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 HollyMolly456
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 1
Canceled our first date..Page 1 of 1    
This guy and I , who met online, started talking on the phone almost everyday for three hours or more. Two weeks after chatting we even set up a date, we got a long, eve made bets one of which I won. =)... all was super cute.

That Saturday he cancels our date around 2 ( we were supposed to meet at 7) citing family obligations. We spoke on the phone and I called him back to ask him what it was really about...I told him that I was ok if he didnt want to go out but there wasnt a need for the drama. He said absolutely not that he was into me and was glad I called.

I left to Miami the next day and he didnt text or email as much but I was with my family. We spoke twice for like three hours each night. Now im back in the city, we havent really spoken on the phone and even though we talk online everyday, laugh and he texts me all the time, hes never brought up rescheduling our ddate even though Ive alluded to the fact.

My gut instinct says he likes taking to me but is not interested in me like that and maybe I should just stop talking to him all together, but my girlfriends say other wise (girls are confusing..lol). What should I do?
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 2
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:53:26 AM
Try again -- soon -- and if he resists ... well, then you have your answer. Right?
 OpenHeart928
Joined: 10/12/2009
Msg: 3
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:54:42 AM
If I am interested in a woman and conversations are interesting enough to justify even one 3-hour conversation, I am going to do everything I can to meet her as soon as possible to make sure there's an "in person" connection.

Too much time can be wasted only to find there's nothing there in person. This I learned the hard way.

What should you do? Tell him you want to meet in person and see if there's a real connection. Ask him when he would like to make that happen. If he hems and haws or makes a bunch of excuses, wish him well and sever the connection.

If he's sincere about you, he needs to prove it with some action that involves actually meeting. Short of that, he's not serious about you as a person, just a phone or pen pal.

He may be interacting with other women and have one of more interest. He may be married. Who knows? He may just be quite busy. But regardless, you need to meet as soon as possible to see if there's a reason to invest more 3-hour conversations in him. If you meet and find no connection, you'll have learned the hard way what I learned the hard way: meet as soon as possible to make sure you are investing your time and attention toward something with definite Real Life Potential.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 4
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:56:53 AM
Insist on the "meet and greet" and if he does not comply, you have your answer.

Why waste all that time and energy on the computer, phone, texting, etc., and you have no real idea if you are compatible or not?

If all you want is a "pen pal", continue to do what you are doing, but if you truly want to meet and find out, get off the phone, and computer, and meet the man.

cd.........
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 5
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:02:10 AM
OP:
<div class="quote">We spoke on the phone and I called him back to ask him what it was really about...I told him that I was ok if he didnt want to go out but there wasnt a need for the drama.

The highlighted would have raised a red flag for me. Why on earth would you call him back and ask him this? You were pretty much implying that he was LYING! and creating a tad bit of drama yourself.


VVV: Call him, catch up on things, and when the time seems "right" invite him out! If he flakes on you, then you know he's not interested.

Good luck! ;-)

P.S. Don't post consecutively as you have a limit of 21 posts here. Try to combine your responses to the others in one session. As you want more feedback from others!
 HollyMolly456
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 6
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:03:57 AM
You make a good point Sab., I hadnt thought of it like that...I guess in my quest for directness I didnt realize I was adding Drama...
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 7
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:09:38 AM
Making real what is just a fantasy is never a "needy" function, but much more of a "reality" one.

Sabs brings up a great point that I overlooked, but would have thought as well, if you called me and asked "what was really up"?

Trick me once, shame on you, trick me twice, shame on me!!!

cd.........
 HollyMolly456
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 8
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:11:34 AM
Lol... I just wanted to nip it in the bud I guess..but lesson learned
 cherylbarnes
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 9
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:14:19 AM
Agree totally with Sabrosura. And continuing to allude to the rescheduling has the same effect. Don't mention it for awhile, make plans with your girlfriends and talk about those instead. You've got to get him off the idea that you might be a psycho stalker. Show him you have your own life separate from him.
 HollyMolly456
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 10
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:15:46 AM
I only alluded once but you still make a good point.

Thanks for the reply
 Navigator6
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 11
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:16:14 AM
Personally, this is exactly why I will not do long, drawn out email & phone "relationships". IMO, it wastes waaay too much time and really give you little actual insight into exactly who/what you're dealing with. The only way to find that out is to meet face to face.

Sabrosura makes a very valid point. If I was to have to cancel a meet & greet and was then accused of making/being dramatic, it would be a HUGE turnoff for me. It would also be the equivalent of you hoisting a big red flag from YOUR mast.


Now im back in the city, we havent really spoken on the phone and even though we talk online everyday, laugh and he texts me all the time, hes never brought up rescheduling our ddate even though Ive alluded to the fact.

OK... so, here's a thought. Why don't YOU bring up the issue of meeting again!? I mean, after spending countless hours talking to this man, you still aren't comfortable enough to just say, "hey, let's meet"?? If he flakes out again, then I would take the whole thing as a learning experience. Learn to meet men sooner and avoid the incredible waste of time (and probably emotion) spent having daily, 3 hour phone conversations.

So, get him on the phone, tell him you're tired of the telecommunication relationship and that you want to meet him, once & for all. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?

Good luck!


EDIT:

Wouldnt insisting on a date look needy? By the way Im a tragic overthinker

Huh? Needy?? I'm not sure how you equate not wanting to continue wasting your time as being "needy". STOP over thinking these types of things. You'll be much better off in the long run.
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 12
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:17:39 AM
The start is not encouraging to produce any thing. He got the cold feet. You deserve better. Once I arranged for a date with a woman from here who lived in Delaware about 85 miles. I took off the day from work and got ready even I bought her roses. Then she called and canceled on the morning of the day we suppose to meet. She mentioned some Xmas shopping Blah Blah Blah. I said fine. Three weeks later she called to see if we can reschedule I said NO thanks. In my mind if our date after three weeks with lots of time spent over the telephone, email and text got cancelled without real emergency reason makes me feel that I am on the back burner. What will happen if we fall in love or even get pregnant I could still be on the back burner. Not acceptable to me.
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 13
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:53:27 AM
So it's ok for you to go out of town with your family, but a guy calls and cancels a first meet because of his family, and you basically accuse him of lying? Ya, no wonder he's a little hesitant to reschedule.

Don't over think things, just ask him to meet and if he says no or cancels again, well, you know your answer.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:57:23 AM
99 percent of cancellations on the day of a date=no. sorry.
 HollyMolly456
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 15
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:57:32 AM
Rainman I had a scheduled trip weeks before we met and he called me 5 hours before our date telling me he compeltely forgot about his cousins 15 year old party, that he doenst want to go to but might have to go to but only if his brother goes. Not exactly the same thing...But I do see what you mean by the phone call. It was never my intention for it to be a You are a liar situation but more of a lets just be honest with each other thing, which obviously came out the wrong way. Its not my place to question his loyalties to his family, but how would that look to you?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 16
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:11:07 AM
Meet him asap and see if there is anything there.

If he doesn't want to meet. Forget him, but stop with so much phone talk and on line talk.

He really doesn't seem keen on meeting IMO.
Most guys want to meet very soon.

I would stop the chit chat unless to make a date this weekend.
 Thesumofallparts
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 17
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:33:09 AM

Personally, this is exactly why I will not do long, drawn out email & phone "relationships". IMO, it wastes waaay too much time and really give you little actual insight into exactly who/what you're dealing with. The only way to find that out is to meet face to face.

So true. I've even had to blow off good prospects because they want to email back and forth forever. One even told me she would rather "get to know me" through email before we meet. That's just not possible. A person has all the time they want to formulate responses, there are no facial expressions to read, it's just effing stupid! Phones are a step up, but a baby step, if that. Face to face is the only way...


Wouldnt insisting on a date look needy? By the way Im a tragic overthinker

No, this website is used to set up dates. Go ahead and insist. And, most if not all women are tragic over thinkers. Just do yourself a favor, and insist on a date. If he continues to be wishy washy, ignore him but don't delete his number so you know not to answer when he calls. He'll call after his other prospect fizzles out.
 Aloha_Shake_Shake
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 18
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:49:11 AM
If he was really interested, he would of rescheduled for a specific date/time.

Who knows if he was telling the truth...but you are the instigator of drama if you called to demand an explaination and told him there was no need for drama. If I was him...I would of been like " See ya..." You could of handled it in a better way. You can still get the truth out of a guy without causing a fight. The way you handled the situation wasn't exactly the most mature nor most effective way. And this was obvious with the end result.

Either way, you're wasting time by phoning excessively etc ....why on earth are you waiting for him to set up a date...get the bloody balls to do it yourself. If you two have three bloody hours to gab on the phone almost every day ( wow I don't know how you do it, I rather be doing other things with my spare time....you're amazing) People really mind boggle me. You remind me of a girlfriend who has been talking to this guy on msn for a YEAR and they have only been out ONCE...because she is waiting for him to ask her out again. Some ppl don't have the f-in clue....totally live in a dream world. But as I said...if he was really interested...he would of set up a specific day/time immediately. He likes you...I just don't think crazy enough about you to treat you to a date. However, if you really want this guy bad....just get to the bleeping point on the phone and re book another date....problem solved....sheesh. And if he makes up another excuse, you know in this case " another bites the dust...".
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 19
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Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:27:45 PM

Its not my place to question his loyalties to his family, but how would that look to you?


...like he forgot his cousin's Bday? I don't know - I could see if it was last minute or he was a no show for your date, but he did call well enough in advance (IMO) that I personally would just shrug it off as an honest mistake.
 Lively Annie
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 20
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:04:07 PM
if he were really interested he would be meeting you and not wasting 3 hours chatting daily - he must be hiding something ?? perhaps a wife - move on to greener pastures . If he is troubling you before you meet him guess what he might be like when you meet him.
 HollyMolly456
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 21
Canceled our first date..
Posted: 11/20/2009 1:06:54 PM
You make a good point Sab., I hadnt thought of it like that...I guess in my quest for directness I didnt realize I was adding Drama...

I justt wanted to nip it in the bud but lesson learned
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