| | Gotta get out of the friends zone...Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Ive been hanging out with this girl for about 2 years now, we both go to college together, and she keeps on bringing up her 'boyfriend who lives in the USA'.
How would you go about bringing it up that im interested, or what would you do?
We go to movies and a bite now and then, and have gone to a club once, hockey games, and the odd meet up for lunch or whatever.
Im feeling really hesitant cause she keeps on mentioning her 'supposed b/f', but after stalking facebook, dont see his name on her friends list.
I think she might be interested, but i REALLY dont want to screw over our relationship now. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 3:48:31 PM | | You want out of the friends zone but you don't want to screw up the friendship? However you get out of the friend zone you will end the friendship. Unless she slaps you back into the friend zone and you accept that. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 3:50:55 PM | | Tell her exactly what you just said. I'm interested in you but I don't want to screw up our friendship. What are your thoughts/opinions? I'm sure she'll let you know. The direct approach is always the best. | |
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tnt144
| | Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 5 | |
| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 4:09:25 PM | 'boyfriend who lives in the USA'.
- Well if, she has a boyfriend, she is probably not interested.
The answer is, to really find out whether it will go into a relationship...
You have to kiss her.
That big move will give you your answer. If she turns her head, you will probably be friends forever.
Honestly, you have been friends for so long... she probably only thinks of you as a friend, and if that's the case, she will probably be incapable of seeing you as more. So, hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. No problem though... just date other girls.
For best results, kiss a woman by the 2nd date for best results. That first "big" kiss is a huge turning point for a relationship, it is the catalyst that takes the relationship to the next stage. If you are not kissing, you are just wishing. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 4:09:34 PM | personally I wouldn't bother because she is already in a relationship.
As far as getting in OUT of the friend zone (which I am an expert at being IN), the best thing I have learned is to never be in the friendzone in the first place. Make clear your intentions from the very start. Not to say you cannot be friends with a lady, but in this case you like her more than friends, so you should just say so.
If she is a true friend, even if she does not want to reciprocate, a true friendship will "survive" the initial akwardness of your revealation. If she isn't a true friend, it will end, and then neither of you has to waste any more time on a fruitless endeavor. If she is interested, then yay for you, congrats, you're now both on the same page (though I would be wary about someone that expresses interest in you while already in a committed (I assume) relationship with someone else. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 4:09:38 PM | lol, the dreaded friend zone, the place where many enter, and 1 or 2 leaves, while others are consumed in agony and pain. lol.
Hell if you really are into her just let her know, screw the friendship, because you don't want it anyway, I mean you are friends right now and that's not enough, right? | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 4:13:07 PM | If she openly brings a BFshe is not interested. If he is not on a FC it is o.k. because some people fo not have those accounts. Not let's say she mentions that she has a BF but he doesn't exist.
Anyway, she is kinda showing you that she is not interested. It is like when women in a bar will tell you you are taken it means that she is either indeed with someone or she makes it up because she is not interested. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 4:22:31 PM | You have to kiss her.
That big move will give you your answer. If she turns her head, you will probably be friends forever.
 Yeah, lol, have found this to be true. Had a first meet recently, we seemed to click, she was really cute, and I leaned toward her lips, as we were working on the "byes". She turned her head at the last possible second, my nose landed in her hair, was all I could do to keep from  , but I maintained, kisssed her friggin ear, LOL, and though we met a few more times, she only wanted "friends".
Honestly, you have been friends for so long... she probably only thinks of you as a friend, and if that's the case, she will probably be incapable of seeing you as more. So, hope for the best, but be prepared for the best. No problem though... just date other girls.
Hmmm, makes sense to me!
If you are not kissing, you are just wishing.
K, I'm probably stealing this one. Lol | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:13:39 PM |
she keeps on mentioning her 'supposed b/f'
Supposed or not...the fact that she keeps bringing him up puts you pretty much in the perpetual friend zone.
Chris Rock said women having men friends is like having a d1ck under glass. In case of emergency....break glass.
You can always hope for an emergency.
I have to wonder how good your friendship is if you have seen no evidence of said boyfriend. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:38:13 PM | Do you really believe she doesn’t know how you feel toward her? Don’t make it worse by spilling your guts.
She is in a LDR and you’re the surrogate boyfriend.
It’s time to move on. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 6:29:55 PM |
lol, the dreaded friend zone, the place where many enter, and 1 or 2 leaves, while others are consumed in agony and pain. lol.
Yup,the Dreaded Friends Zone...........a fate worse than death...!!
Op,if you've been in the Friends Zone for two years, im afraid that's your fate..............
And id say you're in there forever  coz trust me,if she'd had an epiphany about you,you would've known about it by now !!
Also,i think the boyfriend is imaginary coz she's not interested in you but doesnt want to hurt your feelings.......
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 7:10:26 PM | you have NO "relationship" You have a hangout-while-attending-school-hope-this-guy-takes-the-I-have-a-boyfriend-hint-and-DOESNT-come-on-to-me
ACQUAINTENCESHIP.
If you want sex with her.. TELL her.
If you want to be the cat-term slang for a male.. continue on.
Live your life from a fear-based thinking.. you will GET what you fear the most. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 7:14:42 PM | | Put on your big boy pants and simply ask the woman how serious the bf thing is, and tell her the reason you would like to know, is because you are interested in seeing her more and dont want to cross a line that is unwelcomed. ~Beth~ | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:36:40 PM | | Please don't say "I'm interested." She probably knows. You gotta do something to make her see you differently. You're missing about 10 steps if you jump right in and say "I'm interested." You have to reintroduct yourself. Take a few weeks apart. You don't want to come across like she's your only option. Never say you want to date her. You need to give her a reason to see you as attractive where she didn't before. There are many ways to demonstrate this, by teasing her, light flirting, attention from other girls, etc. It's better to have the attitude of her wanting you, like saying "don't be so clingy, etc" when she says she wants to catch up. I would take it slow. Telling her upfront is just going to get a reaction that she's "surprised" and doesn't want to ruin the friendship. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 12:59:56 AM |
Coma White: Please don't say "I'm interested." She probably knows. You gotta do something to make her see you differently. You're missing about 10 steps if you jump right in and say "I'm interested." You have to reintroduct yourself. Take a few weeks apart. You don't want to come across like she's your only option. Never say you want to date her. You need to give her a reason to see you as attractive where she didn't before. There are many ways to demonstrate this, by teasing her, light flirting, attention from other girls, etc. It's better to have the attitude of her wanting you, like saying "don't be so clingy, etc" when she says she wants to catch up. I would take it slow. Telling her upfront is just going to get a reaction that she's "surprised" and doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
Coma White makes a good point. If you want to stay in the Friends Zone, then keep doing what you're doing. If you want to get out of it, make yourself more scarce in her life. Start looking around for other women. Let them know you at least have a romantic/sexual in them. In other words, don't put all your eggs in one basket. A girls usually put guys into the Friends Zone so she can have a backup just in case the guy she really likes doesn't pan out. And let's say you have a date scheduled with her. If the guy she really likes gets back in her life, guess what? She's going to leave you in the lurch. Never accept a Friends Zone offer unless you get sexual benefits as part of the package. And women, your Friends Zone guy friends may be a much better deal for you than the jerks you usually go for. Unfortunately, a lot of you don't realize that until it's way too late. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 1:13:29 AM | he wants out of the friend zone. !
Do this, take her go for Beer, get all pissy, stomp your feet up n down. Then tell her if she keeps talking about her Boyfriend your not buying her everything any longer.
guaranteed YOUR OUT. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 9:26:36 AM |
younowho: he wants out of the friend zone. !
Do this, take her go for Beer, get all pissy, stomp your feet up n down. Then tell her if she keeps talking about her Boyfriend your not buying her everything any longer.
guaranteed YOUR OUT.
Decent advice. I wonder if the OP's gal friend talks about the 'boyfriend' especially in public places within earshot of several people. Back in 1996 or 1997 I took a gal friend to the mall and once we got to the food court all she did was talk about her boyfriend. It's a woman's way of publicly declaring that she has no romantic or sexual interest in you. Back then I should've turned it around by asking what they do in bed within earshot of several people, but at the time I didn't think about it.
OP, since your gal friend's 'boyfriend' is out of the country, ask her publicly what she misses about him. If she mentions kisses, then find a fast way to get face to face with her and give her a passionate kiss on the lips. The idea is to transfer what she feels for the boyfriend to you so you can have intimate, naked moments with her  and not just be her bore friend.  | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 9:49:09 AM | Why don't you just frickin ask her? Tell you would like to take her out on a "date", but understand if she is serious about her BF.
Or just both get drunk and go dancing.
You may or may not lose her friendship. I don't have many male friends as I don't believe that most men and women can be close close friends. Unless one of them is butt ugly sex will always get in the way. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 9:57:46 AM | | She's not interested in you. If she was, she wouldn't always mention the alleged boyfriend. You don're REALLY care about the alleged friendship. So just move on already | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 11:02:15 AM | | It is kind of hard to get out the friend zone, after 2 years. I think it may be a little to late now. You should of tried to get out the zone within the first 6 months. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 11:08:39 AM | | Here's the issue. Once you are in a friends zone, you are not going to get out of there. And if you try, you can't have a friendship and lover. That is not going to work. The only time when a friendship has been able to evolve into something more, has been when the woman has taken the initiative. When the guy takes the initiative 99 percent of the time it ends everything. My advice is to move on. If you have feelings for this woman, being friends is not a good idea. But when you pursue, well, you know what is going to happen. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 11:26:38 AM | Definitely do not ask her on a date unless you want to throw this opportunity out the window. It might be too late, but the best thing you can do is take a break, reintroduce yourself and somehow show that you've raised your value. I don't mean how much money you have in the bank, I mean be confident and tease her with the attitude that she wants you. Anything physical should escalate very slowly. This is a mistake I've made a few times. You know, putting your arm around a girl or something like that and keeping it there too long. Do that playfully, and then let her go. Eventually you might see her flirting back with you. I've heard of best friends falling in love etc. I also believe men and women can just be friends without any ulterior motives. I have female friends that are just friends. We talk about relationships and everything under the sun.
Most of the women I've dated, I wasn't friends with first but I can think of some examples where I was friends first. One of them started getting jealous when I was getting closer to other girls and when I clued into this, we started dating. Another one I went to school with for a long time and I kept in touch with her and we had interesting conversations and she liked some of the songs and blogs I was making, so we hung out and started dating. What makes it weird is that she has a long distance boyfriend. I know a hot girl that's doing that right now too and it doesn't make sense. She could have any guy in the city. But there's nothing saying you can't date her if she loses interest in this other guy. You gotta find out how serious it is. Like if they're just two people that flirt online, or if she has plans to move in with him next week. | |
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| Gotta get out of the friends zone...
Posted: 11/13/2009 12:06:07 PM | My advice? Do absolutely nothing! And I do mean literally nothing! Stop calling, stop visiting, stop hanging out. Everything. Just end the friendship. That's your only true way out of The Friend Zone. When she asks you why you aren't coming around anymore, just tell her it's because the friend thing isn't working out for you anymore because you want to jump her bones. There's almost no chance of a positive end to your situation. She's probably not interested and you're only torturing yourself by hanging around like a lost puppy.
Ditch the...
[friendship] and move on. Is it possible that you have some friends/family way out of town that you could go live w/ for a few months? Making yourself scarce and inconveniently unreachable for a while might be your only hope. But at this point, you've been her lapdog for too long. | |
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