| | A question about economics for the ladies.Page 1 of 1 | | Unless you live under a rock, you know that our economy is going through hard times right now. I live in Illinois and our state was at 10.2% in October 2009 and is currently over 15% statewide as of November 2009. Is money that important to you? If you met a quality man, someone who was a gentleman that treated you well and he lost his job before or while you were dating him... would you dump him? If money was such an important factor, then none of us should exist today. All of our grandmothers or great grandmothers (depending on your age) should have left their spouses during the great depression. Right? I mean that does coincide with your rationality on how important finances are. I am unemployed. I do collect benefits from the government. I'm not proud of it. I've also applied to over 600 jobs within the last year. There is too much competition out there for jobs. Too many people unemployed. I reinstated my home business of doing mobile dj work and karaoke nights just to continue to have an income. I lost my house and had to move back in with the parents until this economic downfall ends. Does that make me a bad person? No. There are many men (and women who even feel the same way) that are in the same situation as I am, so this is NOT a "self pity" post. I just wonder why do so many women emphasize finances. Don't get me wrong. I understand that it is important to be in a relationship where there's an income to sustain life. I just don't think women should expect guys to be blowing tons of cash their way on extravagant dinners, exotic dates and so forth. Like a man for his heart's worth, not net worth. When the economy turns around, then the lavish spending would start back up again. (Uh, again, this is NOT a "trolling for self pity" post.) I'm also not looking to stir up any drama. Just wanting to know why SOME women put finances first instead of how a man should treat her. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:47:28 PM | It's unfortunate but a lot of women would rather date a mean man who makes a lot of money, but on the flip side a lot of men would rather date a beautiful woman who's a gold digger than an average looking one who makes her own money...
p | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:50:06 PM | | I'm less concerned about your finances than about your inability to use paragraph breaks. My eyeballs are bugging out of my head. Seriously, perhaps you need to put more energy into building your equity than in dating. You sound as though you have a chip on your shoulder, maybe you've met a lot of "golddiggers", but there are wonderful women out there who are not after a man's bank account. The important thing is that you are able to take care of yourself financially. Certainly you're not a "bad person", but it sounds as though you have serious issues to address and dating is not one of them. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:52:37 PM | material things mean little to me because i have them i have the ability to get them for myself. what i dont have is the devotion emotion and support of a good hearted man.. the finical stance he is in matters little
material possessions can always be replaced and re bought in better times.. the heart however is something that is very fragile and to me it is the person within that matters more. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:53:12 PM | It's the same reason that some men put how a woman looks in front of who a woman really is. It's because they have their priorities... and perhaps they don't line up with yours or mine.
There is a difference in what happens when you are faced as a spouse with financial problems, as opposed to just dating someone, and there should be. Why should you waste your time and emotions working on issues, if the other person is just in the relationship for sex and good times? Commitment is an entirely different animal.
I think financial responsibility should be put in front of the actual amount. If you lose your job and still spend all your time drinking and clubbing, while not paying your bills, I don't want you around. And perhaps while you are lacking in financial means, this is not the time to be investing in finding a relationship. That is time you could be using working on your financial issues.
I'm less concerned about your finances than about your inability to use paragraph breaks. Oh, she made my favorites for that comment! | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:57:32 PM | When I am unemployed, I am more worried about surviving than I am whether or not the opposite sex will date me. Dating isn't even on the radar unless I literally trip over someone.
So no, I don't care what a guy has or can give me because I take care of myself - so I expect that he can. However a guy who's out of work and focusing on dating would make me question his focus.
Priorities, priorities... | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 1:58:49 PM | I would have more of a problem with the size of your belly than your wallet.
600 job applications and no one will hire you?
That is a bit scary. I mean not one grocer needs a bag boy or one warehouse swept in your area?
Some women have the right to choose a mate anyway they see fit. Just as you do.
You have income..... great, I don't care how much it is.
I do care about your level of fitness and other shallow things.
I don't care how much someone makes as long as they are responsible with their money. But also, if they don't like the situation they are in, they are willing to make changes to improve it instead of sitting around complaining about it all the time.
I do agree with this statement. I have myself to look after and am not taking on an extra person to help out financially. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:01:28 PM | For me it is not about putting "finances" first, or being whined and dined by a man but if a man is of equal to me, in the very least.
I am more apt to date someone in a similiar situation such as myself and since I am self supporting I lean ideally towards a man in same situation.
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:03:54 PM | I , for one, am not looking for hardship right from date one...when unemployed and/or unable to care for myself, the last thing I feel I should do is hunt someone down to date and share this misfortune.
In a marriage, it is agreed that for better for worse - richer or poorer...in finding a date - that has NOT been agreed upon and should NOT be a given. I am not looking for someone to take care of finacially. For that, I have children. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:03:55 PM | Well, there are some women that want someone to take care of them and there are some women that don't.
I don't know what type of women you are contacting but I can tell you, for me, that I am one that is very considerate of what is going on right now with the economy. I recently dated a guy that has been laid off of work and I paid for the first date. Our second date..he paid.
I don't care how much someone makes as long as they are responsible with their money. But also, if they don't like the situation they are in, they are willing to make changes to improve it instead of sitting around complaining about it all the time. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:04:40 PM | A woman who looks at money is a woman you don't want anyway.
Life is about loving someone unconditonally and what' on the inside...If a woman is looking at cars, jobs, perfect teeth ,etc. then she is the one with the issues.
There are REAL woman out there so the best advice is don't dwell on that issue cause then you will just attract another one.... | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:15:50 PM | To provide you a objective answer,
Simple common sense, one who is unemployed should to be concentrating in that area to gain employment, not extending efforts trying to date. That is the last thing they need to be doing. This applies to both men and women. It is simply a matter of priorities. And dating is not one of them.
Women will be hesitant because there were those who were unemployed or underemployed before the economy situation, who prey on women to start. Women also. That is one of the reasons women do look at basic finances. Being unemployed will make a woman cautious.
One must also understand, most women today are far more financially independent. They may be having a rough time, yet do not need the financial support of a man nor do they want to be caretakers for them just as men do not want to be care takers for unemployed women who may also prey on men.
Men still have this antiquated idea that women want a man with a ton of money. While I might agree there may be some. That is not the norm. Actually in today’s world, there are women who make far more than men. Yet they do not lavish themselves or hold that against the man for the most part. It is the man who feels most uncomfortable about it. Men need to divest themselves of this non-sense.
As for the man being unemployed, if it happens during the relationship, more times than not, the woman will remain unless he starts to become complacent. And many do.
In any respect it works both ways, men will be just as hesitant and will refrain as women. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:18:30 PM | OP....finances do matter to an extent. When Im looking for a potential match, I look for someone who is responsible and makes the actual decision to be responsible with what money they do have. Everyone now is being hit by the economy...some not so severely as others but yet everyone still feels it. I myself, have been lucky enough to be a stay at home mom through my separation because of what me and my ex decided what was best for our youngest who is not in school.
I like to think of myself as finacially smart. My ex and I kept separate checking accounts and savings accounts and only had a joint checking account for bills. This allowed me when I was working to save a rainy day emergency fund. Because of this fund Ive been able to pay the bills and stay at home while using the child support. Ive been separated since June and still have enough money in my emergency fund to support myself and my children for another year and a half without having to work...well that was before i learned I would have to retain a lawyer because my ex decided what we agreed on over the summer just wouldnt work for him anymore and he wants full custody of the children...now my plans have changed and the children and I will move in with my mother so that I can afford the lawyer still keep some money in the emergency fund while i attempt to find employment and build it up. I will continue to live with my mother until I have enough funds in the emergency fund to cover a year of living expenses (the basics...not cable bills etc) as well as the initial costs of the move...ie first and last months rent, utility hookups etc.
So when I look for a man who lost his job before or after we start dating, i look at how he manages his money and if he was smart with it. Did he ever have an emergency fund...or was he partying away the money instead of saving. (It doesnt take long to save and then once you get that emergency fund up u can party) I look at why he lost his job...was it due to the economy or his laziness...I look at is he trying to find another job etc....I also look at...is he doing everything there is possible to bring in money to support himself....like in AL....my ex was making quite a bit in the army and when he was medically discharged they advised him to draw unemployment until he could find employment....the max amount he could recieve a week was a little under 300.00....so about 1200 a month...quite less than a 3rd of what he was making. He had problems finding a job that made as much as he was before but was overqualified for lower paying jobs. Instead of living off of unemployment for a year or 6 months or even a few months he took a lower paying job than what he wouldve liked to taken. But it brought in 1600.00 a month after taxes vs. 1200 .00 a month...and we got through...and he would still set up interviews and send out resumes and finally a job that he wanted came available and he was hired....and he quit the low paying job for the higher paying job (quite a bit more) but the point was...he wasnt sitting around on his butt using unemployment..blah blah blah...he was doing everything he could to make ends meet, even taking a that a high school kid would qualify for. and yes it took a while...it took him 8 months to find the job that he has now, and over that 8 month period he brought in 3200.00 more than he would have if he had been drawing unemployment...which isnt much but it helped alot.
So yes finances are important...u have to be smart with them...not rich..but smart...I know people who manage to make it off 800.00 a month without wanting anything so it can be done...just have to be smart with how u do it...and thats what i look for. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:22:38 PM | | Well for a man who has no job and applied for 600 jobs (laffin) you sure look like you are living high on the hog (literally) so who is feeding you? Yes, it does matter. Things are 50/50 with me or they will not happen. There is work out there. Always something. I have had to find jobs and a while ago have even had to work 2. I do not buy into this pitty. Now, take what little you have, go get in shape, get a job. The time it took you to write this you could have filled out a job application. A smart man does not need to spend "tons of cash" on anyone. A smart man is able to take care of himself and find a job and not be on a dating site crying the blues about nonsense. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:38:34 PM | I don't know! Women keep saying that money doesn't matter, but I see again and again that attractive single women, especially without kids, usually have some standard as far as what they feel their attractiveness should get them. Even to the point of having some idea on the size of ring they should expect, and that's purly a financial matter!
I also think women have that right, as I have a right to chose a woman based on any criteria I desire! And I might add, it's one I probably wouldn't disclose entirely! lol
What really, really makes me wonder though, if money doesn't matter, is why I Never seem to see sucessful women going after broke guys!
Edit VVVV I guess the point I'm making is that it "seems" to be much more common for a man to date down, then a woman to do that! I have no problem dating women that make less then I do, or even has no job at all, but have found woman who have their financial sheit together to "seem" to demand a similar level or higher in a man. I think this holds true for level of education as well.
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 2:45:20 PM | ^^^handy Man - You're usually spot on but come on...
What really, really makes me wonder though, if money doesn't matter, is why I Never seem to see sucessful women going after broke guys! notwithstanding temporary bad luck with someone losing their job etc...if a man is chronically underemployed or unemployed, why the hell would a woman who works hard to be successful want to date him? It's more than finances here, it's two people who are completely incompatible. You don't become chronically unemployed or under employed if there's not something lacking with your work ethic or life decision making skills! | |
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sbepco
| | Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 18 | |
| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 3:04:01 PM | Again, you women focused on the negative and not the positive. I've learned that is common. Yes, I had applied to over 600 jobs. I had applied to several jobs today. The problem is that there are TOO MANY PEOPLE COMPETING FOR THE SAME JOBS. I'm competing against high school graduates, college graduates and other unemployed people of all ages. For cryin' out loud, Dunkin Donuts by my house just hired a guy with a MASTERS DEGREE that's in a non donut related field.
(There's a paragraph break for the whiners!)
I've been a professional broadcaster for over 12 years. I've been a mobile & club dj for many years ontop of that. I am employing myself as a mobile dj. Times are tough out there. However as a mobile dj I was not able to maintain my home expenses so I lost my house. I moved back in with the family to avoid being homeless. That does not make me a bad person. I am being RESPONSIBLE. I know how to manage my money. By cutting back on expenses is how you manage your money. I've done just that. It just never ceases to amaze me how you women go straight for the negative and respond with negativity. A few of you had heart felt positive remarks but unfortunately there were more negative women than positive. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 3:09:32 PM | | LOL sbeco noone focused on the negatives, we focused on THE REALITIES. The realities most do not want to hear or accept. There are these harsh realities of this world. I suggest you get to know them well and accept them. They have not changed nor will they go away anytime soon. | |
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| A question about economics for the ladies.
Posted: 11/29/2009 3:15:09 PM | I'm sorry for your misfortune. Sometimes those that don't experience it, have a hard time imagining the hardship out there. Many here in Canada, don't have a clue what is unfolding in the United States. 14% of mortgages are behind in their payments!
This, what I consider a fact, about women, can be used to your advantage. It should give you motivation to better yourself! lol I will never forget a line from a good movie a while back. "We Make Our Own Luck" As much as I am a firm believer in manifesting our own reality, we also do that collectively as a society and species, so we can't always divorce ourselves entirely from the issues and calamities of that society that we are a small part of. But I still believe that we have more power (individually) then most of us realize.
Sorry, for the spelling mistakes (to all those critics)! My spell checker thingamajig has once again mysteriously gone awol! | |
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