| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:11:54 PM | Okay. I’ve been a part of this forum for a few months now and I still don’t get it. Perhaps it is a problem with the way I was personally brought up—or my personal morals and values are in conflict here—but I just don’t understand having sex on the first date. I mean, well, if it is a choice to be sexually available to anyone who is attractive to you, then you’ve made that choice because you aren’t looking to get seriously involved, I can accept that.
But, I still can’t get it through my head in a way I understand as to why this behavior is socially acceptable. Why would anyone allow someone they’ve just meant to use their body that way if you are honestly looking to find a healthy, respectful relationship with someone over the long term? Don’t you think they would question your ability to commit if you present yourself as a willing body rather than a wholesome person? Doesn’t that increase your risk of being rejected because they know they could have you at the drop of a hint, because they might think you are that way with everyone you date?
Does it not take time to get to know someone? Gosh, well, I’m 46—that’s a lot of life experiences. Can I tell someone who I am, show him who I really am on a single date? Not a chance. First, because I don’t trust or know them yet and that takes time. Secondly, because it takes time to really know you’re in love with someone else.
Yes, there is chemistry. And, no, I wouldn’t go out again with someone I didn’t feel drawn to the chemistry a second time. But wanting to get to know someone doesn’t involve a sexual organ, it involves the mind and the heart. Dating in today’s world is a frightening thing for me. You have no clue who this stranger is, if they are lying to you, if they have a criminal history, or perhaps even prone to be abusive, married, a player? It takes time to know someone that well and to decide they are trustworthy. I hear time and time again that “I don’t sleep with every person on the first date!” But the message I get is that it’s a common occurrence with the people who adopt this kind of attitude.
I feel sometimes in these forums like I’m a dinosaur who should learn new tricks, but I don’t think I could live with myself if I made love to five, ten, twenty or more men while cruising dating circuits while trying to find Mr. Right. So, can someone please try to explain it to me—Why is it accepted in today’s dating world to sleep with someone on the first date and how do you justify it in your head as the correct thing to do?
I may not have worded this question right, and I apologize in advance if I’ve offended anyone here. That isn’t my intention. I’m not judging anyone here. I’m simply trying to understand. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:15:27 PM | | I totally agree with you. You absolutely have to get to know someone first, before you even kiss them never mind going all the way. Sex on the first date is totally rediculous unless you are just horny and aren't at all interested in the person, but that's just selfish. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:27:12 PM | | So what does it matter. What if you have known someone for lets say 6 months and have been strictly friends. You both decided that you were attracted to each other and went out on a "first date". That is considered "sex on the first date", where does that fall into this topic of discussion? | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:33:52 PM | Well be specific sweetheart. This so many different scenerios.
I'm not saying that I agree, at all, with sex on the first date. Not if you're looking for an indepth, longterm relationship. There is just no possible way it can work. There's will never be enough mystery about the person once thats taken. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:35:35 PM | | I thought I was specific, apparently not. I don't mean anyone you've known before... just someone you are meeting for the first time. Is that clear enough? LOL | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:39:13 PM | | Well of course I didn't read all of your novel that you wrote, but what I did read I didn't see specifics. What else can we talk about? You have anything interesting? | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:42:50 PM | I think you struck a very subjective & personal issue, GeorgieLeopard.
Each to his own!
There is no point jumping on any popular bandwagon if deep in your heart it violates everything you believe in and stand for. And in respect to such matters, you are perhaps your own very best Advisor. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:45:34 PM | | I realize that, Ticket. As I said, I'm not pointing fingers, simply interested in what people have to say regarding this thread. People talk about this freely in other threads, I didn't see this as something people would feel threatened by. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:46:03 PM | Well don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers.
Of course guys who spleep with girls on the first date don't want a serious relationship with them. Common sense should tell you that. They are just trying to get some. There is nothing romantic or relationistic about it. Strictly sexual. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:49:53 PM | "Actually, I'd like to try and see if I get some intelligent responses to my thread question here. But thanks"
Those were your comments. If thats not rude then I don't know what is.
All I was doing was stating some points, not trying to be rude. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:52:34 PM | | I wasn't saying you didn't provide something intelligent! WOW! This is a forum, questions are asked. Some of them seem obvious, others for other reasons. I didn't expect to be on the carpet for asking a ligitimate question. I'm always polite and respectful in these threads. Ask anyone. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:56:39 PM | | Like I said, I was just stating some points. These situations can have some many different elements, that w/o knowing the whole story its hard to get a relative answer. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 3:58:49 PM | why this behavior is socially acceptable?
I doubt we all get together and decide what is or isn't acceptable in this respect, and as such there cannot be anything remotely approximating Socially Acceptable Behaviour in this respect. No Sarcasm Intended here...
Different Cultures, different Customs, different People, different Times...
You are unique, so is each and everyone of us.
I have already conveyed on a number of other threads the way I see it. Many others look at it that way too, but certainly not everybody.
There is nothing more I add here. I certainly cannot ascertain what Socially Acceptable Behaviour is, since both your thoughts on the matter as well as my differing opinions, fall withing those bounds. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 4:04:09 PM | | When I have a question to ask this forum, I agonize over the wording, hoping I won't offend anyone or make a fool out of myself. I think very carefully. I reread it time and again before posting it. I was simply trying to find out if this is the norm and if so, maybe my not being willing to put out until I have fallen in love is the reason I am not getting any dates? I'm only curious, not pointing fingers, not wanting to upset anyone. If I have, I appologize. I was merely asking a question that was valid to me. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 4:07:58 PM | | It's totally cool. Just look at things from every aspect that you can. For any topic,pretty much, there can be an argument. Regardless of being right or wrong. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 4:08:23 PM | Wow, Georgie... You didn't deserve to get jumped on. I'm sorry that happened to you.
I'm 43, almost 44, so we're close in age, but I have a different take on this then you do, perhaps. I don't look at every man I go out with as someone I necessarily want something deeper with. But initially, I have to be pretty interested in him to agree to a first date. I don't assume that I have to love someone in order to want to have sex with him. I was, in fact, brought up that "good girls don't." My life experiences have taught me otherwise. I can be a good person, and yet still comfortable with my sexuality. Sharing that part of me doesn't mean I necessarily have to be thinking about settling down and spouting "L" words and "M" words. {wink} So yes, I've had sex on first dates. I've had a lot more first dates that didn't even end in a kiss. I don't agree that if you have sex on the first date you screw up your chances for the relationship to grow. The most deeply loving and exciting relationship I've had to date began with first date sex. It only got better after that. And quite honestly, sex is an important enough relationship component that if I really like the guy, I WANT to find out early on if we're compatible that way. It's a real pisser to find that you're really forming an emotional bond with a guy and then somewhere down the road find out that you are totally incompatible sexually. But yeah, I would break off a relationship due to sexual incompatibility, just like I would if we were incompatible in other important areas.
I don't think that you're a dinosaur that needs to learn new tricks. I think that everyone needs to feel comfortable with their own personal choices and stop putting down others that choose differently. I like my singleness. Yep... I'd like to end up with a wonderful, exclusive relationship, but in the meantime, I'm not going to stress out trying to follow some standard of celibacy that someone else has set. I'm responsible for myself, for my decisions, and for any possible consequences. So in answer to part of your question, I simply don't have to "justify it in my head as the correct thing to do." It's what I want to do, it's not hurting anyone, and it's really no one's business but mine. I'm not careless, I don't use people, and I take responsibility for my decisions. If that makes me a "tramp" or a "whore" in some people's eyes, that's their problem. Kudos to you, girl, for asking the hard questions.  | |
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Roaul
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Joined: 4/14/2004
Msg: 23 | |
| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 4:13:25 PM | | well georgie it looks like weare the exception as i dont do sex on a first date either.i dont date a woman just so i can bed her,to me that is cheap.not her me personally,i still hope there is more to romance than sex. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 4:14:28 PM | I never see it as an issue of sex, but one of Pure Magic, regardless how that comes about.
Its likely the way you see things, but then that is entirely unique to you, just the way I see things different which are unique to myself.
Maybe the one that's right for you, probably against all odds, just hasn't come along yet.
The more one worries, the more one pushes away that what one really wants.
I'd say, just keep marching forward. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel someplace. | |
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| I just don't get it -- sex on the first date?
Posted: 10/25/2004 6:49:13 PM |
Well don't ask stupid questions and you won't get stupid answers.
You realize you were the only one responding to her questions up to that point right ? LMAO | |
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