| | Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I have a major problem. About two years ago I met this guy at school and really started to fall for him. We ended up dating and he was a jerk but I couldnt get enough of him. We ended up staying together off and on all this time but hes changed and i have lost interest in him completely. But, hes so obsessed with me, nice, caring and so on. I guess ive keep him around as a fall back and because i dont want to break his heart. I dont know what to do, i mean i love him as a person but i cant see being with him forever, im looking for someone I can love. ughh its so complicated please help! | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 3:56:56 AM | This is not complicated. You're young and stringing this guy along. Don't make him a fallback guy.
If you repeat this behaviour I can see your future filled with posts such as "Everything changed after we had sex and he doesn't call or text me anymore."
If your heart isn't in it, LET HIM GO!!! Guys who are led on tend to close off their hearts in later relationships. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:42:03 AM | 1. We ended up dating and he was a jerk but I couldnt get enough of him.
2. We ended up staying together off and on all this time but hes changed and i have lost interest in him completely.
gah, just another of those psychodramas that's the relationship equivalent of full-blown schizophrenia.
you aren't relationship material.
and you're using the guy.
just exactly who are you doing this big favor for??
it's not nearly as complicated as you like to pretend that it is.
end it.
today. | |
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~ยง~
| | Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 4 | |
| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:43:33 AM | You're young and stringing this guy along.
Guys who are led on tend to close off their hearts in later relationships
Yep
I guess ive keep him around as a fall back and because i dont want to break his heart.
Hmm... you may not "get" this... but what you're doing is worse than breaking his heart.
You're stomping all over it.
If you definately dont want to be with him but honestly believe you care for him...
...then stop using the guy.
Thats what I mean about stomping all over his heart.
Its one thing to care for and not love another person... its a whole other to know that you dont feel that way about them but continue to abuse their feelings for you.
Through all your self interest and fear you'll hurt him... you're making the situation worse...
...you'll eat into his self esteem... he'll start questioning himself as to why women dont want guys who're good to them... and end up thinking all women are the same
You dont realize it now... but thats exactly what you're doing.
All thats left for you to really do is flat out dump him and make him feel completely worthless when somebody who really rocks your world comes along.
So break it off with him before you start looking for somebody else.
Atleast give him the respect of that.
And one more thing... be real careful you're not being unappreciative of what you've got... cos if you hurt this guy bad enough... you'll lose him forever and it'll be your own fault.
You shouldnt have to lose someone before you value them. Keep that in mind.
You dont wanna waste your life looking for it again.
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 5:02:28 AM | That's pretty messed up.
I'd tell this guy to put you to the curb. If you're not interested, then let the poor sap go. He doesn't need your favors or your pity. Broken hearts mend, but mindgames and deception will screw someone up for good. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 5:36:27 AM | So, you couldn't get enough of him while he was a jerk, but now that he's nice and caring, he's obsessed and you don't want any part of it..??
Sounds like you were looking for a train wreck or no ties if you were interested when he was a jerk - of course, those are never 'lifetime commitments' that people see themselves falling for - so jerks are safe, if you don't want to get involved.
Now that he's involved, no longer a jerk, you want out. If that's the way you feel, you need to let him know. Be honest about it. And don't go running back to him every time you want a three round burst from a DNA burp gun or every time some other relationship of yours doesnt work out.
You want him as a friend, then treat him as a friend - not a human dildo. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 7:13:37 AM | | Get a library card and spend a year reading books of all different kinds, whatever catches your eye, on any subject, and by the end of that time the many examples of structured information and practical wisdom will have trained your mind to view things in a whole new way. | |
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| He's my fallback guy, but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 8:01:36 AM | What Magillicuddy said.
Although I don't think I'd have used the expression "DNA burp gun."
Heh.
Kick him to the curb, you're not doing him any favors. There's nothing complicated about it. He's into you and you're not into him, never mind what happened in the past, that's the situation now and that's all there is to it.
So let him go so he can get over it. That's the honorable and decent thing to do. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 8:50:19 AM | Typical young female that craves drama and wants what she can't have. Now that there is no drama and you can have him, you don't want any part of it - funny isn't it? 
I predict you are going to be a future battered wife, yes I said it. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:12:46 AM | | Apparently you are incapable of dealing with people honestly or fairly. However, you would expect them to do so with you? I predict you will come back here inquiring why all the men you meet are irretrievably broken. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:47:53 AM | | You can't have it both ways. Let him go and break his heart. That will be much better for him than keeping him around as a "fallback guy". That is a terrible and cruel game to play with someone's mind and heart. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 11:46:27 AM | The next what happoned to all the nice/good men thread that get's posted please
place O p s orig post into evidence as a smoking gun.
When he was a jerk to her ,she wanted him. Then he developed feelings for her and let
his kinder side show and she wants to make him into a gay guy for just friends.Come
on now,just how **cked up is this.
The unfortunate guy made the mistake of not keeping his jerk attitude going and she
lost interest.
P enalty marker now down on the field, O P now has to give this guy a shot at all of
her better looking girlfriends ,Ya and only then ,mabe they can still be friends.
Hawk | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 1:19:16 PM | I pray for the day, I come on here and see that someone strings you along and breaks your heart.
It is so strange, that moment when the scales turn and ffffttttt, the guy who was a womanizing jerk turns into what sounds like, a decent boyfriend.
In my experience this is a woman thing. As soon as he turns into a nice guy, "uhhhh, thanks for playing". Most women, unfortunately, like being treated like sh*t. It gives them something to complain about, live through and strive for. When the guy says "wow, you're pretty awesome, maybe we should make a go of this", it's like "later!".
I'm not condoning men acting like richards, but if you look at the score card, sometimes acting like an aloof d-head, is the proper course of action. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 1:37:24 PM | | Honestly, OP you don't sound mature enough to appreciate a meaningful relationship with a guy. You fall for a jerk but lose interest in him because he changes his act and starts to treat you nicely. Don't waste this guy's and other guy's time and don't date anyone. Or just be upfront with the guys you choose to date. Tell the jerks you like them because they are jerks, and reject the guys who would treat you well because they simply don't interest you. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 1:55:10 PM |
This is not complicated. You're young and stringing this guy along. Don't make him a fallback guy.
To the OPer: You're looking at this from a selfish perspective. You're worried about what you want and what you should do about it. What about him? If he does treat you well, or is obsessed, then you stringing him along is making him unavailable for anyone else and uninterested in looking elsewhere. You get a fallback and he gets wasted time with no hope of a LTR.
This isn't complicated. It didn't even require thought on my part before responding. Grow up, please, and learn to think about other people before yourself. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 2:00:06 PM | | He was a jerk but you couldn't get enough of him? I thought that was a big myth. If he is a jerk then why do you like him? I'm sooooo confused...hmmm. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 2:54:34 PM | I have a major problem. About two years ago I met this guy at school and really started to fall for him. We ended up dating and he was a jerk but I couldnt get enough of him. We ended up staying together off and on all this time but hes changed and i have lost interest in him completely. But, hes so obsessed with me, nice, caring and so on. I guess ive keep him around as a fall back and because i dont want to break his heart. I dont know what to do, i mean i love him as a person but i cant see being with him forever, im looking for someone I can love. ughh its so complicated please
Good luck. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/18/2009 10:07:17 PM | Uggh...this is so offensive, I just wanna quit my day job and form a dating police posse. Lucky, you're young and that gives you grace.
However, I have come across people in their 30-s and 40-s that do this as a matter of course. What does that tell you? They probably did it when they were 19.
Relationships 101:
1) You do not keep a back up like some spare tyre. If tyres had feelings they'd roll away knowing that they'd be kept in the dark all of their useful life until required (which may never come...maybe...try living your life not knowing).
2) There is no such thing as a reserve boyfriend/girlfriend. Although a part-time lover can exist...Stevie Wonder said so.
3) You will not dare to put someone "on hold" and pick up another "call" then forget the first call. Its rude to make first caller listen to Beethoven for Babies all day long while on "wait".
4) It does not matter if you're 19 or 38 or 42. People that do this are simply called idjits.
5) No one knowingly likes being made a back up. Imagine if we did. The whole world would be in chaos, cos everybody feeds on the insecurity and ALL will definitely have a back up. Therefore, those that have a back up now are what is colloquially called a cheat. Are you OP? Naw....but only because you are young. Imagine the old chooks that read this and think they can still get away with it....the cheating old crumpets. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:06:38 AM | It's not that complicated, you don't want to tell him the truth because there are no other options right now. Bad.
Grow up and talk to him like an adult, what you are doing right now is just mean. | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:30:56 AM | I see. Ah, to be young and self centered...
Listen cupcake, a "major problem" as you put it, means you're in the Mid East fighting a war or you've lost your job and can't make the mortgage. A "major problem" does not involve you being a selfish b*tch and stringing along a poor dude who is nice and caring to you thinking you're doing the same for him. You actually admit to having a "fall back guy"??? How f*cking low and selfish can one get?
I think if a guy on here was talking of his "fallback women" he would have to leave POF because of all the nasty responses saying he was a dog or a player with nothing but his interest in mind. WELL PEOPLE... have at HER. | |
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Nev84
| | Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 23 | |
| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:08:34 PM | John you smacked it m8, bang on. This just proves to me more why todays relationships in todays young generation compared to the last is so crazy. All I hear when people talk about marriage, especially men is "I really love her, but when I get married I am getting a prenup...lol? 1 of the reasons being, because the laws implaced in countries such as the UK the court of order (or Priorityshould I say) is
1) Children
2)OAPs (old age pensioner)
3)Women
4) Dogs, cats, birds (name any pet or exotic animal in here)
then Men.
welcome to the future!! lol
Zaf | |
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:00:43 PM |
But, hes so obsessed with me, nice, caring and so on. I guess ive keep him around as a fall back and because i dont want to break his heart.
He's so obsessed with me.
With an attitude like that no wonder he was a jerk to you. He needs to learn that again and put you on the backburner.
Is this all some attempt at humor? I can't believe someone would post this sh*t and then expect help/advice from ppl here.
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| Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:57:41 AM | WELL ! Seem like you realy stired up a hornets nest there! Listen eather you love him or you don,t ! The whole idea of a relationship is for boath parties to give 100 % of them selves. If there is somthing missing then talk to him. And mabe you can find it together! And if you can't then at least you can say you tried! Just re member ! The grass is not always greener on the outher side Every relationship takes work!  | |
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