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 Altair_4
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 1
Take it slow or meet the person right away?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I tend to be cautious when it comes to meeting someone I don't know or haven't met before- yes, that means the internet. Let's face it,, there are lots of creepers on the web and many who are probably up to no good. I'm wondering how many women went off to meet someone and have wound up missing or on a milk carton? You should insist on meeting in a public place of course. We have all heard this. I had one person who wanted to meet me in a dog park. That didn't seem too public to me so I said I'd rather get to know a bit about him first via emails or maybe a phone call. He became irate, chewed me out and then blocked me. My question is how soon do you want to meet someone? Are you one to take it a bit slow or just jump in there? Ladies? Gents? What is your opinion?
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 2
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Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/17/2009 6:38:39 PM
If this guy became upset because you wanted to know more about him before meeting in person, and suggested any place that made you uncomfortable, then you should trust your instincts!

Think about it this way - even if he isn't some nutcase, the fact that he is so touchy that a simple request to take things a little slower would send him into a tirade would tell me that this is not the type of person I would want to build a long term relationship with anyway! Chalk it up to one of those frogs that we all have to kiss before finding our prince.

As for me, I like to have at least a couple of emails, and enough phone calls that I kmow some background before meeting someone. And - I totally agree that a dog park is not a "public place" for a first meeting. After all it could be you and the dog! Go for a restaurant, coffee shop, fast food restaurant, etc. You can always choose to take the dogs for a walk later if coffee goes well!
 Kowboi
Joined: 1/5/2007
Msg: 3
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Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/17/2009 6:50:51 PM
I can't say I've ever had to force a meeting, as with other things in a relationship, when it's time, it's time...at our age, things should just flow naturally. We all have had enough experiences now that if it's not comfortable, it's not right.
 2adventurepdx
Joined: 7/26/2008
Msg: 4
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/19/2009 6:43:44 PM
I'm for taking it slow but I like the adventure of meeting new people. Public is best though I prefer anyplace but the ubiquitous Starbucks. If someone gets pissy and weird online I'm thinking they are doing you a favor by showing their true colors up front. There are a lot of people who disappear from this site, maybe I should check milk cartons.
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 5
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/19/2009 11:42:41 PM
I do a few emails, try to limit it to one phone call and then meet in a public place.

I have spent way too much time on the phone with people who I just didn't click with
when I met them. I have found it's best to meet as soon as possible. I build them up in my mind after too many phone calls. Then it's disappointing when you meet and find out there is no chemistry.
 2bornot2be2
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 6
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:38:08 PM
It's far too easy online, and even over the phone, to be the person you want to be, or the person you are talking to wants you to be. Seeing and talking to someone face to face will eliminate much of that fantasy world behavior. So, after a few e-mails and maybe a phone conversation, just meet the person for goodness sakes! And concerning safety? This is Oregon and one can't throw a rock without hitting a Starbucks.

Why the rush? You are going to find out that the photo they posted was 10 years old, 30 pounds lighter and or the one picture ever taken of them that made them look attractive eventually anyway, so why waste anymore precious life than necessary?

(for what it's worth......and I may be the exception?...... I am just as fat, old and (un)attractive in person as my photos suggest)
 ChristopherBrooks
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 7
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Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/29/2009 12:42:57 AM
I agree with most people who replied, trust your instincts. If you had a good conversation the first time then if you feel comfortable with a date then definetly go out you really don't want to spend a week getting to know someone only to meet them and find that your really not into them for more than friendship
 shesacountrygirl
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 8
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 11/29/2009 5:44:37 PM
I've tried it both ways. Take it slow with tons of email and phone convos and meeting before even having a phone number. Meeting right off the bat (as long as they dont sound off the wall in the first couple of emails) saves a lot of invested time that could be spent elsewhere.

Being a single mom it's not too often I have the freedom to just say, "hey how bout a game of pool and ice breaker" so more often then not it takes a couple of emails and number before the opportunity arises. But I perfer it.
 wugwug
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 9
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/6/2009 10:23:59 PM
Very Rational Question,

There is no set rule I suppose. For women especially, this can be a very serious question to consider. Wait until you are comfortable but even then, do not throw caution to the wind. Learn self-defense perhaps. Take a strong male or female friend with you and have them just within site so that you are not completely alone. Use whatever precautions you deem necessary.

I See Where You Are Going With This & I Think You're Right...Wait,

Mickie [My'Kee]
 .CookieMonster.
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 10
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/18/2009 3:52:28 AM
With me, if I'm engrossed with a particular individual, I'd hope to meet them soon. (Within a week or so, depending on the chemistry). Conversing over email, text, IM', phone, etc, several times daily can get you pretty amped up to meet your possible sultan. Just go with your gut instinct.
 GlitterPopRock
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 11
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 4:45:55 PM

I do a few emails, try to limit it to one phone call and then meet in a public place.

I have spent way too much time on the phone with people who I just didn't click with
when I met them. I have found it's best to meet as soon as possible. I build them up in my mind after too many phone calls. Then it's disappointing when you meet and find out there is no chemistry.



Coming from another women, thanks for this, I'm new here and was kinda intimidated at first, at men throwing a phone number at me after two e-mails, but this makes perfect sense, you start to build up this person you want to see after talking too much before meeting, I am getting more comfortable now and am ready to jump in and date now. I'm looking for Mr. Right but I'm sure I'm gonna be here a while before finding him. So why not go out for a bite to eat asap! In public!

I been leaving a trail of info behind before I head out so that if I do disappear, maybe it's enough for leads for my missing persons case :P But I am not too scared I feel I take enough caution, but accidents happen I could be that person starring on the next forensic science show, but I believe in when it was meant to happen, it was meant to happen, I just hope it never does!


Happy Dating everyone!
 IrishEnigma82
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 12
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 4:46:10 PM
i always think its best to talk online for a while first, and then a phone conversation if you feel l=comfortable with someone. It is true that you can let your imagination run wild and play games on you about a person before you meet them. All in all if you are serious at all about someone you wont find out if you truly do have any real chemistry until you meet them in person so after a week of talking is a good time to meet I think anyways, especially if you have run out of things to talk about.
 wildoutdoorguy
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 13
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 5:32:19 PM
Glitter, I hate to burst your bubble, but this whole internet dating fiasco is nothing but window shopping. No woman will ever find what she wants from a man who she meets online.

That's why she flits around, maybe shows a little interest in a guy, then when she finds out he isn't the perfect answer to her fantasy romance, she drops him like a hot potato. And why not, after all, there are dozens of other guys right at her fingertips. You don't even have to entertain the thought of settling for a good decent guy now. And Don't. Only settle for Mr. Perfect. All of you window-shopping women know he's out there. He's got to be.

Of course the only problem with this mentality (which is rampant among cyberseeking women) is that the only perfect man died on a cross nearly 2,000 years ago. Sorry women, you are SOL, simply out of luck. You, and the hard-headed guys, can continue to play this endless flit game indefinitely if you want to.

End result: No permanent relationships and no marriages via the internet. The whole internet dating thing is a waste of time.
 GlitterPopRock
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 14
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:39:40 PM

Glitter, I hate to burst your bubble, but this whole internet dating fiasco is nothing but window shopping. No woman will ever find what she wants from a man who she meets online.

That's why she flits around, maybe shows a little interest in a guy, then when she finds out he isn't the perfect answer to her fantasy romance, she drops him like a hot potato. And why not, after all, there are dozens of other guys right at her fingertips. You don't even have to entertain the thought of settling for a good decent guy now. And Don't. Only settle for Mr. Perfect. All of you window-shopping women know he's out there. He's got to be.

Of course the only problem with this mentality (which is rampant among cyberseeking women) is that the only perfect man died on a cross nearly 2,000 years ago. Sorry women, you are SOL, simply out of luck. You, and the hard-headed guys, can continue to play this endless flit game indefinitely if you want to.

End result: No permanent relationships and no marriages via the internet. The whole internet dating thing is a waste of time.



haha you made a funny, you must not be much, and having issues on this site... I figure at this stage in my life where other to meet anyone anyhow, I am not currently working nor out and about much and never take numbers from any one at a bar, how else am I supposed to meet new people but to maybe find them online. I have been opposed to dating for a while and the thought of doing it online at first was a turn off, but heck, price charming isn't going to walk out of my TV screen, or knock on my door. And no I am not looking for Mr. Totally perfect haha you don't know me :P I tend to steer clear of those ego driven Brad Pitt wanna be's! They are gross and full of them selves, and after a while tend to go on sites like these just to see if they still have that charm to see how many ladies are still interested. Boring, been there done that, and ain't going down that road again. I am looking for my right match is all, and he is out there somewhere, and I am not looking to get married either, lol. just a companion, that i have a great time with and enjoy their company!





Anyhow lets not get offtopic, so yea.


bah hum bug to ya :)
 IrishEnigma82
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 15
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:45:42 PM
I wonder what his story is?
if this internet dating is so loaded and the people are so phony and no one will find love what is he doing on here?
besides heckling people and being a negative nancy.
did someone wake up on the wrong side of the trough this morning?
 GlitterPopRock
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 16
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 6:52:51 PM
lol :)





I think that is just what happened :)
 Shifting dreams
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 17
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:38:50 PM
I don't know if I am responding in the right way or not--am not computer literate.
It is with deepest regret that I chose to hold back in meetimg someone on this site.
A dear man -Ricky Smith-who was on here--became a good friend--we had great communication and could talk about pretty much anything.I don't have a picture posted and yet he wanted to meet me per our communications.I held off--to my deepest regret.I continued to write and In my stupidity--I thought he gave up on me--so -I let it go---only to find his obituary in the paper,The dear man had died on Dec.7--My last letter to him was on the 10th.He was only 48 years old.
I'm sure his family won't know to delete his profile-or even know that he was on here-but I will remember him and will never miss the chance of meeting someone again.
So for those of you who only look for pictures first--remember that those of us who don't post one miss out more then you.We look for the soul--you look for what exists at the moment--to whither and die---
To Ricky Smith---best regards--I know you found what you were waiting for and believed in--you touched my heart and soul and I regret we never meet
 wildoutdoorguy
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 18
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 9:57:37 PM
Josh, You missed my point, or misinterpreted it. I did not call anyone phony. I even said there are good, decent guys on here for all these women to meet. And of course, there are many great women, along with those that aren't. But that doesn't change the reality of the point I was making.

What I said was that that (being good and decent) isn't enough. Not when there is always the possibility of Mr. Perfect (you know the man in most women's fantasy world-the one who not only gets her chemistry roaring, but innately knows what all her needs are and will meet all of them) simply by doing another search online.

I challenge any of you to show one internet-made relationship that is permanent as in married. Why get permanently involved with anyone when there are so many options yet waiting to be discovered on the internet?

To shifting dreams, I am sorry for your experience. But consider that it would only have been harder on you if you had met the guy.
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 19
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/27/2009 11:46:35 PM
There are other threads besides the Oregon thread where people swear they know people who met online and married the person and are in a happy marriage.

You can challenge that all you want, but I believe it to be true.

I don't believe all women think this is nothing but window shopping. When I was in my
last relationship, I participated in the forums and had my profile listed as not single not looking , and had it hidden from searches. My bf knew I participated in the forums and there were a lot of times I showed him certain posts that I found interesting. I had no desire to keep looking for a new relationship or a different relationship the entire time we were together. It's really sad that you feel that way, Wild.
 Gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 20
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Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:05:13 AM
/delurking
Wildoutdoorguy,
You might try going to a christian dating site or jewishsingles or any faith centered dating sites. You'll find testimonials to the marriages that have come about through the couples meeting on the site. Since those folks are perhaps more traditional in their faith (like yourself) they sought marriage at a means to an end. I know of two couples that met on the internet and ended up married (still are years later). They weren't even on dating sites to boot. BTW, I'm not recommending you leave here - just that the "proof' that you ask for, might be present there. I would also add that meeting anyone IRL is just as rife with failure as meeting on the web.

Back to the OP:
Email awhile (weeks?) and if it seems like you might have some fun then exchange numbers and meet in a public place. Be sure to carry concealed and practice center mass shots before hand to stay sharp. Oh, and be sure to stay on any medications so you won't hear any "voices". I'm here to help.
Take care,
Gemguy

/Relurk
 MsEclectic
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 21
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 8:51:13 AM
The take it slow or meet right away decision would depend on some various factors, I'd think, and would also vary for different people.

For me, I want to feel comfortable before meeting someone, and like to talk on the phone before meeting as well. I always tell a friend when I go and let them know the profile and phone number of the man 'just in case'.

Also, not everyone here is looking for the same thing. That is why there are *options* to indicate dating, hang out, long-term, etc. If you are looking for activity partners, then why not meet sooner than later? As long as you are meeting in a safe place, and you have let others know who you are meeting, it might be the best way to do it.

As far as this comment:


Glitter, I hate to burst your bubble, but this whole internet dating fiasco is nothing but window shopping. No woman will ever find what she wants from a man who she meets online.
= one of the silliest comments evah. (Yes, 'evah'. :)

Sad thing is, bringing that attitude to the POF table pretty much guarantees he won't have success here. His problem, not yours/mine.


I challenge any of you to show one internet-made relationship that is permanent as in married. Why get permanently involved with anyone when there are so many options yet waiting to be discovered on the internet?


There are at least several participants in the general forums who met their loves here on POF. They stay for the forums, but you can read on the profile that they are no longer looking. Some I've seen even have pics of the two of them together, the rings and everything. I wonder why you don't venture outside the Oregon forums?

And again, not everyone is looking for marriage.

 wildoutdoorguy
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 22
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:22:30 AM
The Oregon forums have been as good as dead for months. It seems that my little stirring of the pot got at least a little life going. We haven't had this much input on a thread in a long time.

Good going you guys. You bit.

Sassy, I've always been impressed by your non-knee-jerk input, as compared with a lot of other people. Too bad you live so far away.

Gemguy, I love the part about carrying concealed. Ha. I like to laugh and you made me laugh with that one. Ha.
 Gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 23
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Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:46:51 PM
/Delurk

W.O.G.,
I could generally only get away with that posting in concealed carry states like OR and WA.
Glad it made you laugh.
Gemguy

/Relurk
 2bornot2be2
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 24
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:10:16 PM
Take a look at the "success stories" section of this website. It does happen, believe it or not. However, take a good look at the photos of the successful couples. You won't see a total knock out (man or woman) with an average or less than average person. In fact, the couples look pretty evenly matched. On a scale of 1 to 10, you'll see 5's with 5's, 3's with 3's, etc.

I suspect the people who have success on a site, such as POF, are the realists. They have no delusions about who they are, and just as importantly, about who they wish to meet. And as a general rule, many were not on this site long (as in not years) before the met their mate.

We could all (myself included) learn something from these successful people, I think.
 sassy_scorpio
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 25
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/30/2009 2:54:01 PM

Sassy, I've always been impressed by your non-knee-jerk input, as compared with a lot of other people. Too bad you live so far away



I am not sure what you mean by this. What does non-knee-jerk mean, anyway?

I think the majority of people IRL meet other ways than online dating sites. It's nice that this option has become available for those of us that do not live in big cities where there is a lot going on, and opportunities galore to meet new people. IRL, you don't have to make the choice between emailing for ages or meeting right away. You've already met the person, and it's between wondering if they think of you as a friend or would welcome the chance to be asked out by this person. I do think it's a lot harder the older we get. As we get older, we all seem to get stuck in our little worlds where we just don't get out and about as much as we did when we were younger.
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