age.
There are so many things to do when you're first getting to know someone. Check the paper for the weekend things to do that are free or very inexpensive. And even a walk around a favorite lake just getting to know someone is just perfect. | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:56:03 AM | | Thanks for all the advice folks. I'm trying to find something that I can also enjoy, but I guess I'm just a bit finicky these days. Not a huge fan of art, I like music, but not so much live concerts since I blew an eardrum in the desert. I'll just have to suck it up and enjoy whatever we're doing since I'm doing it with her heh.. | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:45:03 PM | | I think it's always better to do something active, than just sitting and looking at each other across a table. That can get awkward. Try a small art gallery, even a zoo, a book signing, somewhere where's there's other people and something to talk about. Rent a paddle boat, go for a bike ride, whatever. And relax! Have fun! | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:15:56 PM | | A friend has suggested put put golf and then ice cream, I've gone before when some navy friends coaxed me into doing it with them and I had a pretty good time. My older friend also told me it's a great first date, with all my friends approving it, why does it feel so lame for me to ask a girl to go play put put golf with me? | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:24:47 PM | Well, if it's going to be hard for you to ask her on a date the first time, how about just asking for her number instead?
Then when you call her ask her out on the date.
As for what to talk about, I know that's hard with where you have been and what you have seen. I had a friend in the military that would go to the desert for 1 month to 6 week missions. When he came back, all he wanted to do was hear me talk. He didn't say much but he did listen to everything I said. It was his way of reconnecting or getting back to a normal routine. But maybe if you ask a couple questions and then let her lead the conversation. Just listen and ask questions.
Good luck! | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:27:26 PM | Look, you learn as you go along. Just start off by asking basic things about her, after you ask her out on a date.
I dated someone in the military and he was 40, my age, and didn't know what the heck to do with me. Trust me, it doesn't get any better but you can try. | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:34:49 PM | I don't think putt-putt golf is lame at all. It's fun. Ballroom dancing is really popular these days. You could find a community center that gives cheap dance lessons and ask her to be your dance partner and if you have to pay for 5 - 6 lessons in advance, then you will be guaranteed future time together. Another option (that she would have a hard time saying no to) is a community project. Ask her to join you in reading books to kids at the library or the local hospital, or go volunteer for habitat for humanity or whatever might be going on in your community. Its a great way to spend time with each other and give back to others at the same time. You have already given a lot just by serving in the military, but its just a suggestion.
THANK YOU FOR SERVING OUR COUNTRY. YOU GUYS ARE MY HERO'S!! | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:55:39 PM | | Do you know whether she's single or not? If she's available, then ask her if you can call her. When you call her and ask her for a date, ask what kind of things she's interested in doing. I live in New York City and we have so many different environments here, including nature preserves, I like to go for walks and enjoy the birds, that's just an example. Find out what she enjoys doing, hopefully you can do things TOGETHER. Good luck! | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:23:46 PM | | Thanks for all the good support and advice folks, I'm glad other women here have dated military men who've had the same problem. It makes me think I'm less weird. This girl is single, I went to the shop today for lunch and she wasn't working but I know the owner who was. It was just me and her in the shop so I told her to give me the scoop on alicia and she's single, going to college but currently waiting for winter semester to end before going back. | |
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| First dates.. Trying to get back in the ring.
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:07:00 PM | | Bro, I've always found that saying "B****, strip down and assume the position." works well. Just kidding. Welcome back. <--- Two tours myself. Take it easy man, things take time to be 'normal' for you again. | |
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