| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:02:44 AM | Having been on this site before and now returning because .... well sh1t happens!
I was looking around the profiles and seeing a lot of the old profiles and pictures i saw nearly 3 yrs ago. This is a dating site so why are they still here and still saying the same things. So i just thought...Are people here for the same reasons? Many of the profiles I've read are people who ... well to be frank are so lovely it makes u wonder why they are here at all. Others set their stall out with their provocative pictures and wording in their profiles. Some obviously have relationship issues. All men are b*stards & all women are heartless b1tches, yet they SEEM to want to try again. Some have serious self exteem issues, need to be told they are lovely wonderful etc but not prepared to take the plunge with anyone for fear of losing the compliments. The constant ego massaging is their thing. And some just love the social aspect. The parties and get togethers. Meeting people with a similar outlook and HOPEFULLY finding someone who matches (cynics like me may say these are often sex driven, others may argue that point. If so feel free to do so). Everyone would loved to be loved by the right person & for the right reasons but this site seems to be all about the visual side. Who looks good, fit, hot whatever. Trouble is, some people cannot help but to use old pics etc to get more responses. If you go to your account and you have up to 50 emails a day does that make you feel good if u know you have lied? And on the flip side does it smash your confidence when you get a few or no emails because you have not? Does it make you try even harder to impress?
A lot to digest ... but the bottom line to me is there are probably about 20% genuine people on here who would just like to find a friend and maybe move onto a relationship. The rest seem to have their own agenda, which can be off putting. Especially to women.
What do you think? And what tips do you have on filtering the needy, sex driven, low self esteemed, or egotistical maniacs (men & women) from the genuine article? | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:21:04 AM |
Having been on this site before and now returning because .... well sh1t happens!
I was looking around the profiles and seeing a lot of the old profiles and pictures i saw nearly 3 yrs ago. This is a dating site so why are they still here and still saying the same things.
I've been here > Off and On over that period of time.. Why do you assume that others (as you described) haven't been much the same .. On site .. find someone .. blahblahblah .. doesn't work out .. come back to POF .. etc ..
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:28:18 AM | Granted...Maybe I'm just a cynic but when u have been and gone you would expect different pictures at least? I have a pretty good memory and have seen a few old faces in old profiles looking just the same as they did 3 yrs ago.
I guess thats what I'm saying.
Do you think this site is good for genuine people ... or not, should maybe have been my question. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:42:05 AM | I know why I am here ,and this is not the first time I have been here. I find that it's all the same faces as a few years ago. I know that I am not considered date or relationship worthy to most people due to my issues that most people don't or can't deal with. I don't fear a relationship at all. I would love to find someone but with my issues I know it's probably not going to happen. That's ok though I don't fault anyone for not wanting to be with me. Maybe I am being unrealistic to even try to find someone who can accept me as I am but it can't hurt to try I guess. Maybe a miracle will happen.  | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:49:30 AM | | Well I am here for the forums only....I enjoy the forums....not all are here for the purposes of finding a relationship partner. Big Fish in his wisdom provided us with options, although there is no option currently "forum only"...sigh. That's ok, I filled out my profile on here with for forums only and I still get mail from men looking to date me....and my profile clearly states not single/not looking because I am actually in a committed relationship...go figure. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:52:00 AM | I don't derive from his posts that the OP is saddled with an unreasonable fear of being chased and plotted against. I think he's just asking why are so many still here, and why have so many not updated their profiles/photos.
Of course, I can't speak (type?) for others, but I have no idea why I'm still here after a few months. I think I've found my ideal in a girl. Or, should I say, she found me.
I'm mostly here for the fora. Easy giggles.
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:55:49 AM | | Have to admit the forums are the best and most genuine things on here. The art of conversation and ebate is not dead. Maybe if you took your profile picture off you would not get ppl emailing to try to date you (but i think u know that already :)) | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:01:08 AM | | well my pics are just what i look like, within a year...and as far as meeting someone, I had met someone, and the old "sheet happens" fell on me too...so I'm back...me, I know what i want...and its not just sex (although its a big PART of it)...maybe I'm just looking for someone who can stand me everyday for more than a year or two... | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:05:32 AM |
Have to admit the forums are the best and most genuine things on here. The art of conversation and ebate is not dead. I'm here for the forums too... and the virtual toasted marshmallows when there's flaming happening, and on occasion, there's even a bonfire happening.
Maybe if you took your profile picture off you would not get ppl emailing to try to date you (but i think u know that already :)) Yeah, the longtimers here know how to reduce or eliminate mail from people looking to date. It's not rocket science... | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:09:55 AM | And what tips do you have on filtering the needy, sex driven, low self esteemed, or egotistical maniacs (men & women)
If POF could filter all those, there'd be about 10 people left on this site, lol. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:15:11 AM | The answer to your question is no . . . we are not all here for the the same reasons.
Markus in his infinate wisdom has not only created great forums here but given the membership here alot of options.
I can only speak (type for myself) but I haven't changed much the last three years.
(I even have some of the same outfits still, what can I say, they're my favorites?) But I still post recent pictures and can add more @ request.
One should not assume anything, maybe like yourself, they have gone & then returned.
My advice for what it's worth: Consider each new person with no pre conceived notions. Not everyone is a "player", cheater or liar, or something undesirable. You should give someone new a chance to prove themselves worthy first. If they let you down, then move on, but you may just find a few good people along the way. A positive attitiude has an attraction element of it's own.  | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:37:34 AM | We all have our own reasons for being here. And we all take chances when contacting other people online. The nature of the beast.
Three years is nothing for a picture...I've seen some profiles on here and other sites that have had the same pictures for 5 or more years...and those pictures were outdated when they were originally posted. I don't know how many people are delusional about how they look and how many are dishonest.
I have friends who tell me I haven't changed in 30 years. Well, I know that's not true. I may wear the same size clothes and my hair may be the same, but I have lots more wrinkles than I did in my 20's...I bet lots of people are told the same thing by their friends. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:59:13 AM |
Have to admit the forums are the best and most genuine things on here. The art of conversation and ebate is not dead. Maybe if you took your profile picture off you would not get ppl emailing to try to date you (but i think u know that already :))
Was this directed at me? If so, I will explain why I have my pic up. I prefer to see who I am talking with in these forums and assume others do as well. Being able to put a face to the chat is something I am not yet prepared to give up on entirely in this new electronic age. It brings some humanity to these pages.....I'm not a faceless thing hiding behind my keyboard, I will willingly put my face to my comments...I do not need to be anonymous, nor do I believe it is healthy.
It does not bother me that I still get mail....nor am I flattered by it. I have not always put up a picture either....and I got mail from men wanting to date me still mainly due I suppose to what I write in the forums or perhaps they are playing the odds and hitting every woman in their region.....I don't know and frankly I don't care. I simply don't respond to their requests.....
I don't live my life or make my choices to please anyone........... | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:18:06 AM | TAKEN, you get those mails because people often don't notice EVERYTHING on a profile at first glance. Some don't even look past the picture - at first. I've had men ask me about things where the answer is clearly stated, fairly early on , in my profile. (doesn't make a good 1st impression, BTW)
I was going to say that you get those mails because men are naturally more prone to cheating behaviour - you know, just to get them stirred up a little. And actually, that also may be part of it to an extent.
But as to the topic, even if I find someone, there a 1 or 2 sites I will probably stay on for social networking/forums. I would just change my status. Most forums I've been on have a small group of "forumnistas" who there just for that purpose.
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:38:55 AM | And your point is?
So, you've actually met everyone on here (except me, maybe I was out of town that day?), vetted their photos, interviewed them for their life histories, conducted extensive background checks, spied on them to verify what they say, and fully documented it all?
Okay, and you are back, ALSO doing the same thing as before. You still haven't worked out how to date here, so while insulting as many of us as you can, you are asking for basic dating advice?
The answer to your final question is, the best way to filter out the needy, sex driven, low self esteemed, or egotistical maniacs, is to set aside your OWN needy, sex driven, low self esteemed, and egotistical maniacal assumptions about every one else, and start communicating with and dating some of them. Learn to listen, instead of telling, giving instead of taking, and then learn about yourself and others, instead of jumping from one to the next discarding each in turn as your inferior. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:58:34 AM |
Are we all here for the same reasons? Nope. Easy enough to answer.
..just like to find a friend and maybe move onto a relationship..
That ^^ was my reason to be here.
But ALL BUT ONE man I've met showed up with that "when can we have sex?" gleam already in their eye... and in their actions/words.
And they hadn't even gotten to know me yet. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:01:40 AM | So you see the same faces, the same profiles the same everything it seems in this online world.
In your offline world you see the same faces, the same people, the same everything basically on your way to work, at work, at your favorite coffee shop or restaurant, at your favorite park, when you walk your dog around the neighborhood, etc.
Interesting how you've never talked to all of these same faces you see in your online and offline world you just remember them because you see them regularly. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:19:47 AM |
the best way to filter out the needy, sex driven, low self esteemed, or egotistical maniacs, is to set aside your OWN needy, sex driven, low self esteemed, and egotistical maniacal assumptions about every one else, and start communicating with and dating some of them. Learn to listen, instead of telling, giving instead of taking, and then learn about yourself and others, instead of jumping from one to the next discarding each in turn as your inferior
Hmmm, well we do seem to have hit a nerve here. I dont recall stating that I jump from one to the next discarding each in turn as my inferior? I've read back what I've written several times and....nope...I just cant see it. Makes for good debate I guess. Now the thing I'm confused about is are you offended or feel insulted that I've stated that about 20% of the ppl on here are genuine? I dont recall putting you (or anyone) specifically in either category! Thats down to you to decide where you stand. If you do believe that the majority of the people on this site are genuine, then again that is your perogative. far be it from me to comment on that. Your experience may well be different to mine. If thats the case then tell us all about it and why you think I'm wrong, rather than attacking my statement.
But my experience,( having contacted, communicated & dated from this site) ... and many more ppls (pamsfl for example), is that the majority do not use this site as a platform for dating. Quite a few use it for their own gratification, good or bad.
And I'm not asking for dating tips from anyone, I'm after ppls opinions, whether they agree of disagree. I'm open to others views and I'm prepared to change my mind on things....If convinced by what you write. The whole point of this thread was to find out if there are more ppl than just myself who think that. Healthy debate ... not a slagging match ! | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:40:34 AM | No we aren't all here for the same reasons.
I used to be here to date. Now I'm here cause I've met some interesting online people and because the forums can be a much needed comic relief at times.
Tips? I don't have any. I have my own BS filter that usually sets off pretty fast. If you can't internally figure it out then no one can give you any tips. I will say that people tend to not take others at face value. If someone says/does something that goes against how you feel/think, think long and hard before investing more time into that person. If what they think is so very contrary to what you think then that won't change. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:51:01 AM | | no we are not all here for the same reasons, and I will go lower than your 20% genuine and says its more like 10%. Personally internet interaction to me is for sh*&s and giggles, I have never pursued dates and dates have never pursued me, I have always enjoyed just the forums, for some crazy reason i like to come here and talk s^%&. lol, maybe because I don't much talking in real life or people don't want to listen, lol, but I honestly feel you meaning most people on internet dating regardless if it's plentyoffish or some other site it's all just a "ego" booster for alot of folks on the internet. | |
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:30:41 AM | So OP way do you care why people post a profile here on POF?
You are here to hang out, you aren't looking for a date, an activity partner, and IE or friends. Your wants and needs from POF is as base as they can be, heck you don't even need to interact. Hanging out may be a verb but it is not an active verb.
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| Are we all here for the same reasons ???
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:46:00 AM | | If I came on here to get my ego boosted then I'd be found swinging from a rope after a few hours.......... and who gets 50 e-mails a day only ones I get are from people on the forums to rant and rave at comments I made, or flip side really nice comments but always by people 10,000 plus miles away, no people are here for many many reasons, gees my propfile too a few mins, yes yes I know it shows but that's life. So what is a genuine person????? is it somone who does not lie, is open and honest here I am good and bad take me as you see me, pictures recent no BS no pretence...........just curious on that one word genuine.............. open to all kinds of comments on that | |
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