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 crm070578
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 1
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friendsPage 1 of 1    
So I have question regarding etiquette. I was at a black-tie event and I was talking to this woman who was there with a platonic)friend that was her date. She gave me looks like she was saying "we are not dating", and her friend stated that they were platonic as well. I was interested in getting to know her more, but I felt awkward to ask her for her number or continutell him that that I would like to speak with her alone. What is a polite and sensitive way to request to the young lady that I am interested in her without hurting her friend's feelings.? One thing I could do is have a female friend to keep the guy entertained...kind of like a wing woman. Any ideas?
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 2
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:20:53 PM
Why not give her your number and tell her you'd like to get to know her?
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 3
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:26:41 PM

She gave me looks like she was saying "we are not dating

Just curious - what "look" is that? Cause I'm a girl and I'm not familiar with that look. I'd like to know so I can add it to my "look" repertoire.

Maybe you should have just asked her if that guy was a friend or something else and then take it from there.
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 4
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:31:54 PM
Without hurting her friend's feelings? He's a friend! How would it hurt his feelings? If anything, I think he'd be happy for her... How would you do it if she was with a female friend? Do that. Nothing should change simply because he has different body parts...

Ask her out, give her your number - whatever it is that you would normally do.
 crm070578
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 5
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:32:37 PM
the look is kind of doey wide-eyed look with a scrunched brow. I should take a picture of myself doing it, but I do not want to tell the person looking at my pic that we are not dating...sorry, I had to tell the joke.

He basically stated they were friends, I just felt bad for the guy if I was trying to move in. I guess it's a guy thing.
 zephyrmoon1
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 6
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:36:08 PM
If she gave you the look, and he stated they were platonic friends, you could have said, "Jill, may I speak to you a moment in private? If that's okay with you, Jeff?"

In private, you ask for her number.

Then you're respecting his role as her date and also not risking embarrassment if she wasn't actually giving you "the look" but instead was suffering from gas from too many c0cktail weenies.
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 7
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:42:32 PM

He basically stated they were friends, I just felt bad for the guy if I was trying to move in


Why feel bad? HE said they were just friends. You can feel bad if SHE had said they were just friends, he got a shocked look, and then cried. He was showing you that he wasn't a c0ckblock. Giving you the thumbs up sign to proceed.
 Bajarl
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 8
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 8:47:11 PM
I have a few close female friends and we have gone to events together, hung out, etc.....There has been a time or two where there is another man interested in one of my friends but they always start out with, "So how long have you two been dating?"

Honestly, that response gets a laugh from us both, and it makes the transition of talking much more smooth. After that if the guy were still interested and I could tell I would excuse myself to the bathroom or bar to get another drink. Just have to ask initially and if the guy is not a total douche he will give ya some breathing room. If not, just ask for her number, nothing wrong with it.
 nocturnal_kitten
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 9
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:42:23 PM
Act exactly how you would if the friend were a female. You wouldnt worry about hurting the female friends feelings right? Why worry about it because its a guy? It should only bother him if they have feelings for each other. If thats the case, your better off going another way. Out of respect for the fact that shes busy with someone else, give her your number and tell her youd love to get to know her when shes not busy.
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 10
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:08:57 PM
I agree with others - why would you feel bad about the guy? Did he had "friend zone 4 life" tattooed somewhere visible and was obviously torturing himself by being there with her?

While it definitely would not be cool to hang out with her for the entire evening and leave him hanging if he didn't know anyone else there, there's no reason you couldn't have talked to her for a couple of minutes, flirted it up then asked for her number. A true platonic friend wouldn't pull out the Guy Code and try to c0ck block you with it.

Besides, maybe he was her gay to begin with.
 ForumFlounder
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 11
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:35:49 PM
Dunno if it would be easier to look at it this way: Treat her platonic male friend as her brother, but a not too-overly-protective brother. Respect him, but do not think of him as having any love-interest w/ her.

At least thats how I see my platonic male friends. (Whether or not they see me in a similar light I honestly wouldn't know the ultimate naked truth.) But for them to remain platonic friends with me, thats how the respect has to be. Otherwise, I cannot be platonic friends with a guy who is always devising plans to get in my pants.

OP - if you can see it from what I said here, I don't think there are any feelings to be hurt. If the guy is truly a platonic friend, he should he happy his gal friend is gettin some attention from potential interests of opposite sex. *think: her brother*
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 12
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/29/2009 11:57:39 PM
Couldn't you have said " I'm interested in getting to know you more" and see how she responded?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 13
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 12:07:42 AM
I see no harm in asking her out for a future date or number, he did say "friend" right?

I don't think doing it in his face is good manners( friend or not), so a moment alone while he is engaged in conversation elsewhere is totally acceptable IMO.
 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 14
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:15:09 AM
I read your description of the "we are not dating" look and I have to say WTF. There is no "look". Call her or hand her your number, ask her to call you and take it from there. I have a "look" for just abut everything. None of them have to do with being with someone or not. Laffin. Communicate. Best advise on this planet.
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:19:33 AM
"Doey-wide eyed look with a scrunched brow". That's how I "look" when I don't wear glasses because I can't see without them. I wonder how many men have read that as "I want to date you". That's so funny. Seriously, in a situation like that, try to draw the lady aside and ask her if it would be alright to call her sometime. I know you can be discreet. Her "friend" will understand.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 16
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 10:30:45 AM
I'm assuming you were involved in adult conversation. With that assumption establishing mutual interest and an actual reason for future contact beyond the spinning compass in your pants would IMHO be the most productive course for you.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 17
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 10:45:40 AM

He basically stated they were friends, I just felt bad for the guy if I was trying to move in. I guess it's a guy thing.


If the guy says they are just friends, it's not moving in if you ask her out at a future date.
But, do respect their time together that evening. They ball is in HER court if she breaks off from him during the evening.
I've escorted female friends to parties all the time. If they like a guy, they will let me know and tell me to disappear for a bit while they want to talk to a guy they are interested in.
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 18
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 12:55:26 PM
If there was dancing at the event, you could always break her away by asking for dance, then asking to where to see her again once it was done. :) All about the timing and the break away.
 trixiestwins
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 19
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Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 2:39:24 PM
There was no etiquette to follow in this instance. The "friend" said they were platonic. You should have made your move at that point. For future reference...just ask if they are dating and if they are not, ask the girl then if you could give her your number and for her to call you.
 crm070578
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 20
Etiquette with a woman's male platonic friends
Posted: 11/30/2009 4:29:55 PM
Thank you for your help everyone. I really do appreciate it.
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