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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??      Home login  
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 driven2think
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 1
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North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hi there, I was wondering if anyone out there has any advice for me if I was to date a Japanese woman. Things such as cultural dating differences so as not to offend her with any faux pas!

I only want to hear from people who really know & not people who just think this or think that.

Do any of you have any experience with dating japanese women you'd like to share?
Thanks!
 UltraFarkistan
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 2
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North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/13/2009 9:41:03 AM
Do not ask her about weird vending machines. Seriously just don't!
 zephyrmoon1
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 3
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/13/2009 10:55:19 AM
Both my brothers have married Japanese women. The best thing to do is to research their culture, even superficially. My brothers report that Japanese women are not likely to say "no," even if they don't agree with you. It would be considered rude. So they say "yes," and then just don't do whatever they didn't want to do.

Japanese women will also laugh when they're embarrassed. Generally speaking, they don't really like to talk about their feelings, and if you talk too much about yours, you risk being perceived as weak.

Don't worry too much about offending them. They already know you're a "hairy barbarian," and don't expect you to have real manners as they know them.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 4
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/13/2009 12:42:06 PM

driven2think: Hi there, I was wondering if anyone out there has any advice for me if I was to date a Japanese woman. Things such as cultural dating differences so as not to offend her with any faux pas!

I only want to hear from people who really know & not people who just think this or think that.

Do any of you have any experience with dating japanese women you'd like to share?
Thanks!

In college I dated a Japanese girl named Mariko who was from near Tokyo. She was a really cool girl and even suggested watching porn together. Then again, she was a young girl in college far from home who felt like experimenting. Actually, a lot of college girls are like that!

Learn some of her language and about her culture. Most people in Japan are mixed Shintoists and Buddhists. Japanese people who have never spent much (if any) time abroad don't speak a lot of English to begin with. Some do study Esperanto and that'd be an easy language for you to learn as well. For a while an Esperanto-speaking Japanese girl and I were writing each other in Esperanto through air-mail.

Japan is an ultra-modern country and at the same time they hold on to ancient traditions. Learn something about Zen. Watch Steven Seagal movies, especially "Into the Sun". He lived and studied Aikido in Japan for several years.

If you begin writing to Japanese girls, be a good and prompt pen-pal. Many American women go for guys who are a "challenge" and can't "tame". The same is not true for many Japanese women. Yes, there are cultural differences and Japanese people tend to be more conservative than Americans. Don't bring up the subject of sex until you're in an established relationship. The cost of living in Japan is much higher than what it is anywhere here. Eventually, you'll have to travel to Japan and meet her and her family and they must approve of you, especially with you being a gaijin (foreigner).

Anything you'd learn about how to seduce American women from people like David DeAngelo (the "Double Your Dating" guy), you can mostly throw that out of the window with Japanese women. Remember, our cultures are vastly different. Basically, be on your best behavior with Japanese women and you should do fine.
 jakeo_germany
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 5
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/14/2009 11:16:05 AM
Incorporating Steven Seagal into your dating life is, generally speaking, an excellent idea.
 barbyanne2
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 6
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/14/2009 5:54:39 PM
no I do not have dating experience with the Japanese , but I can give you one word of advice: Sake! warm, preferably.

And, a brief (not deep) bow to her parents even if they are dressed western-style.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 7
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North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:16:17 PM

but I can give you one word of advice: Sake! warm, preferably


"It might be rice wine to you, but it's Sake to me" - Rowan And Martin's Laugh - In

Hmmm Interesting thread, I think I actually learned a few things tonight....
 grantorino88
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 8
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:32:14 PM
Ya don't create a hoax that involves telling the police your kid is in a loose balloon to better your chances of getting a reality tv show.
 ForumFlounder
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 9
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/14/2009 10:44:22 PM

Incorporating Steven Seagal into your dating life is, generally speaking, an excellent idea.


Just had to LOL @ this one!!!
 kjacks31
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 10
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 12:56:19 AM
I can tell you that it would be a very, very good idea to look into cultural norms (current norms, not norms from 50-2,000 years ago) and try to work with them. If she's American-Born Japanese it's much less of an issue, but if she was born and raised in Japan and still holds to her culture then no matter who says what here, you can't take it as the final word.

One important thing... DO NOT TRY TO SPEAK JAPANESE TO HER FAMILY! While it may impress them that you're trying to learn, you run the risk of mispronouncing something and saying things you really don't want to say. Most languages put as much value in how you say things as they do what you say, and what seems to be the same word, when said two different ways, can mean different things. Whether this is true of Japanese or not, be very careful.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 11
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:01:32 AM
Having been stationed in Japan, I can tell you that Japanese women like their men to be: clean, honest, gentlemanly, polite, intelligent, educated, kind, confident, emotionally stable, financially secure, respectful, nice smelling, socially aware, knowledgeable about foods/wines/etc, non-rude, and non-macho. They want a guy who enjoys foreplay, and afterplay, and can go slow, and take time. The Japanese have a cultural doctrine called "slow,slow-fast, fast". It means you slowly work up to things, and then go like Hell at the right moment. Japanese car makers take years to come up with new designs, and prepare to implement them. Once they are ready to implement the changes, the Japanese car makers go all out, and make as many of the new cars as they can as fast as they can, and get them to market quickly. In personal relationships, a Japanese woman may want to be acquainted for several months before she will be alone with you, or let you hold her hand. Once she decides to have sex with you, a Japanese woman will want lots of sex often. She will also expect you to do all you can to bring her to orgasm. In return, she will work to please you. I dated many Japanese women while in USAF. I nearly married one. Her family was opposed to the idea of her moving to the USA, so she honored her family's desires, and broke up with me. Japanese women are very family oriented, and devote themselves to their: husband, parents, children, siblings, etc. Japanese women love with all their being. They return the love you give, but never quite forgive abuse/infidelity. If you will date a Japanese woman, behave like an adult, and leave the juvenile locker room jokes/etc out of the relationship. Respect her privacy. Do not tell others her secrets, or brag to the guys about anything you do with her. Give her Mikimoto pearls for important occasions. Learn to speak some Japanese...to show your intelligence, and your respect for her culture. "Konichiwa" (ko-nee-chee-wa) means 'hello' when meeting in person. "Mushi-Mushi" (mush-ee mush-ee) means 'hello' when speaking on the phone. "Dozo" means 'please', "Arigato" (are-ee-got toh) means 'thank you'. "hai" (hi) means 'yes'. You can get an Engish-Japanese dictionary to learn more. Take a Japanese language course, if you can. Most Japanese women have little to no pubic hair...but the Japanese women from Honshu Island usually have a lot of pubic hair, and generally do not trim it. Japanese women like music, and prefer a man who can play a musical instrument. They also like to dance. Most Japanese women do not like public displays of affection, so do not kiss her, or feel her up, in a restaurant, or night club, or such. In private, a Japanese woman will usually be very affectionate, and want you to be likewise. Talk to a Japanese woman...about everything...politics, favorite TV shows, your day at work, etc. Keep tired old cliches out of your speech. tell a Japanese woman how you feel, often. Treat her as if she has a brain. Of course, most of what I have said can apply to nearly any woman, but is especially true for Japanese women.
 Brunopolis
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 12
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:01:01 AM
@accuddler
Oh so Japanese women just want a clean, honest, gentlemanly, polite, intelligent, educated, kind, confident, emotionally stable, financially secure, respectful, nice smelling, socially aware, knowledgeable about foods/wines/etc, non-rude, and non-macho man then?

Isn't that what most women "supposedly" want?
 driven2think
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 13
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North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:16:18 AM
Thanks for your replies everyone! What does "Anata wa Gakusei desu ne?" mean? I know it has something to do with a student...
 ForumFlounder
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 14
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:39:04 AM

@accuddler
Oh so Japanese women just want a clean, honest, gentlemanly, polite, intelligent, educated, kind, confident, emotionally stable, financially secure, respectful, nice smelling, socially aware, knowledgeable about foods/wines/etc, non-rude, and non-macho man then?

Isn't that what most women "supposedly" want?


LMAO! ... Apparently, it takes a whole wall of a paragraph to explain that simple logic.

OP -- Just keep in mind, there are cultural differences then there are basic common sense stuff that I believe are universal values which more often than not, you can't go wrong with (Hint: Brunopolis summed it up in a nutshell).

I come from that sub-species called "asians" too ... surprisingly I'm also from Planet Earth. Not Pluto.
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 15
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:57:33 AM

Oh so Japanese women just want a clean, honest, gentlemanly, polite, intelligent, educated, kind, confident, emotionally stable, financially secure, respectful, nice smelling, socially aware, knowledgeable about foods/wines/etc, non-rude, and non-macho man then?


Oh, so that takes American men out of the running.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 16
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 10:12:08 AM
"Anata wa Gakusei desu ne?" means "You're a student, aren't you?"

Well, what American women say they want is totally different than what they settle for. Then again, American usually look at only superficial qualities (physical attractiveness, height, personality) which attract them while totally overlooking nice, not so attractive guys who would be so much better to and for them. Instead, they fall for the jerks and have kids with them. Then he leaves her high and dry and she starts looking for a nice guy who makes good money so he can support her and the kids she had by the jerk. Call it non-PC. I'm just calling it as I see it.
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 17
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 11:19:22 AM
^^^^ I hope you find the nice foreign lady sucking up to you for a green card. Get a pre-nup. Just calling it as I see it.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 18
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 1:25:35 PM
I DID say that what I said about Japanese women applies to all women, but is especially so for Japanese women.Most caucasian women will tolerate a man who sweats a bit after an activity. Some even like the smell of a sweaty man...considering it masculine. Japanese women will usually brush a man off if he is the least bit smelly. Japanese women take such things to extremes that white, hispanic, black, etc women never would.
 cooldude
Joined: 4/26/2004
Msg: 19
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 1:29:30 PM

I hope you find the nice foreign lady sucking up to you for a green card. Get a pre-nup. Just calling it as I see it.


We are not talking third world country here. More then likely they have enough of their own money.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 20
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:37:26 PM

cooldude: I hope you find the nice foreign lady sucking up to you for a green card. Get a pre-nup. Just calling it as I see it.

^^^
We are not talking third world country here. More then likely they have enough of their own money.

This is true. Japan is one of the most expensive countries in the world to live in, so there'd be no problem for a Japanese girl to come here and be self-sufficient for a while.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 21
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:47:27 PM

tuffluv1984: I hope you find the nice foreign lady sucking up to you for a green card. Get a pre-nup. Just calling it as I see it.

Yeah, I've had experiences with some Latinas looking for a green card. In those cases I should've taken more time (at least a year) to get to know them before going to Latin America and meeting them. On the other hand, My Brazilian ex-girlfriend and I broke up because she didn't want to leave Brazil. Imagine that. Many Americans think all foreigners are knocking the doors down just to come here and become a citizen.

Yeah, at least one year of correspondence before meeting should be good enough to weed out most of the green card hunters.

And getting a pre-nup is a good idea anyway, especially in a country where laws favor women over men. tinyurl[dot]com[slash]yhlev2m
 driven2think
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 22
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North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:10:12 PM
Yes, Japan has one of the very highest standards of living in the world. They aren't exactly poverty stricken!

Thanks for all your responses! I have met a nice japanese lady & I'm just trying to be cautious about not being too forward or offending her in any way.
 tall.cold.1
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 23
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:30:38 PM

driven2think: Thanks for all your responses! I have met a nice japanese lady & I'm just trying to be cautious about not being too forward or offending her in any way.

Understood. Go to Amazon and look up Culture Shock Japan. That'll give you a good list of books to choose from.

Here's a quote from the NoMarriage site.

One year with my Japanese girlfriend

So far...
-No fights.
-Great sex every night.
-She cooks a delicious meal every night (unless I take her out).
-No guilt trips for going out with the guys.
-Thin and absolutely beautiful.

Think I've finally found myself a keeper. One thing's for sure; I'll never go date an American girl again.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 24
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:59:40 PM
Hmmmm big cultural difference. Read up on it and get as much info before you get into something serious. I had a friend whose son married a Japanese. They had to have 2 weddings. One where they lived, and the other in Japan. She had to wear the traditional dress so her parents would approve of her marriage. After they returned from Japan, all went well for about a year. Then cultural things set in, and it was too much for them to adjust. After one year, they separated and now are divorced. So look into it before you do something serious. It's not all roses and great sex and if you marry a more modern girl, it's not all waiting on the man and agreeing with what he says either.
 Brunopolis
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 25
North American dating a japanese woman. What do I need to know??
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:52:42 PM
@el.metalerio

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts4sEBb2K3s&feature=related

This is what happens when you bring a Japanese woman to the US.
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