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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?      Home login  
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 ^SweetAngel^
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 1
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?Page 1 of 1    
Is it the thrill of the chase?

I'm asking this question because on numerous occasions guys are trying to make a move on me even after I've told them that I have a boyfriend. I go out dancing a lot, so meet a lot of guys that way. Many of the regular crowd have turned into great friends. My boyfriend doesn't like to dance so he hardly ever comes with me.

Some of these guys continuously keep asking me out on dates or trying to steal a kiss on the mouth. Now I don't mind going out as friends, but kissing would be crossing the line. Why would guys do that? There are plenty of other fish on the dance floor. Why pick someone who's not available. One of them told me that since I'm not married yet, I'm still fair game, and my boyfriend doesn't need to know about it. But I don't see it that way. It would be cheating on my boyfriend and I won't go there.

Now what I want to know though is that if I was to lower my defences and allow the guy to kiss me and also kiss him back. What would it mean? Is he hoping I'd break up with my current boyfriend and go out with him instead? Or does he just want a no commitment affair?
 RoninWarrior
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 2
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:33:19 AM
Chase thrill sure, its also the desire to have what one cannot get, and guys dont do that people do, its a common emotional response triggered by want, when you was a kid and your parents said no you cant have that, didnt you want it even more? i know i sure did.

oh and btw, people arent genuinely built in with a whos single whos not detector, so if your approached again, keep that in mind ;) or try not to go to that spot anymore, unless you like the attention
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 3
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Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:34:10 AM
Ummmm,,,, you really,,,seriously,,,shouldn't have to ask this question,,,,should you???? Why not ask your boyfriend what he thinks these guys are thinking,,,since he is a guy himself. He'll tell ya exactley WHY they are doing it,,,since you can't figure it out. It will help ya in the future.
 4gotnsoul
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 4
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:43:11 AM
Examine ur behavior, please. U have a bf who u leave to go dance with guys. Blame the guys for hitting on a lady at a dance club for the love of decency. I'd hate to be ur poor bf seriously lady. If u kiss another guy what the heck do u think of it? Put urself in ur bfs shoes, dang! How would u feel if he's doing the same crap u are? U don't deserve that guy ur with at all.....
 RoninWarrior
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 5
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:47:11 AM
hey now 4gotnsoul, read her name, shes a sweet angel for gods sakes, she would never delve into forbidden arts as openly flaking on her bf to dance with other guys /sarcasm
 OpenHeart928
Joined: 10/12/2009
Msg: 6
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Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:12:54 AM
Guys rarely pursue women beyond once if they truly perceive an absolute "hands-off" closed door. These guys likely don't perceive that with you, because the door is not truly closed.

Going out as "friends" with guys who want to bed you down is not the act of a loyal, committed girlfriend.

Unless the guy is playing you until something better comes along -- like you are doing him -- he ought to dump you and find a woman who understands the meaning of the word "respect."
 indefatigabilis
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 7
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:19:24 AM
Guys do that because chasing is how the woman becomes available. She is not, at first, then after chasing she changes her mind, which is the basic idea of chasing. It's why dogs don't chase parked cars, too. I know, comparing available women to parked cars is a bad idea. Everyone knows you can't call a tow truck to pick up an available woman like you can a parked car. Comparing men who chase women to dogs who chase cars is trite but safe enough, but holds truest when the man is very short and the woman is very fast.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 8
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:00:52 AM
'
I go out dancing a lot, so meet a lot of guys that way. Many of the regular crowd have turned into great friends.


newsflash...these guys that you "meet" ina dance club are NOT your friends, they are just guys that want to bang you if given the chance....


Now I don't mind going out as friends,


are you for real?..you really cant be...They are going out with you as "friends" to try and get in your pants, plain and simple. The more you "hang out" with them the more chance they think they have.


One of them told me that since I'm not married yet, I'm still fair game,


and yet you consider them "friends"....

[quote[Now what I want to know though is that if I was to lower my defences and allow the guy to kiss me and also kiss him back. What would it mean?

it means your a cheater.

If you want to go out to nightclubs, dance clubs, meat markets and so on you have to realize your going to get hit on. Thats the MAIN reason guys go there. We also assume that every girl in there is there to MEET men, and you really cant blame us for thinking that way. So when a guy hears..."I have a boyfriend, he never comes with me"...it automatically clicks in our head that you are unhappy.

Stop playing the victim card, you go out to meat markets and get hit on, thats what men do.....
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:05:01 AM
Some have already mentioned it...but YOU are making yourself approachable....probably flirting and more...if you dont want it...YOU can stop it

And funny that I have known lots of ladies that switched boyfriends to something better and werent really serious even willing to fool around....
 timotheus86
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 10
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Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:06:31 AM
What would you think if your boyfriend kissed another woman?
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 11
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:17:07 AM
Op you are going to "target zones" - and you know it.
 Navigator6
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 12
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Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:24:22 AM

Examine ur behavior, please. U have a bf who u leave to go dance with guys. Blame the guys for hitting on a lady at a dance club for the love of decency. I'd hate to be ur poor bf seriously lady. If u kiss another guy what the heck do u think of it? Put urself in ur bfs shoes, dang! How would u feel if he's doing the same crap u are? U don't deserve that guy ur with at all..

Yup, exactly!
 ^SweetAngel^
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 13
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:38:00 AM
Thanks so much for the personal attack rather than answering the questions asked.

I'm so glad that my bf is not as closed minded as you lot here. He doesn't mind me going dancing without him. I'm still trying to teach him some basic steps. Hopefully someday soon he'll feel confident enough to dance in public.

As the dancing goes, I like to go to salsa clubs. It's not a pick up joint. People go there just to dance and mingle with other dance enthusiasts. As a general rule it would be rude to refuse to dance with someone. Often we go out afterwards for a bite to eat as a group.

Sometimes some guys show a bit of extra interest in me. I let them know I have a bf and they generally back off. It's the ones that don't I'm a bit concerned about. Why keep persuing and trying to change my mind about them? I tell them they're wasting their time on me yet they still persist? I just don't understand. And yes, if the problem persists, I try to avoid them, but I still don't understand why they would keep trying? Isn't it easier just to move on to someone else who is available?

And just to set the record straight, I have never nor will I ever cheat on my bf. And I did not kiss any of the other guys, even though some tried.
 RoninWarrior
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 14
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:45:20 AM

Thanks so much for the personal attack rather than answering the questions asked.

dont post if you cant expect nor handle some personal attacks


I'm so glad that my bf is not as closed minded as you lot here. He doesn't mind me going dancing without him. I'm still trying to teach him some basic steps. Hopefully someday soon he'll feel confident enough to dance in public.


hey good for him, glad hes learning, i dont know why hed need confidence to dance, its about having a good time, even if you look like a fool doing it


Sometimes some guys show a bit of extra interest in me. I let them know I have a bf and they generally back off. It's the ones that don't I'm a bit concerned about. Why keep persuing and trying to change my mind about them? I tell them they're wasting their time on me yet they still persist? I just don't understand. And yes, if the problem persists, I try to avoid them, but I still don't understand why they would stalk me on the dancefloor.


been answered a few times, forbidden fruit syndrome, tell someone they cant have it, they want it more
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 15
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:48:49 AM

It's not a pick up joint.


you just told us how guys hit on you there. So GUYS must think it is, as you dont.


I tell them they're wasting their time on me yet they still persist?


because a guy sees you at a dance club without your boyfriend, they automatically think your unhappy, if you keep going without him and they see you every week, it just makes them think even more your not happy. You have to realize guys dont go to dance clubs to "dance" they go to pick up chicks...plain and simple...

Im not saying your doing anything wrong. I just get annoyed by women who frequent dance clubs and are so shocked that men would hit on them and persue them time after time. They DONT CARE that you have a boyfriend, when you show up every week without him, it just fuels there fire even more...

You also said "what would it mean if I kissed them back?"...uh...it means your a cheater.

again...stop playing the victim card..you go to dance clubs and get hit on..thats what happens...boyfriend or not....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
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Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:49:26 AM

It would be cheating on my boyfriend and I won't go there.


Yet,,,you will continually "go to" the clubs in which men continually hit on you???? And then you have the gonads,,,,(after asking in a public forum) to call the replies a
"personal attack"????? Really????

They continually "persist" and yet YOU continually accept dancing with them,,,and YOU continually talk to them. If they are not changing their behavour,,,should YOU not change YOURS????

Here's your answer,,,since you didn't read the previous ones. The guys are trying to get into YOUR PANTS!!!!!!

Thank you for reasons #861 that I am single.
 4gotnsoul
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 17
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:02:22 AM
Lmao! Did u not self-examine ur own stupid behaviors at clubs and put urself in ur bfs shoes lady? I think ur reality needs attacked with common sense.....geezzzz!!!
 ^SweetAngel^
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 18
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:06:39 AM

forbidden fruit syndrome, tell someone they cant have it, they want it more


What happens if they do get it? Just a hypothetical. Not that they're getting it from me, but just what if?
 4gotnsoul
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 19
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:07:12 AM
Anyone who reads my comments should see consistancy in my reactions toward such people as this. For the guys reading this they know what i talk of about the guy/friends situations. At least most do im sure. Hard as hell to do such activities at clubs and keep things in friendly territories. Alchohol involved complicates things further and u not being with ur bf but rather with guys i'm 100% sure u want to bang or have banged, yet still call em just friends.......lol. See why i don't do clubs and bars to meet ladies now huh?
 Magillicudy
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 20
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:09:54 AM
Same reason the women chase the unavaibable men. Part of the probably figures that there's no harm, no foul, because it will only ever amount to flirting so they're safe from commitment. If it surpasses just flirting, it's still safe, because she's still committed to someone else (in a manner of speaking - obviously, if she takes one up the pooper for him, she's not in much of a commitment). I would imagine that would be one of the top 5 motives. I really don't think like that, so I can't possibly wrap my head around the 'why' and understand it. I'm speculating, but I've had women approach me, and that's what I've deduced from their pursuit.

If you kiss him back, it doesn't matter what HE thinks. It matters what YOU think. Why would you, if your relationship is that good? If it's not that good, work on it. If it's past the point of no return, end it. Then kiss anyone you want, as often as you want. Open mouthed. Tongue. The whole shebang.

Don't ditch your current commitment in hopes of one from your new kissing buddy, though. Ditch it if it's a waste of your time and energy and at the end of the road. If you think you're going to get a commitment out of someone who primarily chases after people who are in relationships, chances are they aren't very good relationship material in the first place.


What happens if they do get it? Just a hypothetical. Not that they're getting it from me, but just what if?

Hit it an quit it. The hunt is over. Oh, and I've been to salsa clubs - I love to dance - Salsa, Merengue, 2-step, 3-step, Waltz, Cha-Cha, and several others. Salsa is hot, woman - especially if you do it right. That's some intensely sensual shit right there. And you think single guys who are there aren't thinking about who they want to bang? You must be daft...
 RoninWarrior
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 21
Why do guys chase after girls that are not available?
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:13:37 AM

What happens if they do get it? Just a hypothetical. Not that they're getting it from me, but just what if?


usually when they do get it, they might get a piece a couple times more then drop the d-bomb and send the chick packin, guys after the chase dont stay interested in the relationship as long as a dude genuinely interested
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