| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:33:20 AM | I apologize if this post seems kind of disorganized, it's late and I'm tired ha!
I've been texting this girl that I met online (not this site) back and fourth since the first week of October. We only started talking on the phone about 2 and a half weeks ago. We finally agreed to meet each other on Halloween after a few failed attempts at agreeing to meet up before. She lives 2 and half hours from me, so we decided that we would drive half way and she would pick me up. We planned what we were going to do the night before while on the phone, the original plan was to hang out with her and her friend at her place for a few hours and then go out and do something for Halloween. However, that never came to fruition.
First, she decided to swing by her parents hour to pick something up. Then we wound up going to one of her local "hangouts" which happened to be a Starbucks, it was me, her, and her friend sitting at a table for an hour doing nothing. It was quite boring to say the least.
Then she calls over one of her other friends and so he hangs out with us for a few minutes and then leaves.
And so we never did end up doing anything, because then she complained of coming down with an upset stomach and that she wasn't going to do anything for Halloween now. So she drives me all the way back to my car which was an hour away. We talked for a little bit while she was driving.
I rather quite and a bit shy the entire time we were together and didn't say alot, and she pointed that out by telling me that I was quiet. I told her that I was just a little nervous, she told me that it was no problem and that she likes hanging out with me.
So we finally reach my car and we proceed to hug each other and she tells me to call/text her sometime. A few minutes after dropping me off she sends me a text message asking me if I enjoyed seeing her, I answered back by saying yes. In which turn she replied back by saying and I quote "good, because I enjoyed seeing you! ;)" end quote
Several hours went by and I decided to text her just to see what she was up to, so we bs'd for a while and she called me an hour or two later in which we talked for a few minutes because she was tired and going to bed.
The next day Nov 1st she calls me late in the day and we talked for a few minutes. Then later on we talked on the computer, it was a rather short conversation.
This is where it gets interesting/weird.
A few more days go by, I'm not hearing anything from her. I went to go look on her facebook page and to my disbelief she uploaded about a dozen pictures of herself all dressed up at a Halloween party looking like she was having a grand ol time. And I was thinking to myself, she was too sick to hangout with me for Halloween and cut our meet up short but apparently she's not sick enough to enjoy herself at a party.
Now I wasn't going to run to any snap judgements, I asked her about it in a non-obvious way over an IM message, her response was that it was late at night and that everybody came over to her place. But it had me thinking whether or not if she was even sick to begin with, could it have been that I was so boring to her that she just made it up to get rid of me?
Now before we met, she called and sent me text messages quite frequently all up to the day that we finally met. When she would text me she would act like everything was hunky dory, calling me "Hun, Babes..." Now when I do talk to her, it seems as though her tone has changed.
Now, she isn't giving me the silent treatment, it's a drop in the amount of communication that has been going on. She last called me on Nov 3 and we talked for about 20 minutes, that was the last time she called me. I tried calling her on Nov 5 but we only talked for a few minutes because she was drunk.
I sent her a text message on the 4th and asked her if she wanted to goto hollywood with me and a few of my friends. Her response was maybe. Then she asked me if it was okay if she brought her friend that I had met, I told her it was okay and so then she told me to let her know when I was coming down.
I remember once when we were talking on the phone before we met, she said to me that that she wasn't going to go after any other guys because she was already interested in someone which was me. She considers that cheating.
I messaged me on facebook the other night, she said that she was having a weird night. I proceeded to ask her what was wrong and she told me not to ask her. Then she said she was sorry and that she was going to go cry and try to goto bed. And that was our conversation.
Can somebody tell me what is wrong with this girl? She seemed really cool at first over the phone and even when I met her, now it seems like she has suddenly changed.
She hasn't made any indication that she isn't interested anymore, atleast not from what I can tell. In fact she even told me before we met that she was stating to like me. Now I'm not an idiot, I know a person's feelings can change on a whim after meeting someone. But still, if she didn't think we "clicked" then she shouldn't have sent me a text message minutes later saying that she enjoyed seeing me.
What she should have said was, "I enjoyed seeing you but I don't think we're a match." I would have been fine with that. I've been talking to her friend that I met over IM and I tried asking him in a non-obvious way what she thought of me, he said that she was still getting to know me.
Still getting to know me? She isn't doing a very good job as of recently with the lack of communication that been going on.
Finally to the point, am I over reacting here? Should I just back off and give her time? Or just drop her all together.
Sorry for all the bs, I thought I'd try and explain the situation in as much detail as possible.
Nick | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:07:58 AM | | Stop haing a texting/im/facebook relationship. I do not know what it is with people who do this and expect the other person to give a shit. When people actually meet in person, it is VERY different than e mails, texts, and phone conversations. What happend was, she did not feel "chemistry" that little thing we all need no matter how "cool" or nice the person is. She is not interested and trust me, do not bother. If she wanted you be with you, you would know. She is giving you major signs that it is not going anywhere. She should have been up front, but you will learn fast, MOST people are idiots and cannot tell the turth or communicate. Good luck. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:20:25 AM | I got through the first few paragraphs and new she went somewhere else without you before you mentioned the Halloween pics.
She wasn't into you.
Stop haing a texting/im/facebook relationship. I do not know what it is with people who do this and expect the other person to give a shit. When people actually meet in person, it is VERY different than e mails, texts, and phone conversations. What happend was, she did not feel "chemistry" that little thing we all need no matter how "cool" or nice the person is. She is not interested and trust me, do not bother. If she wanted you be with you, you would know. She is giving you major signs that it is not going anywhere. She should have been up front, but you will learn fast, MOST people are idiots and cannot tell the turth or communicate. Good luck.
Well said blue.. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:22:31 AM | | Well, we did meet in person. And if she's giving me signs, then she isn't really doing a very good job by calling me the day after. And then the next two days later. Only yesterday did she message me while I was online. And this is somebody who is suppose to be giving me "major" signs? May I also add that she agreed to meet me again with my friends? And this was four days after we met. That doesn't make much sense... | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:50:44 AM | Yes it does. She agreed to meet you and your friends with her and her friend. She friend zoned you after the meet.
The one thing about email/texting/facebook is there is no LIVE interaction. So someone who is just full of 'awesomeness' on the computer can be a dud in rl. You told her you were nervous during the first meet and rightfully so. She showed up with a posse and then brought more in the meantime. She had her friends sizing you up instead of her going along with her judgement. Pretty poor on her part.
I would say move on. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with her, but just find another fish in the sea.
Good luck. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:32:40 AM | | I think you're wasting your precious time on this one. First of all, be realistic, a 2 1/2 hour distance is going to be a problem. But, most importantly, she seems rather immature and not particularly interested in you one way or another, she's sort of bored and restless and doesn't know what she wants. I'm afraid the odds are stacked against this one or so it seems. Better luck next time. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:36:52 AM | She sounds too immature to deal with. I predict that it will always be frustrating
as long as you know her. How much are you prepared to tolerate? | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:39:02 AM | | OP, she ditched you and then went to a Halloween party! What other proof do you need that she's not into you? MOVE ON | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:53:20 AM | you've already discovered something's not right. and she lives 2-1/2 hrs., away? NOTHING tells me it's going to be a match made in heaven... run don't walk. stop messaging, calling etc, etc, and i'm betting she will do the same. soon you'll learn all the tricks of the trade | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:52:53 AM | I agree with the others that she doesn't seem into you, besides she sounds like a real flake. She will just cause you more problems and misery down the road. Put an end to it before you get hurt. There are much nicer, sane women out there. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:08:54 AM | She ditched you and went to a pasrty!! Yup... shes into you all right.
Wake up and smell the coffee, dude! | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:11:30 AM | | Well I appreciate all your replies, it's just frustrating when someone leaves you hanging and doesn't tell you straight up what they thought. I've been tempted to say something to her for days but I suppose the best thing to do would be to just forget about it. I don't think I could contiue to be friends with this individual, not after I was ditched completely and lied to. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:16:53 AM | She ditched you and went to a pasrty!! Yup... shes into you all right.
Wake up and smell the coffee, dude! | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:20:08 AM | Some people meet up just because they either do it to get it over with or it is one of those "you never know" things when their hearts are not truly into to it.
As far as the Halloween party, some parties are planned a week before by people who might have other plans to go out that night themselves. So just because you saw those pics of her on FB, doesn't mean that she went out that particular night. She might have gotten in over her head by planning a date with you when she had plans already and invented the infamous stomach ache excuse to break off and go somewhere else without you.
As far as the FB thing, no need to say anything to her about this because you are not in a committed, exclusive relationship with her and have no right to do that to her since it is her business. That is the same thing as stalking a person when you get on FB to find out info that you use against her for an explanation.
Great, you found out about her on FB. Now, move on. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:25:56 PM |
Well I appreciate all your replies, it's just frustrating when someone leaves you hanging and doesn't tell you straight up what they thought.
There are times, OP, when actions speak louder than words, and her actions are not those of a woman who's interested in you.
...I suppose the best thing to do would be to just forget about it. I don't think I could contiue to be friends with this individual, not after I was ditched completely and lied to.
This would be the most dignified way for you to deal with it, and you really don't need this woman chipping away at your confidence with her thoughtless behaviour.
Good luck | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:41:52 PM |
It's just frustrating when someone leaves you hanging and doesn't tell you straight
Yes, it is very frustrating.
Svetlana Blue said it best. When you have a virtual relationship, most people feel it is perfectly OK to leave you twisting in the wind and leave you guessing as to what is going on. Once you meet in person they are more likely to engage in common courtesy.
This girl sounds like a total waste of time. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:05:25 PM | She likes talking to you.
She didn't enjoy the boring date that had her drive 1 hour to pick you up, 1 hour to go back to her area, another 1 hour to drop you off, and 1 hour to go back home.
She drove at least 4 hours that day for you, and she did not have a good time. She had to cut her losses so her Halloween wasn't wasted in hours more of awkward shy silence.
She likes talking to you, but I think she'll have more stomach aches if you want to meet again. She might have a death in the family if she's supposed to pick you up again. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:42:50 PM |
I've been tempted to say something to her for days but I suppose the best thing to do would be to just forget about it. I don't think I could contiue to be friends with this individual, not after I was ditched completely and lied to. Well, there ya have it, OP.
Good job  | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:19:40 PM | Where are your boundaries OP? What is acceptable and not acceptable to you?
If you're this unhappy now...what's gonna happen if there's a "later"?
If you don't know what you want or how you expect to be treated from now? Then you're always gonna be asking yourself these questions. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:29:55 PM | Oh, for goodness sake. If she was REALLY into you, you would know it. All this drama and craziness would not be happening.
Smartest thing you said was when you said you are going to just forget about it. | |
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| What's going on here?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:44:37 PM | | She's saying one thing but doing another. I suspect she's one of these people who is keen with every man she decides to meet but then loses interest quickly. She'll keep in touch and probably keep you in the background whilst getting on with the other fun things she's got on the go. If you backed off for a while, she may come looking for you. I think I'd get on with meeting other girls and leave her to it. If she really wants you (when she realises you've backed off), then let her do some of the work. If she does show interest then, you need to indicate in some way that you want her to put you first if you are going to date. I'm not suggesting you be aggressive or unpleasant about this but just let her know that dating matters to you and it is to be taken seriously. Also, refuse to let her friends join in too - at least initially - after all you wanted to date this girl and get to know her. Seems to me she's just used to fitting men in around her social life. If they put up with it, they'll stay in the background. | |
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