Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information. [CLOSED      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 1
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information. [CLOSED for review]Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Since my time here, I found it very intriguing how men will freely give you both email and phone numbers on a first contact. They neither know me or anything about me. Yet they freely give me their numbers in expectation I will call.

Well, first I would never do that. I am not that stupid and naive. Yet there was a onetime flip side where it was very advantageous yet will illustrate how dangerous that practice is.

There was one occasion where this guy contacted me. He was very obnoxious, and rude. All the time thinking he could outwit or outsmart me. He decided to get pushy yet also gave me his phone number trying to get me to call. Not one number but two. Well to keep this short he continued to be pushy. I took the numbers, passed them out to 7-8 friends of mine and we called this guy at all hours of the day and night for a week until he finally wrote and begged me to stop. And we did. With that, I was also able to obtain his full name, address, and do a complete background check. All from a single telephone number.

Now some would say that was harassment and stalking. Actually I found it was not. Simply because he freely gave me his number and kept pushing me to call. (I did retain all the email messages). I did not ask for the number. By virtue of him doing that gave up any rights he may have had.

Now this would not have happened normally. It was purely his demeanor that opened that door.

Lesson to be learned, Never Never Never give out personal contact information until you know that person. Also, never tiohnk tha being on a dating site you are protected, you are not.

Something to contemplate.
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 2
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:10:31 PM
How did he contact you?
If by email--block him.
If you gave him your phone number, then 'oops' on you.

What you did was childish, in my opinion. Prank calling at your age? Seriously?

It doesn't matter to me that he willingly gave you his phone number, when you abused it, that IS harassment.
Anyone who calls at all hours of the day and night just because they have your number is profoundly off the charts.

Dumb.
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 3
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:17:07 PM
He contacted me on this site, I did not give him my number. He wanted to play. Well his attitude assuredly came back on him. What can I say.
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:23:48 PM

passed them out to 7-8 friends of mine and we called this guy at all hours of the day and night for a weekp


For the purpose of your experiment OP, you did not need to do this. You could have tested your theory without resorting to calling the dude at all hours, by 7-8 people no less. Whether he was baiting you or not we don't know, but he definitely didn't give the number to your other friends so that they could abuse him.

Dilutes the importance of your message I'd say. What were you saying again?


Be well.....
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 5
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:26:24 PM
There was no theory their. I already knew the dangers of doing it. Yet many do not think, they act. The moral of the story. Use ones common sense.
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 6
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:33:26 PM
Your point about not giving out your info is good. Sometimes though, one's intellect, overlooks one's humanity. I "like" to think, that as adults, we are past those little games. Not that he didn't deserve it, but there are far better ways to resolve these issues.
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 7
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:35:42 PM
Since it does not allow me to edit,. I will complete it here. Those who responded completely missed the point. The DANGER you put yoursefl into. Yet completely igmored it. It was not a test, it is knowing what one can do. Yet all so far are chastising the action. Well when it happems to you, you may remember this.

Now I will add, that same gentleman wrote me shortly after all this and THANKED ME. While he knew I was only playing with him. He realized the DANGER he put himself into. He admitted it could have been very different.

*mandrake, I respect your view, yet many times in this world one needs to learn the HARD WAY. Most partiularly adults. It is so prevelant here.
 *~*ChardyGirl*~*
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 8
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:44:22 PM
Wow,just WOW.............:/
Is this how the mind of a psychologist(no less)operates........???

I dont understand why you didnt just delete/block his emails......as he didn't have your no. this is all you would've needed to do.
This,imo,is what a rational,normal person would've done.
I mean to hand out his nos. to all your friends and get them to ring him....??
^^ This sort of behaviour says more about YOU,Op,and doesnt outwit or outsmart him,imo............*shakes head*
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:52:34 PM

The moral of the story. Use ones common sense.


Stop.
Seriously.
A psychologist?
Seriously?

'Common sense' tells a person that if someone is harassing them, block that person.
Period.

'Common sense' tells a person that if you give out someone else's phone number to several friends, and those friends call said number numerous times day and night, sooner or later someone is going to be contacting the police because YOU ORCHESTRATED THE HARASSMENT.

Common sense tells me that no psychologist in their right mind would stoop to such low behavior.

Still dumb.
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 10
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:55:55 PM
Again miss the message of GIVING OUT ONE's PERSONAL CONTACT INFORMATION WITH LITTLE IF ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THAT INDVIDUAL. Now why is everyone having trouble with that simple concept. I see people will place themsleves in danger, without any thought of the ramifications. And they wonder why they get in trouble.
 DaveInMableton
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:57:08 PM
Yes, some people have to learn the hard way.

Like an ex of mine who pulled a similiar stunt. her and 2 friends wound up talking to a judge and paying a fine I will bet the never harass/prank call anyone else
 StatlerandWaldorf
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 12
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:57:12 PM
You are warning people about something that is happening that wouldn't be happening if you weren't making it happen?


it never cease to amaze me how people are so ignorant to put them selves in danger


And I am amazed at why someone would deliberately exploit someone's trust and break this little social contract for the sake of teaching an object lesson.
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 13
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:58:42 PM
OP...the dangers were not overlooked. I acknowledged your point in my last post. I think most people are aware. I had that happen with my youngest daughter when she was 15. Turns out, the guy she was talking to was actually 34, not 17. The good thing is, she came and told me about it! We led him right into our trap. Needless to say, he got the surprise of his life! And I guarantee he will never do it again.

Both my girls are well versed in this stuff. The police dep't here also has clinics at the community center every week about internet safety.
 rosebuds57
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 14
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:58:50 PM
I think we get it OP....but what you don't get is that you became the problem that you are warning about. Least, that's how I read this.
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 15
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:06:09 PM
LOL it never cease to amaze me how people are so ignorant to put them selves in danger, but rather chastise the actions that clearly demonstrate how SIMPLE it is. They totally forget how quckly it can happen to them with far more reaching ramifications. As I mentioned earlier, that man THANKED ME because he saw the DANGER he placed himself into.
 DaveInMableton
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:10:53 PM
And what exact danger would I be in by giving a women my address and phone number? You call and harass me, I have you arrested. You stalk me, I have you arrested. You try to break in my house, if you are lucky, I am not there. Then I have you arrested.

You are missing everyone's point here. Giving out contact info is NOT the problem. People like YOU ARE the problem!
 geeleebee
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:16:45 PM
Sweet.
He thanked you.

Right.

From what was posted in the OP, the problem wasn't that the man was harassing you, but that you planned and orchestrated a barrage of phone calls at all hours, day and night because he trusted you with his phone number.

Yeah, we get it: Don't give out personal information to strangers.

Especially strangers who can't control themselves.

Nowhere do you own your actions in this situation.
You are not the hero.
In fact, you come off a bit deranged.

All you had to do was call him one time and say, "Unless you want me calling you at all hours, stop contacting me."
See?
Easy.
Even easier?
Block him.

'Course, had you simply blocked him, there would have been no need to post your...story...
 rosebuds57
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 18
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:19:54 PM
K, let's look at this in another way:

Say you want to warn others about the dangers of touching the top of their stove when the burner is on, because if they do so, they will get a serious burn. Would you think it a good idea to place the palm of your hand atop a red hot burner to demonstrate what will happen? No? Well...
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 19
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:25:20 PM
OP, I understand what you are trying to demonstrate here, but your methods are highly suspect.

Would you perform this experiment with an actual client? Why or why not? What types of professional misconduct might be involved here had you done so?

Then why would you do this here with this man?
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 20
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:37:30 PM
Lets Regroup, obviously many are not READING.
One gives personal contact information on a FIRST CONTACT. You do not know this person.

Ramifications
1. You puty your life in danger. Through a simple phone number any one can obtain details about that individual. The power of the internet.

2. Identity theft. many did think of that. If I can easily obtain #1, I now have what I need to complete the picture.

3. If there appears to be a level of so called harassment or stalking, the individual who was doing the so called activites only receives a warning unless there was violence. The individual who gave out their information receives the chastisement from the police. telling that individual exactly what I an telling you now. And they will tell you, YOU made the mistake. YOU opened yourself to the danger.

As to my experience here, some have said people know the dangers. No they do not. 66% of the men who contacted me, gave me their personal; phone numbers on the first contact to me. Obviously 66% of the men here, do not know the dangers. of their actions.

Now do we understnad the DANGER you put yourself into. And I will mention it agian, that gentleman knew I was only playing with him. Yet in the end, and shortyl after HE THANKED ME for he realized the danger he placed hnmself into, and was happy I was not some serial killer or freak.
 The Lone Haranguer
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 21
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:39:51 PM

I took the numbers, passed them out to 7-8 friends of mine and we called this guy at all hours of the day and night for a week until he finally wrote and begged me to stop.

Now some would say that was harassment and stalking. Actually I found it was not. Simply because he freely gave me his number and kept pushing me to call. (I did retain all the email messages). I did not ask for the number. By virtue of him doing that gave up any rights he may have had.


Not so fast, honey. However you obtained his number has nothing to do with whether or not your actions can legally be construed as stalking or harassment.

To wit:


In Florida, harassment can be anything that causes substantial emotional distress with no legitimate purpose. And anyone who "willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly" harasses someone in Florida is guilty of stalking.

This means that Florida phone harassment is a form of stalking according to Florida law. In Florida phone harassment can be treated as a misdemeanor of the first degree, which carries a penalty of up to a year in prison if the person is convicted.

There are also some conditions, which, if present, make the person who is conducting the Florida phone harassment campaign guilt of a felony of the third degree, which caries a penalty of up to five years in prison if a person is convicted.

If the person who is guilty of Florida phone harassment is violating an injunction, it is a felony of the third degree. If the person who is guilty of Florida phone harassment threatens violence to the person who is being harassed or anyone in their family or household, it is also a felony of the third degree. Finally, if the person being harassed is under the age of 16, it is a felony of the third degree.

There are a few things you can do if you are a victim of Florida phone harassment. First, you can try to stop the phone harassment in a few different ways. You can change your phone number to an unpublished phone number, you can use caller ID to screen your calls, you can try to block the caller from calling your number (if they use the same phone number for all the calls), and, if you are receiving these calls on a cell phone, you can program it so that calls that aren't from people you know have a silent ring so you only hear and answer the phone for people you wish to talk with. However, none of this will lead to the person who is conducting the Florida phone harassment being punished.

If you want to make sure that the person who is conducting the Florida phone harassment is punished, there are other steps you will need to follow.

First, if you don't know who is responsible for the Florida phone harassment you need to talk to someone at the phone company to try to get a trace done after each call.

Regardless of whether or not you know who is responsible for the Florida phone harassment, you need to be sure to document each call. Record the time and anything that was said, and then report the harassment to the police each time. This way it is documented that it is a repeated offense.

If you do know who is responsible, it might be a good idea to get a restraining order on that person. This also makes it a felony if they continue to perpetrate Florida phone harassment, rather than just a misdemeanor.


So yeah... not only are you clearly violating the state law with your actions in this situation... I'm pretty sure you're violating your profession's Code of Ethics as well. But hey... thanks for tipping us off to the dangers of giving out a phone number... because I'm sure a woman of your advanced smarts also knows that posting personal stories on the internet (especially when you've got a pic up) makes your shenanigans less than anonymous and easier for someone to use your written confession of illegal activity against you... and that's also an important lesson for all of us to learn.

EDIT: Just saw this on your profile:


GENTLEMAN I AM A MATURE ADULT - I DO NOT PLAY SILLY CHILDISH GAMES.


So now we've got you admitting to telephone harassment... AND false advertising. Honey, you are a peach! Don't ever change.
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:42:24 PM

One gives personal contact information on a FIRST CONTACT. You do not know this person.


While one does not deny the risks inherent with this practice, it is not your place to take this info and pass it along to your friends in the hope that they will call him night and day, thereby driving said message home faster.

OP, please understand that you have overstepped your bounds as a psychologist. That is the message that most are trying to drive home. That he thanked you is completely irrelevant.

Namaste.........
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
History
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:51:53 PM
I don't get the fun in playing this game, I'd have just blocked him, but we all have our own behaviors. Oh, and I think we all get it, but that wind going over your head is making you look totally clueless. And now he thanked you LOL yeah, okay, and I have a bridge in my backyard I can sell you cheap. I think you are never going to get the point OP, but that's okay, the lesson you are giving people here is priceless. I don't think anyone could have summed up who you are any better than you have in this thread. ;-)
 holyholyholy
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 24
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:54:27 PM
You are mistaken, IT IS NOT STALKING IF YOU GAVE ME YOUR NUMBER AND ASKED MR TO CALL YOU. YOUY INSIST I CALL YOU (which this man did) Unless you gave me only specific times to call, I can call at any time. I am very familair with the law. And there is no ethics violation either. You do need some more depth of education on the intricasies of how the law works. Most grab the surface but they lack the details.

The other piece, I had already warned him of my intentions. I deliberatly omitted that part to measure all the reactions here. He already knew what I was going to do, I told him. In his obnoxious and arrogant way, he did no think I would do it. Again I had copies of every email between us. I also mentioned that in my very beginning post, It is interesting how many missed it.
 The Lone Haranguer
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 25
The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information.
Posted: 11/30/2009 9:10:50 PM
It's also interesting that you mentioned that you passed his number out to 7-8 friends of yours in your very beginning post... and I'm pretty sure he did not expressly invite you to do that... nor invite you to encourage these same friends of yours to call him at several hours of night and day for a week.

And also interesting... the lengths some people will go to in order to rationalize their clearly inappropriate behaviour. But we don't have to tell you that, do we? After all, that's a concept covered in Psychology 101.... right along with the concept of denial.



p.s. And speaking of "more depth of education", they DID teach you something about the importance of spellchecking your writing in grad school, right?
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > The Dangers of Freely Giving One Your contact Information. [CLOSED for review]