| | Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?Page 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | A girlfriend is there thru thick and thin. Never demands anything except my time.
A man's firendship always seems = casual sex plus friendship
I have had great frienships with men who are either 20 years older or happily married. A single guy - it is just impossible to be friends with = no sex.
Comments anybody? | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 12:59:17 PM | I really do not think that it is impossible. I have guy friends that are my age and single, I also have single guy friends younger and older than me... and not all of them are gay  | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:40:14 PM |
it is just impossible to be friends
well if you women would just stop hitting on us guys who only want a friendship, it wouldn't be a problem.
seriously though, as a straight man with lots of female friends i've never had sex with, all i can say is that you're hanging out with the wrong guys. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 4:10:30 PM | | if hes attracted to you at all its impossible,and if hes single to focus on just being great friends is really hard when your attracted to someone, only great friends i have who are girls are ones i'm not into or aren't my type at all. | |
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Fartz
| | Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 8 | |
| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 5:58:33 PM | How would you like to be friends with a man that you are really attracted to but can't have?
It's kind of like bringing and alcoholic who just quit drinking to the bars for a good time. I mean sure he might have a good time but he is aching inside for some of those drinks.
I always wondered... Why wouldn't I be attracted to a woman I can be friends with? We obviously are getting along!
A friendship between a man a woman stands a chance to have the man hurting at some point because he wants her and she doesn't want him. Then the woman hurting at some point because she wants him and he doesn't want her...
Not to say that it is impossible but there are obstacles in the way. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 6:14:24 PM | I have four VERY proven friendships...two are ladyfriends, and two are malefriends, and I would NOT think twice, if the circumstances arose to toss any of the four of them my lifering...and not even the 'ladies first' rule would apply...so I don't agree with your premise that it's impossible to just be friends with a man. It is quite wonderful to share a bond in trust that allows the open dialogues that enrich my understanding of 'how the other sex thinks'(or doesn't, sometimes)...and, in return proffer the opposing dialogues and perspectives.
I WANT my friends...as friends.
the hormonal urge...'nuther perspective...'nuther thread!!!!!
luvyallllll  | |
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Fartz
| | Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 11 | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be friends with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 6:43:42 PM | OP
Clearly you have made an unreasonable generalization.
As other men and women have responded, I too have female friends, who are close friends, friends that I trust and that I respect, and do not anticipate sexual relations will ever be part of our relationships. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be friends with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 6:59:57 PM | It takes two for sex. Perhaps the problem is you.
I have many friends that are girls for years where nothing sexual ever came between us.
Except for blowjobs but they don't count.
(I'm kidding, kidding....breathe...) | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 7:31:42 PM | | Silly girl. I think it is because the married ones are more relaxed and again there is nothing hormonal going on since they are happily married. No I usually enjoy their friendship in the company of their wives too. PS you can keep your 60 year old friend far far far away from me. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:41:29 PM | I have two very good male friends. One who is an ex-lover and one who has always been a platonic friend. They are an incredabile support for me and also very good at helping me decide if a man I am seeing is good for me to keep on seeing. Great friends. With my ex- lover we have been friends for over 25 years without sex and the other fellow is in a marriage that is40 years old. They both have my love and respect. My life would be impoverished with out them. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:43:04 AM | I'll be the voice of difference to all the other posters and agree with the OP that it is impossible to just be friends.
I've made a great many different male friends over the years and I find the ones who are faithfully with someone are the only ones who do not pursue me romantically or sexually.
Wait, I'm wrong.. there is the one who likes to swing. Oy!
It seems as if I say the word friends and somehow it gets twisted around and goes into their mind meaning a chance to get "close" to me.
It's annoying, very annoying. I don't dress or talk in a manner that brings this on, yet it always happen.
Is a gay man the only one I can actually sit and talk with without having put up a guard/wall that reads " I'm talking to you because I enjoy being your friend, not because I want you to rip my clothes off"? 
A shame though.... a darn shame.
Friends are amazing when you meet a good one... of any gender. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 9:07:43 AM |
Why is it impossible to just be friends with a man?
I work with alot of men, and we are all "friends" HOWEVER...I find there is always alot of underlying sexual innuendo in our conversations and interactions.
It doesn't seem to matter if these male friends are married, in a relationship, or single...they ALL do it.
I'm just as guilty in regards to being flirtatous, BUT, I also let it be known loud and clear that there isn't a chance in hell that I would mess around with ANY of them.
My two best male friends are ex's...men that I've already had sex with. Having already "been there-done that" we are able to be true friends without any hidden agenda's getting in the way.
I seriously believe that it's next to impossible to achieve the same quality of friendship with a man as opposed to with a woman. GIRLFRIENDS rock!!
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 1:19:38 PM |
I seriously believe that it's next to impossible to achieve the same quality of friendship with a man...
you are probably quite right with that statement. Male female friendships are more difficult because they require more discipline and integrity on both parties which is possibly more difficult when we are much younger and respond easily to our hormones...
Just like a relationship such friendship will only work if there is mutual respect and trust.
Like you said I too am flirtatious and complimenting with my female friends . We even go out have fun, dance occasionally...hug and kiss when we say hello/good-bye and strangers may think there is "something else" going on. However close and intimate our friendship and communications are it is based on the trust that neither will break the condition of no sex.
I think of this relationship as a different type of love, similar to brother/sister/parent child type of love. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:05:49 PM | Actually,,,,could it possibly be,,,,that just maybe,,,,,that there is a major difference in the definiton of "friends" between the two genders?????? Step in if I am wrong here,,,but anyone notice the "amount" of friends females have as compared to what males will proclaim as "friends". I have always found that there is a huge difference in numbers or if you must,,,,average numbers.
I was just told today that I "know" an awful lot of people personally and professionaly. Yet,,,, I would never state that these people that I "know" as "friends". I truely only have a few,,,,the ones that I actually define as a "friend"(usually time past is involved), and my definition of a "friend" is quite different from many of the females that I "know".
I agree that women and men do have a hard time being "friends",,,,but that also relates to the high divorce rate/marriage failure,,,,don't ya think????? Communication again,,,,is the key here. If you spell it out for men,,,,as in saying what you want outta of a relationship (friends,lovers,FWB's,whatever) than most men will get it. Throw in "flirting" after you tell us that you "just" want to be friends,,,,then you might as well not even open your mouth in the first place. Don't say one thing,,,and then start flirting. That would be called "mixed singles" and really,,,can ya blame a guy for trying. You know what they say,,,,you can't score unless you take that shot. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:49:37 PM | cheese Louise...^^^^^^
Walt...didja ever see a guy flutter his lashes, and say he 'just wants to be friends'?????
nahhh...you'd a bopped him!
so if a girl flutters her lashes, and says 'just wanna be friends'...
do you BOF her???...
or do you take the civil restraint, moral fibre, integrity UP a notch and say...okay...I get it...
and try for the good old fashioned 'conversation'...and learn ta be friend-worthy...
not dissing ya...not kissing ya either...
but I'll send a hug...
luvyall | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:07:59 PM |
so if a girl flutters her lashes, and says 'just wanna be friends'...
do you BOF her???...
or do you take the civil restraint, moral fibre, integrity UP a notch and say...okay...I get it...
and try for the good old fashioned 'conversation'...and learn ta be friend-worthy...
Actually it takes a lot more than somebody to "flutter their lashes" and asking me to be their friend to consider such a thing. Ya see,,,, anybody that does that "old fashioned conversation" with me for any period of time,,,,knows fairly quickly that "fluttering" is for those "other" ones,,,and is quite lost on a guy like me. The other thing is,,,,my "friends" don't need to ask me for confirmation,,,,,they already know.
Like I said there is a definite difference is definitions out there.
Now,,,,,if they want to "flutter" and ask my permission for them to be my acquaintance,,,,,,,, no probs. Acquaintance you are.That still is not a "friend" under my definition. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:08:32 PM | | If they guy isn't mature enough to handle just a friendship then he's not worth it as a friend either. I've had wonderful friendships with guys who were only friends and the thought of sex never even entered my mind. I didn't see them in that way. You can take back the responsibility of maintaining a friendship or just let the guy go and move on. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 9:36:30 PM | | Come to think of it I knew a few girls who have lots of guy friends (whom they never get sexual with) and hardly any girl friends - and they just feel out of place when surrounded by girls. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 11/30/2009 9:51:26 PM |
I call bullshit. When I even remotely think of 'doing it' with my male friend, I kinda gag, just as if someone suggested incest. He is on the same page with that.We enjoy each other's company because we know exactly how the other person's brain works, almost in a mindreading sort of way, and we think along the same lines about a lot of things. There is a rich history of activities and life experiences together, in fact we have been roomies more than once in our lifetimes. We have been stuck on a mountain together, rescued by a helicopter together, dated each other's friends...you name it.
Wow. I've never had that kind of male friendship before....unless I actually was to count my father and brothers as "friends"
It is vastly different from working around a bunch of guys who are acquaintances.
Not true. The bunch of guys I work with are not mere aquaintances...I've worked with some of them for 20+ years. We are like family....and trust me when you spend that much time together...you really do know each other...eg. exactly how the person's brain works, almost in a mindreading way...along with being privy to everyone's family life etc. | |
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| Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 12/1/2009 9:37:10 AM | Not possible to have female friends? I guess mine must be kidding me, then, and I should give them all the boot... 
I think the sex issue does come up with friends-of-the-target-sex sooner or later but it doesn't have to ruin things. If people can't settle the question just by saying "I like hanging out with you, but you're not my type" I'll theorize it's because the way they relate is primarily flirty rather than friendly. There seem to be two broad categories of people there (judging from the things people post). I totally can't relate to the OPs complaint, or the ones about players or gold-diggers, or similar beefs with a common theme, and I suppose it's because I'm in a different category of people who are basically friendly rather than flirty. On the other hand, the first category probably get laid more often than I do *shrug*.
Do men and women have different ideas of friends? Probably, but then people of the same sex have different ideas of what a friend is, and even our own definitions of "friend" change with time, don't they? For some people friends are anyone they don't hate. For others, friends are people they could tell personal problems to and would trust with their life. Personally, I'm somewhere in the middle. Friends for me are people I'd hang out with for fun and who I trust enough to invite into my home for dinner (although that definition is largely theoretical since nowadays I'm not much interested in socializing at home and would rather go out).
New question: is it possible to really be friends with your exes? While I'm on friendly terms with mine, I'm not really interested in seeing them or doing anything with them again. | |
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